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For a suitably relaxed definition of success, maybe.
It's not that bad no the Eastern Front, not too many divisions just terrible Paradox research. I also like to imagine that the Normandy invasion forces have decided that hanging around Northern France is more pleasant, and safer, than actually invading Germany so aren't trying that hard and Eisenhower just hasn't noticed yet.
There is no debate on the Louvre; it is worse. The only debate is was the glass pyramid a terrible idea or a masterstroke. On the one hand it looks incongruous, slightly ridiculous and is undoubtedly sloopily executed, but on the other hand the Louvre Palace is a typical French palace (i.e. repetitive, unambitious and architecturally dull) so needed something to make it interesting. I lean towards the later option, but it's not a hill I'd die on and I can fully understand the other point of view.
A controversial last line, Jesenky will be assessing it for intransitive ontological heresy.
Treebeard was an excellent judge of pace so I should probably defer to his judgement...I’m starting to get (pleasantly) bewildered by the recently frenetic pace of updates: it is now only perhaps mildly slower than real time. I applaud this gentle shifting up of gears, even if Treebeard might regard it as “hasty!”
I think the staff are right about that latest ‘battle’ for Paris. Sounds more like an accidental firefight when both sides went out to steal chickens or scrounge booze and ran into each other!
Either that, or some guy went out for a crap and got lost, running into a recce patrol and calling in his comrades when the s#!t really started to fly (so to speak). Apologies for anyone’s gentle sensibilities that may have been offended, but it wouldn’t be the first time something like that happened in OTL.
Your first description of the "Battle" of Paris sounds about right. The British forces don't want the war to end, if they head home it's rations, an election and then the bleak misery of a Labour government, so why rush into a fight? Better instead when you can 'besiege' it while enjoying some nice wine and deeply inferior cheese.
This should be T&T's backup plan. If captured by the Allies demand the war crimes tribunal is overseen by Ents. They'll still get found guilty, but it will takes years, time they can spend in a prison cell that will probably be more luxurious, and serve better food, than anything in Slovakia.I should like to think that by this point in the AAR, the major powers have all said hello, and perhaps (if we're being optimistic) have decided that the Slovakians are not orcs.
The Normandy forces yes, the ones in Italy are having an excellent war and putting their OTL counterparts to shame. Probably because General Clark is sailing around in circles in the Adriatic, not cocking everything up.
If they can keep this up then Slovakia's defeat will be very manpower efficient. There will be plenty of surviving MP to welcome their new Allied or Soviet overlords and lay on a nice parade for them.
But an ent once roused to anger can move quite quickly (like at the end of the two towers where they go from taking the hobbits home to destroying isenguard in like five minutes)
Furthermore it is my opinion that El Pip should continue with For King Haakon and the Fjords (and should destroy another French landmark)
Furthermore it is my opinion that El Pip should continue with For King Haakon and the Fjords (and should destroy another French landmark)
What more can any writer of a comedy AAR hope for?
Luckily for T&T this is before the films were made so they would get the properly slow book ents.
I cannot give you destroyed French landmarks, but I can give you the next update as we return to Bratislava!
17th November 1944
17th November 1944. Still.
The military part of the briefing complete, Tiso and Tuka must face news of an advance in Slovak Technology. Vocal chords rested, and hip flasks brimming, they are ready as they will ever be, so return to the cabinet room.
Tiso nodded at his Minister of Fire, Smoke, and Steam.
Pruzinsky rose, walked to the blackboard, adjusted his monocle and began.
"We understand that the Army is much vexed by these 'Tanks' our enemies insist on deploying as we lack an effective weapon to counter them."
"Any new troops we raise would have to rely upon throwing dynamite at them." General Kubela agreed.
"Therefore we chose this as one of two areas to concentrate our efforts on and we have met with success." Pruzinsky smiled and began sketching out the new weapon on the blackboard.
As the sketch developed Tiso looked increasingly shocked.
"What's the matter?" Tuka asked.
"I'm appalled!" Tiso replied.
"At the risk of it? The lack of sophistication? The fact this idea somehow took 5 months to develop?"
"No, I'm appalled that this plan appears to involve setting fire to full hipflasks and throwing them away." He shuddered.
An advance of Slovak technology, they have developed the Molotov Cocktail. Or as Tiso calls it, a waste of a hipflask.
With Tiso still in a mild sense of shock Tuka asked the master of smoke and industrial accidents to move on.
"The Ministry was also tasked with developing a new personal weapon for our troops, we are at present relying on stocks of Puska vz.98s we inherited from Czechoslovakia."
