Yeah right it's about to change! Being a king aint easy, so an increase in pay wouldn't hurt 
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Consecrated blood waters my fields: a Hvitserk megacampaign
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What the king needs is a good expedition in foreign land. I heard that West Francia is a nice place to visit during this season
How to make more money ? Just have more land !
Nice AAR (1st comment here, but I follow since the beginning).
Nice AAR (1st comment here, but I follow since the beginning).
I'm pretty sure Wales isn't the best way to go to get gold. But maybe someone would like to buy a hill or two. Wait, no, better call them mountains, you can get more money that way.
I approve of conquesting Wales. This means that in the distant future, we shall have time-traveling Norsemen in blue boxes.
Yeah right it's about to change! Being a king aint easy, so an increase in pay wouldn't hurt
Mel Brooks would beg to differ with you.
What the king needs is a good expedition in foreign land. I heard that West Francia is a nice place to visit during this season
I have a far wealthier target in mind!
Welcome to the AAR, and thanks for the kind words!
This might sound crazy, but I think King Frodi has an obsession with gold.
Whew! I was worrying that point might have been too subtle.
Wales is a key part of a project that will prove to occupy much of my time for the foreseeable future. I'll talk about it some in the next update.
I do think they'd be more likely to pillage the universe than to help it, though.
Speaking of the next update, I don't know when it'll happen. I've cleared a major hurdle in the dissertation process, and therefore, I'm trying to devote as much of my writing energies to that. Of my many writing based projects, this sadly is near the bottom of the pile. I will try my utmost to update at least once per week.
I come back, having not had the time to plough through this in months, to find that you're subjugating Wales! Is this some form of revenge for my prolonged absence from the thread?
I suppose I'll have to keep a closer eye on things to ensure that you don't go conquering everywhere I hold sentimental attachments to...
I suppose I'll have to keep a closer eye on things to ensure that you don't go conquering everywhere I hold sentimental attachments to...
I come back, having not had the time to plough through this in months, to find that you're subjugating Wales! Is this some form of revenge for my prolonged absence from the thread?
I suppose I'll have to keep a closer eye on things to ensure that you don't go conquering everywhere I hold sentimental attachments to...
I'm pretty sure that there is an unspoken rule among Britannic conquerors: always subjugate Wales, for if you don't you'll regret it.
I come back, having not had the time to plough through this in months, to find that you're subjugating Wales! Is this some form of revenge for my prolonged absence from the thread?
I suppose I'll have to keep a closer eye on things to ensure that you don't go conquering everywhere I hold sentimental attachments to...
Please give me a detailed list of places you have sentimental attachments to. I will use it
I'm pretty sure that there is an unspoken rule among Britannic conquerors: always subjugate Wales, for if you don't you'll regret it.
It is an important source of consonants. If I subjugate Poland and most of the Balkans, I believe I shall have a monopoly!
Grading lots of papers, so I won't be able to update for another few days.
Chapter 7: There's a new favorite son
16 November 913, Jorvik
A wise man once told me that you had to spend money to make money. As I had him dragged off to the dungeons for speaking gibberish, inspiration struck me.
You have spend money... to take money. Plus, Housecarls swear pledges of eternal loyalty and such, so I think that means I don't have to pay them. If it turns out they aren't so great, I'll just use the building as an annex to my vault of gold.
25 May 914, some place with entirely too many consonants
I have decided to begin instructing my youngest son, Frirek, myself. Sigfrid is growing up okay, I guess, but I quickly discovered his love for gold was only because it's shiny. I mean, yes, it's shiny, we all like shiny things. Who doesn't? He doesn't seem to understand, however, that gold is more than just shiny. You can use it to hire people, for example, who will then go and kill people, steal their gold, and bring it back to you. Or, you can build new homes for your people, and then tax them for it!
Wait a minute, is that what that fool meant? I should look in on him when I get back to Jorvik.
