One day, a long time ago, there was a country, named the Timurid Empire, which, in this day and age, would be attacked by the United States of America. Fortunately for us, the U.S.A did not exist then, so the Timurids could continue to oppress the sheep (for both Sunnis and Shiites were tolerated due to the fact that it was too much trouble to oppress people who could fight back) and be particularly unstable. The Timurid Empire was ruled from the saddle by a chess piece named Shah Rukh, child of Timur Lenkh, and a strange person known to history Pyotr Eppsn.
“My lord,” said Pyotr, “I have some plans. First of all, we need to get you out of the capital and over at the easternmost border. For I can see through the mists of time, although it is indeed misty, and I see that the Chagatai Khanate will declare war soon.”
“Yes, Oh Most Grandiose Sire” said Shah Rukh, for he had been most splendidly hypnotized by Pyotr, and could only obey his orders.
Pyotr Eppsn then proceeded to grant home rule to Baluchistan, as the inhabitants of the area were a bunch of morons and Pyotr didn’t feel like ruling them. He also gave bribes unto the Uzbeks, and formed an alliance with the owners of an Indian deli and his friend the Kaliph. Pyotr also decreed that “The army shall only get half of the money they formerly got, since I need more money to settle this border dispute with the Uzbeks.”
Sure enough, in 1421, the Chagatai Khanate declared war, and in the initial confusion, the army got even more confused when they realised they didn’t know where the Khanate was. In his infinite wisdom, Pyotr Eppsn said to just walk east, and they’d find it. And thus started the road to Greatness, Alaska (just south of Juneau).
OOC: Okay, I intend to survive and relate this tale, and I think I will, since I got past the disintegration event. Peter, if you want me to change the title or the main character, say so.
“My lord,” said Pyotr, “I have some plans. First of all, we need to get you out of the capital and over at the easternmost border. For I can see through the mists of time, although it is indeed misty, and I see that the Chagatai Khanate will declare war soon.”
“Yes, Oh Most Grandiose Sire” said Shah Rukh, for he had been most splendidly hypnotized by Pyotr, and could only obey his orders.
Pyotr Eppsn then proceeded to grant home rule to Baluchistan, as the inhabitants of the area were a bunch of morons and Pyotr didn’t feel like ruling them. He also gave bribes unto the Uzbeks, and formed an alliance with the owners of an Indian deli and his friend the Kaliph. Pyotr also decreed that “The army shall only get half of the money they formerly got, since I need more money to settle this border dispute with the Uzbeks.”
Sure enough, in 1421, the Chagatai Khanate declared war, and in the initial confusion, the army got even more confused when they realised they didn’t know where the Khanate was. In his infinite wisdom, Pyotr Eppsn said to just walk east, and they’d find it. And thus started the road to Greatness, Alaska (just south of Juneau).
OOC: Okay, I intend to survive and relate this tale, and I think I will, since I got past the disintegration event. Peter, if you want me to change the title or the main character, say so.
