First Love
He had found her in a crater in the middle of a field. The grass was singed and the soil rock hard. It wasn’t a normal fire he had told her. It had come from within. Eylinn studied her nails as she tried to come to her senses.
“Warm...” She turned her hand. “Cold.” Alvon continued with how her face had been covered in blood, and she could feel the clots remaining in her nose. “Who saw...?”
“No one. I went alone looking for you. Your sister would not stop pestering me.” Her clothes were unscathed. She was unscathed. It was the weirdest thing. The army had moved without obstacles for two days since Eylinn and Saladin’s emissary had agreed to a peace. She was just out to look for suitable grazing. Even horses need food.
“A whole day, you say?” Alvon nodded, with his ever so blank expression. “We need to get to that assembly. The army can return home. Just make sure Evhana is told to stay put in the carriage this time. No games, for now is not the time.”
“Will you not wave her off?” Eylinn gave him a begrudging look.
“She would never leave if she saw me like this. The poor thing worries too much, even though she’d never admit it.”
“Be glad someone does.”
“Unlike you?” She teased, but Alvon took no notice. He just left. Now alone, she started to experiment with her newfound powers. A thin bolt passed between her fingers and startled her. It felt, but it was far away from anything painful. She tried again, but nothing happened. She could feel the disturbance of the light in her chest, but that wasn’t the worrying thing. “Dark magic, like Barumin...” She thought there at least would have been some room for options. There was only one person she knew that could possibly give her the answers she needed. “The Archmage will be at the assembly...” She looked towards her bag and the tiny piece of cloth therein. “Too dangerous.”
They started their journey at noon, well after the army had started its march for north. A raven arrived at dusk, with tales of kingly crowns and bribes for peace. It mattered to her no more. War was over, and more important matters were at hand. All left now was grieving, and a burning Wilds.
They slowed down their horses to get some distance from the party. Eylinn needed some privacy when discussing matters of the realm, and she didn’t know who would listen or how they would react if they heard.
“We can’t overlook it Alvon. When the war with the Nords is over, what are we supposed to do? Are we to assume the other Galadrien rulers will remain passive? There’s only one crown to be had, but considering how the Steward seems to hand them out without scrutiny, he might just hand out two without even noticing. We would never have peace then.”
“This is way over my pay grade, Therain.” She glared at him without remorse waiting for him to continue.
“I could give you a raise.” She looked down the saddle, following the motions of the dirt in the periphery as the leather remained constant. It was making her dizzy. “I just wondered if you’d have an idea on where to take it from here.”
“There’s only one person I’d call my queen. I don’t think farther than that, nor do I feel the need to.” Her cheeks turned red, hoping he would be as insecure about it as she was.
“There’s only one real candidate, Alvon. I have enough troubles with keeping three small vassals in a canyon from going at each other’s throat. Or mine for that matter.” She let out a sigh. “Armas is the one with the words, and the mind, for fair politics.” Alvon snorted, clearly appalled by her opinion. It didn’t make it any less true, however. The thought of going home and actually rule was chasing her like a predator in the wilds. It kept looking for her most vulnerable spots, striking without remorse when she least expected it. “Don’t you sometimes wish someone else was doing this? Riding all over the continent in the most farfetched expeditions imaginable, burden themselves with the lives of thousands? With the whole world? I just wish we’d have a moment’s respite, just once.” Alvon turned his head towards hers.
“For someone that feels so burdened with her task, you sure do take lightly on who you’d be ready to pass it over to. Would you wish this life on your sister?” No, Eylinn had never thought about it that way.
“Are we having this discussion again? I’m not...”
“Well, it’s your own bloody choice. Either you steel yourself and do this without all the sentimental drivel or you actually plan properly for the future and make another heir.” Eylinn turned quiet. If he only knew...
“It’s not always that easy, Alvon.” Fifteen minutes of silence would ensue, both equally disturbed by the words spoken by the other. It wouldn’t have been so awkward if they only had been strangers, but sometimes, that’s how they viewed each other. She imagined it to be so, and she hated it. She didn’t want to think of Alvon as a stranger just to escape a difficult subject. He was the last person she had left she could fully trust, who knew all there was to know about her. Almost everything. “Alvon...” He needed to know. “...I need to tell you something.”
