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Tormodius

Alien
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Jul 18, 2002
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www.j-diva.no
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Foreword:
Hi everybody, this is my first AAR ever. :rolleyes:
The stage is set to South-East Europe in the late 1700s,
and our protagonist is the recently formed kingdom of
Prussia-Brandenburg. Main character: Who knows?
I hope my English isn't too bad, and that you will enjoy it!



Chapter I : A bad dream
---------------------------------------------

In the year of the Lord 1764, Archbishop Steiner had made his mind clear. He had to set all his efforts in to cure the fast growing tumor in this world - Islamism. All the unholiness that The Ottomans had so violently brought to Europe had to be dealt with. God had convinced the Archbishop to use all the neccesary means. In his dreams. The invasion of the Ottoman Empire was the only righteous destiny of the German protestants, God had said to him.

When Steiner introduced this crudely designed crusade to the Prussian-Brandenburg clergy, he was met with silent attention and gestures of disbelief. His own anti-moslem affeliates were also quite worried. Declaring war on the great Ottoman Empire meant not only the risk of losing quite many innocent believing souls, but without a proper Casus Belli, they also spoke about decreasing stability, and propheties of a rebellion growing in the realm.

The King would surely not allow that to happen. Thus, the protestant priesthood did nothing else than to continue doing their daily tasks. Now, to gain a rightful cause of war, Steiner and his affiliates had to let the King proclaim himself "Sole Defender of the True Faith." - A title whose great honour came to the man who dared to carry out it's oath. Steiner reasurred his companions that this would work, as he knew the king personally. The King liked honour and titles. A couple of months later, King Friedrich II accepted the title with great enthusiasm, and gave the Church 1000 ducats in a brown bag.
The Archbishop was pleased. Now he was rich, and a Casus Belli was perhaps within sight.

As brother Reinert had stated in the 358th church meeting of Buchenwald, King Friedrich II had been without sleep for weeks, and demons tried to possess his holy soul. They had to do something with him. Only Steiner knew what that 'something' would be... As even the beggars knew, this great King had won many great battles against uncooperative German states. In their fear, the dukes of these states had submitted and so they became vassals. Even Poland-Litauania and Austria were vassals now. Germany was huge, and had become a superpower. King Friedrich the Great had also gone for a short ride to Paris. Of course, with his Rittmeister's sword dripping red, and followed by more than 300.000 heavily armed men and artillery. King Louis XV of France had acknowledged defeat and given away 11 colonies in both North America and in the Indian Ocean. This had given Prussia-Brandenburg a real competitor-status in the colonial world.

The King was now pleased with his accomplishments, but became more and more restless by sitting in front of his fire-place consuming imported goods like coffee and chocolate, or maybe trying to outintellect people like Immanuel Kant. Which he couldn't... Now, what he really wanted was to quench another thirst. The thirst for Brandy.(*) And, in the worse cases, blood. His international reputation was very bad indeed. Thus, he was not one to be trifled with. His neighbours new exactly that, and never even lifted a piece of cutlary. In his dream, Friederich had seen dozens of surrealistic dark shapes in ragged robes. (He had watched too many of Brueggels paintings, perhaps?) Ghosts running like rats through the Slavonic provinces, slaughtering christian civilians wherever they were encountered. Visions of skeletons equipped with huge crescent moons for reproduction, raping virgins in a hellish firestorm, haunted him every night. He was upset, and struggled with his faith. He recalled the 1500AD scrolls describing massacres of Jews in Cologne, and so he feared that it was our own turn to be hunted now. Numerous prayers had been given, but God was silent as ever. Normally, Archbishop Steiner used to consult the King on the issues of faith, but never on issues of warfare. Not before a rainy winter day in 1766 AD.



* I was having a nice glass of "Napoleon" Brandy this night.