There was a pause for the group to *spit* *respectful gap* *spit*, the required response to any mention of Czechoslovakia.
"Here again we have made progress." He again returned to the blackboard.
"Not only do we have a new weapon, but working in co-operation with our colleagues on the General Staff." He nodded at Generals Kubela and Malar, who shlyly waved back "We have developed a radical new defensive strategy."
Slovakia can finally build forts. They also have developed the questionable Musketon vz.16!
Tuka looked at the sketch.
"This new weapon looks far shorter than those are enemies use." He said.
"Indeed it is, the Musketoon is much shorter than a traditional musket." Pruzinksy nodded.
"Musket? As in smooth bore, flintlock, ramming the bullet down the barrel?" He asked in disbelief.
"Ahh, so you are familiar with this new technology." Pruzinksy beamed.
As Tuka started shouting, Tiso turned to Fritz.
"Haven't military fortifications been around for quite a while Fritz?" He asked.
"I believe the first evidence of a city wall dates back to 8000BC." Fritz confirmed.
Tiso nodded sadly and drank deeply from his hipflask, determined to get what comfort he could from it while he still had the chance.
---
Notes:
As a reminder Slovakia lacks the technology to build infantry, let alone research infantry weapons. It has to research two full levels of militia weapons before infantry unlocks. The weapons described are indeed the ones Paradox assigned to the levels, almost certainly just copied across from the Czechs.
The Musketon vz.16 did not exist. The vz.16/33 rifle did, and indeed turns up as a separate item later on in the Slovak tech tree. The Mustketon/Musketoon was an OTL weapon from the mid 19th century which was indeed a cut down musket, popular with cavalry, pirates and other people who weren't fussed by accuracy and wanted a short barrelled and convenient weapon.
Radiocarbon dating of items found in the walls around the proto-city of Jericho do indeed date to somewhere around 8000BC, it may even be older than that. Suffice to say even Slovakia really should have been aware of fortifications without having to research it.
The military part of the briefing complete, Tiso and Tuka must face news of an advance in Slovak Technology. Vocal chords rested, and hip flasks brimming, they are ready as they will ever be, so return to the cabinet room.
Tiso nodded at his Minister of Fire, Smoke, and Steam.
Pruzinsky rose, walked to the blackboard, adjusted his monocle and began.
"We understand that the Army is much vexed by these 'Tanks' our enemies insist on deploying as we lack an effective weapon to counter them."
"Any new troops we raise would have to rely upon throwing dynamite at them." General Kubela agreed.
"Therefore we chose this as one of two areas to concentrate our efforts on and we have met with success." Pruzinsky smiled and began sketching out the new weapon on the blackboard.
As the sketch developed Tiso looked increasingly shocked.
"What's the matter?" Tuka asked.
"I'm appalled!" Tiso replied.
"At the risk of it? The lack of sophistication? The fact this idea somehow took 5 months to develop?"
"No, I'm appalled that this plan appears to involve setting fire to full hipflasks and throwing them away." He shuddered.
An advance of Slovak technology, they have developed the Molotov Cocktail. Or as Tiso calls it, a waste of a hipflask.
With Tiso still in a mild sense of shock Tuka asked the master of smoke and industrial accidents to move on.
"The Ministry was also tasked with developing a new personal weapon for our troops, we are at present relying on stocks of Puska vz.98s we inherited from Czechoslovakia."
There was a pause for the group to *spit* *respectful gap* *spit*, the required response to any mention of Czechoslovakia.
"Here again we have made progress." He again returned to the blackboard.
"Not only do we have a new weapon, but working in co-operation with our colleagues on the General Staff." He nodded at Generals Kubela and Malar, who shlyly waved back "We have developed a radical new defensive strategy."
Slovakia can finally build forts. They also have developed the questionable Musketon vz.16!
Tuka looked at the sketch.
"This new weapon looks far shorter than those are enemies use." He said.
"Indeed it is, the Musketoon is much shorter than a traditional musket." Pruzinksy nodded.
"Musket? As in smooth bore, flintlock, ramming the bullet down the barrel?" He asked in disbelief.
"Ahh, so you are familiar with this new technology." Pruzinksy beamed.
As Tuka started shouting, Tiso turned to Fritz.
"Haven't military fortifications been around for quite a while Fritz?" He asked.
"I believe the first evidence of a city wall dates back to 8000BC." Fritz confirmed.
Tiso nodded sadly and drank deeply from his hipflask, determined to get what comfort he could from it while he still had the chance.