The harp’s gentle notes were escaping the Great Hall. Such a serene melody, filled with joyous autumn tones it was. Eylinn was walking towards them when she saw Miras leaning against the opening. They had achieved a level of cordial and mutual distaste of each other over the past year. A fortunate thing, she thought, since four weeks from now, they would begin spending the rest of eternity together. To have some common ground to start with was a step in the right direction.
“Enjoying the performance?” She leaned herself to the opposite side of him, crossing her arms looking at the source of the music. Her sister Evhana was practicing dance under their father’s eager supervision. His face reeked with pride, she could tell. A broad smile etched into his face. It made Eylinn so happy to see him glad.
“She has great skill, your sister. Evhana will become a better lady than you one day.”
“She most definitely will.” Eylinn rested her head towards the door frame, following the motion of her sister’s hands. She was proud of her too. It was a beautiful display.
“Why don’t you join her? It couldn’t hurt.”
“I think I chased away three tutors before my father gave up. Dancing never was in my blood to begin with. Swordfight made more sense. At least it has a more... definite ending.” She could feel him eyeing her, but she didn’t care. She was used to it now.
“I won’t have any swords in our chamber. I hope that’s understood.” Her ears turned red, and her eyes narrowed. She would still not look at him.
“Understood, milord.”
“Unlike you, swordfight never interested me. The comfort of one’s court is all I felt necessary to protect myself. To compromise and delegate, even seduction and flattery was always my creed. My father taught me everything he could, and then I just picked up from there.” He never lied or tried to deceive Eylinn from what she could tell. She assumed he didn’t feel the need to, and he was his honest self around her. A pity she found his true self so appalling.
“I never came around to thank you, milord.” Miras raised his eyebrows, clearly confused. “First time I saw you, I felt really lucky. A handsome young man, with such a flattering tongue was more than I could ever hope for. You could have kept that facade, and who knows what would have happened? I would probably have fallen in love, and when I’ve finally got to know you, you would have broken my heart. Showing your true self the very first time we met, only a moment after you had me impressed, before I could even develop a crush, is probably the nicest gift you could have ever given me.”
“That was unexpected. In four weeks, I might discover you’re not actually made of stone under all that clothing. It will be a privilege to be the first to warm you up.”
“Don’t get too excited. You know as well as I do that this, between us, will never be more than politics. Once I’ve conceive, we won’t even have to share the same room ever again.” She indulged herself to a spiteful smile. “Practically celibate. How will you ever survive?”
“Maybe your sister is more susceptible?” Eylinn looked at him, her hate at the boiling point. “Don’t force my hand, fairest maiden of the Earth. But I will not be toyed with. An older man’s influence, well versed in words and charm, against such a young naïve girl? I don’t even have to spell it out for you, do I?” He met her glare, his time to be spiteful. “I wouldn’t ever settle with a peasant mistress. Besides, you would enjoy abstaining as little as I would. I know what makes you tick, and I will only learn more. Play me for a fool, and I will answer tenfold, until your life is nothing but a husk spat from the maws of hell.”
“Extorting your future wife...” She turned her head away from him in disgust, again occupying herself with the performance. “A real class act, aren’t you? How brave you must feel when you go to bed at night.” She hissed. “How chivalrous.” Miras reached for a lock from her hair, and brushed it gently behind her ear as he inhaled her scent.
“In four weeks, my love. No more games. Let’s make the best of it. You will learn to enjoy it, so just give it some time.”
“I can hardly wait.” Her skin had turned crimson with bottled up rage. Miras walked away and left her alone to listen to the music. A thousand thoughts were rushing through her mind, but they slowly disappeared one by one. Watching her family made Eylinn calm, and made all effort worth it. The more she told herself this, the truer it became. Afterall, she wasn’t doing this for herself. There was a bright future ahead, as long as they were around. She had the privilege to ensure her family’s well-being through a safe marriage that would bring two generations of peace in the Chasm. To overlook that would just be selfish. There was nothing she wouldn’t do if it would make them happy. Nothing. She turned around to return to her chambers.
Eylinn sat on her bed and read a book about Imperial warfare. Tactics and strategies; both which were crucial to her education. Her father entered the room just as she was about to finish the chapter about the square formation. His face was clad with a tired smile.
“Your sister is a natural. The rhythm and harmonies all came to her as if she was a Goddess in disguise. Did you see her?” Eylinn answered his smile, happy to see him at peace.
