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Flavius, I think you are a little too hard on yourself. There was only one misspelling that I noticed that a spelling checker would have caught (influencial for influential); the other misspellings that I noticed were using too for to, which a human proofreader would have caught, but not a spelling checker. Your piece fit the topic better than the other one, and was less confusing. I'd give it a C+/B- at least.
 
Has this initiative stalled? I'd love to see another set of writAARs step up to the plate. What's the situation Hajji Giray I?
 
coz1 said:
Has this initiative stalled? I'd love to see another set of writAARs step up to the plate. What's the situation Hajji Giray I?
Heh. *cough* Sorry about that...

Our next topic is an unsuccessful religious conversion... no religious debates please :p
Submissions due by May 2; first 4 people to PM me get the job.

P.S. Any topics people would like to see in the next round or two?
 
How about a defecting province...also, a diplomat sent that did not get the result desired (i.e. no change, or little change)
 
How about a covert infiltration of a castle/fort? Maybe doesn't make much sense given the time period, but it'd be interesting. :)
 
Voshkod said:
I'd suggest the unveiling of a new technology, although that might limit it to HOI or Victoria.
Good subject. Even to the EU2 timeframe this would be doable. For example, someone could invent arquebuses, or artillery... :)
 
I agree with Anibal - this could easily work for any of the games. And this makes me think that most of the subjects we choose to write on should be such that it is feasible for all five games rather than just one of them. Perhaps occasionally we can do something unique for EUII, HoI, etc., but to maximize the participation, it should offer subjects that EVERYONE of us might write on.
 
I don't think any topic is game specific really. I so far have been able to, in my mind, link every topic to every game. (Except for CK, because I don't have it!) History is universal really, and the topics are broad enough that anyone can fit anything to any game.
 
As a matter of fact, all three (...) are!
 
Author #1
[EDITOR's NOTE: It's a long one! But worth it :)]

Father Michael O’Hara looked over the rail of the ship as it rocked back and forth in the sea. His old face moved through each shade of green as he tried to hold back the meager rations he had earlier consumed from returning into his throat and onto the deck. Clasping his mouth once more when he felt his chin begin to quiver, he suddenly could not hold back any further and chunks of food, much of it undigested, spewed forth into the water below.

“You alright there, Father?” a midshipman asked, placing his hand on the priests back.

“I…I’ll be fine, my son. Have no worry about an old man such as myself. Just not used to sea travel, that is all.”

“We’ll, you’ll be lettin’ me know if you need anyting, won’t you? The Captain has made me your guardian until we land in Savannah. Won’t be long now, I suspect. A couple more hours and the storm will blow over and then it’s peaceful sailin’ all the way.”

“Bless you, my son. Go on about your business and don’t let me be a worry to you,” Father O’Hara begged as he tried to hold back another purge.

He made his way below deck once he felt his stomach relax and upon finding his small bunk, tried to read a bit of verse but was soon asleep, actually thankful for the rocking of the boat.

When he awoke, he was startled at first as none of the other crew could be seen. He had slept much longer than he anticipated and thought perhaps they might have already docked by now. Making his way onto the deck, he heard the cry signaling that land had been spotted.

“Now, that wasn’t too bad,” he said to himself, though he dreaded a possible return trip to Galway. Fixing his sights on the landmass that grew in the distance, he was shocked to find smoke rising from the docks. Grabbing the nearest sailor, he pointed and asked,

“What do you make of that?”

The sailor squinted and seemed confused at first, but then a look of horror came over his face. “It be a fire, father. It appears the town may be in flames.”

Without wasting a minute, the sailor was off and headed towards the Captains cabin to inform him of what they were approaching. Father O’Hara continued to look over the water and as the docks grew closer, he could clearly make out a raging fire in the eastern part of the small town that was quickly consuming the docks. And once he spied the center of this inferno, fear and anger poured into his brain like a river from a broken damn.

He was looking at the Church, built not two years prior and was to be his congregation. He was told that several missionaries had already been sent to try and educate the poor, unfortunate heathens that had been left from the original founding of the city, and also the Protestants left from the time of the English. What had happened to them, he wondered. What horrible act had occurred here?

Before he could find a suitable answer in his mind, the Captain was by his side. Father O’Hara turned to see Captain Finn dressed in his cleanest uniform, as if he has been on dry land for the past several weeks. His stature was tall and his demeanor was usually quite serious. Never one to linger without purpose, Captain Finn slapped the Father’s back with a hardy thud, “It looks like we shall have our work cut out for us, eh?”

