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A Tall Tale Told on a Cold Night

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Curiosity and the firm conclusion that one could never have too many Wizards in your company pulled him in the direction of the pipe smoking figure on the other side of the room.

He stood up and as he approached the Wizard he noticed that he was wearing a simple wool robe and had an oak staff that leaned against the wall to his right within easy reach.

"Not the most imposing Wizard that I’ve ever met." Pskov thought to himself.

Suzdal watched the human warrior approaching his table out of the corner of his eye. His dark eyes never looked in the human’s direction but he never lost sight of him as the large man wove his way though the maze of tables and chairs that littered the tavern floor like so many bludgeoning traps in an ogres cave. He absentmindedly started weaving the beginning of a magic missile spell with the long thin fingers of his right hand just in case this human meant to cause trouble.

When Pskov reached the table he nodded to the Wizard and asked.

"My name is Pskov, mind if I join you for a drink and maybe we can talk about a business proposal that I have for you?"

Suzdal exhaled a short blast of yellow smoke from his left nostril and merely nodded to the empty chair across the table from him and stopped his hand gestures.

Pskov waved to Tobi for another round of drinks and then turned to face the Wizard’s steady gaze. He smiled what he hoped was a friendly smile and started.

"It doesn’t take a genius to guess that you’re not from around here. When did you arrive?"

Suzdal paused before answering.

"You’re certainly direct for a human. Most of the time your kind talks about everything but what you really want to talk about until I’m bored to death. You’re right of course, I’ve come here to hire out as a mercenary however there seems to be some resistance by the locals in hiring a magic user especially if he’s an Elf. As far as I know I’m the only one of my kind here in Everhovel at the moment."

They stopped their conversation while Tobi delivered their drinks. The sweat gleamed on Tobi’s forehead as he sat the drinks down and waited. Pskov hoped that none of the sweat had dripped into the drinks as he tossed Tobi a coin. Tobi snatched it out of the air faster than the eye could follow and then put it between his teeth and bit on it. He seemed satisfied and smiled a smile that lacked more than a dozen teeth and nodded to Pskov before plodding back to the bar. Pskov watched the retreating tavern keeper’s mountain of fat shake, rattle and roll back to the bar before continuing the conversation.

"Then I take it your still unemployed and open to offers?"

"You have a flair for the obvious human."

"Try calling me Pskov. And I didn’t catch your name?"

The Elf Wizard paused for a blink of an eye. He then took a sip of ale before once again fixing Pskov in his steady gaze.

"I’m called many names but here in the north I’m mainly known by the name Suzdal."

"Well met Suzdal. As you’ve guessed by now I have a proposition for you to consider. I have a little job in a warehouse by the main gate that I could do alone if I wanted to but seeing that I would have to break a sweat I figure that I’d get a little help and finish the job quickly. All I need for you to do it cause a distraction so that I can pick off a couple of Goblin archers without having the other goblins use their axes to make a tattoo on my back. It will be easy money split 60-40. What do you say?"

Pskov leaned slightly forward waiting for an answer.

"Suzdal kept drawing on his pipe while he stared at Pskov. He blew a column of blue smoke in Pskov’s face before finally answering.

"So if I understand you correctly you’ve run into something that you can’t handle by yourself? Well I may not be the most powerful Wizard in my family but I can do more than cause a distraction. I tend to hurt those who oppose me to the point that their best friends can’t recognize what’s left of them. The deal is I take half of all the money and equipment that we find and you needn’t thank me for helping you."

Pskov started smiling before Suzdal finished.

"Ha! All right it’s a deal. I suggest that no time is better than the present for starting the job so grab your staff and lets go."

"Ah a quick start. A human after my own heart. Let us begone from this infested hole of a tavern. If I have to hear another boast from that damn Bard I won’t be responsible for my actions."
 
This is straight out of fantasy heaven, let's see we have Goblins and Orcs, humans and Elvs and barbarians. Do we get a dwarf and a black elf and a giant too?:) What about a healer or a night? ;)

Seriously though this is grat I've never thought of giving the countries individual characterisations that way, works great.