---
Notes:
As a reminder Slovakia lacks the technology to build infantry, let alone research infantry weapons. It has to research two full levels of militia weapons before infantry unlocks. The weapons described are indeed the ones Paradox assigned to the levels, almost certainly just copied across from the Czechs.
The Musketon vz.16 did not exist. The vz.16/33 rifle did, and indeed turns up as a separate item later on in the Slovak tech tree. The Mustketon/Musketoon was an OTL weapon from the mid 19th century which was indeed a cut down musket, popular with cavalry, pirates and other people who weren't fussed by accuracy and wanted a short barrelled and convenient weapon.
Radiocarbon dating of items found in the walls around the proto-city of Jericho do indeed date to somewhere around 8000BC, it may even be older than that. Suffice to say even Slovakia really should have been aware of fortifications without having to research it.
Massive strides in technology- er for ‘44 Slovakia anyway.
Just an idle question, asked with hip flask at the ready ... but does Slovakia have any militia brigades to take advantage of these cutting edge advances? Or the industrial capacity, time and manpower to do so?
Just an idle question, asked with hip flask at the ready ... but does Slovakia have any militia brigades to take advantage of these cutting edge advances? Or the industrial capacity, time and manpower to do so?
Musketoon ... what are they using in Paris? sticks to hold back the Heavy Infantry Tanks?
Bolt-action rifles are overrated anyway. Let the glorious era of the musket begin!
But, for some reason, the word 'musketon' appears in some searches in relation to 20th century weapons.
E.g. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vz._33 (Wikipedia on vz. 33) ...The design was partially based on the Mauser Musketon M12...
And also in this book: https://books.google.ch/books?id=sq...HdVHDqgQ6AEIRTAG#v=onepage&q=musketon&f=false
E.g. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vz._33 (Wikipedia on vz. 33) ...The design was partially based on the Mauser Musketon M12...
And also in this book: https://books.google.ch/books?id=sq...HdVHDqgQ6AEIRTAG#v=onepage&q=musketon&f=false
Glad to see the musket making a return. I always believed technology was cyclical.
Hah, the sword is tried and tested, there is plenty of metal to make them with, they don’t need reloading ... enough of these new-fangled weapons! Swords and hip flasks full of Slovakian courage! These gunpowder weapons will never catch on anyway. Er, wait ... INCOMING!
What the feck did paradox think they were doing with Slovakia? There is always the argument of lazy but it surely must have taken a great deal of effort to make technology levels this low down to ensure Slovakia would be utter garbage. They put some weird effort into this from the looks of things.
And if thy can't understand walls...how are they understanding maps or permenant stationary buildings in general. Or paper or clothes for that matter. Why stop there? Perhaps they need to research meat eating or air compression so their lungs can work that they might finally leave the primordial soup. Oh wait, they don't know what soup is. Or history...
Um...still, at least they gave you the option of 1944...
And if thy can't understand walls...how are they understanding maps or permenant stationary buildings in general. Or paper or clothes for that matter. Why stop there? Perhaps they need to research meat eating or air compression so their lungs can work that they might finally leave the primordial soup. Oh wait, they don't know what soup is. Or history...
Um...still, at least they gave you the option of 1944...
Slovakia doesn't actually have any militia brigades at the moment. Back in August it was revealed there are some in the build queue';
But as I said at the time; the ultimate HOI3 gameplay challenge is nothing to do with world conquest but is actually 'Building anything with Slovakia before being annexed.'
Slovakia's existing army is proper Model III Infantry Brigades, so they get the a proper anti-tank gun, the 37mm PUV vz. 37
It's just Slovakia cannot build any more of them, which does lead to the awkward question of how they reinforce. But like Paradox it's probably best to gloss over that.
If that militia gets built in time the final defence of Bratislava will be properly Napoleonic (on one side anyway); lines of badly trained conscripts blasting away with muskets, probably trying to form a square when they see an approaching tank.
The vz.33 and the g33/40 (Which was the same thing with a German name) and the mysterious Brazilian Mauser M12s (which I think are actually M1908/34 carbines) were all much shorter than a normal rifle, some were even called "short rifles". So I'm going for Musketon meaning broadly the same thing, a short version of a musket/rifled musket.
It is an appropriate technology for Slovakia certainly. And to be fair a musket bullet probably kills you as dead as a rifle bullet.
Well Slovakia probably could not build enough bullets to shoot all the Soviets, so the sword plan at least wins on that score.Hah, the sword is tried and tested, there is plenty of metal to make them with, they don’t need reloading ... enough of these new-fangled weapons! Swords and hip flasks full of Slovakian courage! These gunpowder weapons will never catch on anyway. Er, wait ... INCOMING!
