I’m Gonna Be IN PictAARs: An Algiers AAR

[aldriq]

Your swapping of Rome and the Balearic islands for Thrace is very sensible. Thrace will be a lot easier to defend with a friendly OE than a Spanish-cored province. Who knows, you might even gang with the Ottomans against the Mamluks...

This new forum layout that stretches the post to the size of the images is getting really annoying. Your name appears as

Brandenburg
III

Ruling nations since
1066

I reminds me of a silly marketing leaflet I saw the other day, also with a rather unfortunate line break...

The most important part of your business - your bottom
line

 

[PrawnStar]

Originally Posted by aldriq
The most important part of your business - your bottom

I've had days like that, most recently after a curry and sambuca night...

 

[unmerged(81979)]

I've had days like that, most recently after a curry and sambuca night...

Oooo... :wacko:

 

[Brandenburg III]

demokratickid: I was surprised Naples invaded with such force. I’m really going to need a navy which I like because that’ll make the game more difficult. And it’ll give me a reason to create the largest navy in the world.

Didaa: Thanks, Didaa. I hope I can continue down the same path.

Azugal: When I took the Thrace province I had no idea how tough revolts would be to put down. OE is a definite possibility and one I will be vying for. I'll hint here that I do accumulate one or two strange alliances in this game.

PrawnStar: I was thinking of giving the Ottomans military access and hoping they’d go through Thrace whenever rebels popped up. Or to keep my army in Algiers and ship them over if the Ottomans refused to remove my rebel threat... you know, after the rebels already succeeded in occupying.

My thoughts exactly on the Ottomans. I want to be friends with them but I don’t want them succeeding too much. If they are too successful they’ll have a run with the Mamluks then I’ll have a new problem.

aldriq: Right now I’m resizing the images. I’m going to try and finish resizing everything tonight because I’m pretty wired. Sometimes insomnia is a good thing... it won’t be come tomorrow though. I must confess I like the old layout more but I’m guessing this new way saves space? Not that its that big of a deal because on my screen everything looks fine.

To all: It has been pointed out to me - twice in one day in fact - that some of my larger shots were too big for smaller monitors. Therefore I’m going to spend the next day, two or three and resize some of the pics. It may not solve all the size issues but it ought to kill most of them.

Have no worries for the updates will still continue on an every other day basis. Well, until the next one because I really wanted to get you guys caught up. It was starting to get confusing between where I was in my notes and where I was in releasing updates. So after tomorrow you’ll only be a few updates behind and I'll go back to updating every three days. Truth be told, I haven’t written an update in about two weeks.

 

[Brandenburg III]

Chapter 16: Bloody Fish HeARRts - Happy ValentINes Day​

Looking through my music library I discovered I have over 6 hours of AC/DC music. I don’t know if this makes me a sucker for Rock N Roll or if I like hearing the same song over and over again. Fear not! I do have an eclectic ear which gives me plenty of stares when I go out. But a number of other bands are far more popular on my playlist. I do find, whenever I write these Algiers updates, that a good AC/DC album helps... either a good one or a bad one, I can never tell which is witch.

Morea entered my alliance. I teased them, telling them I was giving away free life-sized Jessica Rabbit dolls which brought out the weasels. Morea and I jumped into Benny the Cab, listening to his lip about how we should’ve known better or should’ve “at least watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit? sometime in our childhood.” I’m just glad we didn’t end up in Toon Town because I don’t think I could’ve handled a toon dropping a piano on my head. It looks like it’d hurt.

Me? I prefer Betty Boop. She can move Everest as long as you don’t take away her boop-boop-e-doop.

Anyway, I better get this AAR back on track lest I get into more trouble than Led Zeppelin in a fish market.

A month after the Morea incident I had to take a hit in stability but I was allowed a master of mint. The other option, I think, was probably inflation which I don’t like at all. So I hired the 4 star mint guy though his breath stank needlessly.

And this is here on my early November Holiday, fighting with rebels and taking a Portuguese core. Yeah, that ought to be real helpful with all the alliances they share. And in December I received a new leader: admin 5 Mil 3 Dip 8. A real winner.

With the new year I had the OE to agree to a royal marriage. Secretly I’m hoping I’ll inherit them but what are the chances of that? But, more to my liking than a go-go dancer from 1986, the Timurids offered an alliance.

