Don't you know El pip lives in a time bubble we live 1x speed for 0.1 speed for him.
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Hello Chaps and Chapesses, while gently getting ready to return to this writing lark I discovered I had written an entire update for T&T but not posted it. There may or may not have been a good reason for that, but in any case as have it I will now share it with you. I'm afraid the Butterfly Effect update I found was only half written, so will take longer to emerge into the light.
But for now, back to Tiso and Tuka!
But for now, back to Tiso and Tuka!
20th August 1944
20th August
We now return not to Bratislava, but to a distant beach where a landing operation was under way.
The assault craft sped towards the suspiciously quiet beach, the men inside, the General, his aides and his press attaches, more excited than nervous. This was it, this was the day. Looking out at the beach ahead the General was concerned, it was not as he remembered it. But then it had been many years, years of harsh total war, but now he was back to bring liberation and democracy.
Meanwhile, actually in Bratislava, Tiso and Tuka have taken a few days off and gathered the mental strength to ask again about the Italian Front.
"General Viest, could you give us an update on the Italian Front?" Tiso asked.
Tuka nodded his appreciation at the wisdom of ignoring General Catlos as much as possible.
"It's not good, the defensive line is only 50% effective" Viest admitted.
Tiso and Tuka had expected bad news, but this sounded like a disaster.
"How bad are the casualties?" Tiso asked, fearing the worse.
"None." Catlos said, joining the conversation.
"But then why is our defensive line so weak?" Tuka asked.
"Well it's a bit complicated...." Viest started to stay.
Back at the coastal assault.
The landing craft came to a dramatic halt and General MacArthur stormed ashore. Well more waded as the landing craft had hit an offshore sand bar rather than the beach, but he was sure that could be edited out of the final cut.
Finally making it onto dry land he adopted his pose and grandly declaimed "I have returned!" He looked around, Manilla was not as he remembered it, a lot less tropical and more green and hilly. Also there was a worrying lack of grateful natives.
Further back in the landing craft the two British liaison officers compared notes.
"He does know this is Messina doesn't he?" Sergeant Miller asked.
"I do hope not." Major Mallory replied. "Hopefully he believe he's in the Philippines."
"Well shouldn't someone tell him he's in Italy?"
"He's having so much fun, it seems a shame to ruin it." Mallory said.
Back in the Slovak General Staff shed/bunker.
"So what you are saying is that our German masters decided they didn't have enough forces to defend all of the front." Tuka read from the notes in front of him.
"Yes." Viest confirmed.
"So they decided to put all the troops in one half of the front line so they could at least defend that bit properly."
"That was the plan." Catlos said.
"And they thought this would work because the Supreme Commander Allied Forces in Italy is terminally confused and his deputy is an idiot."
Catlos and Viest nodded.
Meanwhile at the beach.
"I can see he's enjoying himself, but we do have a war to fight." Miller observed.
"In fact we don't Miller. Our job is explicitly to make sure those two chaps over there doesn't have anything to do with fighting the war and leave it to the professionals." Mallory explained.
As he talked, General Clark was trying to get out of the Landing Craft but kept getting distracted by the shiny rivets in the hull. When he did focus on the beach he then tripped over his own shoelaces.
"Won't the Pentagon be a little annoyed at us cutting their senior officers out of the war?" Miller asked.
"It was their idea, they've transferred all US troops to General Alexander's command and asked us to make sure these two don't find out." Mallory explained.
Looking up, Mallory noticed MacArthur was dangerously close to recognising that he wasn't in the South Pacific.
"Back to work Miller." He said.
Meanwhile in Bratislava
"And then this 'cunning' plan fell apart when the British just attacked the bit of the line that had been left empty." Tuka said.
"Yes, it was a nasty shock to all involved." Catlos explained.
Well that's not gone well has it?---
Notes:
The US did send it's entire Italian army, bar two HQs, to British control. Those two HQs, MacArthur and Clark, are indeed mucking around in Sicily doing very little. Italy was defended that badly.
We now return not to Bratislava, but to a distant beach where a landing operation was under way.
The assault craft sped towards the suspiciously quiet beach, the men inside, the General, his aides and his press attaches, more excited than nervous. This was it, this was the day. Looking out at the beach ahead the General was concerned, it was not as he remembered it. But then it had been many years, years of harsh total war, but now he was back to bring liberation and democracy.
Meanwhile, actually in Bratislava, Tiso and Tuka have taken a few days off and gathered the mental strength to ask again about the Italian Front.