- stay tuned for chapter II - :eek:
 
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Chapter II : - Dark unholy hair -
----------------------------------------------------


One evening Archbishop Steiner arrived at the Brandenburg Castle. Right on suppertime. He knew where he could find the best meals. Friedrich was great. Especially when it came
to dining friends. Around the suppertable that evening, sat some of the most important men of the Prussian elite. And one young female. Lady Sabrina Von Lothringen was a godlike beauty with hair as dark as the Schwarzwald. Rittmeister Blücher, the most trusted general of the Hohenzollern order, sat on the opposite side of the table.

He was staring mesmerized into her beautiful eyes. She liked it, but she was also used to it. Actually, she didn't care much about him. She was about to marry a rich Dutch Stattholder. Not a handsome one, but she never really cared. Well, that businessman was indeed very successful. Among them sat Steiner and the King, along with members of the Hohenzollern family and a variety of other German aristocrats.

In addition to many colorful dishes, they all ate bunches of Sauerkraut. Lots of French Cabernet was also present at the table. Only a few of them knew the bottles were spoils of war, but nobody would have cared anyway. When both Nacht und Nebel became denser that night, only four men remained.
They sat in the lounge discussing the Archbishop's new visions.
Naturally, the King and host himself, was there. He listened to the plans with deep concentration.

He was excited, but that didn't actualy show very much. Oberst Schröder, a tall skinny intelligence officer, was also present. He had just recieved information on a new declaration of war. Russia with it's allies, Great Venice, Papal States, and the state of Aragon was under attack by the Ottomans! Schröder quickly added that they were only Catholic and Orthodox nations. No protestants whatsoever, so why bother? Well... as they soon figured, The Ottomans were in for expansion into the Christian world, and that would be a rightous ground for declaring war in it self. - A casus Belli.

Rittmeister Blücher sat in the lounge relaxing with a cigar and a double brandy. (**) Now he was a bit tired of this religious holy-jolly bigtalk. At that point he did not expect that he was later to become a legend. After some discussion about whereouts and whereto, Archbishop Steiner concluded with the fact that Prussia-Brandenburg had to defend Christianity in the name of the Lord. And that Constantinople was the main goal. King Friedrich the Great nodded, and his eyes glowed in an familiar way. In the way of a warrior...


** I also needed a couple of cigars when I wrote this stuff.




In not many days... chapter 3 :eek:
- so stay tuned -
 
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Good start... but I have a question... where did chapter 2 go?

M
 
Chapter III: War on Balkan
------------------------------------------


Behind a parapet on the reinforced Ruthetian fortress, Hauptmann Blüm watched the sun rising from beneath the ridden hills. After a short inspection round on a portcullis winch, he was about to turn to check on his patrol. Suprisingly, he halted all of a sudden. He had heard a distant thumping noise. What was this? First he shrugged. Then, uneased as he became as the noise grew louder, he hurried back to the watchtower and notified his men. They hesitated, but started to load their muskets on repated orders. Soon there were thousands of orthodox peasants with mercenaries and artillery pieces standing on the hills with the sun in their back. A rebellion. Not a small disorganized band, but a sure threat to this outpost...

This was to become the faith of Ruthetia, the most peripherical province in the Reich. A Balkan chokepoint taken from the Ottomans twenty years back in time, when the Sultan was trying to bridge the entire eastern Europe. One of the veterans from the counterattack alliance, Oberst Johan von Weisshaussen, was now eating his bratwurst breakfast in the fortress main tower, when he realized that his 5000 men were pinned and would soon starve. So he quickly hided his rather large bratwurst supply in the cellar, among with several gallons of Russian vodka. In that damp cellar, he grew fat in just a week. And in that cellar he drank his last mouthful of booze. This was supposed to be the garrison commander.