Naturally I accepted. As you can see, Georgia is no longer visible from Thrace.

Meanwhile Naples is having a rough time. Good! Because I think they’re a lucky nation. And good! Because they took Roma from me. By the way, that’s Aquileia’s flag in Calabria I do believe. If you can’t, or won’t read the tiny box in the corner below, Naples is at war with Milan*, Ferrara, Aquileia, France and Tuscany.

You may also notice now that Sardinia is no longer owned by Venice.

In 1453 Tunisia rejected annexation twice... I’m about ready to give up on that... Its probably for the best. Like the time I passed on INvesting IN INflation.

A few years went by without much happening and... Woops! What happened?

I guess my finger must’ve slipped. Hm, maybe Napoli isn’t the lucky nation... could it be Aquilia? I always hated the letter “Q” and whenever a Sesame Street episode covered the letter “Q” I taped the episode and then burned the tape. And I managed to siege Malta almost right off.

Algiers, Morea and Tripoli v. Naples, Austria and Venice.

Later, in April of 1454, 10,000 Byzantium Nationalists rose up in Thrace. Well! I’ll just have to give military access to the Ottomans and let them take care of it. OE relations are now +194. Two months later the Golden Horde offered an alliance which I accepted; I had space because the Timurids didn’t bother to help me in my war against Naples.

But, oh look at this the Timurids want to be allies again right after the Mamluks warned me... well, okay.

Late in the year I besieged Venice’s Corsica and Portugal declared war on Morocco. Geez, Port! Can you climb any further into North Africa?

 

[unmerged(81979)]

Wow, interesting alliance offers you've gotten there... Good work, sir!

 

[C'est Moi]

I always hated the letter “Q” and whenever a Sesame Street episode covered the letter “Q” I taped the episode and then burned the tape. And I managed to siege Malta almost right off.

I'm glad I'm not the only person that does this.

Also, Brandenburg I need to apologise to you, if you've been reading my AAR you will know that I included the people that voted for me in the ACAs as characters.
And, well, I neglected to mention you.
Therefore, you will be appearing in the next episode in a very special role starring alongside the likes of Basil Brush as a way of apology.


Anyway, continue the good work, I am forever reading.....

 

[aldriq]

Image size is much better now, thanks! They must have been huge because my screen is 1280x800, which I thought it was decent width...

Naples deserves all the retribution you can possibly inflict to them. Take Sicily!

Not sure how useful those alliances with TE/GH will be in the long run, but if they support you against the Mamluks they'll be worthwhile.

Shocked at the prejudice displayed against the poor little Q, one of the cutest letters in the alphabet

 

[Brandenburg III]

demokratickid: I think I lucked out. As aldriq mentioned they may not be much help being so far away but I accepted them to help deter other nations, like the Mamluks, from attacking me.

C’est Moi: I don’t like certain things and there’s no reason for it: the letter “Q”, the number 13 and not because its unlucky, Kansas, etc etc.

I often stop reading an AAR from anywhere between a few days to 2 weeks so I can sit back and catch up; I must confess I haven’t read your update yet but I’ll definitely be on it soon.

aldriq: I agree the actual value of the alliances may not be apparent but I’m hoping it keeps other nations off my back. I don’t think I’ve shown a screenshot of it either but TE and Mamluks share a rather large border (4 or 5 provinces) so I’m hoping that’ll deter Mam’s warning.

After a big day updating the first eight chapters I’ve fallen off a bit and haven’t updated any others. I’m hoping to get the rest done by the end of the week. Who knows, maybe that’ll help draw more people.

On the letter Q: Have you ever tried using the letter “Q” when trying to play scrabble? Nuff said. The letter Q is the most vile letter in the alphabet, sneaking up on the unsuspecting ‘U’ and occasionally other vowels. It can’t survive on its own! It feeds off the vowel. It’s a leach and needs to be disowned from the alphabet.

 

[Brandenburg III]

Chapter 17: HAAR of the Dog​

Has anyone tried WoW before? I tried the trial version and it made me want to jam forks in my eyes. As I walked away from the computer and toward the kitchen I realized I didn’t need to be bleeding and slamming forks into my eyes to solve my problem. I reasoned with myself, asking myself how I would ever play Paradox games again if I did that. Instead I uninstalled WoW. Currently I’m looking for a mind eraser, the kind they had in that movie Men In Black. Whenever I play games like that I’m reminded why I return to Paradox.

