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King Jamesy Boy!

Aw right top man! How's it gawn? Pure quailty intro by the way! Aw they guys ya huv as vassals seem aw right, know whit am sayin'?

Cheers mucker!

Duke Iain van der Aarlander

PS - premature baldness is a sign of viril...varil...viral...ach..being pure good in bed (just ask Shaun's missus lol)

PPS - that Polish wan's goat it in fur ye - just check oot his smug wee coupen!

PPPS - last night I had a dream where I wus the gaffer but we were aw somewhere oot east, an there wur these mad rockets next door tae us called mongrels or summit, and they aw got pure laid intae us and gied us a right doing. Mental, huh?
 
PS - apologies to those of you not aut fait with the Glaswegian dialect. If you don't understand any of what I've just written you've just had your first experience of talking to a Glaswegian - beamusment is a response we get a lot ;)
 
I'm an antisocial and unathletic pauper that can't bag a lass in reality, too. If my fellow flunks his education it'll be a perfect fit!

More importantly, were Stefan and Lucius seperated at birth?
 
To my liege Gabriel d'Oroz.

Hello Gabby,

I see you hold some nice pieces of what used to be my fathers demesne. Now I know it is your right as Duke to keep those as your own (especially after that horrible incident involving the communique where your lineage was traced back to a courtesan, kind of get that it was a bit insulting.) But can I get them back, pretty please with sugar on top? The wife really wanted to go shopping in Aemstelredamme (Amsterdam) and that city kind of lies where Westfriesland lies. Not taking her there would put a bit of a damper on my whole plans for expanding the dynasty.

Yours sincerely

Willem, first of that name, Van Holland-Lotharingen.

Oh, you'll get what's coming to you. Believe me. As soon as I take my rightful place in the world!

I knew it! Mad as hatters and as dangerous as snakes, the lot of you!
Good job I'm around to keep you in line.

Blast! I forgot I have someones improved faces mod. I'll have to edit my bloody head once my turn comes. I look like monster the way it is now.

Good progress. Now let's see some action!

You mean there's a mod that has the power to improve that face? :p
Don't worry, there's plenty of action in the next update.

King Jamesy Boy!

Aw right top man! How's it gawn? Pure quailty intro by the way! Aw they guys ya huv as vassals seem aw right, know whit am sayin'?

Cheers mucker!

Duke Iain van der Aarlander

PS - premature baldness is a sign of viril...varil...viral...ach..being pure good in bed (just ask Shaun's missus lol)

PPS - that Polish wan's goat it in fur ye - just check oot his smug wee coupen!

PPPS - last night I had a dream where I wus the gaffer but we were aw somewhere oot east, an there wur these mad rockets next door tae us called mongrels or summit, and they aw got pure laid intae us and gied us a right doing. Mental, huh?

Well, I grasped most of that. I could reply in my native Eeesix, but the could lead us along a dangerous path. ;)

Don't worry, I know Gabriel's got it in for me. You've all got it in for me. I'm just too clever to get deposed by any of you young 'uns.

"Mental" - very appropriate choice of words. :)

I'm an antisocial and unathletic pauper that can't bag a lass in reality, too. If my fellow flunks his education it'll be a perfect fit!

More importantly, were Stefan and Lucius seperated at birth?

Now I'm glad I didn't mention your hair in my report. Sounds like you have enough problems as it is.
 
We, Karl (First of tht. name) Object to being called square-headed!
It's more of a round-edged rhombus. We ask that yr Most-Exalted-Majesty learn Geometry.
Yr loyal subject;
-H.H. Karl I von Galien
 
Complaining? Moi? Never!

I'm just French... What! French?!? :mad:
 
We, Karl (First of tht. name) Object to being called square-headed!
It's more of a round-edged rhombus. We ask that yr Most-Exalted-Majesty learn Geometry.
Yr loyal subject;
-H.H. Karl I von Galien

To His Highness, Karl I, Count of Sankt Gallien,

The Holy Father Jacobus XXIV in his Papal Bull mis in formis clearly outlawed the use of the quadrangle designated as a rhombus, the diamond being the favoured shape of Satan himself. Therefore the Imperial Arthmeticians have designated that your head shape be square. Such is in accordance with the teachings of St Pythagorius.

Your Imperial Overlord,
- H.I.M. James I, Emperor of the Romans, King of the Germans, High Chancellor of the Parallelograms.

I'm digging the intro, AllmyJames. And I'm as impressed as you are that Fausto managed to get his wife pregnant, even while having a clubfoot. Guess that's lustful for you. :p

I guess some women dig a man with interesting scars. :D

It looks as if someone shoved a sausage down my throat sideways. :p

If I were indulging in cultural stereotypes, I'd say that sounds appropriate for a Bavarian.

Suspicious name? Me? Never!

Now, if you don't mind, my Emperor, can I be in charge of the Emperor's bodyguard? Nothing better than a properly commanded elite unit to straighten that Pope fellow out.

Maybe I should recommend you for captaincy of the Swiss Guards? I hear the Pope needs a new chief minister. ;)

Complaining? Moi? Never!

I'm just French... What! French?!? :mad:

Ah, so it's the Imperial Ethnographers who are to blame, rather than the cartographers. I'm sure a solution could be found - would you rather be Flemish? Or something else?
 
Proposed message dictated by Duke Shaun;

Greetings from sunny Swabia dear King James

I apologise in advance that I cannot pen this letter myself. Alas I am too busy with matters of state, and have thus had to dictate this to my servant Lesshammar as time has permitted.