The masterwork muskette he had been carrying around sat surprisingly firm in the Oberst mouth when the young servant found him dead on a barrel of Stolichnaya. War attrition had taken it's toll, from top to bottom. Blüm and his demoralized watchforce was still holding ground, even though they ate cockroaches for dinner. Those were perhaps the same roaches that had been crawling upon and inside Oberst von Weisshaussen's totenkopf earlier that week. "Knochelroaches von der Vodkamann" some morbid unteroffizier whispered with a sarcastic smile, as they were chewed by the hungry soldiers. He refused to eat other meals than barbecued rats in vodkasauce. Soon, many other soldiers inherited his peculiar but tasteful habit.

At the time of von Weisshaussen's unholy burial behind the fortress stable, rumors of a southern revolt had reached the Brandenburg Uberkommando. In a war council, the King decided to send two huge armies southwards. First stop: Ruthetia.
The intent of having the King himself leading an even larger army to defeat a mere rebellion, was part of the greater plot. He had never been in those parts himself, but he knew the hot religious cauldron down there was not exactly healthy. There would be no suspicion in the international society about sending an army to fight off internal disbelievers, but some suspicion arose to the rumors of sending two, and of the King leading a third one!

On the 37th Church meeting in Macedonia, the Inquisition of the Greek Orthodox Church had ordered Radek Karnov - their shadow servant - to the harbour of Romania. His orders were to remain in contact as he organized rebellions. The inquisitor's scroll descibed a movement in the Balkan area, starting with the Ottoman provinces of Wallachia, Serbia and Bulgaria. A more mysterious part of the scroll said: "A bigger task awaits ahead of us. Await further orders..."

Radek pondered a bit upon this task as he burnt the scoll on his campfire. Then he packed his gear. A backpack and a pretty slim and tall crate. Not many people knew that the former weapon trader Karnov was a competent leader and a marksman who carried his special designed Russian "Baikalmusketta" wherever he went. As a man of the wrong cloth, he strongly disliked both moslems and protestants and loathed their hippocratic aristocrasy. He was into a really bad line of business these days...


-----

- exciting? Chapter IV will be published soon...
 
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DP,

Hey, terrific start.

But keep in mind what happened the last time a German Emperor named Frederick decided to go crusading... :D
 
Chapter IV: A bait of Faith.
-------------------------------------------



Through the neatly decorated archway Mullah Rakhid watched the delegation. Quietly, they sat in the great hall waiting for their host, Sultan Mustafâ III of Ottomania. The war delegation of the "True holy pact" consisted of an elder Afghani in a black turban sent by the court of Ahmad Shah Durr-i-Durrân.
Also, there was one Tripolitanian noble from Ali's family, wearing a blue gown. He felt a bit seasick from his galley trip, but hided that cleverly in a blue pouch. Finally, there was one high ranking Gujarat officer wearing Damajî Rao II's purple sprangled surcoat.
Each of these three delegation members, was sent by their respective nation in a time of crisis...

Well, they were not there to show off their fancy clothing in a hallway manequin. They were all there to discuss their business. The business of destruction.

Tripping hastely down the hallway came Sultan Mustafâ III surrounded my a dozen chancellors and two eunics. In his hand he was angrily crumbling a piece of paper. It was a note recieved from a courier, stating that King Friedrich's army had entered Wallachia and several other armies was spotted in the region.
And a declaration of war had been received just a week before.
He threw the ball of paper at one of his eunics, whom did not have the balls to pick it up.

Now, Mullah Rakhid was anticipatingly listening to the delegation's complaints against Russia, and to their words about spilling christian blood. Sultan Mustafâ and his allies became all upset when someone mentioned Christianity, or just said the magic word - Pope. They were alredy at war with him.
To make things even more complicated for Mustafâ, Prussia-Brandenburg had drawn their allied vassals into the conflict. Both Österreich, Siebenbürgen, Scotland, and Provence was formally at war with the Ottoman Empire.

The Mullah was anxious to have their vassal Tripoli, and also Gujarat and Afghanistan, into joining their european Jihad. That didn't turn out to be any problem. After weeks of investments in troop morale by Allah himself, and with help from his Imam friends, Mullah Rakhid had got what he wanted. The delegation went to pray with him. They praised Allah for helping them to take on Europe... For good.