Which brings us to 1455, and finally, a pic which gives a semi-decent overview of Europe! It has 18 wheels too!

This war soon turned into a waiting game. I’m sure more than one of my men received a Dear John letter which would be a little strange because I don’t think many Muslims are named John. I could be wrong though, organized religion was never a big thing for me. Eventually Malta did fall a few months into 1455. Unfortunately one day later Milan and Naples agreed to a peace; Naples paying 32 ducats in spite of Milan occupying all that land. Now that makes no sense at all; maybe Milan accidentally clicked a button she didn’t mean to. But that doesn’t change the fact that Naples is now only at war with me and my allies.

I’m going to have to do something about this. I merged some men and sent them into Roma in mid-August, they complained about the close-quarters so we came to agreement; they would shut up about it. Okay, so that wasn’t so much of an agreement but it did shut them up... in other August news, Morocco was annexed by Portugal. I fired my 3 star land advisor and hired the now free 4 star master of mint.

And again it was fated that I would lose in Roma. Later in the month I’d receive another blow as Venice invaded Malta.

As the months went on and the new year rolled around (1456) I decided to peace out with Venice by giving them Morea. So that means Morea is gone. I’ll cry when a nation close to home is annexed, like Georgia.

The latter part of February would be a good month for me though. A slider move +1 toward land granted me a Grand Captain which I didn’t hire and a few days later I received a Gift to the State for 200 ducats. Maybe things aren’t so bad after all.

My army in Roma wasn’t hurt too badly in their previous loss so I sent them around to beat on Naples soldiers while another army sieged Palermo. And for this pic in my notes I wrote: “The rabbit is in Rome, fox in Sicily.” I don’t know what that means but I thought it was funny at the time. *sigh* as is always.

Looking at this pic the obvious attempt would be to try and trap Naples in Sicily but with the Naples navy larger than mine, that isn’t an option. Perhaps I was referencing my Roma army as the rabbit, as in I’d hope Naples would chase them until both Palermo and Messina fell.

In October that plan almost came to a screeching halt because the big Naples army showed up in Messina and was only a few days from reaching Palermo. My Roma army showed up just in time to change the pace of Naples. To get Naples to come I had to siege Roma. A province I didn’t expect to hold.

However, sometime between Naples shifting direction and November 12, Naples changed their minds. My unit in Palermo was wiped off the map. With the war not going well I made peace with Austria in hopes of easing my troubles in mid November, renouncing my vassal Tripoli. With my Sicilian army gone all that remained was the one in Roma, things were not going well. I did what I could to distract. Don't ask why I sent them to two different provinces, I couldn't tell you.

In the end it wasn’t enough...

Common sense defies the Milan decision. I simply don’t understand it but at least EU3 guys kept something from the 1.3 days.

Two days after the peace the Ottomans guaranteed my independence and later in the year Tripoli and I agreed to a royal marriage. There are a lot of ups and downs in this AAR, I’m just glad I have an at-home bar. And look, my very own bar fly!

A shame he’s drinking a sissy drink. If I didn’t know better I’d say he went to college! :rofl:

By 1458 there isn’t much I can spend my cash on except a CoT so I’m here saving. And those rebels in Thrace I don’t have to worry about because the Ottoman takes care of them whenever they pop up. Its nice to own a cross-over point so a big nation like the Ottomans can crush your 10k nationalist rebels. Nicer than the time I accidentally stepped inside a Korean building with the barber’s pole out front.

Halfway through 1458 the Golden Horde declared war on Georgia... it looks like Georgia’s promising start is going to end in defeat as well. I decided to help, being the helpful guy I am; GH, OE & Algiers v. Georgia and Muscovy. Neither I nor OE have anything to worry about.

That war ended about a year and a half later (7 October 1459) with GH taking Moskva, Dagestan, Georgia and 143 ducats. Two weeks later GH hadn’t had enough and went to war against Novgorod. Again, I helped: GH, OE and Algiers v. Novgorod and Denmark, again, not a big deal.