8 August 914, why are there so many consonants
I caught my son Frirek giving out sweets to his fellow brats. I was about to give him a beating when he explained that in exchange for the sweets, they were going to go to up to their parents, cry until they got gold, and then return the gold to him. I beamed, patted him on the head, and immediately demanded 60%. I'm the father, after all.
I have a feeling Frirek the Just will go far as a King.
The local garrison surrendered today, so my conquest of at least this Thanedom is complete. Huzzah!
18 September 914, Jorvik
My younger brother Baldr was whining today about his treatment in my dungeons. That reminded me that he had lands I hadn't yet revoked. I am now the "Chief" or something of Strangfjordr. As long as they pay me, they can call me whatever they want.
I stopped in to see that one guy. Turns out the guards forgot to feed him. Those lovable scamps! Always trying to save me money.
8 October 914, Jorvik
The King of Scotland has been bugging me about Gwent. I guess they've declared a Holy War on him or something. As long as I can fight and/or loot, I'm in.
24 October 914, Jorvik
Since I'm going to be in Wales anyway... why not take Powys too?
2 January 915, Strangfjordr
Sigh. Vigdis, my dear, dear cousin. You could have accepted your arrest for treason and likely sacrifice at the next blot. Now, I have to lead troops against your stupid Irish rebellion.
18 April 915, Westmorland
My old Steward is dead. Since I'm fighting three wars, I need somebody strong willed and decisive to rule Jorvik in my stead. Somebody who shares my passion for administration and its benefits.
... Oh, I can't put Frirek in charge, I guess. "Too young," they're all crying. I think they're just jealous. All right, I need somebody I can trust.
... Sigfrid, put your hand down. Your attitude towards gold is best described as "a vague preference."
... Ugh. Fine. You win.
He'd better not screw it up.
14 June 915, Westmorland
All right, with Sigfrid in charge of Jorvik (why did I just shudder?), I have to turn my attention to winning the war in England. Powys is being occupied by not only their own army, but the army of those lunatics who are fighting a holy war. I'll need to spend some money (there it goes again!) to hire some glorious soldiers, unencumbered by such outdated traditions as "politeness", "honor", and "pants."
I think they'll do nicely, don't you?
11 September 915, Powys
Frirek called some old bag a "fat load" today. Honest little bugger! She tried to complain to me, at which point I politely but firmly ejected her from the kingdom and seized her riches. I think I might actually love this son. That loser Sigfrid is doing okay, I guess -- he's making me money. I wish he'd just go away and let Frirek be my heir.
14 September 915, Powys
Word from Irland. Vigdis has surrendered! It's about damned time. I'm taking her title. I can't wait for the war against Powys to end so I can go home and see how big a mess the idiot Sigfrid made. I hate him so much.
29 November 915, Powys
I spent the entire day with Frirek today. He says the cutest things! Just a few hours ago, we saw peasants, caught on fire, running past us screaming. Not only did Frirek grab some of their coins as they passed, he proposed that peasants with flammable clothes obviously had too much money and needed their taxes raised. Such a smart little lad!
You know, with all of these days spent with Frirek, I find my bloodlust is dissipating somewhat. I no longer want to beat or strangle people just because they look at me funny. I need some sort of reason now.
17 April 916, Powys
So, here I am, leading a siege, and some numbskull from Macclesfield starts complaining. Says "taxes are too high, Your Highness!" "We'll revolt if you don't cut us some slack, Your Highness!" "Stop punching me in the face, Your Highness!" (Turns out, I can still be pretty angry when I've got a reason.) I briefly considered killing him, but dead men don't pay taxes. I threw him some money I found on a dead Welshman.
Idea: raise taxes so high he loses the bribe...
24 April 916, Powys
My daughter Hafrid today showed up at the siege. Complained I'd missed her 16th birthday. We argued for a few minutes that I hadn't missed it. We figured out I was confusing this year with last year. The little snots have them every year, I'm told.
While we were having this discussion, she picked up a nearby axe and killed 10 Welshmen. I immediately put her in the "Useful children" column. I married her off to one of the Rurikids, forging an alliance that might turn out to be useful when I finally decide to stab Skotland in the back.