I remain ever vigilant to any threats towards my duchy, steadfast in my wish to defend both myself and you from attacks by scurrilous blaggards. To this end both myself and my ever loyal and able vassal Karl are ever on hand to lend you aid. I am sure my brother-in-law Fausto is also ever ready to come to the aid of your august self.

As a small aside, I do hasten to once again send my sincere condolences with regards to the death of your sister, my lovely late wife. I soundly thrashed the carpenter who brought about the terrible accident causing her death. Such a pity that the cur, for some reason, installed such treacherously slippery stairs in my castle.

Oh and my dear wife does remind me that Christmas is to be held at our castle this year. We would be much obliged if you could bring a bottle of wine or two this time.

Your loyal and faithful servant

Shaun von Morningsider
Duke of Swabia


Actual sent message penned by Lesshammar;

Hey from rain filled dreekit Swabia James

As I am a lazy git, unable to pen a letter myself due to my near blindness (just look at my portrait - I have no eyes!) and lack of intelligence, I leave the chore to the brilliant Lesshammar. Lesshammar does all of the main work around here anyway.

I remain indifferent with regards to my duchy, leaving all work to my servants whilst I either sleep or enjoy a great many feasts. Frankly anyone who thus attacks myself is sure to gain victory unless I hugely outnumber them. I am ever left in fear of my far more talented and able vassal Karl, who I am sure will usurp me when given half a chance, so as to end my half-hearted tyrannical rule. As for Fausto, the man is far too intelligent to waste time attempting to aid a useless fool such as myself.

As a small chance of gloating once more, I do once again fondly remember the passing of your sister. I soundly praised and rewarded the carpenter-cum-assassin for his marvellous work in deviously making a trap out of the stairs in my castle.

My current hunchbacked old hag has just reminded me that Christmas is once again to be held at my castle. I am told your Spy Master has warned you about possible plans on my part to poison any form of meat served at the Christmas feast, in this he is quite right. I would be obliged if you can bring a wine cellar or two this time.

Your ever devious and incompetent rival

Shaun von Morningsider
Duke of Swabia
_________________________________

(just ask Shaun's missus lol)

So that is how she became hunchbacked!
 
...


Ah, so it's the Imperial Ethnographers who are to blame, rather than the cartographers. I'm sure a solution could be found - would you rather be Flemish? Or something else?

Yes, Flemish would be more suitable, but if it's too much trouble just let it be, after all I'm just a minor NPC... ;)
 
Could I join?

If I can, I'll take Bohemia.

If not, Verona-Carinthia.

I'll be Juan(The spanish equivalent of Johan) de El Even. I'll be catalan cultured.

As I can't get the DNA marker to work, just make me look like the original count of Saluces, something di Monferrato.

Traits: Court Education, Prodigy, and something that will make me look ambitious, like Arbitrary or something.

Stats:

1 Martial
8 Diplomacy
8 Intrigue
6 Stewardship

Johan El Even

EDIT: Oh, and could someone please tell me how to upload things if I inherit.

And can I even play when I have DVIP, with some self-made kingdoms in. (Romania, Slovakia, Austria, Bela Rus, Kievan Rus, Byzantium Split up in Anatolia and Byzantine, Albania, Umbria, Italy changed to Lombardia, etc.)
 
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If it's not too late, I'd like to join. Some random Carinthian or Austrian county would be excellent, as I don't know if I have a compatible version of CK...


Name: Serek der Eifer

Culture: German

Traits: Zealous, Arbitrary, Cruel

Base Stats:
4 martial
7 diplomacy
11 intrigue
5 stewardship


DNA: 03040801030012
 
Okay everyone, I've just uploaded a second update - with plenty of action (read treachery) contained within.

Plus a shiny map at the beginning, if anyone needs orientation.

Serek, Johann, I'll mod you guys in after 1076 (which is where I've played up to).
Johann - I'll be glad to give you Bohemia; I'm not sure about DVIP compatibility, but I'll look into it.

More detailed feedback later.
 
You need to remember to send both the save file and the modified dynasty file to the next player too.

Wait a second. I work my ass off destroying the enemies of Germany and I get nothing?! I shall have my revenge! By the way, how are my test results? Illusive shadow, I presume?
 
Aw right Jamesy boy?

How's it goin' boss? Sounds like yet huvin' a load a trouble wi' that baw bag Shaun. I widnae bother gein' him anither pardon, an' that, 'cos if ye ask me the guy's a pure walloper!

Nice tae see ye gein' him a doin' though - pure hud it comin' tae him, so he did.

See next time yer organizing a wee trip out tae Italy gonny geez a shout? Ahm pure freezing ma arse aff here oot in the east! Or if yer naw goin' doon sooth, how's about gein' me the nod tae go an' pure get wired intae aw they mad pagans tae ra east?

Cheers mucker!

Duke Iain

PS - it wiz me that made Shaun's missus aw hunchy backed. Ahm a pure monster, so ah am.
 
To my liege Gabriel d'Oroz

Hi Gabby,

how are things in Lorraine? Still marching through some damp French forest, kicking the crap out of some random Duke because the Emperor thought it would be good fun for you to do so?
Things in Holland couldn't be better: I caught two trouts yesterday, the exitement.

Your loyal vassal (although more demesnes would make me oh so more loyal)

Willem van Holland-Lotharingen
 
To King James,

But of course I am loyal, my liege. How could I not be, what with my deformed, deceitful ways?

Incidentally, does my liege have any other relatives that I could murder- I mean magnificently serve? Or any country cousins that could act as your heir and destroy the realm with imcompetentenc- I mean hold your grand empire together?


Telling the truth from a certain point of view,
Count Fausto.