“I saw. It was very soothing. One couldn’t possibly think we were siblings at this point.” Galimon’s smile disappeared, and so was Eylinn’s. She returned to her book.
“Your mother could sense your sister coming; did I ever tell you that?” Eylinn shook her head. “’They will be so alike’, she said. We even ordered bridal dresses in different colours to make sure we could distinguish the two of you. Speaking of brides, it’s only four weeks left ‘till you’ll be standing there. How is it faring with Miras?” Galimon sat down beside her.
“It’s... well. He’s a charming man.” She didn’t want to trouble him. She hadn’t yet, and wasn’t planning to start anytime soon.
“A good outcome of an unfortunate situation then. It was never my intention to marry you within the realm, or your sister. I had hoped for a catch more grand. You deserve a higher standing husband than the heir of a simple baron.” She just kept reading.
“I don’t mind.” She felt as if the room was shrinking.
“I hope you will treat him well. You’re not a little girl anymore. He will be doing a lot of work, and we can’t have you jumping around, scouring the countryside on your little expeditions like when you were a child. You really need to be there for him, and support him.” Now she shrank.
“I promise to be good to him, father.”
“It makes me glad to hear you say that.” She smiled. “The flame of Barumin is strong within you. Much stronger than it is in me.” He knit his hands and placed them in his lap. “It was hushed out with your mother’s passing. A terrible gale...” Galimon stared with empty eyes on nothing in particular. Eylinn just kept reading. His hand reached over her in a half embrace. “Your eyes look tired. It does not become such a pretty girl as yourself. You need to sleep through the nights.”
“Father, I really need to read. Could we... please not do this today?” He closed the book and removed it from her hands. She had her answer. “Please? I don’t really...” He moved closer to her. Eylinn didn’t move at all. She knew he needed her so bad.
Her father moved his hand from her shoulder and grabbed the soft skin on the side of her neck, moving his fingers in a determined motion over her throat. He tilted her head to the side and kissed her earlobe. His other hand moved to her arm, and with soft motions he raised it up and down. Not hard enough to sense anything but the fabric of her nightgown. He moved his mouth to her cheek, only stroking her skin. He tightened his grip, pushing into her windpipe.
“Father... You’re... Hurting... Me...” He paid no heed.
“Take off your clothes, let me look at you.” She unbuttoned the top of her nightgown, and Galimon proceeded to pull her shoulder down, placing his hand on her breast. It was cold, unpleasant, but he needed this. Anything to save him from his sadness. She just didn’t want to move. He didn’t need her to. She forced herself to breathe harder, just to get enough air through her partially obstructed airways. Her heart responded to her hastening respiration, increasing in frequency, like an escalating drum. He moved his mouth to her neck, gently rubbing it against her pounding jugular. Her hot blood flowed in an even rising beat, warming his lips through the skin as he kissed it. She made a painful grimace.
“Don’t wrinkle your nose. It will make the face age faster.” Eylinn obeyed, trying to relax her muscles. It made it more comfortable. Her father was right, as always. It wouldn’t continue for much longer now anyway.
Then her father did something he had never done before, not even once since he had started visiting her at night. He lifted her legs up in his lap.
“Father, what...” He removed his hand from her breast and started to slide it up her thigh, up through her gown, until he reached it. While tightening his grip around her neck, he started to caress her. She could feel the blood racing through her body like an impatient river in spring. A deep thud was repeating itself inside her head, relentless, and the temperature was rising. She felt it widen, she felt it running, and she had no control. “Please...” He kissed her mouth to silence her, before leaving her head against the pillow. He finally let her windpipe go, and she drew a deep breath of relief. She started to shake. It had been uncomfortable enough before, but this was on a whole other scale. “Father...” He moved her legs apart. “No...” She closed them, only to have him separate them again. “Listen, no...” She tried to look at him, but he refused to answer it in kind.
“We need to make sure your husband is well met...” There was so much sadness in his eyes; yet, his face looked so empty of emotions whatsoever. Exhausted by his very being. As if he was fighting himself, in this very moment, and just needed an escape. She was there for him; it was all she wanted, but this...
“Father... You can’t... What if you... What if something takes root?”
“I won’t let it go that far...”
“But...” He wouldn’t listen. “It’s dangerous. It would invite Darkness into the child. It... Into our house... Please, no more...” He finally ceased, his face distorted with grief. “Father, please... Don’t...”
“You’re right. No horror would be greater. What was I thinking?”