Do the goblin horde have a name like Muscowy or Teutonic order? :)

V
 
Originally posted by Storey
Valdemar: High praise indeed.:) Now lets see if I can keep it going at that level.;)

Norgesvenn: I thought you might like Pskov. Now I have a scene in my head where he loses his pipe and has to roll his tobacco in parchment to smoke. Come to think of it I did that myself many years ago during a hiking trip. Not the smoothest smoke I ever had.:D

Joe
Click to expand...

Don't use vellum! :eek: :D ;)
 
Valdemar: I think a dwarf or two might drop my.:D

Director: In your honor and the weekend coming up I now give you a looong post.:p

Joe
 
"Ah a quick start. A human after my own heart. Let us begone from this infested hole of a tavern. If I have to hear another boast from that damn Bard I won’t be responsible for my actions."



"And so the two heroes set out to rid the town of the last of the Goblins. Little did they know of the trouble they were about to encounter."

The Bard paused to take another long drink of his ale. He looked in his tankard and saw the last of the golden ale that lay in a small puddle at the bottom of the mug swish back and forth. It made his mouth go dry thinking how little was left. A glance at Tobi received no response so he turned to his audience and wiped his mouth.

It’s uncanny how some people can express themselves so eloquently in such difficult times. Without saying a word he took on the look of a man dying of thirst becalmed in middle of the sea. He would have taken on his "I’m dying in the middle of the desert" look but he doubted that anyone in the tavern had ever seen a desert and since his father hadn’t raised a fool he went with the sea motif. Now there’s a lot that you could fool this crowd with since they weren’t the brightest turnips in the field if you know what I mean but one thing they could pick up on faster than a fly to dung is a thirsty man in need of ale. Not a second had passed before the crowd was yelling to Tobi to get his fat ass over here with a tankard of ale for their friend the Bard. Tobi not being a fool himself had purposely ignored the Bard so that someone would buy him a drink rather than Tobi having to supply him with one. So with a bigger smile than before he brought the Bard a full tankard of ale. Like a plant being watered for the first time in a week the Bard took a long drink and blossomed before the crowd’s eyes.

"Now where was I?"

"The two heroes had just set off for the warehouse."

The Bard quickly looked around the room for the source of the voice.

"Damn hicks wouldn’t know a rhetorical question if it bit them on their ass." He muttered to himself. He cleared his throat and started once again to regale his audience.

"So the Elf and human rose as one and headed for the door."

Later that afternoon Pskov and Suzdal stood outside of the warehouse checking their gear for the coming battle.

"All right Suzdal I’ll lead the way and you start hitting them with whatever you can as soon as you can. Right?"

"I think I know the do’s and don’t of fighting with magic thank you very much for nothing human. Just lead the way and try not to get in the way."

Pskov grimaced and shoved open the door and charged into the warehouse. The two adventures found several drooling goblins standing in a semi circle waiting for them. It was at that time that Pskov realized his first mistake. He had planed on the light from the suddenly open doorway to momentarily blind the Goblins but the sun was setting and it wasn’t hurting them in the least. Well the best made plans and all that crap was all he could think of.

"All right Suzdal let them have it! Suzdal? Where the hell are you?"

Pskov didn’t have time to do more than notice the figure of the Elf disappearing around a stack of boxes.

"Not that way. The fighting’s over here you fool!"

That was all Pskov had time to say before the Goblins were upon him snapping and slashing at his shield and sword. He suddenly felt a buzz go by his head.

"Damn those Goblin archers were still there." He thought as he sliced off the arm of one of the Goblins. Another jumped on his shield arm and started snapping at his face.

"Get out of my face you gibbering idiot!" And with that he heaved the Goblin into the others just as another arrow whizzed past his head. Suddenly there was a blast and a cloud of green smoke as Suzdal summoned a creature from the bottomless pits of hell to help in the fight. Pskov looked hoping to see a powerful beast slavering at the mouth while showing its long sharp fangs but instead he saw a hound. Not a very big hound at that. Well beggars can’t be choosers as the saying goes. Here boy! Come here boy! That’s a good boy…what, where the hell are you going?"

"Pskov just managed to dodge a blow to the head but received a cut to his leg from a rusty axe as he watched the hound bypass the battle and attack one of the archers. Another cloud of smoke produced another creature, this time an enormous rat appeared."

