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((Private-ish?))

To Prime Minister Ralphael Welensky

Your proposal has been of much interest to me and my colleagues in the foreign ministry. Your suggestion to establish and support federations within Africa has been carefully considered, but unfortunately Her Majesty's government does not believe it appropriate at this time. Recent attempts to create a federation in the Levant by the previous administration raised concerns about the nature of such a government. Due to the conflict that resulted and the tenuous nature of such a melding of states, we do not believe federations are the proper solution at this time. We thus intend to continue with the current system of dominions as the most viable solution. Continued suggestions are welcomed though, for we wish only for the best for all members of the Commonwealth.

- Maxwell Macpherson, Foreign Secretary
 
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

THE BELFAST TELEGRAPH
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For a safer and stronger Britain: The civic duty to address rising crime rates


Opinion letter by Lochlan G. Fitzpatrick
M.P. for South Antrim

Fellow Britons,

The past several years have seen a steady rise in crime rates in our beloved country. Wanton acts are now routinely perpetrated against the good folks in many of our towns and villages. A destructive morality centered on the individual rather than on the community has led to numerous acts of thievery, corruption and violence.

While our esteemed and benevolent Prime Minister is aware of this situation and hard-at-work to provide wise and well-thought solutions to this situation, it is also important that we remember that crime occurs within the confine of our society and as member of this society, we share the burden of its eradication.

I have walked the streets of Antrim, of Belfast and of many villages. I have seen firsthand the desolation which is wrought by such acts. Rest assured that I will fight for you and for a more just society.

But we must also keep in mind that it falls not solely on the shoulders of the government to find solutions, but that, as always, the ingenuity of the Briton people will see us toward calmer seas. Communities, all across the country, should increase their vigilance, denounce vigorously even the smallest of crimes and rekindle the flames of righteousness and civic duty. We must once more instruct our youth and assist them in becoming dutiful law-abiding citizens.

In this regards, we humbly suggest to our local government to explore the establishment of youth clubs, in order for our youngster to acquire important values such as teamwork and leadership through sports, rather than become acquainted with the shadows that breed through licentiousness.

Should our efforts fail, criminals, felons and convicts must be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and you can be assured that it is a duty taken very seriously by our government. Together, we can make Britain and our Northern Ireland safer and more prosperous.

Lochlan G. Fitzpatrick
M.P. for South Antrim
 
Acting leader Monaghan calls a meeting of the Parliamentary Labour Party

"Ladies and gentlemen, my friends,

With Mrs. Leighton falling ill in such a dramatic fashion and unable to continue her duties, we should seek to elect a new leader for the party. I would like to put my name forward for consideration.

- Alistair Monaghan

((Okey dokey, Labourites, you got 24 hours to put your name in the hat, unless KingHigh objects, in which case you got 48.))
 
((Um, who decided that Syriana became an invalid?))
 
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New Statesman




The Week-end Review
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VOL. LXIII • No. 1848 — MONDAY • 19 SEPTEMBER 1966 — NINEPENCE
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A LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Goodbye from Parris Marr
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EXCEPTING, perhaps, the positions I held within government after having been elected to the shadow cabinet, I would be claiming for myself a far too inflated sense of foresight were I to say that I had expected to do any particular job in my life so far. Nearly thirty years ago, when I went up to university, I had, at best, vague ambitions of public service, whether in the old-fashioned sense of Parliament and the Bar, or in a newer and, although I hate to say it, more self-important sense of otherwise helping the grand cause of English Liberalism. Editing the New Statesman has been no exception.

When seven years ago I was confirmed as editor by the writing staff, I felt a trepdidation mercifully rare in my life. Taking over from the gargantuan presence of Kinglsey Martin as this publication's fourth editor, I was more concerned with not being the one to take his eye off the ball than with any aspirations of advancing the Statesman. My fears were soon quashed by my vastly talented colleagues, some of whom I had worked with as a writer for many years already, others new acquaintances and soon friends. I was taken out for lunch after my appointment by a rival editor who remarked enviously halfway through dessert that, whilst if he ever took the day off he would come back to find twelve differences of opinion plastered across the front page, were I to take a day off then in all likelihood the New Statesman offices themselves would be able to produce an issue and no-one would notice.

