Alright, I'm now Jon Snow. ANd I notice somehting. Something I hadn't at all expected. See, when my wife called everyone to join her in smacking the small child, she had failed to account for the idea that not everyone wants to smack a small child, and as a result, is suffering independence revolts that I'm not actually called into.
Hey, hon, do you want a hand with that?
...
Well, I can't offer to join war, so I'll just wait.
...
...
...
She doesn't call me in. Well, this is cheating, but I find it dumb she wouldn't at least call her HUSBAND to help her with these, so I use the character switcher command, grab her mouth and go "Yes Jon Please Help Me Win These Wars"
And then switch back to me and say "Yes, Certainly!"
The wars are joined. And yeesh, these arne't going so hot. In fact, so un-hot that by the time I have a chance at getting anything assaulted, The Kingdom of the Trident is already independent. And to make it worse, while all this is going on, the cold gets too great for peasants to keep working the land in Winterfell.
Fortunately, good news.
Oh yeah, Danny. You kicked that 9 year old's ASS. I always knew ya had it in you. Admittedly, I can think of something else I'd like to get in you to secure succession, but THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW.
Now, the time has come to choose an ambition. It's at this point that I notice that, while I may have gotten the kingdom, my niece Jynessa got Ice. So I want to have that, if possible. Can we work on that?
Well, the time to educate her comes, and I might as well take care of her education myself, and hopefully figure out a way that I can get her sword. Otherwise, I'd have had her get a military education.
She... Quickly gets the trait Cynical. Guys, I think she's onto me.
Well, fortunately, in time the war ends. Sadly, sometime in all that mess, my sister Sansa ended up dying of pneumonia, possibly from the cold, and not only that, now Danny-Girl's legal heir is... Joffrey.
...Well, guys, time to get a little Marvin Gaye going, because that guy, it bears repeating, is a douche. Unfortunately, when peace comes, I notice something else shocking.
...Danny, you really didn't think ANY of these were worth my noticing? Really?
Yeah, myw ife isn't going to win any popularity contests, this much is for sure. I send Lord Cley to talk to King Rensly II of the Stormlands, age five, which I assume involves waving a teddy bear in front of him and saying "Don't join a faction, don't join a faction."
Right now, only one of my vassals has a beef with me, and that's just that he wants control of the Castle of Harclay. Easily fixed, so at the very least all my vassals think I'm an okay guy. Unlike my wife, who's lost three vassals already and has to deal with some more conspiring. Unsure of what to do, I simply go hunting, leaving my Master of Whispers to be my regent.
My Master of Whispers who's in Storm's End playing with a small child. So basically, no-one's doing anything. All quiet on the northern front, so I'm just hunting and hoping something interesting happens.
Well, something interesting happened at least. I got my ass kicked by a boar. See. This is what happens when you don't give me your sword!
Jynessa gets bitten by a snake, because she keeps seaking out danger, which is cool. The more she does that, the more likely she is to allow me to inherit that darn sword. CAN YOU TELL I'M ANNOYED BY THIS.
Cynical, ambitious, and brave. Jynessa Stark, I'm glad you don't have any claims on my stuff, you're turning into an asskicker. Especially since you're as good at leading armies as I am and you're only 7.
Brandon's having his first kiss. Well, look guys, I'm not called 'snow' because of how much I LIKE it when things get hot. I assume. That'd be a weird reason, but I am chaste, so I can't rule it out. Anywa, I quickly talk to him about how love must be Courtly and Proper and Such, and he should be like me, and be six years into his marriage with no heirs.
Now I ask the Lords to vote on Medium Feudal Ta-
AGAIN?! YEesh, youa re not a popular girl, Danny.
Looks like a guy called Gorold the Lewd is after elective monarchy.
Gorold the Lewd? Eeewww... You know, if this was a secession war, Danny, I'd say just let him. Not sure I want a "The Lewd" in my country. He might get up to, like, First Night. Which, hey, just glad that Bobby didn't force that through, or he'd be forcing a lot of other things through, and no-one wants that. But since it's an elected monarchy war, and I'd like to see lots of little Starklings on the throne, we gotta fight.
For our right.
To PARTY!
(I take after Bobby's approach to Kingship, you see)
WTF, Mya? My ex-Sister in Law Mya Stone is putting a hit out on my ward. Okay, apparentlys he's "Mya Ruthermont" now, but that doesn't make much of a difference in my book, to me, she's right now "Mya brother's widow out to kill my other brother." Not cool, Mya. Super not cool.
Ya know, I thought I could trust that "Family Person" trait of yours. I seem to have been wrong.
Or maybe just not the same family. That seems more likely.
Well, much has happened. For example, I've discovered that kids are better at war than I am, but fortunately, not better than my wife.
To hopefully secure my hold on power, I betrothe my 15 year old brother, Brandon, to the 1 year old daughter of the King of the Trident, and 11 year old Rickon to the 5 year old Lady of the Red Watch.
Well, now that I'm going to apparently marry a mermaid and a timepiece, I think that's enough dynastic politicking for one day. We've got a war to win!
And by that I mean Danny told me that she'll act like I helped after she kicks this guy's ass.
Brandon asks me why I let off a peasant accused of poaching. I explain that to do otherwise would be kinda dickish because he needed it more. Brandon decides that he doesn't want to be a dick, so he gets the kind trait.
Kind, Brave, Honorable... His father would be proud. As compared to Rickon, who is craven, patient, cynical, cruel, and arbitrary. This kid is... Not the best guy to have a claim on your throne, yikes. Even more reason to start making little white-haired starklings.
The steam overlay... I mean my... Uh... Wizard camera... Stops working at this point, but shortly after that, I notice that Jynessa is fascinated by fashion. Huh. Cynical, ambitious, brave, and fashionable. I seem to be raising a Bratz character. Then again, she has at least some combat training, so maybe it's more Totally Spies.
After that, the war is over. Mr. The Lewd gets his ass beat and chained up, while I consider that may have been the whole point of the exercise for him anyway, pervy freak. I have my Wizard-Camera repaired, just in time to capture Brandon, now a full adult, and a skilled commander.
Happy birthday, kid. Try not to get your ass killed by your brother, he looks as bad as that Joffrey guy.