"How big a rat?"

The Bard stopped and looked out into the crowd. Yes there in the front row was the bastard who had interrupted him. He glared but decided to ignore him and resume the story.

"Another cloud of smoke produced another creature, this time an enormous rat appeared."

"Enormous? I’ve never seen an enormous rat. I’ve seen pretty big ones like that one my cousin stepped on in the middle of the night on the way outside to take a crap. Is enormous bigger than a bread box?"

The Bard took a deep, very deep breath and because of his enormous experience knew that he had a troublemaker of the first order before him. It he didn’t act decisively he could lose control of the crowd and they could quickly become a mob!

"What is your name?"

"Ah, Hantock sir."

"Well Ah Hantock."

"No, no just Hantock."

The Bard smiled at his little joke and continued.

"Well then Hantock the story usually calls for an enormous rat with fangs a foot long and."

"I didn’t know rats had fangs."

"SHUT UP! All right, I think just this once I’ll tell you all what really happened. That is if Hantock can control himself and keep his damn mouth shut?"

Between the glare of the Bard and the ominous growls of the crowd Hantock drew his head down and his shoulders together trying to make himself as small as possible while deciding to keep his mouth shut.

"Okay so another cloud of smoke produced another creature, this time a rat appeared. A somewhat NORMAL," as the Bard glared again at Hantock, " sized rat that scurried toward the other archer where is reared up on its hind legs and bared its teeth in a mighty display of vicious intend. The Goblin distractedly looked down just as the rat started nipping at his heels and toes. Pskov took the head off another Goblin while once again taking an arm-numbing blow to his shield.

Meanwhile a smiling Suzdal watched his summoned creatures gnaw on the two archers and decided that he could now concentrate on the main battle. He pulled out his sling and started launching stones at the Goblins with good results. Another Goblin died by Pskov’s sword even as another received a stone between the eyes and dropped like someone just discovering the joys of gravity for the first time. Pskov barely dodged another axe only to have a different one slice into his leather armor and leave a furrow in his side that started leaking a steady flow of blood. The Goblins slugging it out with Pskov were down to three and one of the archers had fallen to the hound. Pskov had time to glance at the hound and realized that it was a poodle! He was going to have to have a talk with Suzdal about this.

And then before he knew it the fighting was over. He bled from a dozen cuts some of them quite serious but nothing life threatening. Suzdal strolled over to him wiping some dust off his shoulders.

"Don’t they ever clean these warehouses? I almost sneezed during that last summoning spell. That could have been disastrous."

Pskov just stood there swaying with his sword tip resting of the floor his shield arm hanging loose and a glower on his face. Suzdal raised an eyebrow.

"What? I thought it went rather well don’t you?"
 
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Secret Master: Some of the early summoning spells in IWD2 are amusingly weak. I like it when rats are all you get. :D The alliance I managed to get together wasn’t the strongest around but then it was a strange game, as you’ll see when the other members show up in this strange story.

Jarlen av Juks: They did a pretty good job with IWD2. I promise not to give any spoilers. :p

Story update later today.

Joe
 
The Bard paused to take another drink of ale and found it empty. He looked in Tobi’s direction and waited until the silence of the room got Tobi’s attention. The Bard slightly raised his empty tankard and Tobi quickly got the hint. He scuttled over to the Bard and sat the full to over flowing tankard in front of the rainbow-covered storyteller. After a long pull on the ale he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and continued.

"Now where was I?"

"Pskov and Suzdal and just cleaned the town of Goblins."

The Bard searched out the crowd but couldn’t see who had volunteered the information but he glared suspiciously at Hantock.

"All right friends, now it seems that our heroes have formed a new company to fight against the minions of the great evil one, who’s name we must not voice aloud, but there were more great adventurers to join. So when last we left our heroes they…"

The stranger finished the last of his ale and sighed. There was no delaying any longer. The last of the money was gone and it was time to do something about it. With another sigh the stranger moved through the crowd just as the Bard started creating a vivid picture of our mythical band of companions as they prepared for more adventures in the rustic town of Everhovel.