He was quite right. Although there has been a great deal of transformation since I took over in 1959, the spirit of the New Statesman as a trusted and articulate defender and promoter of radical thought in this country remains. This can be seen echoed not only in landmark achievements like the Manifesto for a Humane Society and, more recently, Outrage in an Era of Good Times, but in every other issue we've produced. I think I can say that the ball hasn't been ripped yet.

What has changed? Compared with seven years ago, the Statesman itself is expanded along with its readership: the literary and cultural pages, conceived and edited by my successor as editor Anthony Burgess, draw in thousands of readers every week with their astute and warm analysis of the artistic life of Britain. Overall circulation now is higher than it has ever been, over one-hundred thousand copies sold every Monday. Many of these new readers are young adults galvanised by an unbending faith in Britain's capacity for self-improvement. All are loyal, intelligent people whose various correspondences it had been a joy to receive and read in the letters pages each week.

I also like to think that the Statesman has become more open in the last decade to giving a platform to dissenting voices. Many of our greatest social critics, as well as most eloquent contributors, have not necessarily been ones to tread the socialist line. As CP Scott wrote in his lecture upon The Guardian's centenary: Comment is free, but facts are sacred. Although I would never wish to steal so blatantly from the soul a rival, I think Mr. Scott's words are some that all of us in publishing can readily take on board. In expanding our base of writers, I have aimed to do just that.

But a magazine or a newspaper must never become simply a bully-pulpit for its editor. In this position there is great power – and great potential for abuse of that power. With control over the message we deliver to our readership and to the country, it is vital that it never reach the stage where it is a personal crusade, or where disagreements in opinion are anything other than cherished. It would be naive to suggest after seven years that my own views on various topics have not, through my own editorials, come to be associated with the Statesman – but no more, I believe, than those of any other contributor. We writers simply pass through the halls of ancient institutions. We can add our voices in the present, but it would be arrogant to expect them to stick past then.

Therefore, I wish to thank you all, profusely. All writers, all readers and all other colleagues. In your own ways, you have all been invaluable and deeply cherished. I have no doubts that you will be anything else to Anthony Burgess, in whose more-than-capable hands I now leave you.
 

By-Election Special, BBC1. Thursday 15th September, 1966.


“… and we can now report the results of the Cambridge by-election, where voters went to the polls today to elect a successor to the late Labour MP Robert Davies. The result is a Labour hold with an increased majority, that's a Labour hold. This means that Parris Marr has returned to Parliament. An important result at this time, Mr. Snow?”

“Yes, it is. Cambridge was one of the closest marginal seats at the last election, Mr. Davies had a majority of only about five-hundred. Mr. Marr's reputation as a national figure no doubt swayed a great number of voters who had perhaps previously abandoned Labour under Ms. Leighton's leadership.—”

“—Sorry, Peter. Figures just coming now tell us that Mr. Marr's majority stands at twelve-hundred.—Carry on, please.”

“I wouldn't say that this is a great cause for alarm for the prime minister, but it will be interesting to see what happens to Labour going forward with the former foreign secretary back as an MP.”

“Thank you, Peter. …”
 
((Voting will open Wednesday. Update on Friday.))
 
PRIVATE EYE



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SPECIAL MID SEPTEMBER 1966 — NINEPENCE

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FRONT PAGE
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MARY BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THOSE POWER PLAYS

image.jpg1_zpsogurjquh.jpg

The fall of Har P. Evertalk has left Labour in a conundrum concerning collective cooperative command. With the iron grip of Har, totally unchallenged due to the unwillingness of Labour front and back benchers to have a back bone and challenge the damned tosser, released, Labour might come out from the jack boot of academic pseudo-intellect. Or not, as Mary Parr, taking advantage of the passing of the late Robert Davies, was elected in a bi-election for the sole purpose of taking control of the party. A celebrity columnist, tv personality, and avid censor of all anti-labour writing in his media outlet, the Newt Satesman, he represents the moral decay within the Labour Party.

"My my Private Eye," you might say right now, at this moment, do it, "What a hard hitting piece of journalism from a magazine made in order to insult politicians and members of society!" Well concerned reader, we have a reason to say that. See, Labour was under a golden age under the reign of Bennedict, a boring boxy bureaucrat much like the current First box. However, after he was betrayed by Stephen Hardwood, some guy in Labour who likes to pretend he matters, Bennedict fell and his barely leashed bulldog, Har, was quickly elected by the Party. Har then led Labour into a new direction of erudite twattle as the average voter couldn't understand what they said and proceeded to fail to vote for them, if indeed at all.