"General Viest, could you give us an update on the Italian Front?" Tiso asked.
Tuka nodded his appreciation at the wisdom of ignoring General Catlos as much as possible.
"It's not good, the defensive line is only 50% effective" Viest admitted.
Tiso and Tuka had expected bad news, but this sounded like a disaster.
"How bad are the casualties?" Tiso asked, fearing the worse.
"None." Catlos said, joining the conversation.
"But then why is our defensive line so weak?" Tuka asked.
"Well it's a bit complicated...." Viest started to stay.
Back at the coastal assault.
The landing craft came to a dramatic halt and General MacArthur stormed ashore. Well more waded as the landing craft had hit an offshore sand bar rather than the beach, but he was sure that could be edited out of the final cut.
Finally making it onto dry land he adopted his pose and grandly declaimed "I have returned!" He looked around, Manilla was not as he remembered it, a lot less tropical and more green and hilly. Also there was a worrying lack of grateful natives.
Further back in the landing craft the two British liaison officers compared notes.
"He does know this is Messina doesn't he?" Sergeant Miller asked.
"I do hope not." Major Mallory replied. "Hopefully he believe he's in the Philippines."
"Well shouldn't someone tell him he's in Italy?"
"He's having so much fun, it seems a shame to ruin it." Mallory said.
Back in the Slovak General Staff shed/bunker.
"So what you are saying is that our German masters decided they didn't have enough forces to defend all of the front." Tuka read from the notes in front of him.
"Yes." Viest confirmed.
"So they decided to put all the troops in one half of the front line so they could at least defend that bit properly."
"That was the plan." Catlos said.
"And they thought this would work because the Supreme Commander Allied Forces in Italy is terminally confused and his deputy is an idiot."
Catlos and Viest nodded.
Meanwhile at the beach.
"I can see he's enjoying himself, but we do have a war to fight." Miller observed.
"In fact we don't Miller. Our job is explicitly to make sure those two chaps over there doesn't have anything to do with fighting the war and leave it to the professionals." Mallory explained.
As he talked, General Clark was trying to get out of the Landing Craft but kept getting distracted by the shiny rivets in the hull. When he did focus on the beach he then tripped over his own shoelaces.
"Won't the Pentagon be a little annoyed at us cutting their senior officers out of the war?" Miller asked.
"It was their idea, they've transferred all US troops to General Alexander's command and asked us to make sure these two don't find out." Mallory explained.
Looking up, Mallory noticed MacArthur was dangerously close to recognising that he wasn't in the South Pacific.
"Back to work Miller." He said.
Meanwhile in Bratislava
"And then this 'cunning' plan fell apart when the British just attacked the bit of the line that had been left empty." Tuka said.
"Yes, it was a nasty shock to all involved." Catlos explained.
Well that's not gone well has it?
Notes:
The US did send it's entire Italian army, bar two HQs, to British control. Those two HQs, MacArthur and Clark, are indeed mucking around in Sicily doing very little. Italy was defended that badly.
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Clark seems more competent then in OTL. Is slovakia influencing him from afar? Any fool can rise to be a great fool in the magical land of Slovakia.
I have to agree that it is best alround if McArthur and Clark are kept well away from anywhere they might have a chance to actually exercise any influence on the war.
Glorious update, such competence, wow. Well if MacArthur is in town with a lot of troops, things could get interesting. It would be, well, problematic if the Germans notice it and get scared. They might just send the whole eastern front to deal with em.
I love when AAR writers try to make narrative sense out of nonsensical AI decisions 
Its a bit scary when the AI is smarter than in real life - not letting either Clark or McArthur lead anything is a good idea. Unfortunately leaving Alexander in charge is hardly a significant improvement...
This leads me to a theory - there is a set amount of incompetence in the world. Simply by bringing T&T and the entire Paradox nation of Slovakia '44 into closer focus you have inadvertently produced an unusual burst of intelligence and competence into the AI to counterbalance the genius of a nation that has a carpet bonding expert at the head of its airforce, when they don't even believe in flight.
This leads me to a theory - there is a set amount of incompetence in the world. Simply by bringing T&T and the entire Paradox nation of Slovakia '44 into closer focus you have inadvertently produced an unusual burst of intelligence and competence into the AI to counterbalance the genius of a nation that has a carpet bonding expert at the head of its airforce, when they don't even believe in flight.
keynes2.0 - Clark is benefiting by having MacArthur around, that lowers the average so much he doesn't look as bad as usual. He would still be a solid choice to replace almost any Slovakian general.
