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Barkdreg

Kaplander
78 Badges
May 14, 2001
2.650
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Howdy!
Old Barkers is back! Today I'll start my first EU2 AAR.

EU2 1.05, EEP1.2.3
normal/normal
as aragon
guess what: forced annexations on!
 
Go get'em Soldier! For King and Country! CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!
 
Welcome back Barkdreg. Let the mayhem begin. :D

Joe
 
Frightening…

I fear a very bloody AAR. But as long as you don’t swallow :D
 
Standing on his balcony the King was enjoying one of his many strange rituals, he was pissing on the heads of catholics.
"Damn I hate them filthy Catholic bastards." several foul words followed this sentence but I won't repeat them, I could get banned.

"My liege?"
it was the chaimberlain
"I have those reports you asked for. The realm of Aragon consists of our 5 provinces on the main land and the isles of Sicily, Sardinia and the Baleares. All our provinces are inhabited by loyal Catholics."
King AlfonsoV started cursing
"Our brave armies exist 20.000 Catholic peasent infantry and 5000 noble catholic knights."
the cursing grew louder
"Our mighty navy contains 2 warships, 10 galleys and 4 transports. All comanded by well trained CATHOLIC captains."
the cursing grew even louder.
"You our noble Catholic King are regarded as a shrewd diplomat and skilled general. I've been told you are a 4341 leader. As any good CATHOLIC knows...."
The King roared and grabbed the chaimberlin's neck:
"Mention the word Catholic once more and I'll break your spine! I despise those Catholics!"
"My liege! By all that is Holy, why shouldn't I mention the word Catholic?"
SNAP!
The chaimberlin's spine broke, the King spinned the corpse around and threw it from the balcony.

And this is how the year 1419 started in the third most Catholic country in the world.

EDIT: hunted down and killed some tybos, I mean typo's
 
Last edited:
Wow! Killed your first guy and the game isn't even unpaused... :D
 
Due to the severnes of yesterdays drinking and hanging out today's update on the story of AARagon is unlikely to happen.
Barkdreg International offers a random collection of pictures as compensation.

Byzantium.txt

an old EU1 game, I'm Byzantium. The Pope is Orthodox and Tunesia has a CoT. Bavaria has been my vassal for nearly 150 years.

theman.txt

a chimp in a suit.

barkdregdrinks.txt

and finally me doing something nice.

Next update:
Sunday or monday
 
New update!

1419
Tax collectors are promoted in all provinces except Roussillion and Malta.
We enter an alliance with Portugal, sadly we don’t have the diplomats to get Navarre join us.
They join the English/Burgundian alliance instead.
In July we reach max stability and start investing in infrastructure.
Near the end of the year Portugal makes peace with Fez: Tangiers and 20 to Portugal and Fez will become a vassal to the Portuguese throne.

Three days after the peace with Fez a Portuguese envoy arrives at the court of AlfonsoV:
“My lord, I’m here to announce you that the most Catholic Lords of Portugal have decided to wage war on the most despicable heathen dogs in Granada. Will you join us in this most Holy Crusade.”
“Sure, why not. Yawn.”
War is declared on Granada, a quick glance at the map reveals they have no way of reaching us, nor do we have the intention of reaching for them.


1420
4000 peasants are armed and recruited into the mighty Aragonese army.
2000 inbred noble lordlings are given a horse and are now part of the Aragonese Rapid Response Force.

Portuguese messengers keep coming to the court bringing bad news. Portugal lost a few battles to the Moors of Granada and their loyal vassal Fez falls to the might of the Tunisians.

Quite a boring year.

1421
January the first,
The King watched the man tied at the stake. Great way to start a new year, a public burning.
“AAAAH, I love the smell of burning men in the morning! Why is he getting burned?”
“He’s a murderer and heretic, Sire. He attacked a cloister and killed all the nuns, afterwards he raped them and started shouting about killing the Pope.”
“Guards, release that man!”

This is how the King met his new General Braccio di Monteoni (4441)

To celebrate the appointment of the new General 10.000 peasants are drafted into the army.
When the army is fully trained war is declared on Castille. The reason? Because the king wants to. Sadly few people agree with this, stability drops from +3 to -3.
The slider is moved towards the increase of stability.
Braccio marches with 20.000 infantry to Castillia and starts besieging Madrid. The King sends the remaining infantry to Aragon as reserves and takes 7000 cavalry to Leon.
The Portuguese besiege Estramaduras.

In December Castilla falls and Braccio marches on to Cantabria. Leon falls in December and the king decides to remain in this province.

1422

5000 infantry recruited in Aragon
The King marches to Andalusia and starts sieging Sevilla. Braccio and his 20.000 men are attacked by 32.000 Castillans, they are defeated and retreat from Cantabria to Aragon.
A few months later Braccio returns with 22.000 men and kicks the Castillians out.

“My liege, we have grave news.”
“What? Braccio lost another battle? The French have declared war? The English decided to join the Castillians? My wife is pregnant?”
“No Sire, it’s even worse. The merchants demand that you ban the trade in foreign clothes!”

The trade in foreign clothes has been banned and a stupid messenger somehow managed to loose his head. (historical event)

In June the wise King Alfonso V decided to sign a white peace with the Moors, no gains to had by fighting them.

In October Estramaduros falls and the Portuguese army marches to Andalusia, with their help Seville is easily captured. Later that month Cantabria falls to Braccio.
Braccio and 26.000, men march to Castille to stop the 32.000 Castillans from recapturing the capital. Sadly the town falls 3 days before his arrival. Braccio attacks the army while it is still caped outside and gives them a sound thrashing. Castille loses it’s 2 cannons and many peasants and lords will never return to their respective homes. The town is recaptured before the end of the year.