After the fight in the warehouse Pskov and Suzdal went to the mayor’s office where they received their reward for their heroic fight. As they stepped outside Pskov counted their reward and gave Suzdal half before secreting his share in a pouch hidden in his cloak. They decided to head to the local Trade Shop to purchase some supplies and as they entered the shop’s doorway a small figure exiting bumped into Pskov. The small figure muttered something that sounded like an apology and hurried past. Before the height challenged figure could take two steps Pskov’s hand shot out and grabbed the small person by the scruff of his neck. Suzdal watched as the stranger screamed invectives at Pskov while thrashing about with its arms and legs in the cold air. Finally slowly running out of energy and obscenities the stranger stopped thrashing about and waited sullenly for Pskov to do something.

"Well what do we have here Suzdal?"

"It would appear that you’ve captured a thief or more accurately a poor excuse for a thief."

"Watch your tongue long ears! I’m one of the best thieves in Everhovel or for that matter on the entire coast. And unless you put me down at once I’ll show you a new trick or two."

Pskov chuckled. "I wouldn’t reach for that knife if I were you."

The thief dropped both hands and hung there at the end of Pskov’s arm like a slab of beef waiting to be butchered.

"Now first you’re going to have to give my purse back and then tell me why I shouldn’t drop kick you over the town’s wall and let the goblins gnaw on your skinny bones."

The thief reluctantly handled Pskov back his purse.

"You can’t blame a thief for practicing can you? I would have given it back because I was just trying to show you what I’m capable of but your superior abilities were too much for me oh mighty sir."

Pskov chuckled again and even Suzdal smiled.

"Put him down Pskov he’s harmless. What are you called little one?"

"I’m been called many things that can’t be repeated in polite company but first off I’m a she not a he pointy ears! I’m also considered rather tall from where I come from. My mother named me Ryazan after our goddess of shadows and spirits. Thank you mighty Pskov for putting me down. I’ve been watching you two since I saw you in the Three Legged Pony a few days ago and I like the way you handle yourselves. If you don’t mind me saying so the only thing holding you back is the lack of a thief. I’m one of the best trackers and searchers you can hope to find and there isn’t a lock that I can’t pick."

"Nor a tall tale that you can’t tell."

Ryazan frowned at Suzdal.

Pskov scratched the stubble on his chin before asking.

"You were in the Three Legged Pony? I remember seeing you there but I also thought you were a he."

"Damn, if that’s an indication of both of your observation abilities you need me more than ever. I happen to be a Halfling in case you didn’t notice and I’m considered damn good looking by my kind!"

"Whatever you might be I don’t think you made the best of impressions small one with your bungled attempt to help yourself to Pskov’s purse."

"My hands were cold and a little stiff that’s all. Besides I’m the best at what I do and if you’re going to venture beyond the town’s walls you’ll need someone like me."

Pskov and Suzdal glanced at each other before Pskov said.

"We’ve been talking about the possibility of adding another member to our group and a skillful thief would be welcome. All right we’ll give you a try out. If you live long enough you’ll get a third of anything we find. Now we need to trade for some equipment. Do you want to join us? You look like you have enough knives but how about some more arrows for you bow?

"Ah, if you don’t mind I’ll stay outside and wait for you. I don’t think the owner would like to see me right now. Lets just say we had a professional disagreement about a knife, as in who owned it."

Suzdal nodded to the thief as he and Pskov entered the Trading Depot.

"Wait for us here my little one. We won’t be long."

Ryazan muttered under her breath.

"Bite my butt devil spawn."

Suzdal stopped and turned. "What did you say?"

Ryazan smiled and quickly answered.

"Ah, buy some butter for the prawns. I acquired some of the delicious crustaceans earlier today."

"Hmm."
 
This is really, really great Joe. A truely innovative approach to telling a story and I'm now extremely curious as to exactly why Ryzan is getting the "thief" persona. Stealing too many sieges from you or something? :p

I've also got to say that your diaoluge is absolutely top notch...flows very smoothly and intuitively so the voices almost speak in the mind instead of being something you have to work at reading. I also like the mental image of the bard, his circle of rapt listeners and the occasional trouble maker (the bit with the rat, for instance, comes across wonderfully).

