Duke of Wellington said:
I do so dislike seeing the Ming machine rolling towards me.
Me too! Oh, and, sorry about Bhutan
Chapter Six
Part Four: Odd noises
"Hey you!" said the King pointing his royal finger to a servant
"Yes, your bloodthirstyness?" the servant bowed deeply
"I wanted to ask you for the last couple of days, what where those odd thumping sounds the last few days? They seem to have gone today."
"Well, sir, remember the man who barged in demanding an apology? I think that was him."
"I thought our Doom Pit was infinitely deep." the king frowned a bit
"Well, sir, we ran out of money on some...." the servant thought a bit "four meters depth."
"WHAT?!? WHAT KIND OF A DOOM PIT IS THAT? THAT'S MORE LIKE A POTHOLE OF DOOM! ONE COULDN'T EVEN TWIST HIS ANKLE IN THAT!!"
"I don't know sir!" the servant cowered "I didn't dig it!"
The servant was now squirming uncomfortably and sweating wildly. He knew why he got his job and how others lost it.
"Bah... so that guy is the one causing all the problems? I thought my Monkeh was having fun with a sheep again. Get me my nose picker!"
And the servant left, happy to have survived another day
Later that day, the King, with a mind full of energy and a nose with no green-yellow goo in it decided to try and expand his realm again. However, he soon realized that would be no easy task, since his archenemy, the sultan of Bengal suddenly converted to Hinduism. They say that in Islam the punishment for Apostasy is death, but since he was the only Muslim in the country, things went rather well, and as a new religious compatriot, he was guaranteed by the entire world. Known to us. Except for the Bad Brown Blob.
Such a shame. They'd be one awesome new province to have.
So he turned to the East. His weakling ally Shan WAS guaranteed by Ming China. The inability to expand anywhere but in Tibet was starting to drive the King nuts. An increasing number of graves were dug around the castle because of mysterious accidents, most involving servants, tripping, and the King's war axe. Also graves were dug for the morons who decided to make the King's Pit of Doom a bit too shallow.
The missionary was soon retrieved from the Pothole of Doom and sent home.
Due to his constant returns, he soon visited the Pothole again, this time for a week.
Oh, and Bihar embargoed us. And then unembargoed us. And then we royally married them. To us. And then they embargo us again. All despite the fact that we don't trade with them at all. And then they do it again. And again. So the next time we embargo them too and bring our army to the border.
The King got even more nuts and sent a diplomat to guarantee Ming's independence. The Diplomat returned in four boxes, but expert analysts say that our relations are now improved.
Slaves in Koch revolt. We then find out we actually have slaves and start to feel pretty darn good about ourselves. The King now stops killing servants and switches to slaves instead. Since they're cheaper and if they survive the beatings they've got no health insurance to speak of at all.
Obviously the Moses approach (let my people go or God smites you dead) doesn't work if you kill the Moses in question. And they say Egyptians were clever. Hah.
Soon, however, odd lightning bolts started to hit the castle. The King was soon confined to the Pothole of Doom with the weird missionary guy sometimes coming in to make him less sad.
Obviously killing prophets makes Gods angry. Who would have thought?