Follow-up: Check to make sure nobody from Skotland reads this journal.
14 July 916, Powys
My last day in this hell hole! I'm free to return to civilization and get away from these Welsh idiots. I gave the title to somebody I can't even be bothered to remember. They're just Welshies. Who cares who rules them?
Follow-up: Check to make sure none of the stupid Welshies reads this journal.
Follow-up to the follow-up: Especially that last remark.
2 July 917, Gwent
I'm going to be completely honest. I don't remember who I'm even fighting any more. I just point the army in a direction and tell them to chop people up and take their gold. Frirek agrees. I've got another family member to deal with, though: my little twerp of a brother.
He's always in a bad mood. Complains that "you've had me arrested and taken my titles multiple times!" Yeah, that's true, but there's no need to be a sore loser. He's pretty good with a blade, though, and has no children. And look who his heir happens to be... I'll put him in the vanguard and see what happens. Hopefully the bastard dies. I'll just take his only title now so he's good and angry on the battlefield...
Follow-up: Make sure the bastard doesn't read this journal.
New idea: Put anybody to death who tries to read this journal before I'm dead. This will save me a lot of ink, I'm thinking.
13 September 917, Gwent
A diplomat stopped by today. Gave me some valuable advice, about not telling people you're going to rob them and kill them.
It all makes sense now! If they know you'll kill them, they'll try to hide the really good loot from you. Give them false hope and kill them anyway -- that's my new motto! Should I make that the family motto? Hmm... probably not. In fact, I'd better kill the diplomat just to be on the safe side. But only after I've stripped him of his valuables and seen if he has any others hidden.
5 November 917, Gwent
I've brought the last of the independent Welsh lands under my reign. I've given the title to the land to Mr. "Taxes are too High" from Macclesfield. Why, you ask?
Easy. He's old and has no kids or family. So, I get to look like a nice guy, get him to shut up about his taxes for a while, and then take his land when he dies. Plus, I like the cheek of somebody who can't add two and two yet yearns to be rich. I'll give him some old cow flop painted to look like gold as a salary. That's called leadership.
13 November 917, Powys
Finally on the way back to Jorvik, to see if it's still standing or if Sigfrid Stupidhead has burned it to the ground. One of the cooks said Frirek punched her kid. I asked Frirek if the kid had it coming, he said "Probably." The cook didn't like that explanation. Seems legitimate to me.
24 November 917, near Worcester
Change of plans. If I take Worcester, all of my lands in England will be connected. Plus, I don't really want to see Sigfrid's stupid looking face.
2 February 918, slightly nearer Worcester
I've sent my youngest son, Saemundr, to Hafrid in the hopes she'll teach him how to swing a blade. I've already got my future heir, but he'll need muscle, and family members work for free.
12 May 918, Gloucester
Ever wake up one morning and decide you want to have somebody assassinated and can't remember why? [1]And it turns out you've already paid the gold and left specific instructions that the death be gruesome and humiliating? I'm hoping Kraka of Dunholm, who's related to me somehow, forgives me for what is surely just a hilarious misunderstanding. Like the most hilarious of misunderstandings, it wounded her gravely, but not mortally. At least the guys I paid to it are quiet.
29 October 918, Worcester
Kraka just demanded I give her a title. The nerve of her! As far as she knows, I haven't done anything horrible to her. I definitely think I'll have her killed now.
21 January 919, Worcester
My plan to have Kraka killed has been revealed. I briefly considered sending assassins after the tattle tale, then remembered it was hiring assassins who got me in this mess. Expensive assassins, who didn't even kill the person I hired them to assassinate for no reason!
I wonder if there are counter-assassins, assassins who specialize in the assassination of assassins. Probably expensive. You know what? I'll make Baldr do it. I'll promise him a title or something if he succeeds.
26 May 919, Worcester
Some peasant came into my camp, weeping that one of my children was dead. I immediately looked for Frirek and noticed him busily playing with other children. I slapped the peasant for lying to me. He then handed me this note.