I agree Paradox's approach is baffling. The lazy, zero effort, option was just to copy what Czechoslovakia had, and there certainly was some of that in division and technology names and a few other things. I could maybe understand removing all technology, they just forgot to copy it over and nobody noticed (I may well be the first person to ever try to play a HOI3 game as 1944 Slovakia), but someone gave the Slovaks Blitzkrieg and Mechanised Offensive. These are weird doctrines to give a country that never had an armoured division in OTL and in game can't even build regular infantry, let alone tanks or motorised units.
Does Slovakia have any spies in countries where they have invented breach loaders?
The Germans probably have a couple of Czech guys build the guns in a cave somewhere, just enough to make up the losses.
Another option is that the Germans send the Slovak Division German guns with the name rubbed out and " 37mm PUV vz. 37 " written on in crayon, it's not as if the Slovak's will be able to tell the difference...
I'm thinking that tech tree implies that all the relevant technology, and almost all of the factories are in the Czech region, (spits on the floor) leaving Slovakia with nothing... pretty cynical of the Germans if you ask me...
*flip* *glug glug glug* *lapses into happily drunken torpor*Slovakia doesn't actually have any militia brigades at the moment. Back in August it was revealed there are some in the build queue';
But as I said at the time; the ultimate HOI3 gameplay challenge is nothing to do with world conquest but is actually 'Building anything with Slovakia before being annexed.'
Intermission - Slovak Tech Explained
If I recall correctly from my dabbling about with modding, HoI3 has some sort of automagic hardcoded way of determining (usually against the wishes of the modder) the starting technologies for a country based on their theory and practical levels along with some other arcane variables. I actually poked around a little bit to see if this might explain the Slovakian tech situation, and as we've all come to expect the reality is even worse. Let's run through the list, shall we?
- First of all - yes, the Paradox dev in charge of Slovakia's tech levels did mostly rely on the automagic algorithm to do the work, and only set theory and practical levels rather than actual techs. I wanted to get the obvious out of the way first. There are a few techs that were set manually, which I'll get to in a moment.
- Slovakia's history files actually do not include any entry for 1944. For those unfamiliar with the history files, Paradox does not write a whole set of separate files for each start date. Instead, there are history files which tell the game that at such-and-such date, so-and-so country has this-and-that theory, practical, techs, OOB, leaders, and so on. These data are cumulative - so if Slovakia has an entry for 1940 that sets a bunch of theory and practical levels, and then another entry for 22 June 1941 which sets a few other tech levels, then starting at that 1941 date will include all of the theory and practical levels of the 1940 entry as well.
- This means that the Slovakia starting conditions in 1944 are actually a hodgepodge of the conditions from 1940, 1941, and 1943 starts. Notably, this means that Slovakia starts with the 1943 OOB, which I'm sure is historically accurate as Slovakia lacked the necessary technology to develop infantry divisions capable of moving from one location to another over the course of a year. As shown by this AAR, at least.
- Slovakian theory and practical levels are the same as the 1940 scenario. Interestingly, the levels are exactly the same as the 1939 scenario, which means that some Paradox scenario writer copy-pasted from the 1939 date needlessly (since the 1940 start would have just used the 1939 levels anyways)
- The starting Militia technologies for Slovakia are apparently set by the theory/practical values, as Slovakia's only theory and practical levels above 2.5 are the Militia theory and practical. Aside from the militia techs and those set in the history file, Slovakia has no other techs researched, presumably because the other theory and practical levels are all, generously speaking, pathetic. See Figure 1 below.
- The tech level for doctrines affecting Infantry (see Figure 2 slightly further below) are set by the 1940 and 1941 history data. Among other things, this implies that Slovakia failed to learn anything from their military experiences in a solid three years of combat (on a side note, Slovakia in the June 1941 start has two infantry brigades, a number which has ballooned to six by the December 1941 start date, implying that the Slovakians somehow discovered the technology to build Infantry brigades sometime after June 1941, and then promptly forgot this knowledge in less than six months). You'd think with 4.68 leadership, the Slovakian bigwigs could at least figure out how to train soldiers to point their guns in the right direction, and then remember how this works, but apparently not.
- The doctrine techs affecting tanks are set in the 1943 history entry, which offers a slightly plausible reason for why Slovakia possesses tank doctrines - clearly, the 1943 scenario writer made the not-unreasonable guess that Slovakia would have learned these from their German masters over the course of the war, and just kind of assumed that the guys in charge of the previous start dates had done their jobs to an acceptable standard and provided Slovakia with at least a vague inkling that tanks existed.