In the months to come, the Mullah went to Bulgaria with a group of missionaries, and a smaller Ottoman battlegroup for their protection. An angry mob of wearied orthodoxes disliked their speeches of the great coming of Allah and his prophet Muhammad. In a short fight to come, the battlegroup was outnumbered, and chopped to pieces by scythes.
As the soldier's heads and limbs were thrown to the dogs, Mullah Rakhid and his missionaries were burnt at the stake in the Romanian village Masnigi.

The layleader who had picked Mullah Rakhid as the main target to be set aflame, was by no surprise named Radek Karnov. He watched the bonfire with an unspeakable nasty grin, as his mob threw leftovers at the fire... It was an awful sight indeed.

Well... In this village today, there goes a story of a charcoal shape at the village inn, pointing a burnt stake at certain tourists.



------

- Hey you! Stay tuned for chapter V. Coming soon...
 
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Chapter V: The Desert Fox
----------------------------------------------------------------



Despite the blessing of Allah, the war didn't turn out so well as Mullah Rahkid had foreseen. The non-professional Ottoman army had lost nearly all of Balkan during the the two years of war. Their technology had not been blessed as much as their hopes.
Every fortress they had in the South-Balkan region was cut off from their supply lines. Either assaulted by the Königliche Sturminfanterie or under siege by rebel forces.

The three Prussian Army divisions who had marched through one province after another, virtually unhindered, were quite tired, despite their top quality training. Disease, hypothermia and hunger was in fact the worst enemy of the Prussian army. With their skills in maneuvering and war in laces, these three armies had lost no battles yet, but their manpower was reduced. They were accompagnied by two Austrian-Hungarian armies as well, who mainly fought off rebels and stole knackwürsten supplies.

On sept.3, 1772, Rittmeister Blücher had positioned his 27 artillery pieces on the Akropolis hill in Athens after a very short siege. With his remaining army of 28.000 fatigued conscripts, Blücher had pretty much attacked whichever Ottoman province his eyes fell on. His orders were to beat them up as bad as he could, while his King fought elsewhere. Six weeks after the invasion, the Duke of Athens had returned from exile in Naples, and he was requesting reinstation as the head of Grekenland - The Duchy of Athens. Later on, when the Duke had his request considered, The Duchy of Athens became a Prussian vassal state.

Blucher told him that he could do whatever he pleased, as long as they did not cooperate with the moslems. He didn't really care about politics, so when his reinforcements came along he ordered his men to embark on ships to be shuttled across the mediterranian. He had never seen the African desert before, and now he wanted to do just that. The King had named the desert march "OPeration KinderGarten" (OPKG) when they were planning to invade the Ottoman North Africa, 'cause they thought of North Africa as a nice little sandbox. At the sunny trip between lovely greek islands, Blücher had renamed his unit... "Kindergarten Korps".

In Thrace, King Friedrich himself had positioned his 103 artillery units near the Bosporous straits outside Istanbul, accompagnied by 64.000 men of the Prussian Leibsgarde. In that strait he had also a fleet of fifteen vassieux ships. As he was watching the oncoming Moslem counterattack, he suspected these Ottoman infidels to make complete fools of them selves and retreat as soon as they came within range.

The King hushed a young drummer, and took the cigar out of his mouth. The young drummer was thrown a half smoked cigar by his King, and smiled. Friedrich adressed his most nervous ArtillerieOberleutnant with a harsh voice: "Upon my bidding, and only mine, you are to fire upon these sorry excuses of Turks. Understood?"...
"Oh yes indeed, your excellency" replied the middle aged Oberleutnant Greifswald, who had left his 4 kids and a wife back in Pommerania. Ultimately, he survived the war, but was left alone with his 4 kids after his unhappy wife had fled to Courland with a young sailor she had met in a run down Kneipe back in Stettin. They were both drunk when they left the 4 kids back home.