Davout - This will be a very different Italian Campaign from the Allied side. And a good use of Mallory and Miller now there aren't any more Greek guns or Yugoslavian dams that need blowing up.
sebas379 - The AI does tend to get scared and confused by movements in Italy, but the actual Allied force in Italy isn't that large, it's just the Axis deployments are particularly stupid. Is Von Clark in charge of the Axis Italian front?
Andre Massena - It's a challenge I enjoy, and one the game regularly gives to me.
Henry IX - A bit harsh there, Alexander is a massive improvement, if only because Clark/MacArthur are so low. He certainly had his faults, but he was nowhere near as awful as those two.
I think Paradox have proved their AI has no limit on it's amount of incompetence. Italy proves this as while the Allied AI has been amazingly competent, the Axis one forgot to defend half the front line, an act of equal but opposite incompetence.
Davout - This will be a very different Italian Campaign from the Allied side. And a good use of Mallory and Miller now there aren't any more Greek guns or Yugoslavian dams that need blowing up.
sebas379 - The AI does tend to get scared and confused by movements in Italy, but the actual Allied force in Italy isn't that large, it's just the Axis deployments are particularly stupid. Is Von Clark in charge of the Axis Italian front?
Andre Massena - It's a challenge I enjoy, and one the game regularly gives to me.
Henry IX - A bit harsh there, Alexander is a massive improvement, if only because Clark/MacArthur are so low. He certainly had his faults, but he was nowhere near as awful as those two.
I think Paradox have proved their AI has no limit on it's amount of incompetence. Italy proves this as while the Allied AI has been amazingly competent, the Axis one forgot to defend half the front line, an act of equal but opposite incompetence.
I have to ask. Is the Italian commander part Slovakian? It seems like such a Slovakian defense plan. Well, 50% at least.
AI deployment is exactly what I meant. the Allied force in Italy isn't a huge problem in and of itself. But if Germany sends the whole eastern front to deal with them, things would get very interesting in Slovakia very quickly.
See, another demonstration of the law of conservation of incompetence.
jeeshadow - That is a distinct possibility.
sebas379 - I think the AI responds to numbers and not to deployment, certainly I haven't seen the entire Axis force rush to Italy.
Henry IX - Hmm, I have to disagree. There will be much more incompetence to come with very little to balance it out. As we shall now see.
And on that note, back to Bratislava!
sebas379 - I think the AI responds to numbers and not to deployment, certainly I haven't seen the entire Axis force rush to Italy.
Henry IX - Hmm, I have to disagree. There will be much more incompetence to come with very little to balance it out. As we shall now see.
And on that note, back to Bratislava!
20th August 1944
20th August (Still)
Ideally Tiso and Tuka would have taken the weekend off to recover from the shock of the news from Italian Front, however Slovakia was committed to Total War to stop the Race to Bratislava, so they felt they should probably stop taking so much time off. Plus it was Monday and taking a six day weekend seemed a trifle excessive. So with heavy hearts, they returned to the briefing.
"Given the huge holes in our defensive line, where is the 1st Infantry Division?" Tiso decided to get to the heart of the problem.
"The Eastern Front." Catlos said, promptly.
"No the other 1st Division, the one we were talking about, where is that." Tuka said irritably.
"Italy!" Catlos replied.
Deciding it as too early to start drinking, or even shouting, T&T ignored Catlos and asked the same question to General Viest.
"When we realised the 1st (Original & Best) Division was in danger of being flanked, we abandoned Urbino and retreated North while the Italian High Command developed a plan." Viest explained.
"And this plan was?" Tuka asked.
"Operation Occultamento." Catlos said, refusing to be snubbed.
Recognising the signs, Viest pre-empted the inevitable question and carried on.
"The plan was to hide in neutral San Marino and hope no-one noticed us." He said
Sadly the British noticed all the Axis troops in San Marino going 'Shhh' at each other and launched an attack. As Operation Hiding had failed the Italian commander, General Gambara, was forced to fight. Facing veteran British armour under one of the best generals in the theatre, Gambara could either make his HQ troops fight or put Slovakians on the front line. The choice made itself really.
Tiso and Tuka exchanged a look.
"Do we know what we are doing after we have to retreat from San Marino?" Tuka asked.
"We are currently waiting for the German High Command to implement their secret plan to save the Italian Front." Catlos said.
"And this plan is?" Tiso asked, with amazing patience.
"We can't tell you. It's a secret." Intelligence Minster Hans Not-A-German Bernard said.