I'd say you've got another winner going here. :cool:
 
I have to agree with MrT. This is a great story, well told and very imaginative. Now, make a spot by the fire and pass over the pipe. :)
 
Thanks for dropping by LD. Don’t get too close to the fire we’re burning cedar logs tonight and you know how they snap crackle and pop.:)

MrT: Ryazan didn’t steal any sieges from me but she did beat me to a province I wanted in two different wars. I was playing Pskov and didn’t have a leader so I had to wait and see what happened. Once she was kicked out and I jumped in but the other time she captured the province and took it in a peace agreement. So she became the thief. :mad:

One thing that I did was to move around and play all the different countries in the alliance so that I could improve the relations of each country to each other. I didn’t want anyone dropping out of the alliance no matter who declared war. The problem is that once in awhile when I got back to the leader I would find that Pskov had allowed a country to join that I didn’t want in the alliance. I don’t know if I’ll incorporate that into the story.

Joe
 
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The crowd chuckled at the joke as the bard finished this part of the story. Someone in the back called out.

"Piss break?"

From the quickly nodding heads in the crowd it was apparent that this would be a good time to take a break in the story telling so the Bard agreed and there was a mad dash for the door. Now in larger towns they frowned on the public display of a dozen or more men relieving themselves of their bodily fluids but not in Everhovel. Indeed, bets were made on who could piss the farthest, longest and who was the most accurate. The Bard felt, as a professional, that it was good policy to stay out of any local contests and simply wrote his name in the snow humming a song called ‘Don’t eat the yellow snow’ and headed back into the tavern and the warm fire. So envision if you can a long line of men standing in the frigid air shifting from foot to foot as they relieve themselves of the residue of tankards of ale. Clouds of steam form from the hot liquid as it sprays this way that that as fortunes are made and lost on the vicissitudes of a man’s bladder. What can I say? There’s not much to do in Everhovel.

Pskov, Ryazan and Suzdal were interrupted from their conversation at a table in the back of the tavern when the piss break contestants reentered the tavern still exchanging money from their bets. After stomping the snow off their feet they went to sit around the Bard who was patiently waiting while sipping some ale. As the crowd settled in the Bard began once more.

"Now where was I?"

But before anyone could say anything he quickly continued.

"Ah yes the band of adventures had grown to three. They were beginning to become a force to be reckoned with. But now plans had to be made for the next step of their long and dangerous fight against the evil one."

And the crowd finished in unison.

"Who’s name must not be said out loud."

The Bard paused a second and frowned at the crowd but continued the tale.


The three companions sat in the Three Legged Pony for what they thought could be the last time for many weeks to come. The meeting with the mayor of Everhovel that morning had ended with them agreeing to take the fight to the Goblins and so now they were committed to going to some place called hangover pass. They had stocked up on supplies and were leaving the next morning and were having a look at their map deciding how to get there without being killed.

The clear voice of the Bard as he started once again extolling the exploits of his story’s heroes carried across the room but was ignored by the three companions. They were deep in conversation while looking at a map that was spread out on their table when a shadow slowly slid onto the table and like oil covering water it blocked the light from the oil lamps that lined the wall. The three looked up and saw a tall thin human standing before them. The companion’s eyes were immediately drawn to his large proboscis that hung over his thin upper lip like a mountain crag over a bottomless chasm, which spoiled his otherwise handsome looking, face. Ryazan was the first to recognize who stood there towering over them and she spat out.

"Damn a Wererat’s ass if it isn’t Teutonic himself in the flesh."

Teutonic answered in a slightly nasal tone.

"And a good day and good cheer to you Ryazan. I see that your mouth is still in the gutter where I last left it. Friends, before my friend Ryazan can poison your image of me allow me introduce myself. I am called Teutonic Order but my friends just call me Teutonic and I am a Paladin of the order of Mystra. I have been fighting in and around Everhovel for over a month looking for a suitable group of companions who want to take the fight to the Goblins instead of hiding here behind the town’s walls. I observed you fighting the Goblins and was suitably impressed to come and ask to join you in your further adventures."

Ryazan groaned and covered her face. Teutonic continued.

