The Legacy of the White Sheep (first AAR for me)

January 1st 1435.

Be greeted, I am Ali Beg, ruler of The Ak Kounloyu. I have rulede this nation ever since the death of Qara Uthman (his death while fighting the legions of the timurids grieves us all... he was an excellent old fella... a bit preoccuppied with sheep though)

It has fallen upon my (admittedly rather smallish) shoulders to rule our mighty tribal federation: To battle it's foes! Destroy it's enemies!

And of course take care of it's sheep. Sooner or later it always comes back to the sheep.

Where was I? Yes...

"It was a dark and stormy night... (well it really wasn't but you get the point)... Everyone was sleeping in Awhaz and Hamadan... When suddenly, out from nowhere, thousands of vicious sheep-riders rode out from the mists (mists during a stormy night?) To murder and slay and do whatever angry sheep do. There were glorious battles, timurid troops were massacred in their beds and their camels were driven into the desert. Mighty armies clashed, people died etc. etc. Overall it was a splending battle....

Anyway, my strategy was brilliant: You see i called for Awazi, my loyal subcommander: Then i ordered him to take a thousand of our most fearless sheep-riders. The kind who can live on shoelaces for a month without complaining! The really tough sort, the "We are sons of the Desert/steppe/mountain and we can kick your ass" type of people know what I mean?

Anyway, I sent these our finest thousand, to capture all the lands of the Timurids! Kara-kum, Turkmenistan etc. etc... They all fell before the Might of the White Sheep!

Anyways, I settle for Hamadan and Awhaz during negotiations. no need being greedy eh?

August 1446: Having little to do in times of peace I sent my most loayal Awazi as a negotiator to the Black sheep, bearing a message of peace. "Tell them" I said "Tell them that we should lay aside our differences and truly realize taht there is no difference between Black and White, let us cast of our differences and walk together into the new century that will start in 54 years, let us become One Herd under One Ruler!"

Unfortunately Awazi wasn't as good a negotiatior as he was a soldier. Apparently he became to intimate with the Qaran Sultaness (Is that a word? Pah! It is a word! So do I: Ali Beg, declare!) and the Qaran sultan was infuriated. He sent us the most dreaded message. A sheared sheep.

The message was clear: They had broken our vassalage.

Furious I, of course, took steps. I immediately banished them from our alliance, and no sooner than they'd gotten their filthy behinds out of our council chamber we issued a declaration of war.

The war was short and bloody. Within a year we forced them to cede Iraq (excellent sheep-grazing grounds) and Basrah (good place for exporting wool) to Us.

July 1448: The Ruler of the Hedjaz, Whatshisname XIV asked us if we would like to marry his daughter. The lass was a fine woman, and quite interested and fascinated by domesticated animals, our marriage became a happy one, as far as such things are counted I guess.

August 1448: Having further strengthened our ties with The Hedjaz I asked them if perhaps they would appreciate coming under our protection. Just to prove my point I sent the emissary with an honour guard of 30,000 fierce White Sheep tribesmen. I was told that my father-in-law was so impressed he ate his Fez. Something I consider unlikely, since it is on the other side of the Mediterrenean.

August 1449: Our vassals the Hedjaz did not stay put for long, apparently a long-standing dispute over wheter camels were superior to sheep in the Eyes of God had led to a declaration of war upon the Mamluk Sultanate. The Hedjaz asked if we could lend our arguments towards the superiority of Sheep. The 30,000 sheep-riders we sent proved to be able to demonstrate the sheep's inherent superiority: I am told their arguments were quite POINTED....

Unfortunately one thing bothered Us: The Ottoman Empire, like ourselves, turks and although they did not really appreciate sheep they compensated for it by having a fearsome military apparatus. Luckily the stupid sods could be bribed by a few goats and a golden statue depicting a lamb, the silly buggers didn't even seem bothered by leaving their allies to perish at our pointy sticks!

April 1451: (It is believed that this is a letter from Ali Beg to his wife, it's authenticy has not been verified by historians however)

Hello dear!
It's your dearest husband Ali, currently camped outside the walls of Aleppo. We estimate that the city will fall soon, how are you? The sheep-herds alright?

Just got the news, Aleppo, Judea and Syria is in our hands, got to go, lots of cities to burn, goodbye the golden lamb of my heart!

September 1452: I've conquered Sinai and Lebanon too! Peace-negotiations are commencing with the Mamelukes.

(later that day)

Peace has been achieved!
Our glorious wooly armies have crushed the mamluks and once and for all shown the superiority of the sheep above all other beasts of the Earth!

Just to show how great sheep are the Mamluks ceded Judea and Syria to us. Ain't that NICE? They also agreed to pay us the weight of live ram in gold, just to show their willingness to cooperate.

January 1453: Ali Beg died this year, too bad really. Oh, there will be no investigation concerning his mysterious nightly escapades and his horribly mangled body found within the corrals of the man-eating sheep. Do I make myself clear? My name is Usun Hassan. And I am king now! Do you imbeciles understand that? DIdn't think so... I'd call for the executioner if I didn't cut off his head already...

June 1453: The bastards of the Black Sheep must be vanquished! I will wade in their blood! Bathe in their entrails!


