Chapter 27, part 1: An unusual regent
13 September 1375, Nürnberg
The regency council met for 36 hours straight, with only a couple hours off for a short dinner. Their task was a difficult one -- they'd have to work with this regent for perhaps ten years. Maximillian II, Herzog von Bayern und Schwaben, only turned six in early 1375. There were not many qualified candidates for regent, but the choice was not a difficult one; justifying it was. Konrad, Mayor of Dürmberg, had been Spymaster of Bayern for a long time, and was one of the smartest men in the entire kingdom. He was hard working, particularly in his garden, and showed the proper humility for a man of his station. He displayed the social skill that any child would be lucky to learn, while at the same time maintaining a healthy skepticism for sycophants and a willingness to work in the muck if needed. He was, in short, a genius. There was only tiny problem.
He was completely insane.
Konrad wasn't a danger to himself or others -- if he had been, he would never have been named regent -- but he did have very, very strange ideas about a whole variety of topics and wasn't afraid to express them in public. That made him something of an embarrassment. For example, when the Kaiser asked for his vote on crown authority, Konrad replied "I can't wait until EU3 when I can freely ignore you!"
When a courtier gently asked Konrad what an EU3 was, Konrad's response was even more upsetting: "It's a game, you bloody fool! We're all trapped in a game! Can't you see that?!" When nobody else could, Konrad stormed off to his chambers in a foul mood. Upon his arrival, he found Max dealing very harshly with one of his little friends. In addition to being his regent, Konrad was also his teacher. Konrad, recognizing that his insanity might persist in another ruler, sent Xavier, Max's younger brother, to the Dowager Duchess Emelenine.
"Max! What are you doing?"
Max's fist and his companion's face were both drenched in blood. "Regent! I want this boy executed! He made fun of the fact that every male child looks exactly the same!"
"That's just Clausewitz."
"Who is Clausewitz? Is that the cook? Is it time for dinner?"
Konrad sighed. "No, it is not time for dinner. Look, stop punching him. Wroth is a terrible trait and your vassals will suffer an opinion penalty."
Max was completely confused. "Trait? Opinion penalty?"
Konrad snapped his fingers and said, "Max, be patient!" And all of a sudden, Max was much more patient. With that crisis averted, Konrad turned his attention to Siegfried von Hohenzollern.
Siegfried, for whatever reason, had planned to kill Beatrix von Hohenzollern. Nobody exactly knew who Beatrix was, except for Siegfried, but a decision to kill a member of the preeminent family in Bayern was simply unacceptable.
42%... we'd better do it!
So, since this Paradox, of course it's guaranteed to fail... I'd better go raise the armies.
1 October 1337, Schloss von Hohenzollern
Konrad shouted at the builders. "Why are you spending so much time on those blasted walls?! Gunpowder will arrive in a few years and then these stupid castles will be worthless!" The workers just ignored him and kept working, so Konrad turned his attention to the matters of the day.
The rebellion itself had proved little challenge.
With Max's mother, the Countess of Schwyz, helping, the rebellion collapsed in a matter of months. Unfortunately, the enemy castles took rather longer to defeat. Still, just under two years later, the ex-Graf von Niederbayern found himself in prison and Max had a new title.
As Konrad grumbled about "stupid 1.091 demense limit", the County of Vodi was given to Bernhard von Hohenzollern, a cousin. Two more titles changed hands too -- the Bishop of Bernhard received the new temple in Vodi, immediately christened the "Church of Reinhard", while Konrad himself received the City of Erlangen after Thietmar's treachery with the old Graf von Niederbayern was uncovered.
Along the way, while Konrad was getting new titles and putting down rebellions, he also married off Grimhild, Max's older sister. She married an English Prince named Adam Beaumont and became his spymaster.
Although Konrad would have loved to keep Grimhild behind, the truth was that he was a little concerned about her own blossoming skills as a spymaster. It is always to keep one's rivals away, if possible. After all, Konrad had some plans of his own.
18 October 1378, Rome
Pope Zachary II was fairly young for a Pope. The fact his hair wasn't even grey made him a veritable heartthrob. Still, he was troubled by his legacy; he'd accomplished nothing noteworthy during his brief reign as Pope. He wanted to be remembered, as all men do, but he, unlike them, had the power to do something.
"Cardinal? Let's hold a Crusade. Those are always crowd pleasers."
The Cardinal, busily studying a manuscript, was used to these
non sequiturs and merely nodded. "Where to, Your Holiness?"
"Um... Anatolia. I don't like these non-Christians so close to Constantinople."
"Very good, sir. Who shall I ask for?"
Zachary thought for a moment. "Who has been the most loyal noble in the realm?"
The Cardinal pursed his lips. "Probably the Duke of Bavaria."
"Is he willing?"
"He's been bothering us."
"Then let him do it."
"Um... well, there are one or two problems."
The Pope was not used to having his orders questions, but nonetheless was a fair man and listened intently. "Go on."
"He just turned 8."
"Lots of young nobles these days. How is his regent?"
"Well, he's a genius, but also completely insane."
"Who isn't, these days?"
"And a thief..."
"Well, that's kind of far down on the table of the Ten Commandments, isn't it?"
"And a murderer..."
"That
is one of the important ones. Why did he kill him?"
"The victim was plotting to steal a Duchy from the young Maximillian II."
Zachary shrugged. "Seems justified to me."
The Cardinal rose an eyebrow in disapproval, but shrugged his shoulders. "You're the Pope."
"Don't I know it!"
"I'll tell him we appreciate his interest and that you give your blessing."
28 November 1380, Nürnberg
Leopold von Hohenzollern did not spend his 16th birthday the same way many others do.
While his friends enjoyed their first cup of wine, their first woman, or both, Leopold was hatching his first scheme. When he was growing up, Leopold spent a lot of time with Chancellor Orderic, but not because he liked the Sicilian, but because he desperately wanted to find a way to improve his standing. Orderic died at the young age of 28, and the new Chancellor, Lutbert, Baron von Zollern, didn't much like Leopold. Leopold decided to just ask Konrad, Max's regent, for a title. Konrad said no.
Then Lutbert died.
The new Chancellor, Folkmar von Rostock, was very absent minded, and thanks to some clever forgeries and some cash, Leopold was able to forge a more direct claim on Schwaben. At least, he thought he had. It turned out his new claim was discovered immediately when his young nephew, Reinhard, caught Leopold trying to sneak the claim back into the archives.
And so, before he even turned 17, Leopold von Hohenzollern was arrested and banished from Bayern permanently. He became the Chancellor for King Roger de Hauteville of Sicily.
8 April 1384, Nürnberg
The last few years of Konrad's regency were fairly dull. The most noteworthy event was the twins Sybil and Xavier coming of age.
Although Sybil wasn't very bright, and thus had a difficult time finding a husband -- she ended up marrying a minor Baron -- Xavier's military prowess and position in the line of succession earned him a Plantagenet; one of the daughters of the King of England. The wedding was one of the biggest in years, and the final one that Konrad officiated over, as he died in 1383. For the last few months of Maximillian II's minority, Folkmar von Rostock was his regent. When Maximillian took the throne, he had an army fighting off yet another attempt by some minor nobility to take the position of Kaiser. Yet, for the most part, his realm was stable.
However, that was no guarantee it would remain stable.
We'll have another short update this weekend -- probably Sunday -- then another large update next week. By the end of next week, this AAR should be complete!