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Desert Fox- the miffed story of Rommel

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Rommel: Well, how did the mission go?

Kramari: Exactly as I planned!

Rommel: And, what was your plan?

Kramari: To win the game!

Rommel: Ok...Did you blow up the wall?

Kramari: What wall?

Rommel:...:wacko: :mad: *leaps at Kramari* DIE!!

Lifeless and Hannibalbarca pulled of Rommel, and injected some Elephant tranquilizer into his blood. Rommel began to sleep.

A few weeks later, Rommel awoke.

Rommel: Huh...KRAMARI!!! Wait, where am I?

nurse: You're in the hospital. Your friends said you were a bit crazy.

Rommel: I'm not crazy, I'm the leader of the ROYAL PRUSSIAN ARMY!!! *dramatic music*

Nurse: Of course you are...anyway, someone sent you a package.

Rommel: A package? :D *squeels* Where is it!? Where is it!?

Nurse: On your lap.

Rommel: *looks down* Oh. Thanks.

The Nurse left, and rommel looked at who sent it. It was addressed from the Kremlin.

Rommel: :confused: *opens package* :eek:

Inside was a laptop, and on it was a small box, labeled Hearts of Iron 2: Doomsday (trademark of the paradox company)

Rommel turned on the laptop, and installed the game. He opened the game, and after a few moments of loading, loud, booming music played. He turned off the volume before the wall tore down, and proceded to try the tutorials. He got through them with ease. After all, he WAS commander of the German Army.

Nurse: Of course he is.

Yoy: BACK IN YOUR HOLE, SLAVE!!

Anyways, he turned on the counters, since they looked like what he used to command troops, and begun to play his first game as Germany. Appearantly, this game took place between 1936-1953, where the world looked as it actually was in 1936. However, when he got to 1942, it appeared that the Soviets had halted Germany, and the US had joined the allies. In 1944, he was losing, and by 1945, Germany was split. To his horror, Japan was nuked, and later surrendered. What REALLY scared him was the other war, between the Communists and Allies. They fought in Germany, turning it into a total wasteland.

However, he became addicted to this game. After 2 weeks, he decided to try online. Online, he saw someone named Stalin_B_bad. He joined a game with him. It was Germany(rommel) vs. Soviet Union(stalin_b_bad). The year was...1942. And, the borders were all exactly as they were in real life.

Rommel: WTF!?

stalin: Hello Rommel! It's me, Stalin!

Rommel: What are you doing?

stalin: Oh, I'm just playing a game. Except this time, it's fo real!

Rommel: What do you mean?

Stalin: Those units you have before you are real units. We are using the real armies that both our countries have, and now, we will fight.
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Lifeless: Ugh...so..bored.

Hannibalbarca; Nothing...to...do...hey, let's beat up Kramari again!

Lifeless: Yeah!

Kramari: HUH!? :eek:

Lifeless went to hold Kramari so Hannibalbarca could beat him up. But, before they landed more than 2,000 punches, the commander appeared.

Commander: Gentlemen, for some odd reason, I feel like attacking Moscow. Let's go!

Lifeless, Kramari and Hannibalbarca, all confused, went with the commander. They loaded in their uniforms, and went into the trucks. On the trucks:

Hannibalbarca: I wonder where we are going?

Lifeless: I don-

Truck driver: GET DOWN!

everyone ducked, just as the truck behind them exploded. Right after the explosion, a Spitfire flew over the trucks.

Commander: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?

Spitfire_Pilot: Haha, gotcha!

You see, this spitfire pilot had been making random strafes all across the globe. One minute in France, the next in Russia. However, due to problems in Russia, he stayed in Moscow, drinking vodka, seeing Russian opera, drinking vodka, going to strip clubs, drinking vodka, and enjoying the cool Russian commander clothes. Did I mention drinking vodka? Oh yeah, that's the good stuff, right there. ;)

Lifeless: Damn you Britain, and your stupid planes!

Spitfire_Pilot: *over radio to trucks* Whatchyou sayin' bout ma planes, boy?