- I feel obligated to remind the reader that, yes, there is no 1944 history entry for Slovakia, and instead is left to deal with a hodgepodge of starting conditions cobbled together from three starting dates separated by the space of three years. Including their OOB, which explains why earlier in this AAR we discovered a duplicate Slovakian division under German command.
Appendix
Figure 1: Slovakian militia technologies, theory, and practical for the 1944 start date.
Figure 2: Slovakian land doctrines for the 1944 start date, featuring Blitzkrieg and Mechanised Offensive.
You’ve gone to some effort there - bravo. So we assume they thought either no-one was likely to play Slovakia in 1944 or, if they did, it just wouldn’t be worth the effort to do it right. Little did they know El Pip would turn it into a life’s work!If I recall correctly from my dabbling about with modding, HoI3 has some sort of automagic hardcoded way of determining (usually against the wishes of the modder) the starting technologies for a country based on their theory and practical levels along with some other arcane variables. I actually poked around a little bit to see if this might explain the Slovakian tech situation, and as we've all come to expect the reality is even worse. Let's run through the list, shall we?
I hope this serves as a worthy entry into this anthology of Paradox laziness, because it was really quite amusing to trace this out.
- First of all - yes, the Paradox dev in charge of Slovakia's tech levels did mostly rely on the automagic algorithm to do the work, and only set theory and practical levels rather than actual techs. I wanted to get the obvious out of the way first. There are a few techs that were set manually, which I'll get to in a moment.
- Slovakia's history files actually do not include any entry for 1944. For those unfamiliar with the history files, Paradox does not write a whole set of separate files for each start date. Instead, there are history files which tell the game that at such-and-such date, so-and-so country has this-and-that theory, practical, techs, OOB, leaders, and so on. These data are cumulative - so if Slovakia has an entry for 1940 that sets a bunch of theory and practical levels, and then another entry for 22 June 1941 which sets a few other tech levels, then starting at that 1941 date will include all of the theory and practical levels of the 1940 entry as well.
- This means that the Slovakia starting conditions in 1944 are actually a hodgepodge of the conditions from 1940, 1941, and 1943 starts. Notably, this means that Slovakia starts with the 1943 OOB, which I'm sure is historically accurate as Slovakia lacked the necessary technology to develop infantry divisions capable of moving from one location to another over the course of a year. As shown by this AAR, at least.
- Slovakian theory and practical levels are the same as the 1940 scenario. Interestingly, the levels are exactly the same as the 1939 scenario, which means that some Paradox scenario writer copy-pasted from the 1939 date needlessly (since the 1940 start would have just used the 1939 levels anyways)
- The starting Militia technologies for Slovakia are apparently set by the theory/practical values, as Slovakia's only theory and practical levels above 2.5 are the Militia theory and practical. Aside from the militia techs and those set in the history file, Slovakia has no other techs researched, presumably because the other theory and practical levels are all, generously speaking, pathetic. See Figure 1 below.
- The tech level for doctrines affecting Infantry (see Figure 2 slightly further below) are set by the 1940 and 1941 history data. Among other things, this implies that Slovakia failed to learn anything from their military experiences in a solid three years of combat (on a side note, Slovakia in the June 1941 start has two infantry brigades, a number which has ballooned to six by the December 1941 start date, implying that the Slovakians somehow discovered the technology to build Infantry brigades sometime after June 1941, and then promptly forgot this knowledge in less than six months). You'd think with 4.68 leadership, the Slovakian bigwigs could at least figure out how to train soldiers to point their guns in the right direction, and then remember how this works, but apparently not.
- The doctrine techs affecting tanks are set in the 1943 history entry, which offers a slightly plausible reason for why Slovakia possesses tank doctrines - clearly, the 1943 scenario writer made the not-unreasonable guess that Slovakia would have learned these from their German masters over the course of the war, and just kind of assumed that the guys in charge of the previous start dates had done their jobs to an acceptable standard and provided Slovakia with at least a vague inkling that tanks existed.
- I feel obligated to remind the reader that, yes, there is no 1944 history entry for Slovakia, and instead is left to deal with a hodgepodge of starting conditions cobbled together from three starting dates separated by the space of three years. Including their OOB, which explains why earlier in this AAR we discovered a duplicate Slovakian division under German command.
Appendix
Figure 1: Slovakian militia technologies, theory, and practical for the 1944 start date.
Figure 2: Slovakian land doctrines for the 1944 start date, featuring Blitzkrieg and Mechanised Offensive.