"Even though Ryazan and I have had our differences in the past it still did not prevent us from forming a successful partnership. It proved profitable and would…."

"Wait just one damn minute! Profitable? You kept refusing any gold for anything we did! I mean you never took a single gold piece no matter how dangerous the task given us! If I hadn’t taken to pickpocketing our clients I wouldn’t have gotten anything for risking my life."

"How many times have I said the profit is in the deed not the gold?"

Ryazan stood up with a knife in her hand.

"So many times that I swore that if you said it again I would cut out your tongue and throw it to the first hungry dog that I could find."

Pskov quickly spoke up to prevent what was going to be a nasty fight.

"Ah, well met Teutonic. My companions and I were thinking of adding another to our company and I’ll have to admit that we haven’t been able to find anyone in Everhovel that we deemed worthy. But I’ve heard of you from several people in town including the mayor. They recounted for me your exploits against the Goblins both inside and outside of the town’s walls."

Pskov glanced at the steaming Ryazan and continued.

"However if you are to come along I think a few rules are needed to keep the peace."

"What are they? As long as they don’t interfere with my vows to Mystra I don’t see a problem."
-
Pskov leaned over to Ryazan and the two had a quiet if animated conversation. A word would sometimes slip out to Teutonic but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. Finally Pskov grimaced at Ryazan and said to Teutonic.

"Well there’s only one rule really. I do all the talking when we meet anyone. Understand? All the talking. You don’t accept any quests, tasks, assignments, trials, jobs, charges, duties or obligations in any form from anyone at anytime under any circumstances. That’s the only way that Ryazan will agree to you joining us."

Teutonic looked at the three of them and considered. After a moment he sniffed and said.

"Does the Elf also abide by this rule?"

Suzdal who was leaning back in his chair calmly smoking his pipe for the first time spoke up.

" I agree to leave the talking to our leader Pskov. Besides I have no desire to speak to these peasants."

"Then I agree. When do we start?"

And with that Teutonic Order pulled up a chair and started making suggestions as to how to get to hangover pass. Ryazan just sat and glowered at Teutonic while Suzdal sat back puffing on his pipe with an amused expression on his face.

And now they were four.
 
:) :) :)

Sorry i know this is not enough, but the story just makes me smile.

I really like this storey,

I see you've chosen somewhere between RPG fantasy (if there is such a genre) wiht Paladins and thieves rather than classic fantasy as in Elves Halflings Goblins Giants (Lithuania?) Ents and Dragons (Would that be England?)

V
 
Valdemar: Yes I’ve gone with the RPG fantasy genre rather than the classic fantasy because I decided that if I was going to use the EUII province names for my heroes then I felt I had to use the IWD2 categories of characters.

Director: The funny thing about rewrites is that you never know where they are going to lead you. I was finishing up the second post where Pskov makes his first appearance when I realized that it would work better if he was in the same tavern as the Bard listening to his story almost before it happened. That wasn’t the plan until the moment that I typed it and I knew that I had to do it this way.

On A related note.

One of my favorite types of movies are those that blur reality. One example is a Canadian movie called "Highway 61" A Canadian movie of a few years ago where a young man takes a dead body from Canada to Louisiana. He goes because a strange girl convinces him to and oh did I mention that he has a guy chasing him called Satan. At first he’s just a crazy guy but then things start happening in the movie and you start wondering if he is indeed Satan. This blurring of reality is particularly enticing for me and this movie became a favorite of mine. This is why I decided to use this twist in the story. What is real and what isn’t? How far I’m going to go with it I don’t know.

Oh and did you notice that my posts have gotten longer since I started reading your AAR?
 
I have just read up to this point, and like everyone else have enjoyed myself so far. :)
 
Originally posted by Storey

Oh and did you notice that my posts have gotten longer since I started reading your AAR?
Click to expand...

Since more from you is better than less I will happily take credit for helping improve your AAR. :D
 
*finally catches up*

Storey, not only do your constant attempts at solving my mysteries force me to re-write all the time, but now I have to read your story as well, as I am hooked!

Shame, shame, shame, shame on you! *sing*

Right! Too much coffee on Norg today... :D
 
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