Thank you, many of these tips are very good, especially dueling them before they become older and inviting more old people and commanders via the warrior lodge! As for 1) I didn't conquer anyone old, they were in their 30s when I conquered them and then forgot about them, until I realized that the game still counts them as important enough to make them elders 20 years later. As for 8) only possible while they're still young, because elders get INSANE anti-intrigue protection, so your plots even if they work are always discovered, which gives you -50 "killed an elder" opinion malus for at least 30 years. Maybe an option for save-scummers, but I always play ironman.
Maybe the safest option is to switch the noble families up: instead of giving them their own land back, you could revoke someone else's title and give them that province, thereby maintaining your own territory. The "given land" bonus should outweigh the maluses I've mentioned. And the family whose title you've revoked will hate mostly that OTHER family who now owns their lands, instead of hating you!
Oh, by the way, it seems possible to me that the game counts these people as "rulers" even though they are the former rulers of the land you've conquered. And since rulers get such a huge advantage when elders are chosen, maybe that's how you end up with all your worst old enemies suddenly deciding your realm's future, lol.
Maybe the safest option is to switch the noble families up: instead of giving them their own land back, you could revoke someone else's title and give them that province, thereby maintaining your own territory. The "given land" bonus should outweigh the maluses I've mentioned. And the family whose title you've revoked will hate mostly that OTHER family who now owns their lands, instead of hating you!
Oh, by the way, it seems possible to me that the game counts these people as "rulers" even though they are the former rulers of the land you've conquered. And since rulers get such a huge advantage when elders are chosen, maybe that's how you end up with all your worst old enemies suddenly deciding your realm's future, lol.