The Daily Herald
The Identity of Robin Hood
By John Brown
The Identity of Robin Hood
By John Brown
During the last election season we publish an article that we received from one “Robin Hood”. Due to the potential value of the article if its contents proved to true, it was publish before its many claims could be verified. We at the Daily Herald apologise for the lack of scrutiny that the article faced, because after investigating the article’s claims, we discovered that it lacked anything even remotely resembling reality, in fact, it is so farfetched that even if it were meant to report the contents a madman’s drug fuelled hallucination rather than reality it would still be a complete failure in that regard. To reiterate: The article is entirely inaccurate, it contains absolutely no truth or fact other than Former Prime Ministers Bennet and Leighton and Prime Minister Jacobs names and pictures, it is little more than something an British Union of Fascists member, with a loose grip on reality, would imagine.
But who is this slightly-to completely mad, fascistic, Dutch hating, “Robin Hood”? Who, in our modern nation, that endured the greatest war in human history, be so utterly ignorant of the failure of the ideologies of hate and bigotry that we fought against in said war? Well, after weeks of searching, investigation and even infiltration, we have discovered that the identity of “Robin Hood” is: Alexander Cochrane MP of the Isle of Thanet.
This this far-right ex-Tory was expelled from his party for good reason: He is not far-right Tory, but. Ideologically speaking, a “survivor” of the banning of the BUF that took refuge in the Conservative party. . So in fact this despicable man is the last remnant of Nazi influence in parliament. But how dangerous can one batty MP possibly be? Extremely dangerous, for he has a platform from which he can lead a fascist resurgence in Britain.
And this is starting to happen! His remarks, which firmly crossed the line into anti-Semitism and Nazism, and that caused his expulsion, earned for him his core of radical and racist followers, that are motivated not by any idea or ideal but by pure negative emotion- anger, hatred and fear mostly, as well as what can only be described as an unborn cult of personality.
The goal of his “Robin Hood” articles were mostly to drum up controversy in order to increase is standing in other fascist groups-Were in ones position is not based on intellect and argument, but on who can make the most outrages and boldfaced lie which they will then all adopted as the God-given truth and any opinion or evidence to the contrary is a Jewish plot to lead the righteous crusader of the racial purity astray. As well as expand his base of supporters.
Unfortunately, some of these supporters were a part of our politically diverse news organisation, as our internal investigation of the improper conduct surrounding our “Robin Hood” article. The political operatives involved have been laid off.
(The Following paragraph is meant as a parody of Mr. Cochrane’s original article, it is not intended to be truthful.)
Another shocking finding of our investigation is that Mr. Cochrane is in fact Herr Cochrane as he was born in Germany to Nazi parents that only moved to England in 1934 as part of a long term plan to have sleeper agents (like Cochrane) infiltrate the British government, and when they take it over surrender to Germany. Cochrane, being a sleeper agent was wiped of all memory of his German upbringing and mission and would remember them only after some secret Nazi “Activation Code” is sent, unfortunately it was lost when the war ended.