Here’s a good pic of some of the war, or at least what I can see after the Mamluks guaranteed me in 1460.

And yes, I’m afeared of France. I think I’ll leave you there for now. See you later, I’ve gotta get back to pooh corner by one.

 

[unmerged(81979)]

Yeech, bad deal with Venice, but good to be the protected ones of the Mamlukes.

 

[Brandenburg III]

demokratickid: The Venice deal was made for two reasons: 1, I thought it would weaken Naples resolve. It didn’t work. And 2, it might give the Ottomans a distraction, after all, what good was Morea to me? I believe eventually the Ottomans would’ve attacked the country even if I had it as a vassal. Here’s hoping the Ottos go after Morea/Venice and destroy a Naples neighbor, drawing the big green machine closer to Italy.

 

[aldriq]

I've had days like that, most recently after a curry and sambuca night...

Sambuca is high on my list of things that seem like a good idea at the time but invariably aren't, ever.

On the letter Q: Have you ever tried using the letter “Q” when trying to play scrabble? Nuff said. The letter Q is the most vile letter in the alphabet, sneaking up on the unsuspecting ‘U’ and occasionally other vowels. It can’t survive on its own! It feeds off the vowel. It’s a leach and needs to be disowned from the alphabet.

On the contrary, Q is a loyal letter, tragically in love with U, unlike the rest of slutty consonants, willing to share word with any vowel who goes after them And in scrabble, think of the satisfaction when you form QUIZ on a triple word square!

Perhaps I was referencing my Roma army as the rabbit, as in I’d hope Naples would chase them until both Palermo and Messina fell.

I hope you were not thinking again of Who framed Roger Rabbit... Shame about the Milan-Sicily deal, at least the game should have the decency to let you know with a suitable event: "Blackmail for Milan: Naples won't release those inconvenient photos to the press in exchange for favourable peace"

 

[unmerged(81979)]

demokratickid: The Venice deal was made for two reasons: 1, I thought it would weaken Naples resolve. It didn’t work. And 2, it might give the Ottomans a distraction, after all, what good was Morea to me? I believe eventually the Ottomans would’ve attacked the country even if I had it as a vassal. Here’s hoping the Ottos go after Morea/Venice and destroy a Naples neighbor, drawing the big green machine closer to Italy.

A sound strategy, but there is one fault. You are relying on the ai...

 

[Brandenburg III]

Chapter 18: Brandenburg III’s AAR: Safe When Taken As Directed​

Two weeks of no writing allowed me to sit back and relax. There was a little minor editing before I put out updates but other than that I was free. What did I do with my free EU3 time? I put out a failed CK AAR. At least it ended early because writing this AAR takes up enough time. Which is nice because -

FunTym4U: Hi, how r u sexy?

Brandenburg III: um, do I know you?

FunTym4U: mmmhm, me too. Want 2 cam 2 cam? http:funtym4u.whatever

Brandenburg III: That doesn’t make any sense. And I’m not going to click your link. It doesn’t even work anyway.

FunTym4U: I want to hear all about it in the cam 4.99/min @ funtym4u.whatever

Brandenburg III: “In” the cam? Now you’re just trying to **** **** me off.

[BLOCK FUNTYM4U?]

Brandenburg III: Yes

[FUNTYM4U IS NOW BLOCKED] [YOU CAN UNBLOCK FUNTYM4U BY GOING TO FUNTYM4U.WHATEVER 2 CAM 2 CAM @ 4.99/MIN]

Brandenburg III: Huh?

[JUST KIDDING, THE **** IS BLOCKED.]

Great, my computer has a sense of humor and swears.

Now that that’s taken care of - don’t talk to me about the bad structure of that sentence, I wouldn’t understand.

On a pleasing note I started smiling in 1460 sighting a Castile DOW on France. I didn’t notice this when I took the pic but it worked out. Less than a year later Castile took Navarra, Bearn and 100 ducats off France’s hands. Hm, maybe selling the Balearics to Castile wasn’t such a good idea.

One day after that peace I was able to white peace with the Golden Horde. That ought to help with the revolt risk, a shame there isn't an option to give them to the public defender. Its been a while since I’ve been able to hang any traitors... I really need to upload magna mundi’s newest update.