In Thrace, King Friedrich had guessed pretty good.
After firing 76 artillery rounds, many Ottomans had already fled, and their ranks were now broken. King Friedrich then shouted his rather uncivilized battlecry. - "Angriffeeeen, schneeeell!" A Prussian drummer started his long drill, as the remaining Turks were butchered at the beaches by the Danzig Kavalerieskadrone.
Greifswald had managed to direct his fire to breach the walls of the old East-Roman capital. He was satisfied with himself in service of the Prussian Artilleriedivision. Perhaps more satisfied than his wife was in him.


Not many days later, Istanbul fell and Oberleutnant Greifswald saw the great capitol with a huge hole in it. King Friedrich wanted to speak with Mustafâ, but he had left days ago. The King established a HQ in the ancient Sophia Hagia and ordered to search the city. The city was rather plundered, than searched.

Now, Sultan Mustafâ was sitting uncomfortably in a carriage on the way through Anatolia. He was writing a new piece of paper. This piece he did not crumble one inch of. It was a letter to King Friedrich with a plead for peace, granting Romania, Macedonia, and 122 ducats. This was the piece of paper in which King Friedrich had the pleasure of crumbling, and then throw at a certain artillery officer with a deceitful wife. Even though he was not a eunic, neiher he had the balls to pick it up. Friedrich was demanding Wallachia, Serbia, Athens, and the rest of central Balkan. When Mustafä finally accepted the offer, Grekenland (Athens) gained it's independence and became vassals, and so did Wallachia and Serbia. The other balkan provinces were split between the main participants, Austria and Prussia-Brandenburg. These provinces did not prove very useful to the Prussian King, but the Austrian aristocracy made great use of their parts.

Sultan Mustafâ could not return to his pillaged palace as both Russia and Netherlands was approaching to beat him up as well. He looked through the shattered glass of his keyhole window only to spot numerous modern and well trained Dutch infantrymen. He could hear the faint sound of the Dutch field-trumpets screaming for a new assault. He ran for his life, followed by 23 eunics and 247 harem-girls. In spite of his bouncing belly, the sultan got away once again, but most of the the girls were captured by the Dutch and I dare not tell you what happened to them.


As Blücher arrived with his 28.000 men in Orania, North Africa,
all he got was the message of the Ottoman Empire's surrender.
Now he had no enemy to fight, and with nothing but camels and scorpions along the way, Blücher was quite dissapointed with his desert tour. It was boring and it was very hot all the way, until they came to the Fez's coastline. There was some kind of a civilisation there, but they did not feel welcome. After killing some scimitar wielding infidels in a remote fort, he found what he was looking for... the Shiny Stones. And they were not small either. When he left for Macedonia, he loaded hungry lions into the cargohold of his ship, as diamond guards.


At this time King Friedrich went straight to Tripoli for a decisive strike against the Sultan's accomplices. They were also scimitar wielding warriors without any modern weapons, and they were beaten in a few days by the Leibsgarde. The Tripolitanian aristocracy submitted to vassalship, and the King tasted for his first time, a hot meal of Couscous.



- More to follow soon, so pay attention! :)
 
Last edited:
Can't understand I forgot the end of the story... :eek:
Well here it is... Enjoy!


Chapter VI , A Bullet Major
--------------------------



In the year of great sorrow 1775 an orthodox rebellion had taken control of
a handful of provinces in the former Ottoman Europe. For several months Romania was completly under the rule of Patriarch Teokrites orthodox movement.

King Friedrich himself, after his successful crusade, was also present in the area. He was aboard his flagship, returning from the African campaign.
This night he watched the Romanian skyline from the helm and looked suspicially at the black smoke rising from the port.