Lifeless:...uh, no- nothing.

Spitfire_pilot: Bombs away!

BOOM!

The truck veered off the road, and landed in a ditch, because that's what always happenes when you veer off a road.
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Back in the hospital, Rommel had just launched Operation: Typhoon, and Stalin was bombing forces like he was a mad man. Wait a minute...

Rommel: Oh yeah? Well, here comes my LUFTWAFFELS!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Russia...

Hannibalbarca: Hey, what's that?

In the sky, there were 8 new planes. They were German. They headed towards the Spitfire_pilot, and began to shoot him. Spitfire_pilot, who was playing his new game for gameboy, called "chickensh*t", didn't pay attention to the planes. While his plane was pulling funky maneuvers, he was trying to time jumping off the train just right, so he could beat the other loser. BOOM! The other guy was severed in half when they hit the tunnel, and his guy was safe!

The German planes, in utter confusion, managed to crash into eachother, and drop bombs over themselves.
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Rommel: NO WAY! How is it that 2 of my air divisions are getting kicked by that one piece of crap division?

Stalin: Guess you should research some doctrines! Loser! :p
 
Rommel: THAT"S IT!! TIME TO CHEAT!!

Suddenly on the game, and the battlefield, thousands of new soldiers appear out of nowhere, fully organized, and fully combat ready.

Stalin:...

Stalin also cheated, giving himself all the technology. Instantly, researchers that were working on something else all began working on a nuclear bomb.

Rommel: :eek: AHHHH!

Rommel ordered all of his troops to blitz and conquer all high IC places. Within one game year, Russia was captured. Stalin, however, was hidden in a different place, because he was still alive and playing.

Rommel: :confused: WTF?

Stalin: :D You can't beat me. I am hiding in a secret place, where you will never imagine.

Rommel:...*off screen, get's a german High tech specialist* Track his IP address*back on screen* Whatever man, I guess I'll just have to conquer the world!

Stalin: Good luck, hehehe.

Rommel:? *to specialist* Where is he?

Specialist: He's on Mars.

Rommel: :eek:...*back on computer* on the other hand, I won't conquer the world. Peace out.

Stalin: Whatev.
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Rommel walked out into the halls, and pulled out a cube. He pushed a button, and a vortex appeared. He walked into it, and saw many doors. He tried to find a certain door, but the search function wasn't working :(. He looked and looked, and found a door labeled "Nazi Moonbase". He walked in, and inside was another Rommel, with Ost, on the moon.

Rommel 2: What is this?

Rommel: *knocks out Rommel 2, and shoots ost in the leg*

Rommel walked to a table, and stole blueprints to the V6. He found his way to his dimension, and showed the blueprints to hitler.

Hitler: Will it work?

Rommel: Yes.
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Lifeless, Hannibalbarca, and Kramari walked out onto the ramp. They had on soem wierd spacesuits, and were heading towards a giant V1 rocket, the V6.

Lifeless: WOW!! THIS THINGY IS HUGE!

Kramari: What does it do?

Hannibalbarca: Appearantly, it flies.

Lifeless: It better, or else we won't be gone long.

Onboard the spaceship, the three were given a plasma rifle, and a grenade launcher. They also recieved...

Hannibalbarca: WTF IS THIS !?!?

Kramari: Is that a sopository?

Lifeless: You bet your soon-to-be-sore ass it is. Now, start shoving!

The sopository was under a desk, that explained what it did. It said that the thing would allow them to breath in space, and they wouldn't be affected by the vacuum and intense heat of the outer space.

Kramari: Woah, wait, what do we need the spacesuits for?

On the desk, new writing appeared, stating that it was incase you bled from the sopository insertion, because they don't want any blood on the new carpet.

Lifeless: Hey, I feel funny.

Radio: Takeoff in 12...11...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...0, bye bye.

The shuttle's engine shook violently, and instead of slowly rising up, the shuttle shot into space like a bullet. The crews bodies were pressed against the floor in a comical way. When the shuttle suddenly stopped, the three were shot out of the cockpit, and slid to a halt on rocks. They had made it to mars, in only 6 seconds.