Later in the same year, September sometime, I got another monetary reforms event which I hired because I hate inflation. In exchange I received a 4 star mint. Let’s take a break and check out these decent advisors... two are a little old, when they get around 30 I start looking for replacements with the same star stat. When they get to 45 year(s) or older I look for any decent replacements. Let’s face it, old people blow... their hips out more than younger people.

The only thing with this pic is that I didn’t hire the inflation guy right away. For some reason I didn’t take that pic but I did hire the 4 star mint and removed the 2 star government so, use your imagination.

There, now I can finally throw away one of my picture folders. 200 pics down, more than 1500 to go? And that isn’t including the ones not numbered?

FunTym4Me: Hey!

Brandenburg III: Didn’t I block you?

FunTym4Me: Why did u block my sister?

Brandenburg III: Why didn’t you just write ‘Sis’? If you’re going to go through all the trouble of using the letter u instead of spelling out you, why spell sister?

FunTym4Me: She’s ryt, u r ah freak. http:funtym4me.whatever

[YOU HAVE BEEN BLOCKED]

Brandenburg III: She blocked me?

[HEHE, NO]

Brandenburg III: Then block her too. And anyone else with the name FunTymsomething.

Its bad enough these people interrupt you when you’re trying to talk with someone you’re not interested in but to have your ISP playing tricks on you, that’s going over the line!

Ugh, so where was I? 1463? Close enough. This ought to whet more than your appetite.

Yup, we’re going back to Africa. I mean to the Horn of Africa. I’m honestly surprised both the Timurids and the Golden Horde came along considering the Mamluks were guaranteeing Ethiopia. If TE didn’t agree to help (they border the Mamluks by the way) then I did have another plan; FYI it involved running.

Algiers*, Tripoli, Golden Horde, Timurid Empire v. Mamluks* and Ethiopia.

I’ve decided that from now on I’ll try to put these asterisks in. It’ll make things more clear.

A month and a half into the war and I occupied two of Ethiopia’s provinces, one of which was their capital. I drew up the peace screen to see what I could get because Ethiopia still had troops meandering around and I didn’t want to catch the attention of the Mams. Oh, Mammy!

With this cash I sent a missionary to Thrace and why not if the Ottomans are going to run over any rebels I have? Though I’m still at war with the Mamluks which could get hairy especially now that - 6 Nov 1463 - Ming declared war on TE. Yes, I helped. After all, what’s Ming going to do? Go all the way around Africa with a huge boatload of transports and men and land in my capital? *GASP* No!

1464 was a boring year, for me at least. My unit vanished on 7 February probably due to attrition, the Mamluks signed a white peace with the Timurids and Tripoli became vassals of the Mamluks. I sure hope this 875 ducats is going to be worth it. Thrace, you better convert!

1465 I had that money and I was more curious than a cat in a highrise wondering about gravity. I built a CoT. My first! In Thrace. Its so pretty... predictable too but I’m not confident in my own CoT placements yet so I’ll stick with traditional stuff for now.

And the war with the Mamluks ended in 1466 with me paying 25 ducats. Throw in the war taxes I’ve taken and the Ethiopian peace I’d say that’s a good war. Plus I know I can trust the Timurids if I need them.

That was fun but now I have to join Toejam and Earl to save Funkotron. May the funk be with you.

 

[Brandenburg III]

aldriq: Ah, I know why you’re defending the letter Q. Its in your name!

Its been a while after I finished the game and I’m still annoyed about that peace. I’m sure if I weren’t writing the AAR I would’ve forgotten it but this AAR is opening old wounds.

demokratickid: Yes, I tend to do that a bit much, don’t I.

 

[aldriq]

Ah, I know why you’re defending the letter Q. Its in your name!

Very observant

Milking the horn of Africa again? I just hope Ming doesn't circumnavigate Africa to get you I've seen the Timurids blockading in the Baltic so don't be too surprised if it happens, or even worse, they get MA through the Mamluks :rofl:

 

[unmerged(81979)]

Good-ish peace this time... Hey, watch out for Ming, they'll get you at some point...