“I can finish... Please, don’t cry...”
“No, no...” His tears were unending, and it pained her so. He smiled at her, and it broke her heart. “Forgive me, I will leave. It’s no worse than anything that can’t wait another night. I’ll go to bed...” Her frightened eyes followed him as he left the room. She lied down, staring into the wall with no aim in sight. She started to rub her arm before pulling her unbuttoned nightgown to a close around her.
She felt the sheets, wet. Her gown, wet. She wanted to remove them, throw them away, but she just lied there still. The room was becoming smaller for each second, and the colours descended into something putrid. Hostile, carnivorous, they were coming for her. She squint her eyes and started to sob. “Why?” His touch was still fresh in mind, and it wouldn’t leave. She could feel it all over her body, and she crawled together as close as she could. “Why are you crying?” A faint voice of her own spoke to her from inside. Determined, confident, so much unlike herself. It made sure to say the exact opposite of how she felt or wished for it to speak. “You liked it.” She cried harder, her whole body shaking. Eylinn felt unclean, covered in stains that would never disappear. “You’re so fucking selfish.” She felt selfish, wailing in the night like a little child when her father was in such desperate need of comfort? What kind of daughter was she? All she could think of was her own pain, her own welfare, when all he needed was... “You.” ...her.
She hid her face in the pillow, rocking her head in an attempt to wipe the remnants of his saliva from her skin. It was gone. “Still there, you little whore.” It felt like it reappeared, yet she knew it wasn’t true. She gave up. She would do like all the other nights since he first came forty eight weeks ago, right after her bath. She would take the suffering and have it be gone before morning. All was well. It was a very, very small price to pay to keep her family happy.
“Evhana...” Eylinn stopped the tears for a moment, thinking about her father’s eyes in the Great Hall that day. The look on his face as he had watched her dance. “He needs us both.”
Alvon’s eyes were larger than they ever had been; shocked by the revelation she had given him. Eylinn was not surprised.
“I snuck the poison into his tea that same morning. I didn’t want Evhana to suffer through that burden too. She was... Is, only a child. Father just never recovered from mother’s death.” She saw something she had never seen before. Clear, open emotions radiating from Alvon’s face. Even a tear had escaped down his cheek. She wondered how much he hated her right now, how he’d been forcing himself to follow such a disgrace.
“He... Loved us, very much. It’s just... I don’t think he loved us the right way.” She looked away. “I don’t know if I did...” The breeze over the grassy plains brought a wave of sand over the horizon, and the sunrays reflected a warm tapestry of sparks as the grains flew by. Even in this heat, in this day and age, the Light would bless the land. “I failed my father. As a daughter, as an heir, as a bride to his proposed groom. And it’s just that, Alvon. From that point forward, through that year, I could no longer look at boys without... It just hurts. Not ache, just hurt. If I’m going to stand any chance to redeem myself as a ruler...”
She looked back at Alvon. His face had turned to something else. She couldn’t tell if it was anger, or something else. “The next time we’re home, we can start looking for a husband. I guess I just need to grow up, put my failure behind me and hoping it won’t repeat itself.” Alvon turned his head forward, no longer looking at her.
“Alvon, I’m... Why won’t you say anything? I really need you to tal...” He spurred his horse before she had a chance to finish her sentence. “Alvon! Wait!” He disappeared among the guards ahead of them. She couldn’t blame him. A patricide, and a shame to her house. He must have felt really foolish following her all these years. But it didn’t stop her from feeling utterly broken. She was alone now, not for the first time, and probably not for the last time either. All she could do was leaving the little trust she had left for anyone to the only person who may be able to answer her questions.
“It’s good that you poisoned him.” She turned around. Alvon had snuck around, returning to her side. “For I would have taken a long, long time ending him.” She burst into tears of joy and embraced him from horseback. It was finally over. She wouldn’t have to face her journey alone after all. Had it not been for him returning there and then, she would have read the letter that came that evening much differently. Dragons, fire, the final assembly. The Orc. The Archmage...
“We have everything in common. We believed in the same ideals, we were ready to act in the same way, I followed him. Trusted him.” The death of her men, and the men she had them kill, all helped speed up destiny, to invite the second coming of Darkness. “It consumed him.” She looked over at Alvon with a smile. “Let’s ride out with our brethren and cure him.”
Eylinn Mindrilla of Green Chasm joins the Light from outside the assembly.