Historical Note: It is rumoured that Usun Hassan's hostility towards the Black Sheep had something to do with his white-black colour blindness. However, nothing can be said for certain

August 1454:
Location: A small armenian village.

A Rider bearing the banner of the White Sheep approaches the village, a young armenian shepherd cowers in fear in front of the armed rider.

"You there!" The Turk shouts.
"Y-y-ye-yess? m-m-m-m-master?" The boy answers.
"I bring a message to you from Usun Hassan, LORD of the White Sheep, and thus your rightfull King!"
The shepherd is to scared to respond.
"His message is as follows:"
"You lazy and ignorant armenians! Your filthy gold has been causing inflation in our lands. Get that? IN-FLA-TION! We don't want ANYTHING to do with that! Besides, your filthy religion has been proven bloody hard to get rid of. We don't want that either! So get lost! We don't want ANYTHING to do with you filthy armenians! You can take care of your selves from now on! GET IT!
Now beat it! We'll still take half of your taxes every year, but otherwise you're free to do as you damn well please!

-Yours sincerely, Usun Hassan."

The Aramenian shepherd picks up the scroll with trembling fingers.
"But... but... Who shall rule us? Who shall guide our steps in this dangerous world?"
The White Sheep responds callously:
"Beats me. You look as capable as anyone. So, from now on you're the king. DID YOU HEAR THAT EVERYONE!" his shouts echo against the walls of the village. "FROM NOW ON THIS BOY IS KING! ANYONE WHO DISOBEYES HIM HAS TO DEAL WITH THE FURY OF THE WHITE SHEEP! GET THAT!?"

In the village, all was silent.


Historical Note: "Not only did the White sheep create an Armenian Kingdom, they also (apparently by accident) resurrected the Kingdom of Jerusalem. Apparently the Sheepish scribe addressed his letter to the "King of Jerusalem" instead of the "Governor of Jerusalem" Afterwards everyone was to embarassed to change anything."

June 10th 1454: VICTORY AT LAST! The filthy traitors of the Black Sheep are no more! Their armies are scattered, people enslaved, cities crushed, their insolence has cost them their empire! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Historical Note: "Usun Hassan had not even had time for his regular breakfast of Mutton and Bread, before he rose again, mounted his trusty sheep Dimples and rode to war. This time against the crumbling Timurid Empire."

1459: The Timurids were easily crushed! Even though our technology is pathethic, and our morale worse they STILL CANNOT STOP US! Laught that one off! Repeating Ali Beg's strategy we sent small groups of cavalry to take the unfortified provinces, following up with siege-armies we manage to crush them utterly. To the Victor goes the spoils: Lut, Elbruz, Ishafan, Fars and Tabaristan can now be incorporated into the Empire of the White Sheep! As a side note we've entered into an alliance with Khorasan. We have no idea whom those people are, where they come from or were their empire lies.

Another event worthy of note: The catholics of Lebanon had long been dissatisfied of their Mamluk rulers, apparently swayed by the much superior Way of the Sheep they suddenyl decided that we'd be much better masters. Unfortunately they refused to switch religion while they were at it. So, unfortunately I had to dispatch my Missionaries of the Wool to convert the Unbelievers.

March 1464: Khorasan asked us to declare war upon some peopel we don't know. We obliged of course, but since we can't see our ALLIES terriotry, much less our ENEMY's we sort of just ist around.

May 1465: The Heretics in Lebanon has been converted! It was easy enough. THeir false christian symbology already includes a lamb, converting it to a sheep was a piece of mutton.

September 1469: The Timurids, the ungratefull bastards. Sent a note to us, it goes like this "Dear sheepskins. You are ugly and your mother smells like elderberries.

-Yours sincerely: The timurid Emperor:"

Exactly why they woud send this (especially when the letter was stamped in Istanbul) we did not know. It was sufficient reason for war however! (although no one else, not even our own humble peasants! Would believe us)

The war lasted 'till 1472, when the Timurids gave up and ceded Hormuz and Kerman to our Mighty Realm.

March 1474: Today Oman was invited to our little alliance, dubbed "The Defenders of the Sheep" It consists of: The Hedjaz, our vassals. Oman: Ditto. Aden: The free-city that refuses to see the wisdom in sheep... We hope that in time that view will change. And last but certainly not least (the opposite in fact): Us, the Ak-Koyunlou: The Empire of the White Sheep, the Rulers of the Middle East, Tyrants of Tabaristan and Potentates of Persia, Lords of Lebanon and Barons of Basrah!

January 1478:


Historical note: The Death of Usun Hassan is (as is common among the Sheep) Very mysterious. Many theories has been put forth: Suicide, assasination, accident or pure stupidity are some of the most common. What all these have in common is that they all try to explain how he could end up on top of the city's highest Minaret, wearing only a sheepskin rug, and with bite-marks all over his body. History may never know exactly what happened to Usun Hassan.

I'd post a screenshot... If i had any idea how!

Yeah, it's the "Find a host to put it on" that's the problem :O

I'll have to add that to my goals... "Ally with Scotland: The Promised Land of the Sheep."

The next part will probably be up later today/tonight.

Hmm... Unfortunately it appears like something happened during the tag-switch. I became persia alright, but it appears like my savegames are unloadable now (they just spit me back to Desktop)