Father O’Hara was momentarily stunned, as he did not know how to respond. Soon, the words began to come to him, “Captain, it appears that our work is null and void. My church seems to have been put to the torch and if this is the case, there cannot be a civilized man in inhabitance in this village.”

“Ahh, we shall see to it that civilization comes to them, be it heathen or English,” he replied with a rare smirk. Quickly, the Captain was away again, barking orders to his men. The ship soon found it’s way into the harbor and the anchor was cast. Crewmembers began lowering the boats to row to shore, and reluctantly, Father O’Hara was on the second with his guardian, the midshipman. Making their way to the shore beside the burnt out dock, the Captain was the first to plant his foot on the soil of the new country. The others followed in quick fashion and soon, the Royal Irish Marines were swarming the town before them.

Father O’Hara quickly produced his Bible, as though it was some sort of shield, and followed several men towards the church, or what was left of it. As they came closer, he was shocked to see bodies piled in front of the alter, now visible. They were engulfed in flames and it was quite clear to O’Hara who these men were.

“My missionaries have been killed,” he shouted to the nearest soldier. “What Godless souls could do such a thing?” He almost began to weep as they surely had not received their last rights, but he held it back. With a newfound energy, he began reciting the words to the Lord’s Prayer in Latin. The men around him had no idea what he was saying, but they recognized liturgical speech when they heard it and reacted with respect. As the Father finished his prayers for the dead men, Captain Finn walked up behind him.

“Father, I cannot express my sadness enough for what has transpired here, but rest assured that those responsible will be rounded up and forced to pay the penalty. We have fought the English for too long to allow their insidious agents to poison our gains here in the new world.”

“Are you saying that the English did this?” O’Hara asked with dismay.

“None other,” the Captain replied as he produced a small portrait of the King of England that might have been carried by one of the perpetrators. “We found it among some dead men not fifty paces from here. Your missionaries were brave souls, Father, and they did not die without a fight. In the end, they were overwhelmed, but they took a few with them into the hereafter. Praise be to God that the city itself has been saved. My men are quelling the flames as we speak and we shall have to begin again. But with a man of your stature, surely we shall be successful this time.”

Father O’Hara looked up at the tall Captain. He could see the seriousness in his eyes, but he felt doubt in his own heart. Was it doubt concerning the conversion of the heretics? Was it doubt about the fitness of this man before him? Or was it doubt about God? He did not know. He crossed himself and said quietly, “Let us hope so, Captain. Let us hope so.”
 
Author #2

...This has happened around The Year of Our Lord of 1420, according to the christian chalendar...


It is very known around the world and the worlds that Zheng He was the most skilled sailor of all times. Not only a skilled sailor, a brave man of the sea, but also a great manager. His huge fleets really needed a very capable man to organise everything. Those were the days where the Chinese Empire, the Middle Kingdom, ruled the seas.

Let's take one of Zheng He's most memorial trips. With a huge fleet that even included huge supply ships and hundreds of escorts, he sailed all the way from China to Mallaca, then Calicute, then Zanzibar. He wanted to go more down south of Africa, to see what lies there. And what lies south of Zanzibar? More Africa. So, here he goes again, with his powerfull fleet. Keep on sailing south, south, south... uh-oh, it's turning right! He's going west! Oh no, and now it's going north! Well, folks... it seems that Africa can be circumnavigated... or almost, since it was already well known that the famous city of Alexandria is in Africa, but you'd have to cross a small land mass to reach there going from the Red Sea.

So, keep on sailing more to the north. To the west again, then again to the north. But, as he goes more to the north (and his astronomers notice they are on the northern hemisphere again), Zheng He starts seeing ships going down south. From a country called Portugal. They meet at an archipelage called Canary Islands, and Zheng He talks to the commander of the portuguese fleet.

The great chinese sailor has the information that evil muslims lie north, in a place called Granada. So he sails, reaches there, invade and conquers Granada, claiming this piece of unholy land for the chinese crown.


* * *


...in the Year of Our Lord of 1578...


Granada was the most prosperous colony of the Chinese Empire. Its citizens spoke Mandarin and all believed in the correct doctrine of life, the Confucionism. Most of them were berber or iberian geneticaly, but they quickly learned to live as true chinese men.