Hannibalbarca: Ow. Wait a minute, that didn't hurt.

Lifeless: Yeah...and we're not dead.

Kramari: And this toothpaste is only 2.99 at walmart! *music plays*

But, the toothpaste exploded, and out in the distance was a man with a hammer, sickle, and funny mustache.

Stalin: MINIONS, ATTACK!!!!!!11111111111oneoneoneoneone.

Out of the landscape, hundreds of millions of aliens appeared, all carrying sickles.

All three: :eek:
 
LOL, thought you'd never update....
 
dot dot dot

That's it? Only 2 readAAR's? WTF?! Is this not good? Is it crappy? Do I need to fix something?

YOU! Alexus :mad:. What is so crappy about my AAR!? :confused:
 
Yoy21 said:
dot dot dot

That's it? Only 2 readAAR's? WTF?! Is this not good? Is it crappy? Do I need to fix something?

YOU! Alexus . What is so crappy about my AAR!?
Click to expand...
You just need to make me save the day...
Update more too.
I like this...
 
Then, the aliens all stopped in their tracks.

Nelson: *points* Ha-ha!

Stalin: GRRR!! Stupid non-duracell batteries. YOU WILL PAY, ENERGIZER!!!

Lifeless grabbed a plazma missle launcher from one of the non-moving aliens, and shot the Communist a-hole. But, it was no use. Stalin merely wiped it away.

Stalin: Ha ha! Fools, only a TRUE anti-communist person can kill me! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Earth's Savior: Not so fast, fat-ass.

Stalin: :mad: WHAT?!?!??!

Earth's Savior had just jumped through space, using his super-duper anti-communist powers, and aimed his Uber-weapon at Stalin.

Earth's Savior: This war is over. *weapon charges*

Stalin: no...No...NO!! I SUMMON HELL!!!!

The ground started to shake, and ES dropped his uber weapon, which broke into a billions shards. Souls of captured commies escaped, laughing at him.

On the ground appeared a giant hole. Out of that hole shot out earth's greatest nightmare: Beegee's.

Beegee-man: *starts to sing in annoying voice*

Everyone clamped their ears, except Stalin, cause he was an asshole. Beegee-man walked to Lifeless, and yelled at him. Imps shot out of his mouth, and jumped at lifeless. Kramari, however, took out his grenade launcher, and blasted those Imps to itty bitty pieces. Out of Mars' atmosphere, came a dropship. Out of that dropship came a marine. He took out his gatling gun, and sprayed a continuous stream of bullets at the imps. After they were gone, he left, for no appearant reason. (he actually left because he had eaten some mexican food before, and EVERYONE knows that, if you eat mexican food, you get diarhea.)

Beegee-man: *in annoying voice* Oh yeah? Well, you can't beat my aweseme POWA-a-a-a's!

Instantly, he rose his voice to the volume of a billion jets of mayonaise. People on Earth covered their ears, and wished for everything to end.

Speaking of earth, Hitler and Churchill had met up in Cherbourg to discuss some things.

Hitler: Okay, tell you what, I will return all land except the soviets to their original owners, and we both agree to stop Stalin. Is that good?

Churchill: Yes, yes. I believe this will be a fruitful relationship.

Hitler: Good...good.

Rommel had taken a rocket up into space, and landed right near Beegee-man's foot.

Beegee-man: OW!! YOU PIECE OF CRAP! WHY DID YOU LAND ON MY FOOT!? OW OW OW!! *starts to jump on other foot* *falls into a hole*

Stalin: Agh, crap! WHY DID I TRUST A 70's SINGER!? WHY OH WHY!?

Hannibalbarca: Because you are a f**king dumbass.

Stalin: GRRR!! This isn't over! I will have my revenge! FOR THE MOTHERLAND!!! *disappears*

Rommel: What'd I miss?
 
