The chronicles of Bruce NotMighty - An English GC AAR

thanx. Say, any other locals keen to organise a MP session these days? I know there's not much interest in the game nowadays, but i'd just wanna experience of MP and its share of alliances and backstabbings..

"hello bruce"

"Wha...? Who are you?"

"I'm God" the lanky peddlar replied.

" Huh? But you were Asian the last time i met u."

"As I've told u before, i can appear in several guises. Looks may be deceiving, Bruce, u'll get the hang of it."

"Uh, ok..watever, so long as you don't look like my mom. So what brings you here, your holiness?"

"Why, to assess your current performance, of course. It's only the second week into 1419, and i see that you've made some controversial decisions."

"Really? Such as?"

"Such as the peace treaty with France that was concluded last week. You had Poitou ceded to the French without having fired a single shot."

"Oh that. Well, I've had more important matters on my mind than whacking the French. You see, the Scots had 23k of her troops massed in the Highlands. Something about demanding the return of their king. I've searched everywhere in the castle for the Scottish king, but he's nowhere to be found. Well, not everywhere...i did not check out Henry's bedroom. U wouldn't think he's... nah..anyway, I don't like the idea of Scotsmen with kilts and bagpipes rushing down from the north while i'm stuck in french fields, so i'd decided to appease the french by donating a piece of land to their king."

"As i recall, Henry and his lords weren't exactly happy about your decisions."

"They weren't. That's why i'd decided to remove Henry. I'd added poison into his drinks and he was dead a few days later. The Henry V on the throne was merely an imposter. Henry's cronies'd suspected as much, but they had insufficient evidence against him. With Henry's death, his french ambitions died with him. The barons are now aimless and squabling among themselves."

"Surely this can't spell well for England, Bruce."

"Of course not, that's why I'd sent them packing to Ireland "

"Ireland? Whatever for?"

"Why, to vassalise them, of course! You wouldn't think Ireland can stand against the might of 46k troops, would you? I'd thought of annexing the emerald isle, but that would require a garrison, and i hate placing 10k of my army in no man's land."

"Sending your entire army there may seem to be overkill, but it's an effective way to control your barons. What do you plan to do after the Irish have agreed to your demands?"

"Hmm..i'll probably drive northwards to the Scottish highlands. I don't really like to retain enemies behind my back. I could just break the truce with them, catch them unaware and slowly deprive the scots of their homelands."

"But won't such despicable actions ruin England's reputation?"

"Nah, i couldn't be bothered. Besides, it's not my reputation that's at stake. It's Henry's, or to be exact, the imposter's name that's being tarnished."

"I see. With the French deep in civil war i suppose there's no much danger coming from the south. And what of Henry's heir?"

"Heir? I haven't thought about that. Come to think of it, the fake king's recently confided to me that he's taken a liking to some barmaid down by the Thames. I'll see if i can make any arrangements to that, with the barons' approval of course."

"A most daring plan, Henry. I must say i'm very keen on how it'll all work out. I'll be back soon to check on your progress."

"Whatever you say, ur holiness, but please don't appear as my mom..."

"Hello Bruce, we meet again."

"Huh...wait, don't answer me. You're God, rite?"

"An excellent observation," replied the red-haired stableboy. "It seems your skills of perception have improved over the last 15 years."

"Oh yes, I've had some practice among those English squires. Pray tell me, your holiness. Why have I not aged a single bit over these years?"

"Now Bruce, surely you don't expect yourself to live through these 400 years, do you? I've merely slowed down your aging process for the purpose of this trial."

"Really, great! But this'll take quite some bluffing to the people out there. There's been a wave of heresy in London these days; I really don't like being branded as a heretic."

"Indeed. So how fares England since the last time we met?"

"Not too bad. Really. Having vassalized Ireland and conquered much of Scotland, I've finally found some time to make some tax reform. Of course, the scots don't really appreciate my efforts with the reforms and the english king, so there's been some rebellions over at the highlands in the early 20s. I had to position a permanent garrison of 15k pikemen over at the north to quell the uprisings; this army would later enter Edinburgh a few years later, thus totalling subjugating Scotland under English control. It was good hindsight that i chose to vassalize the Irish; the celts are no less the scots in terms of provoking revolts. As such there is no need for another garrison in Dublin."

"You've made a good decision on Ireland, at least for now. And what of Henry?"

"Oh that imposter's finally got his son in spring 1422. Pity he didn't get to see his son grow up; during a horseriding session he fell off his horse and broke his neck. I've warned him against doing something he's not trained in, but he insisted on letting his son see him in full glory on horseback."

"Well, as they say, pride comes before a heavy fall. What have the nobles got to say about this heir?"

"They're pretty much non-commital about this kid. As it stands, they had much more important matters to deal with back then."

"I'm sure they would be fussing over your tax reforms. What other matters could have bothered them deeply?"

"Well the French, for example. Ever since i've brokered a deal with them back in 1419, they've been caught in a wave of nationalism. Seems that some farm girl by the name of Joan's been leading them to various wars with many of France's vassals. They've been successful reclaiming Orleans, Brittany and Burgurdy. My spies sent letters to me, advising me to fortify English territory on French soil. Many of my advisors have also predicted ominous tides for anglo-french relations."

"I see. And did you wisely heed their warnings?"

"Me? Absolutely not! I'm on perfectly fine terms with the bourbon king. Well, not that good anyway; i didn't pester him and vice versa. I was more interested in balancing domestic finances and accumulating wealth."

"Bruce, you know I would never let you enjoy a rich lifestyle."

"So it was you who let the French knew I had more than 600 ducats back in early 1430s. They must've lusted after those money and promptly declared war on me! Did you know how hard-pressed i was back then, with normandy and caux fallen to the greedy french in the initial stages of the war? Just two months ago I had to spend the entire treasury to recruit men to hold off attacks on calais."

"Now now Bruce, all was not lost back then. I'd helped in your trials in other ways."

"I guess you're right, for the French king apparently went insane and declared war on all her neighbours. Now he has not only England, but also Austria and Castille/Aragon to contend with. Thankfully French armies have been spread so thin that my reinforcements managed to arrive in calais and recover the lost lands. In addition, we've managed to lay siege and occupy picardie and paris."

"All that's well ends well then. What are your next plans?"

"Well i guess i'll force the french to cede Picardie to England. Having a connection between my territories is of utmost importance to future defence. Maybe i might even demand some money from them, though i'm not likely to get much considering they're pretty cash-strapped with all the wars going on. The last i heard the southern french provinces are preparing to revolt. I hope this will buy me some time to rebuild my treasury."

"You and your riches as always Bruce. I'll leave you as it is for now, but don't expect me to idle while you gather your gold."

"Uh..cya..thanks for the um..warning...."