Willem: So adviser, who should my next target be?
Adviser: Sweden.
Willem: Hmm. An interesting pick. Why Sweden?
Adviser: Because they refused to hand over their capitol to Your Highness following our previous war we had with them, despite your most reasonable demand.
Willem: Ah! Your right! To Sweden!!
Courtier 1: How long do you figure the new guy can keep this up?
Courtier 2: I bet you 10 ducats he doesn't last ten years.
Willem: If you like your capitol so much, why don't you just stay there?!
Adviser: My Lord, we should also take their colonies as punishment for their insolence.
Willem: Oh yes, I had forgotten.
I don't see Sweden ever moving their capitol out to the Caribbean, so I'm just going to go ahead and wipe them out.
For the first time ever, German troops land on the Americas themselves.
I didn't even remember they had that place up in Canada, my vassals got that. Thanks guys.
Adviser: My Lord, several monarchs have made laws declaring themselves head of the church in their kingdoms. This would get us a negligible amount of prestige, in exchange all the remaining Catholics will hate us.
Willem: Sounds good! Where do I sign?
Adviser: Your Highness, lets go kill some Bishops!
Willem: Have I ever told you you're my best adviser ever?
The Bishop of Cologne begged for mercy, but of course Willem was much too brave to accept his surrender and he personally led the charge that brought the tiny Bishopric to its knees (which ironically, is probably where it already was)
Their friends in Munster don't last much longer.
Willem: Ha ha! What fun! Adviser, see that the Bishops are beheaded immediately, I'm going to head over to Portugal to end this war!
Woot! My last core for Spain!
The King of Portugal finally realized that defending Europe from German aggression was a lost cause.
He gave up a large part of his European holdings. Then he left the continent altogether.
Willem: Alright! To Madrid!
Adviser: Of course, Sire.
Willem: Of course?
Adviser: Yes, its a brilliant decision! The best place I could possibly think of to put our nation's capitol.
Willem: Actually I was thinking of putting it in Salamanca instead.
Adviser: Oh, yes, naturally, that would of course be much better.
Willem: Oh, it would, would it?
Adviser: Yes... I mean of course... uh, you're awesome!!!
Willem: Your constant agreeing grows tiresome.
Adviser: My Lord, hear me out before you have me beheaded, I beg you lets settle this like gentlemen!
Willem: A fine idea! Where's my sword?! A duel it is!
Adviser: Not exactly what I had in mind, but meh, its better then the alternative!
The whole court quickly assembled in the courtyard to witness the Emperor's dual. To not show up was, of course, punishable by death, so they had a pretty good turn out.
Willem: Ok, lets go over a few ground rules.
1. Not cheering for the Emperor is punishable by death.
2. Umm... well thats pretty much it.
Oh! Wait! 3. We fight to the death! GO!
And with that the two opponents faced off. The cheers from the crowd were exclusively in favor of the Emperor, but it was clear that their hearts were with the adviser. However, the Emperor had been trained in swordsmanship from an early age, while the adviser was basically a peasant that they had pulled off the street a few years ago. The Emperor clearly had the upper hand, delivering several serious injuries to the adviser in the first few minutes of fighting. The adviser finally collapsed to the ground, unable to fight on.
Willem: Do you yield?
Adviser: If I do, what will happen?
Willem: You'll be beheaded.
Adviser: I see. And if I don't yield?
Willem: I'll behead you.
Adviser: Well in that case I both yield and do not yield at the same time!
Willem:
:wacko:
After mulling over it for a while, trying to decide whether he should behead him or behead him, the Emperor finally made up his mind.
Willem: Very well, I accept and reject your yield and non-yield and will therefore BOTH behead you AND behead you! You brought this on yourself.
And with that, he beheaded the adviser... twice???
Willem: I hear by proclaim with this victory, that our great Empire has now become the empire of Spain!!!
Noble: What does your victory in a dual have to do with our Empire changing names?
Willem: What does your head have to do with the rest of your body?
Noble: ...
Willem: Thats what I thought! Behead him. Man, I'm on a roll today!
Here's a map of the new Spanish Empire:
I'm pretty much in the same state as last time, only now Sweden is a OPM. There is now only one Catholic theocracy left (besides the Pope).