CHAPTER XVII: PALATINATE
Part 3: How Not to Make Peace
(1685-1690)
A long time ago, on a continent you might just be reading this from...
Happy we Metz
So, to recap: We are at war with Lorraine, France and Armagnac. We're sieging the first, Savoy is dealing with Armagnac, and SPAIN is fighting France. It seems the frogs chose the wrong side of Mainz's attempt to force Munster back in the Catholic fold (despite France being Catholic - hm...) and really it's all over except for the lamentations of their cattle.
In March 1685 we open Sunday Schools because Imperial despots have nothing to fear from a somewhat educated populace taught to put God ahead of king. At least, that's what my councillors tell me.
Metz falls in April, and while we wait for Darth's army to finish up in Lothringen we notice Portugal's finally decided to do something about the Aztec and won six provinces, all on the Caribbean. In fact, the Aztecs no longer border that sea. If they ever develop a navy, it'll have to be in the Pacific.
Finally Lothringen surrenders ... to Bavaria. Somehow the Bavarians retook leadership of that siege, and that is enough to put an end to my dreams of conquering them outright. Oh, I could make the whole country Bavaria's vassal...No. Let's make sure Bavaria gets squat instead.
Someone's going to pay for this.
Consolidating
Not today, though. Not even this turn. We need to rest. Our manpower is strapped, and thanks to those 5K mercenaries we're losing money. We have over 500 ducats thanks to wartime subsidies from Netherlands and Spain, but we need to right the ship. That means recovering our manpower, disbanding our mercs, and replacing them with regulars.
It also means coring Franche-Comte, which we complete in December, and getting to work on Metz. F-C is also wrong culture (Burgundian), so dealing with that keeps our diplomats busy. Metz will take a little more care, as they're both Burgundian
and Protestant.
Through the middle of 1686, Austria also capitulates. They aren't made to suffer.
Someone's going to pay for that also. But not today.
Now that they've been properly humbled, NEATO (the anti-Austrian coalition) folds. We finally drop out as well, as there's simply no point and they're still more than powerful enough to take us on one-on-one. This becomes even more apparent in July when Netherlands abandons our alliance.
This begins a period when I try to get Netherlands or Spain to ally with us. Neither are interested, and both have the same reason: We're already allied with a great power. I have no idea who they're talking about: Poland? Savoy??
We also send a diplomat to Lorraine, though his job is a little different: We fabricate a claim, because sooner or later we're still going to want that land bridge.
In December 1686, my councillors return and explain that I should create a more stable government by doing what they want.
I've got a better idea. Let's hang all the councillors.
The Imperial senate will no longer be of concern. Fear will keep them in line! Fear of this battle...uhm...uhm...plan! Yes, our plan to conquer Lorraine!
More conversions: Two provinces in Japan event-convert to Catholicism in April 1687, while Wurtemburg force-converts Augsburg back into Mitrehead's camp. The latter nets me some welcome Imperial prestige, but still no one will even consider reforms. Worse, the electoral college has turned on me: 3 for Savoy, 2 for me, Bohemia and
Great Britain.
Next Strike
In September 1687 we get an opportunity to play emperor! Mainz declares war on Oldenburg with intent of conquering it. Not only is this bad for the Empire, but Oldenburg was on my list of possible long term targets. Mainz already hates me, and they're bigger. We don't need this.
Unfortunately my options are limited: Mainz has a legitimate CB, so I can't just step in. Declaring war on them outright would bring Spain and Savoy down on me. We forge an alliance with Oldenburg intending to step in that way, but the Oldenburgers never call to arms. Further, despite the alliance our relations aren't high enough for me to attempt to enforce peace.
In February 1688 the predictable happens. It also ensures that, if we're here next turn, we'll have to fight somebody. I was leaning that way anyway - Oldenburg would have been the safest target, but Aachen's weak as well, and Lorraine is done short of forging a strong alliance. Now I also need to keep ahead of Mainz, Imperial throne be damned.
We begin by forging a claim on Koln. By March 1688 we disband our mercs, but I don't want to commit to a war with the end of the turn coming. Metz cores and begins converting later that year.
On December 22, 1688, our councillors are back. This time they've found a friend.
Darth strangles him to death on December 30. Then the councillors. Good riddance.
We gain a CB on Aachen (over Koln) in March 1689, and with typical bureaucratic efficiency it takes three months for them to celebrate.
The electoral college is also up for grabs again, with Savoy, Saxony and us enjoying 2 votes each with one for Bohemia.
Our army returns to full strength (13 inf, 6 cav, 6 artillery, all regulars) in July and waits for the new year. On December 24, Metz converts.
Johan's Dice
One more turn. One more turn to take out Aachen, Lorraine, and maybe even DoW Russia and dare them to do something about it from the other end of the continent. What do you think, Johan?
Reign: 15 years
Needed: 4+
Roll: 4
Continue? Yes
Awesome!