The granadian neighbours, the catholic powers of Portugal and Spain, have been very grateful with the chinese, mostlly because the chinese helped to wipe out the islamism out of Iberia, but in a pacific way, only by convincing the former muslims that the chinese way of life is superior and convincing them to adopt it. Trade was very prosperous too, and chinese embassies were all around Europe, from Lisbon to Moscow. The chinese knew something about catholicism, but they learned to learn only a few things, so the catholic ways wouldn't destroy the chinese way of life. But things started to heat up...

King Sebastian, of Portugal, was a very strict religious and military man. He thought that the catholicism was the only true way of life. Well... even the old spanish kings Fernan and Carlos V, religious fanatic who burned heretics to death, looked at the chinese way of life with good eyes. So, back to Sebastian, they were all the same: muslims, pagans, confucians, hinduists, zoroastrians, protestants, reformeds, orthodox christians... it doesn't matter. If thou art not apostolic roman catholic, thou hast to die.

So, he tried to find a way to conquer Granada from China. As the chinese mediterranean fleet was busy fighting the ottomans who were trying to conquer Cyprus (the other european colony of China) from them, Sebastian placed the portuguese fleet off the granadian coast and his troops invaded. The small chinese garrison was caught by surprise and, even with superior firearms and artillery, the chinese defenders couldn't hold against the troops led by the portuguese king. Granada surrendered to Portugal. As the city would be isolated for some years, specially because of the big and unexpected chinese defeat at Cyprus, Sebastian took advantage... and put his plan to work.

Priests started to come from Portugal and Spain like crazy. Educated priests, many of whom spoke fluent Mandarin. Soldiers too, to secure the former chinese colony, and of course the portuguese navy was receiving special attention. Philip II, spanish king, was secretly helping Sebastian on his task.

After a bishop was named for Granada, the priests opened some schools. They started to teach the chinese there about the greatness of God, of the Church and the Pope. Yes, many chinese started to like the ideas, as they were being presented on a very didactic way, without the traditional way the iberian inquisitors use to convert: the sword.

But well, to be a good catholic you must read the bible, and to read the bible you must learn Latin. Yes... this started to upset some chinese. Secretly some chinese leaders were discussing the introduction of catholicism on their colonies. They realised that the master plan of Sebastian was to convince the chinese to adopt catholicism and of course, if Sebastian doesn't succeed, he would use the sword. And they knew that they would be isolated from mother China for some years, so something must be done. The word was being spreaded in the colony...

The chinese people is known to guard secrets very well, and also to simulate their feelings and beliefs when needed. So, as the time passed by, catholicism was being "introduced" in Granada but the chinese were slowly preparing their revenge... yes, everyone, every single peasant, (former) trader and aristocrat.

And so, this is christmas. A big mass was being held. Perfect. The chinese were around 15 thousand, and every single one of them knew of the plan. So the mass was expected to happen and everyone was expected to be there. Yes, those thousands... The Chinese learned how to and have built a big stadium some decades ago, with very good acustic, so it wouldn't be much of a problem. Even a sort of light system they had.

One thousand chinese more, one thousand less, it wouldn't make much of a difference for the portuguese. So, small groups of chinese went to the undefended portuguese military barracks, at the dark of night. Yes, they were undefended because of a failure of the portuguese garrison: the soldiers also went to the mass. The chinese took the weapons and then burnt the military facilities. They captured a few portuguese ships, whilst sinking most of them. Yes, even the portuguese mariners were busy with the mass. Too much of fanatism, oh my God...

As the few ships started sailing towards a chinese colony in Africa desperate for help, with the crew consisting on former sailors who were out of service, the other group with the weapons awaited patiently for the end of the mass, outside of the stadium. When the mass was over, the soldiers started to head back to their facilities, only to see them burnt... and were quickly killed by the chinese, in a quick battle as the portuguese were not armed.

Every other chinese knew of the plan, and they quickly kidnapped every portuguese who were on the mass - that is, every portuguese on Granada. Even the priests, also including the spanish priests. King Sebastian was arrested, and the others were all executed.