As Tuka finally cracked and starting screaming obscenities, Tiso looked at his watch and saw with relief it was now gone 12:00. Having been sober an entire morning he opened his hipflask for the first of the day, safe in the knowledge that whatever the German plan turned out to be, it was unlikely to make any difference at all.
--
San Marino was neutral in WW2, until the Germans walked in during a retreat and the Allies chased after them. The Allies may have been more prepared to respect San Marino neutrality had they not been such enthusiastic fascists. To atone for this the San Marinese then elected a communist government post-war. However they remained basically unpleasant people as women only got the vote in 1960, after the Communists were removed from power.
Ideally Tiso and Tuka would have taken the weekend off to recover from the shock of the news from Italian Front, however Slovakia was committed to Total War to stop the Race to Bratislava, so they felt they should probably stop taking so much time off. Plus it was Monday and taking a six day weekend seemed a trifle excessive. So with heavy hearts, they returned to the briefing.
"Given the huge holes in our defensive line, where is the 1st Infantry Division?" Tiso decided to get to the heart of the problem.
"The Eastern Front." Catlos said, promptly.
"No the other 1st Division, the one we were talking about, where is that." Tuka said irritably.
"Italy!" Catlos replied.
Deciding it as too early to start drinking, or even shouting, T&T ignored Catlos and asked the same question to General Viest.
"When we realised the 1st (Original & Best) Division was in danger of being flanked, we abandoned Urbino and retreated North while the Italian High Command developed a plan." Viest explained.
"And this plan was?" Tuka asked.
"Operation Occultamento." Catlos said, refusing to be snubbed.
Recognising the signs, Viest pre-empted the inevitable question and carried on.
"The plan was to hide in neutral San Marino and hope no-one noticed us." He said
Sadly the British noticed all the Axis troops in San Marino going 'Shhh' at each other and launched an attack. As Operation Hiding had failed the Italian commander, General Gambara, was forced to fight. Facing veteran British armour under one of the best generals in the theatre, Gambara could either make his HQ troops fight or put Slovakians on the front line. The choice made itself really.
Tiso and Tuka exchanged a look.
"Do we know what we are doing after we have to retreat from San Marino?" Tuka asked.
"We are currently waiting for the German High Command to implement their secret plan to save the Italian Front." Catlos said.
"And this plan is?" Tiso asked, with amazing patience.
"We can't tell you. It's a secret." Intelligence Minster Hans Not-A-German Bernard said.
As Tuka finally cracked and starting screaming obscenities, Tiso looked at his watch and saw with relief it was now gone 12:00. Having been sober an entire morning he opened his hipflask for the first of the day, safe in the knowledge that whatever the German plan turned out to be, it was unlikely to make any difference at all.
--
San Marino was neutral in WW2, until the Germans walked in during a retreat and the Allies chased after them. The Allies may have been more prepared to respect San Marino neutrality had they not been such enthusiastic fascists. To atone for this the San Marinese then elected a communist government post-war. However they remained basically unpleasant people as women only got the vote in 1960, after the Communists were removed from power.
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A Slovakian Division supporting from yhe rear-guard (with cheering I presume) two Italian staff units charging at a British Armoured division and, judging by the progress bar of the battle, holding them at bay from some time.
No wonder San Marino elected a Communist government after that, I would be traumatized by such a sight as well.
No wonder San Marino elected a Communist government after that, I would be traumatized by such a sight as well.
I'm with Giob on this one, i have no words left for the AI. Tiso, Tuka and Catlos are doing what they can, but against such incompetence there is simply nothing one can do.
The question is, will I be still here when this AAR finishes? And I mean physically in this world, not active on the forums.
Giob - It only gets worse fro the San Marineseians I assure you.
sebas379 - Are you sure you haven't peaked too soon in running out of words? The defence of Italy doesn't get any more competent.
keynes2.0 - It is a bit alarming. But I do want to finish this one, just to prove that a slower than real time AAR can actually be completed.
Athalcor - It'll definitely be finished before Hearts of Iron V (Title - "A Good Day to be Iron Heartier with a Vengeance") comes out. Will your health last till then?
sebas379 - Are you sure you haven't peaked too soon in running out of words? The defence of Italy doesn't get any more competent.
keynes2.0 - It is a bit alarming. But I do want to finish this one, just to prove that a slower than real time AAR can actually be completed.
Athalcor - It'll definitely be finished before Hearts of Iron V (Title - "A Good Day to be Iron Heartier with a Vengeance") comes out. Will your health last till then?