"Just a minor rebellion" admiral Konow stated.The King spoke: "It better be!"
Soon after, he disembarked on safe distance from the smoke, along with his cavalrymen. They were followed by thousands of infantrymen disembarking on the Romanian beaches. King Friedrich ordered his admiral to guard the coast area. And then he set up a siege. "These defectors were only stupid peasants trying to plunder the food supplies" he said to himself. No match for the conqueror of Constantinople. What did they have to complain about anyway? The crops were in abdundance, and no one had to starve in his great empire.

Inside the town behind the barricades, Teokrites' inquisitors had given Radek Karnov his final orders. He read the piece of paper with a satisfying smile on his face. He left the headquarters in a coffin. - Alive, and the orders were clear, the coffin was not subject to a burial, yet. In this dark tiny space, he also managed to assemble his Baikal musket within a few minutes. When the wagon carrying them had come to a halt outside the local church, robed men carried the coffin inside. From there, Radek swiftly walked up the bell tower. He waited for many hours until he could see the Prussian army. They were arriving to finish off the remaining mobs of revolters hiding in the town.
They were pretty close now, and he particularly noticed a decorated figure upon a warhorse. He had memorized the paintings Teokrites had shown him, and he recognized this as King Friedrich II of Prussia. Radek crouched behind the bell and put his musket quietly on the window frame. Then he started to adjust the attached brass telescope. He was breathing slowly while aiming.
It was a rainy day, and the musket was covered in tar clothing. Down below, King Friedrich der Grosse looked at the many bombarded buildings, but there were no signs of movements inside.

His own soldiers were running like ants in the area around. He was also accompanied by the 12 mounted officers of his own Leibsgarde, and the field priest. Everybody was a bit uneasy this day. The siege had lasted for over a week and the enemies were scattered.

Finally, one hauptmann looked at the church and noticed something sticking out from the bell tower. As he shouted to get the mounts galloping, there was a thundering noise upon which the echo slammed between the citywalls.
The special designed musket had fired its single bullet who travelled the 250m,
and bore itself right through King Friedrich's forehead. His neatly decorated body was slowly bending forward and shortly after it fell dead of the mount, who was galloping in panic. An fine dressed corpse laid twisted there in the mud. Eyes staring peacfully into the sky. Some soldiers slowly began to realize that their King was dead, but it was hard for them...

The escape route were blocked by Prussian elite soldiers and Radek had no choice but to hide back in his coffin, and wait for the robed men. They did not show up and the coffin was discovered by the Leibsgarde instead, and nailed shut. Radek was buried alive, along with the evidence of his crime. Centuries should pass before the world saw a Baikal of that calibre once again.
 

Epilogue
--------



One cold winter day in the year of the Great Loss 1775, Archbishop Steiner held the service at the pompous royal funeral. The King's body had been transported, mainly by sled, throughout the vast empire. 112 statues were under construction by orders from the royal court. Prussia-Brandenburg was to be under official mourning for one year. The deceited Artillery-officer went ro Reperbahn in Hamburg, and got pissed. He started a brothel there, under his motto: "All women are whores!" He never saw his 4 kids anymore. Most of them were enlisted in the Königliche Armee later on.

As the white coffin decorated with black iron crosses, carrying Friedrich the Great, was descending into the frozen soil, Archbishop Steiner's face looked like a block of granite. The royal musketeers fired their salvo, and when they were done, Blücher poured a handful of Saharan sand upon the coffin. It was all over and they left the royal cemetary in silence.

Brother Reinert whispered to his Archbishop: "Blücher is the Desert Fox of Africa and a great Rittmeister, but it was you that actually made him become that. Remember that..." The Archbishop's face glowed just a bit. Then he thought: - "Africa my rectum sanctem! Now, the Ottomans were down, but the tumor of disbelief is still growing bigger. We will be the Sole Defenders forever now. Revolters all over place, what a mess! " The next day he sent all his missionaries southwards to the occupied areas north of Istanbul. What he didn't realize, was that Orthodox movement were already waiting to take care of them, in their own special way.


THE END. :(