Prince Gurglamesh attacks another random country. Their war with Kazharia has stagnated into both sides hurling insults and cows across the Volga. Clearly, they cannot wage a war without my assistance, but I refuse to intervene, because I have no interest in Kazhars or Backscratchers.
I've... never seen this woman before in my entire life.
Ugh, here we go again.
At this time, I would like to outline the pantheon of the Pagan Alan Rickmans of Kasogs. Jeff, God of Biscuits, is wedded to his sister (in certain sects, she is his mother, daughter, niece, aunt, and cousin as well) Marge, Goddess of Spring and Stuff. The Cumans to the north worship a similar set of deities, although Edna is not present in their pantheon and the names are translated into their own language (Steve becomes Carl, Jeff becomes Frank, and Quetzalcoatl, obviously, becomes Billy). I figured I, in all of my awesomeness, should enlighten everyone about this dangerous cult we face during our attempts to Christianize the people of Kasogs.
Ioane Backwashi rears his ugly head once again. I am alerted to his dangerously low loyalty, but it appears that my awesomeness continues to dampen his rebelliousness.
My idiot nephew, Nino, thinks he can score with Helene Doukas, when she is OBVIOUSLY RESERVED FOR MY SON. YOU HEAR THAT, NINO?!?! If I catch you dry-humping her skirt-tails again I'm sending you back to your father!
Well, damn. Not only is Lumpy's replacement inbred, but she's also randomly Armenian.
Ugh, with my luck it'll be Nino's father, that schmuck of a cousin of mine. All he does is whine, whine, whine about how he's only a count and he deserves more because he's family and blah blah...
HUH! Well, that was unexpected! Welcome to the fold, Ioane Backwashi!
Meanwhile, the never-ending cycle grinds ever onward...