 

[Brandenburg III]

aldriq: I didn’t think Ming was capable of doing such a thing until I recalled my Naples war. But I’m confident the Timurids will tie up the bulk of their force.

demokratickid: I’m not at all complaining about the multi-ducat peace. 875 is certainly way better than 2... or should I say, 2000?

 

[Brandenburg III]

Chapter 19: Black BlizzAARd​

Its still snowing... and at night.

Insomnia struck again so here I am typing up another update I won’t release until... next week? Sure, we’ll go with that. So I signed onto the Paradox forums and just nominated Amric’s Scotland AAR which was one of the few I read when I first discovered these forums. I’m still waiting for something that isn’t Free Company because narratives aren’t my thing. At least not reading them. Nor are comedies.

But before I end up burning more midnight oil than I have planned let’s jump into this update.

Stupid peasants. I need to build schools or something to tell these people that meteors means that the gods are happy... or I could simply inform them that meteors are rocks and junk falling out of the sky but that’d probably freak them out too. Note to any modder reading this, always, always remove the meteor sighted event. I don’t care what you have the event say, as long as it makes more sense than this meteor thing. Why don’t my neighbors suffer from it too? Oh, apparently mindless things falling into the earth recognize national borders

To further my 1.3 plan of turning Europe into a big vassal state I sent a warning to Oldenburg and received military access (from now on I’ll refer it as MA) from Friesland for an inevitable naval invasion. Time to prove to the AI I can do it too! Mwahahahahaha *cough**cough**cough* whaha.

Wave hi to the ships!

My initial plan to invade Oldenburg was changed on 19 December 1469. With a more indepth search on Oldenburg I found they’re guaranteed by a ton of people. I’m going to have to get used to this. So I spun the globe of which I knew only a sixth of (or so) so it was more like a wedge, like cheese and when it stopped I pointed my finger. Ah, Denmark. Let’s take em down. Just, ignore that someone else already took them down and we’re leaching off the victors. Hey, scavengers can’t be choosers.

Algiers*, TE and GH v. Denmark, Norway, Novgorod and Munster

I’m going to war here, somewhere in northern germany because its far, far away from Naples. Simply put, I’m hoping to westernize asap.

I can’t see Novgorod or most of Norway so attacking those two nations is out of the question, I don’t want to risk my ships so I’m hoping I won’t have to go through the Oresund. My real target though is Munster. I only want one province from Denmark, maybe two and I’ll feel perkier than a college freshman journalist wearing a pink sweater and pigtails.

1470 advanced nicely with me inheriting a decent leader Admin 8 Dip 3 Mil 4. I always prefer administration over the others, just a preference. And early in July Novgorod paid 75. They had lost a few provinces to the Golden Horde and rather give anything to my loyal ally who’d screw me over the first chance he got, I Steve Miller’d him and took the money and ran. That one’s for Billy Joe and Bobby Sue.

And Christmas comes early!

1471 and I’m still waiting for France and Denmark to finish their war. I cannot siege any provinces because France has them all occupied! I mean, look at this.

I’m hoping they don’t annex Munster because I want to vassalize them (instant positive relations with a Western nation). I can’t start my war until France and Denmark make peace. So do it already!

In my haste I clicked off on the Danish/French peace. In effect Denmark ended the vassilization of Munster, released Gotland and paid 72. France could’ve gotten away with a lot more. Maybe they’re worried about the HRE, who knows? I probably should’ve thought about the HRE before I invaded with my plans but what can I do?

Sieges begin in Munster and Osnabruck right away. My only worry is that Denmark will recruit regiments quickly so I may have to deviate from my plan a bit and play Whack-A-Dane.

Oh, look! Another ship. With more regiments!

Denmark tried to oust me from Osnabruck but failed and so too did Munster when it fell on 2 June 1471. They removed cores, paid 100 and became vassals. At this point I have 15 regiments in Germany and all are prepped for Danish occupation. Two regiments will be on siege detail while the other chases down any *visible* Danish resistance. A few days later Munster entered my alliance. How could they resist with my offer of free cookies, warm milk and bedtime stories?

The war seems to be going well. Notice Denmark is retreating. Hopefully they’ll be doing a lot of this over the course of the game.

This picture sums it up. Everything’s looking better than a 1940's pinup so let’s hope it’ll come to life and wow us by removing the stitches that holds the fabric together... of the nation! of course the nation.