“My lord, I have grave news!”
“What is it now? The merchants demand that I ban the trade of foreign sheep.”
“No my Lord, some nobles ignore your ban of foreign clothes. I’ve seen them wear Italian scarves!”

Non-enforcement of ordinances
-1 centralism, +1stabiliy and one death messenger (random event)

1423
7000 peasants drafted in Valencia
The King marches to Asturia with 10.000 men to reinforce and command the 4000 Portuguese sieging the city.

The 4th of April,

“My Lord, the Pope Benedictio XIII has died! The great Schism has ended, only one Pope remains.”
“Good, send the following message to Rome: One down, one to go.”
Clearly the Pope misunderstood the message, +100 relation with Papal States (historical event)

June,
The Muslim population in Andalusia revolts and capture the city. A quick research in the factors that lead to the revolt pointed out that the local governor believed his subjects to be Orthodox
(made a little mistake with the religion sliders, set Muslim to 0 instead of orthodox J )

In August stability has reached +3 again.

The King captures Asturias and awaits the 20.000 Castillians marching to the aid of the city.
The 10.000 men from the king ambush the Castillians and kill half of them, the Aragonese lose fewer then 1000 men. A great victory. After the battle the King marches to Andalusia.

Braccio and 8000 men March to Toledo to aid the Portuguese with their siege of the city.
14.000 men march to Murcia.

1424

3000 infantry recruited in Catalonia and a tax collector promoted in Roussillion.

In May Andalusia falls and the King marches a small force to Murcia to lead the siege.
The remainder of his army marches to Leon awaiting new orders.

The 6th of June
Braccio di Monteoni dies while sieging Toledo, popular belief describes a freak accident with a goat, a three legged stool and a German helmet.
The kings is still in the province and on his way to Murcia, he takes command of the siege.


Seen in the Barcelona Times
SCANDAL IN THE COURT!
Barcelona/Pau: royalty watchers claim that Juan, brother of Alphonso V, has been caught in a sinful act with a sheep. Juan is currently married with the daughter of Carlo of Navarre.
Carlo has threatened to declare the marriage void. An interview with the sheepherder that discovered Juan with his pants down:….

-25 relation with Navarre (random event)

September
Toledo falls the King marches to Murcia with 1000 men, the remainder of the army is send to Castille. The Murcians surrender before the king arrives, fearing his wrath.
The King orders all his armies to group in Castille. Only Galicia remains to be captured.

Seen in the Barcelona Times
CARLO OF NAVARRE DIES!
Pau: King Carlo of Navarre has been brutally stabbed to death by a chambermaid.
The King died the hands of Juan of Aragon, who killed the chambermaid upon discovering the grisly scene. With his last breath the King granted the throne of Navarre to Juan until the heir Carlo of Viana reaches maturity. Hail King Carlo II! More details, page 2.

Shepherd disappears :
The old shepherd that saw Juan of Aragon commit sins with a sheep has disappeared.
Local constables fear the man has been devoured by his sheep.

+400 relation with Navarre (historical event)

1425

Tax collector appointed in Malta.
Aragon enters a trade agreement with Portugal.

The King assembles his army and marches to Galicia, he attacks the province but is beaten back by the mountainous terrain and the able leadership of Alvaro de Luna.

May
Infrastructure 2 researched, slider to trade

October
Andalusia revolts, war weariness is getting high.
The king attacks Galicia and manage to drive the Castillians out. They march to Asturias and start sieging the town. De Luna and a small force repeatedly attack the King’s army but are always driven back.

1426
10.000 infantry recruited in Aragon

February
Asturias falls to de Luna, his army remains in the province

November
Nobles ally with Savoy
-2 stability, 24 monts CB against Savoy

The King swears he’ll deport all the traitors.

1427
100 former-nobles are sent to Sardinia

March
Galicia falls

Alphonso V marches 20.000 men to Asturias to battle de Luna and his 12.000 men.
5000 Portuguese cavalry aids the Aragonese army.
Alphonso is defeated, he retreats leaving 3000 Aragonese and Portuguese deaths behind.
De Luna’s army is down to 9000 men.

Trade tech 2 researched:
“My liege, our scientist have discovered a new way of trading!”
“Interesting, tell me more.”
“Basically we put between 10 and 60 men in a region inhabited by thousands of natives in the hope they won’t get killed. This will stop all nations from claiming that region. “
“How interesting.”

10 scientist deported to uninhabited isle near the Baleares, we know how to build trade posts.
Slider to naval.

September
Andalusia revolts again, more Muslim warriors join the siege.
A combined Aragonese-Portuguese army attacks Asturias. De Luna is defeated and his army scatters. He regroups 1000 men and attacks, his army is slaughtered and de Luna captured.
Alphonso V starts the siege.
At the same time Andalusia falls to the rebels. The rebels disperse and an Aragonese force moves in to siege the weakened city.

May
Galicia and Andalusia quickly fall to the victorious Aragonese army.
Woman are raped, men slaughtered, cites burnt and all Castille is occupied by Aragon and Portugal.
 
Originally posted by Apebe
So this is the Barkdreg I've been reading of ?:D

I think you should keep us updated with the Badboy score. We're heading to a record.:)

I really wonder how I got a reputation for being violent?
I'm actually a nice and peaceloving guy and hardly have a BB score above 25.
Must be writing style....

Oh yeah, post 1000 baby!
 
Originally posted by Valdemar
Very nice AAR, very fast paced, you'll get WC before post 1010 :D

V

Well, if more drinking pics are to be included, it'll take till 1015. :D
 
Originally posted by Sytass
Well, if more drinking pics are to be included, it'll take till 1015. :D

Your wish is my command!

barkdreg.txt



sitting.txt

me and two friends

freak.txt

two of my freakish friends

interview.txt

Barkdreg hits the airwaves!