SUENIK RELOADED
CHAPTER 45 - NOT THE CATS AGAIN...
(1243-1245)
HISS!
ARGH!
*THUD*
...
Oh dear.
I mean, "hello".
My name is Khorishah - the mother of the recently deceased King Oshin. His son, King Grigor, is far too young to take the reigns of power - so I'm going to do my best until he comes of age.
I'll be honest; things are not looking great.
The council is in complete disarray, and I constantly find myself fighting them over the most minor things. First there was the moaning and complaining from them around the cost involved in burying my beloved son in the
will-it-ever-be-finished-before-it-is-overflowing necropolis.
I even heard that weasel Bagour, Oshin's spymaster, declare that Oshin was "no Artashes" and could the realm bear the cost for burying such a "nobody of a king"? I scream at Bagour that maybe if
he was better at
his job than maybe my beloved son would have had a chance to grow to the same stature as my larger than life father in law. He simply laughs and make a remark about how pagan women are so emotional.
Pig.
However, I stand my ground and point out that if the council is so concerned about the realm's finances then perhaps they'll be willing to sign off in me passing out some of King Grigor's minor holdings to trusted retainers to look after.
Again, more laughter from Bagour and some remarks indicating that THE COUNCIL are King Grigor's
MOST trusted retainers, and who better to look after the land than them?
Begrudgingly, for the good of the realm, I agree to his proposal and storm off.
One bright bit of news is that, as a parting shot, the plague of consumption took one last victim with it - Vahag.
Good riddance - I'll never forgive you for failing to save my Toros!
A few months pass and there's an uproar in the towns and villages of the kingdoms. Bagour explains to me (whilst rubbing his hands together obsequiously) that as the wise and noble regent, resolving this "minor issue" falls to me.
He wanders off cackling.
Yes - it's time again for Suenik to engage in that time honoured past time of blaming cats for absolutely everything that goes wrong.
Unlike
the last time this happened, I listen to the people and agree to do some research. Weeks pass, and my new physician offers his opinion.
Unlike cursed Vahag, this man actually seems to know what he's talking about, but we agree to carry on with our research. With all the turmoil affecting the realm, it doesn't pay to antagonise the peasants!
What's that?
Oh - "the turmoil"?
You want to know about that?
Forgive me - I didn't explain that earlier. There's just a lot going on...
As you know, Suneik has seen three kings die in as many years. This has produced what we in the lineage tracking business like to know as "a dynastic crisis".
Yes - it seems that Artashes' policy of marrying off his daughters to random foreign kings has come back to haunt the realm.
Thanks father in law.
Thankfully, the peasants seem pacified, so hopefully we can weather the next decade or so peacefully and my son can get down to the serious business of marrying and producing an heir.
Sadly, that's a LONG way off. At the moment, the lord and master of all things Suenikian is sitting on the floor and rolling around with one of the plague cats.
I REALLY hope that Nehilai is right about these guys NOT being the reason for the epidemic...
As I'm enjoying watching my son chasing after Whiskers-the-possible-vector-for-death, Bagour comes to me with what he assures me are "glad tidings".
I tell him to get stuffed - my place is at my son's side; not as some Khan's trophy wife (however much I might miss the old ways compared to this so-called "civilisation"'s insanity).
The months go by, and I get word from the dungeons that Demna - one of the rebels that my son had imprisoned - is making it quite clear that he doesn't understand the meaning of the phrase "strong bargaining position".
I advise the jailer to move Demna to less comfortable quarters.
None the less, the man appears to have quite the network of contacts because, even from the bottom of Suenik's darkest wells, he is able to get word to his people to hide his personal cat menagerie!
As a result the peasants are rampaging throughout the countryside. There's even a conspiracy started that the nobles are either cat-people or in league with the cat-people. The cat-people, it turns out, are behind EVERY misfortune that befalls the serfs in Suenik. Honestly, wasn't that what religion was invented for?
The army is mobilised to "gently calm the peasants down" and I stare at the calendar trying to wish away a decade.
Maybe I've been in Suenik too long and I'm catastrophising everything when I don't need to.
After all, we're just talking about a bunch of uppity peasants, right? They'll be dealt with swiftly, and I'll get back to the smooth running of my son's kingdom. A decade from now I'll present it to him, like a flawless, cut diamond and he'll marvel at its pure, untarnished beauty. He'll turn to me and say "Mother, your stewardship - no, your WISE stewardship - has allowed for this seamless transfer of power, and I am now able to take the burden from you, and spend the vast sums of wealth that you've carefully and thoughtful accumulated to better the lot of everyone in the kingdom. I may even build a statue to you. After all, aside from that slight blip with the cats over a decade ago, everything went well."
And then everyone will cheer and throw their hats in the air.
Apart from Bagour - he won't be there to cheer after that unfortunate accident the involved him accidentally stabbing himself in the face multiple times and accidentally throwing himself from the highest turret in the castle and accidentally bouncing into the piraña pool.
I sigh wistfully.
Wait...
Is that cheering I can hear outside?
Have I been day dreaming for a decade?!?
No.
My mistake.
It's screaming...
One short council meeting later, and Bagour explains that my dreams for a decade of peace and prosperity might have to go on hold.
He also makes the point of telling me that "the fate of the kingdom" rests on my "broad and homely shoulders".
Fixing him a stare, I turn to the rest of the council. The anger is tearing me up inside - anger at this group of buffoons who are content to help themselves to the riches of the realm, but shirk their responsibility of command when the going gets tough. Anger at the opportunist tyrants to the west who would take advantage of a gentle child's troubles for the sake of coin. Anger at idiots who lose their shit when they see a cat.
Channeling the rage, I angrily gesticulate out of the window.
"Men of Suenik!" I bellow. "We can imagine the banners of the enemy approaching. We hear their footfalls in the distance. Soon now, we will meet them face-to-face. I am resolved, in the midst and heat of the battle, to live or die amongst you all. While we stand together - united - no invader shall pass. Let them come with the armies of Hell; they will not pass! And when this day of battle is ended, we will meet again in Heaven or on the field of victory!"
I'm conscious that I'm standing on the council chamber with both fists in the air.
From behind me, I can hear a slow clap.
Whirling around I see Bagour grinning malevolently. He stops his clapping and flicks his hand in my direction. Two guardsmen loom out of the shadows and seize me.
"Nice speech, sweetheart" he laughs as I'm dragged off down the corridor. "War's a man's business - I'll take over from here."
War has come to Suenik (again)! Will Bagour lead the armies of Suenik to victory? What of Khorishah? What of the cats? Find out on the next exciting episode of Suenik Reloaded!