Lol! good one
 
That Stalin is one evil bastard, Beegee-man is really evil. Now so you managed to make peace, that was surprising, but you must continue the struggle against Stalin and destroy him and his evil friends. Very nice work :rofl:
 
Rommel was walking around the martian landscape, when he decided he was tired of walking. He shot his foot, and continued on a wheelchair to explore the caves.

On one of the caves, he saw this:


He was very, very confused. But, nevertheless, he continued on.

He found the end of the cave, and at the end was a portal. He stepped in, and was met, face to face, with Hitler. In the shower.

Hitler: AHHHH! :eek: *throws ducky at Rommel*

Rommel: *Catches ducky* WOAH :eek:.

Hitler: HOW did you get here?

Rommel: Well, I just walked through some portal, and- *notices portal* How long has that been there?

Hitler: About a week.

Rommel: 0_o

Hitler: What?

Rommel: Never mind. Is there any chance you'd like to come find stalin?

Hitler: Yeah!

So, Hitler, after putting on some pants, went with Rommel into the portal. However, at the end of it, was Stalin.

Hitler: Stalin!

Stalin: Hitler!

Rommel: Hitler, this is Stalin. Stalin, this is Hitler.

Hitler: Hiya!

Stalin: Howdya do?

Hitler and Stalin shook each other's hands, then resumed their battle stances.

Stalin: It's been a long time since we last met, Hitler.

Hitler: What are you talking about, we've never met.

Stalin: Exactly...Now, DIE!

Stalin lunged at Hitler, swinging a hammer at him. Hitler pulled out his luger, and attempted to shoot his legs. Meanwhile, Rommel sat in a corner, and twiddled his thumbs. Finally...

Hitler: I have you now. *breaths like vader*

Stalin: WTF?

In this confusion, Hitler was able to shoot Stalin in the head.

Rommel: FINALLY, we can end this!

Hitler: yes...it's over...


FOR NOW!

Seriously, that's the end. It was only three pages long, but I think we accomplished something here. Tune in next time for the next saga of this story:

Desert Fox- the miffed story of Rommel 2: Attack of the democrats...

It will feature liberals, a twist, crappy paint art, used up punchlines, and much, much more.
 
er...wtf? that cant be the end..all that happened with rommel was that he conquered egypt sent us minions to take moscow and then went up to mars to twiddle his thumbs..oh and shoot his foot
 
lifeless said:
er...wtf? that cant be the end..all that happened with rommel was that he conquered egypt sent us minions to take moscow and then went up to mars to twiddle his thumbs..oh and shoot his foot
Click to expand...

No, see, what happened is (now I got to write a GOOD ending. Ugh :mad: )

Hitler and Churchill, after seeing the threat of communism, being able to land on Mars, decided to end their differences, and work together to take down Stalin. Stalin was defeated, and the Martian landscape was divided in control between the Allies and the Germans. Italy sucked so they didn't get any.

However, tensions are rising between Germany and the Allies. On the moon already, border guards have been farting in each others direction, and there will be another war.

Heck, I'll just make a mod so I can show you. Yes...the new gameplay mod. It will be in 1945, and will have Germany fight all democratic nations. Yes...yes...YES!
 
He shot himself in the leg :rofl: , I want to know what happened to me.
 
Rommel walked out into the halls, and pulled out a cube. He pushed a button, and a vortex appeared. He walked into it, and saw many doors. He tried to find a certain door, but the search function wasn't working . He looked and looked, and found a door labeled "Nazi Moonbase". He walked in, and inside was another Rommel, with Ost, on the moon.

Rommel 2: What is this?

Rommel: *knocks out Rommel 2, and shoots ost in the leg*

Rommel walked to a table, and stole blueprints to the V6. He found his way to his dimension, and showed the blueprints to hitler.

Hitler: Will it work?

Rommel: Yes.
Click to expand...

Yay!
 
Nice ending. Good to se that you managed to take out Stalin. :rofl:
But I do hope we shall soon see part 2 where you take out the rest of the world as well. Nice work :)
 
... power of Rommel and kramari :p
 
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