I threw the letter in the fire. What if she got pneumonia on it?? I almost threw the peasant in the fire too, you know, just to be sure, but I got hungry so I went to find something to eat.
31 May 919, Worcester
There is one inconvenience about Hafrid dying: she was looking after Saemundr. I sent him to Baldr. Maybe he'll give Baldr pneumonia. Two birds with one pneumonia and all that.
17 July 919, Djuraby
Hurray! Kraka is dead! And so is the desire to find out why I wanted her dead!
21 March 920, Hlymrek
Another Catholic uprising. When will they learn? Maybe this time. Or, they'll be dead. Whatever.
1 June 920, Jorvik
I'm going to see my beloved son Sigfrid off today, as he's going to seek a life of adventure. I will miss...
OH PRAISE ODIN, THE LITTLE JERK IS GONE!
Ahem.
I'd say I wish him success, but honestly, my feelings are mixed. I don't know whether I want to him die or just be maimed.
21 August 921, Oxford
While I've been in many a war during my reign, you know what I miss doing? Chasing people on fire, catching up to them, putting it out, taking their gold, and then lighting them on fire again. Land is great, because it results in gold via taxes, but gold also results in gold, in a much direct (and goldy) sort of way.
Oh yeah, last year I picked up Leicester.
23 November 921, Oxford
I've named Baldr Marshal. Sure, he hates me for entirely unfair reasons, but the way I see it, he's good at looting.
Plus, I can have him killed if he gets uppity. Battlefields are dangerous places.
3 February 922, Oxford
Some guy showed up today. His face is stupid, but he's okay with a sword and has claim to some land.
16 February 922, Oxford
My little sister showed up today.
I married her to somebody. She'll probably say I picked the name out of a hat, which just shows you how foolish she is. I don't even own a hat!
11 October 922, Oxford
Laughed for two straight hours today when I got word Sigfrid the Moron is Seer for the Varangians. He'll probably See them all into a river and they'll drown. This Varangian Guard thing is a pretty great way to get rid of useless kids!
2 December 922, Oxford
I've got some soldiers conquering a bit of Irland while I continue to raid Oxford. Rich place!
I also listened to a new town crier today. There was something about his speech that stirred something in me. I found out a couple of hours later I was actually drunk in a tavern and the crier was actually somebody crying in the corner because I'd smashed his face in and taken his mead. Still, the kid had the entire tavern spellbound by his weeping. I am now clearly a master of diplomacy and will move on to stabbing people in the back. I think I'll start with the cryer: he's getting on my nerves.
13 July 923, Middlesex
For the first time in a while, we aren't at war. Bask upon my lands!
I will loot these Christian fools until they have no gold, then I'll kill them and sell their organs for more gold. Better than putting it in a pie or something like that.
18 November 923, Middlesex
Baldr wanted land today. I laughed in his face for three straight hours. He took it like a champ, didn't flinch or anything. Maybe I've underestimated him.
10 April 924, Jorvik
I was laughing about Sigfrid's failures with a court wench today. She laughed along with me, even commenting on how stupid his face is. I like this one!
I've made her my concubine. She gets me in ways my wife doesn't. Why, my wife is always saying "Don't call his face stupid looking, he's my son!" I always respond, "I wouldn't be telling everybody that if I were you," and she never once laughs. Not once!
24 May 924, Jorvik
I have conquered kingdoms, bedded women, looted everything a city had to offer, come back to the same city the next day to burn it down and sell the ashes as holy Christian relics (I never get tired of doing that), and built massive buildings for the purpose of holding gold. Yet this day I see my greatest accomplishment stand before me: my son, Frirek.
A paragon of virtue, who loves his father just slightly more than he loves gold. Sure, I've seen rocks sneak up on him, but that's what his wife is for.