Mary, like a chagrined boy at playtime, proceeded to take his ball and go home. This home being a lavish house built on government sourced funds from the BBC and the sales from his skewedpaper, the Newt Satesman. There he lived in the lap of luxury, building himself a private media empire in which to support the failing policies of Har.

Now, with Har's illness and retiring to his estate, we see Mary's head pop up again. Like a bad penny, Mary rejoined parliament with a sole goal. The continuation of the "Twattle Tactics" established by his predecessor. While the Private Eye has no issue with said Twattle Tactics, as it provides excellent material, we do have issue of a man who joins parliament via an oddly timed bielection with the sole purpose of taking leadership of Labour and, one imagines, becomes Prime Minister. This means that the legendary Mary Parr, man of too many words, is nothing but a career politician whose friendly social democratic face is a facade for a fascistic fascination with parliamentary control.

That's a scary thought, given that the Private Eye might face actual censorship if that comes to pass.
 
Player: @Dadarian
Bonus: +1 PP
Bonus Name: Tough Love
Description: This maestro of satire doesn't pull any punches. If you're too posh, too poor, too pretentious, or too plebeian, you'll find yourself at the butt of a bad joke.
 
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While the Private Eye has no issue with said Twattle Tactics, as it provides excellent material, we do have issue of a man who joins parliament via an oddly timed bielection with the sole purpose of taking leadership of Labour and, one imagines, becomes Prime Minister.

It's heartwarming to hear that the "Private Eye" tabloid takes no issue with the Right Honourable Parris Marr, then. I'd like to meet this Mary Parr fellow, though - he seems like quite a capable man.
 
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Mr. Speaker,

It is with the highest regard that I welcome the Right Honourable Member for Cambridge back to this House, It is a hope shared by my Right Honourable and Honourable friends, the Chancellor of the Exhequer and the Economic Secretary to the Treasury, and myself that the Labour Party under the Right Honourable Gentleman would continue to support the prudent fiscal policies, including the budget, of this Government as he has done outside this House and his allies inside this House.

On a less serious note, again the Shadow Secretary for the Social Services displayed his impressive intellect, already widely recognized among the Government benches for the most interesting thoughtless comments in this House, in reaction to the Private Eye's article regarding "Mary". Although, Mr. Speaker, this House enjoys the Shadow Secretary's comments, the Right Honourable Gentleman might use his impressive intellect before opening his mouth.

The Rt. Hon. David Thornbloom MP FRS FRES,
President of the Board of Trade
 
Mr. Speaker,

I would also like to take this opportunity to welcome the Right Honourable Member for Cambridge back to this Chamber. While I never had the opportunity of sitting with our esteemed colleague from Cambridge, I must say that he strike me as a man of letters and culture, whose discourse will be in a much better state being printed in the hallowed lines of the Hansard rather than on some paper left floating to the wind on our streets.

It is my hope that his presence will infuse some common sense in the Loyal Opposition, which will of course guide his party toward supporting the most beneficial, prudent and sound policies as they are proposed by this government.

Lochlan G. Fitzgerald
M.P. for South Antrim
 
It's heartwarming to hear that the "Private Eye" tabloid takes no issue with the Right Honourable Parris Marr, then. I'd like to meet this Mary Parr fellow, though - he seems like quite a capable man.

"It's heartwarming to know that a prospective leader of the Labour Party is so intellectually bankrupt that he can not tell that the satire is of Mr. Parr. That, or he lacks even an ounce of humor, although I am not certain which is a more grievous insult, I don't...

Of course, I am but a "Welsh tree," so what right do I have to speak?"
 
Ted "R" Jacobs leans over to Heath, who is leafing through a magazine about boats, and whispers "Who is this Private Investigator that everyone keeps talking about?"

Heath shrugs, and keeps reading about optimal cotton-density for sails.
 
"Oi Joe, wats thas aboot Walsh trees an' a Mary Parr?"
"Something to do with private eye Minister."
"Ah, tham wee beasties. Whie ar' peeple brangang eit up in tha hoose than?"
"I haven't a clue minister."
"Gat me a copy af yer will."
"Yes Minister, of course Minister."
 
((Labour should get their stuff up. Y'all can do your own rules for opening and closing and such.))