* * *


The chinese people like their way of life. It has to be untouchable. Yes, they are mostly pacific, all the time, but if you try to change them, this is what you receive. Death and punishment. Death as punishment. Those who cooperate with the chinese only have benefits. Portugal became very wealthy because of the rich trade agreements with the chinese, who provided silk and spices at very low cost to Portugal, who sold at high prices in Europe. There was also a similar agreement with Spain. But Portugal tried to change the chinese way, and now they won't profit from this rich trade anymore.

Don't ever try to convert chinese to any other faith!
 
Author #3

"Awfully nice night out, tonight, Abdullah."
"Yes. You can see Jupiter from here."
"Where? I was never one to study the skies."
"It's the bright one about thus far"- Abdullah indicated with his hand- "to the lefty of the moon."
"I think I see it."

They looked up at the sky for a few more moments. Then Omar tossed a glance down the hillside. "Do you suppose we should move?"
"I should say so. The torches are getting pretty close."

They stood up and started walking towards the woods from the lean-to they had been crouching by. They knew the woods fairly well, by now, having been there several times to, shall we say, dispose of a few unsavoury Catholic dissidents who opposed the conversion of the local populace on the island of Mallorca, recently taken from the Aragonese. The locals knew it better, though.

"Awful way to go, isn't it," said Omar, "two learned clerics fleeing from a bunch of infidels who are barely literate."
"Indeed."
"I mean, it's not like we were randomly executing people on the basis of, say, ugliness, or wealth. Jiminez and his people were going to kill us, and we were lucky that Santiago decided to defect to us."
"Well, I believe that if a group of people find out that you killed their friends so that you could get them to do something, they are bound to be a bit upset."
"I wonder if the fellows in Granada will send any replacements, after this."
"I wonder if they will even care."

They reached a good spot, and sat down. Abdullah spoke "I had a girl in Granada. We were going to get married. Then you and I were sent here. I'll probably never see her again."
"Aouda? She was a nice woman."
"I had plans for a new house, for after the wedding. It was going to have a library, and I had brought on some servants to help Aouda with things."

Shouts were heard in the distance. A dog barked. "Sounds like they're coming in two directions." said Omar. They stood up, and decided to get in a tree and hide in the leaves.

The voices got closer. The dog barked some more, and the two moslems decided to climb into the next tree, which had a nice long branch they could get to from the tree they were in. Dogs don't make a habit of climbing trees, and it would most likely point at the first tree.

The townspeople were gathered around the tree now. A man, whom Omar recognised as being one of the minor merchants, had brought a saw and was helping to saw the tree down. Omar supressed a laugh, thinking that the infidels had naturally gotten the tree that had no one in it. Then he fell out of the tree. Then he swore heavily.

---

At the Alhambra in Granada, a servant entered the roo of His Highness, with a message that two moslem missionaries had been killed in an uprising in Mallorca. "Are the rebels still at arms?"
The servant replied that they were not.
"Ignore it, then. There are always more missionaries."
 
Author 1: Pretty good. However, it might have been just me, but it seems like the omniscient narrator is awfully emotionless. The characters show enough emotion, and are believable enough, but it seems like whoever is narrating the story doesn't care whether or not anyone dies, or gets converted, or anything.

Author 2: Starts off with a tiny bit of humour. Doesn't end with it. Only real fault I really noticed. (Unless, of course, it wasn't intended to be humour and I just mentally stuck some in.)

Author 3: This guy needs to either get a spellchecker or proofread his writing better. I saw at least one spelling error. I also thought it might be a bit too short. Otherwise, I liked it.

I liked all three except for those things I pointed out, which I don't think are hard to rectify. Good job by everyone. :)
 
No 1 was a nice tale, good language and dialogues. The plot was fairly ordinary but worked well. In all this was a good day at work, nothing more and nothing less. Probably a young native writer that I can´t identify.

No 2 were a bit odd. The plot wasn’t very realistic and there was no real point with the story either other than the last saying that you shouldn’t mess with the Chinese. The writing was ok but the logic in the story was a bit inadequate. I get the feeling that this was written a little bit too fast. The start was promising and the historical references were interesting though. Perhaps a Chinese nationalistic writer? :cool:

No 3 was a noticeably short story and not full of meaning exactly. The end came rather surprising as if the writer didn’t feel like continuing. I get the feeling that the writer didn’t really bother about providing a good story. A young lazy writer perhaps? :)
 
First, nice work for all of you. Now,

#1. I enjoyed this one, but felt it to perhaps end a bit abruptly. There did not seem to be enough description of what had happened to the missionaries, only that they were killed in a fight. I felt the character of the priest was fleshed out enough for a stand alone piece, but perhaps more could have been done with the Captain as a contrast. The dialogue seemed sharp and other than a few spelling errors (last rights s/b last rites), it was well done.