Sometimes, when I am drunk, I think that I am actually a bit of an ass and unpleasant to be around. I try to defend myself by saying, "Yes, but a rich ass," only to find nobody is listening because I'm talking to myself. It is my most fervent prayer that Frirek will be able to say he is rich, but not an ass. Well, my second most fervent prayer.
My most fervent prayer is that Sigfrid dies so I don't have to see his stupid face ever again.
[1] No, seriously, I don't remember why.
Maybe this update will get me updating again regularly, and maybe it won't. But, one thing I can incontrovertibly tell you is that it is an update. Enjoy!
You had me chuckling countless times throughout this update. King Frodi is quite the entertaining ruler. You could say he has a golden personality.
*Ahem.*
A greatly amusing update, Av. You had me chuckling in parts. (Though I do feel obliged to note that, as names with excessive consonants go, 'Strangfjordr' is hardly the least culpable.
) Frodi is certainly an interesting character. I'm intrigued to see what he has up his sleeve for the next few years.
You had me chuckling countless times throughout this update. King Frodi is quite the entertaining ruler. You could say he has a golden personality.
I'm glad you're enjoying it! I should note that while Frodi works really well as a comedy character, don't expect future rulers to be quite as funny. I'm going to try to roleplay, at least to a certain degree, based on traits and stats.
*Ahem.*
A greatly amusing update, Av. You had me chuckling in parts. (Though I do feel obliged to note that, as names with excessive consonants go, 'Strangfjordr' is hardly the least culpable.
I can assure you that there will be lots of gold.
I'm glad I could help!
The good news is that I've already got screenshots done for the next update. The not-as-good news is that I probably won't get to update for a few days. I really need to buckle down and finish this dissertation chapter.
For those of you who are reading and haven't commented (or have commented), do you find the day-to-day detail in the updates thus far excessive? I'm also having a difficult time making wars entertaining, because so few of them so far have been even remotely challenging. To whet your appetite, those of you who wish a sneak peek may click on the button below. I only ask that you not discuss it here, since people might not want to know.
The next update will be Frodi's last.
I can understand why you're concerned about the day-to-day stuff being excessive with little to say about wars. Wars are always the most exciting things to write about in an AAR. I actually don't mind the day-to-day stuff because the character you're roleplaying makes it entertaining. As long as you can find a way to put an entertaining spin on the small stuff, I'll still enjoy it.
I can understand why you're concerned about the day-to-day stuff being excessive with little to say about wars. Wars are always the most exciting things to write about in an AAR. I actually don't mind the day-to-day stuff because the character you're roleplaying makes it entertaining. As long as you can find a way to put an entertaining spin on the small stuff, I'll still enjoy it.
I'll do my best!
I've decided to put this AAR officially on hold until the Tukhachevsky AAR finishes. I just don't have enough time right now to run three AARs concurrently. (And run a fantasy baseball league, participate in another, participate in two fantasy football leagues, spend time with my wife, play video games, and oh yeah, the dissertation.
)
That's unfortunate, but there's no point in forcing out updates when you have more important things to do. Frodi can count his gold in the meantime. Having a life must be so time consuming, not that I would know.
I'll do my best!
I've decided to put this AAR officially on hold until the Tukhachevsky AAR finishes. I just don't have enough time right now to run three AARs concurrently. (And run a fantasy baseball league, participate in another, participate in two fantasy football leagues, spend time with my wife, play video games, and oh yeah, the dissertation.
Opinion Modifiers:
Put the AAR I wanted to see you do on hiatus: -100
Friendly: +20
Bismarck: +10
Petrova: +10
So, it's been over a month. Those of you in the know are very aware that Tukhachevsky isn't finished yet. So, I ask myself, why not return to this AAR in the meantime?
Therefore, I am proud to announce that you will be receiving an update in the next few days. It will be the last one for 2014 -- I'll be in the UK for two weeks at the end of this month -- but you'll at least get something.
Therefore, I am proud to announce that you will be receiving an update in the next few days. It will be the last one for 2014 -- I'll be in the UK for two weeks at the end of this month -- but you'll at least get something.