#2. This one is written with a more history book style, and does a nice job taking us through all the steps that led up to the eventual failed conversion. I wonder if the beginning is a bit unnecessary, however. It did at least explain how China ended up in Granada. The eventual outcome is believable and I found a few really nice phrases in there i.e. "Death and punishment. Death as punishment." This is especially impressive as it is obvious that the writer is non-native. Nice use of the language. Overall, this piece is solid.

#3. There is a certain humor in this piece that I enjoyed. The back and forth between the two clerics is both touching, in a way, and funny that it seems rather light as this will most likely be their last conversation. The piece was a tad too short, IMHO, but it certainly got the information across that it needed too. The only thing I might have changed is the "tree bit." It was a bit clumsy in it's execution and perhaps a re-wording of it might have been in order to avoid repetition and improve the clarity somewhat. All in all, nice dialogue and mood to this short but sweet entry.

On the whole, I was also struck by the fact that at least two of the three writers chose to make their conversions in odd places, considering the countries (Ireland in NA in the first, Portugal trying to convert a Chinese Granada in the 2nd.) Good imagination I suppose, but more than anything just a funny little observation. Once again, great job to all of you. Too bad we could not have had a fourth.
 
Author #1:
I like the bit on the boat as a set up for the scene. There were a few minor grammatical errors, but nothing the distracted from the reading. I was a little surprised at the reactions to the failed conversion. I was also a bit surprised to seea tale on Ireland in North America as that happens so rarely in the game. All in all, this was a nice little bit.

Author #2:
This one had a pretty nice set up. The explanation of how the Chinese got in Grenada was nice. The use of sayings (so this is Christmas by John Lennon) was a nice touch. The plot line of the Europeans reconquoring Grenada and then converting it (how much would it cost to convert a territory with 15,000 citizens?) might be a stretch. All in all, a nice piece.

Author #3
This was my least favorite of the three. I didn't care for the scene of the Moslems hiding in the tree and one falling out. I did like the last line (There are always more missionaries). This is a line I must remember in games where I fail again and again in a territory.

Three nice works! I salute the writers.
 
My first try at analysing the presented pieces here. I hope I don't get burnt or shot for my comments. :)


Author #1:
The piece is very consistent, although I had to read it twice to better understand what's in between the lines. Maybe because I'm just a bit tired... ;) The dead missionaries are a must, and the talks of Father O'Hara are very good, bringing a nice taste to this piece. Yes, spelling errors are obvious, but they are no big problem. A nice reading!

Author #2:
This one starts very promising and with a bit of humour, briefly describing how China got (to) Granada. The piece is very clear and provides a smooth reading IMHO. The main problem is that the ending was too fantasious, I think. Yes, the conversion has failed, but I don't think it was much consistent. Who would leave a harbour completly unguarded? Only if the portuguese king is a royal (sic) dumb, and he might very well be. Yes, main problem, albeit not a big one. I also noted spelling errors. I like the concept, anyway.

Author #3:
Another smooth reading, also with an humouristic element here. It's very strange that this has a small correlation with the 2nd piece, both mentioning Granada, but I guess it's just coincidence. The capture of Mallorca from Aragon provides a nice background for the conversion atempt. "Ignore it, then. There are always more missionaries." - I like the ending, and I like it very much!


About the authors, I don't have names in my mind, but I can think into some general directions for them: the first and second ones would have non-native English speakers as authors, which would be different for the third one. I think the first author is the most experienced of the three ones, with the second one probably being a beginner.

I congratule all the authors for the nice pieces!
 
Oddly enough, all three writers critiqued and all three found spelling errors in their works :D :D :D

AUTHOR #1: coz1

coz1 critiquing himself said:
#1. ...a few spelling errors (last rights s/b last rites)...


AUTHOR #2: Anibal

Anibal critiquing himself said:
Author #2:
This one starts very promising ... I also noted spelling errors.


AUTHOR #3: J. Passepartout (who, you will note, got his name fixed ;))

J. Passepartout critiquing himself said:
Author 3: This guy needs to either get a spellchecker or proofread his writing better. I saw at least one spelling error....