The Empire Strikes back
Phantom Menace
The Rebel Alliance, before being crushed in a hail of plasma, nukes, and other weapons of mass destruction which are a standard part of the evil empire’s stockpile, managed to send one lone ship through a worm hole back to 1419, to stop the French, and if possible, Mughal domination of the world. His name was Dave Campbell. At his command is an AI known as Center, who has succeeded in conquering the world in every Mughal Universalis AAR simulated. Possessing a deep knowledge of the arts of war, and skilled in the ways of the warrior, David Campbell and Center fight to protect truth, justice, and the Savoyan Way.
But the French have plans of their own Under the Ghost and King Charles, they have set a plan into action which may result in a Savoyan defeat. The weak King Charles is propped up by the Ghost, a mere phantom of a brave warrior for France. This phantom is skilled in the arts of war, diplomacy, and trade, and through his cunning, the Britannians have already been repulsed. Now armies clash, as Savoy squares off for its daring all or nothing gamble. The Phantom Menace draws near….
Dave Campbell quickly met Duke Amadee, who practically fell over himself to help me. Pretending to be an oriental inventor who had been working on a way to fly, Dave swiftly gained influence at the court, especially as his small forces swiftly smashed brigands. Styling himself as Ghandi Khan, Dave Campbell was able to become the Duke’s most trusted advisor. Under his guidance, the Duke agreed to increase the quality of his forces. Dave was constantly surprised, but Center had its own opinion.
“You’d be impressed as well if you’d never seen someone drive, let alone fly, and suddenly they walk out of a fireball that broke the sound barrier,” Center commented, one evening at a ball held by the Duke. “By the way, I suggest spitting the food in your mouth out. It’s poisoned.”
Also of help were the mind control nanobots, which were able to gradually influence the Duke to subconsciously do whatever Campbell and Center wanted him to do. Technology is a wonderful thing, so long as you’re the only one to have it.
Among the first things Campbell instructed the Duke to do was to send a personal gift of a lovely Savoyan wine, which slightly improved relations. Sent 4 days later was the Duke’s 2nd daughter, which was promptly married to England. Savoy then asked to join the English Alliance, and on January 30, the mighty Savoy Defense Corp (truly a terror to behold) marched off to lay siege to Dauphne.
“Okay Gandhi, or Campbell, or whatever you’ve decided to style yourself, I suggest your plan for razing the city of Marseilles should be well thought out,” said Center petulantly. “The French are marching this way with 10 thousand soldiers, so you had best be careful.”
”Bah. The English are laying siege to Paris while the Britannians assaulted Vendee.”
“Listen Gandhi, you may have been a tyrant back in the future, but here and now I’m the one who knows what’s going on. French manpower and treasury reserves are massive. And it’s Britannites. Mistake it near the Britannites and they’ll attack you.”
Well, thought Campbell, The French have always been a warlike people.
As might be expected, the city fell within 4 months, in April.
As he was writing a message to the Duke directing for more troops, and why he should refuse to assist the merchants as foreign trade competition rose, a scout entered his tent.
“Milord, there are about 20 thousand French infantry, and 10 thousand French cavalry heading our way,” said the scout, before continuing, as he prepared to sprint out of the tent, “I thought you might like to know.” Center started laughing.
Campbell paced about, wondering what to do. On the one hand, they were outnumbered two to one. On the other hand, the French were known to offer decent terms to lords who turned traitor. Center interrupted him as he was thinking. “On the third hand,” The bemused AI said, “the French have to cross the Rhone. Why not use that as an opportunity to break their army? Plus, the duke of Savoy will surely offer a great deal of conquered land to the mighty military leader Gandhi Khan.”
Suddenly, Campbell began to feel the patriotic forces which tugged at every man in wartime. “Hmm… that is an excellent idea, center. Begin construction of the defenses.”
On May Day, the French forces began crossing the river Rhone.Shortly before battle, Campbell gave a little speech. “Men, we are about to embark on the Great Crusade,” he began.
“You mean we’re fighting Moors?” shouted someone in the mass of soldiers.
“No no, we’re fighting the source of the ultimate evil.”
”Rome’s that way, buddy,” shouted another, who was swiftly…. Dispatched.
“Oh, bloody hell. We’re going to fight the French, and we’re going to win. And although many of you may die here, many years from now, as I lay in my richly furnished castle, I will spare a passing thought to the thousands of Savoyans who will have died here tomorrow. Oh yes, and the family of anyone who deserts will suffer accordingly. Pleasant dreams, men.”
The next day, there was a big battle. As one might expect, the side with the supercomputer devoted to strategy and tactics won, and there was much rejoicing. The Savoyan moved southward, and swiftly took Provence, with the beautiful city of Marseilles.
“Excellent,” said Gandhi, as his troops plundered in the city. “We can now demand Provence from Provence for peace.”
”Sorry,” Center replied. “We can’t annex the city from them. It’s their capital, and they still have another province left.”
”Why can’t we? I can think of dozens of examples in history where the capital was annexed and the survivors fled.”
”The period between 1419-1821 was a very odd one, from the perspective of history. Nations could be reduced to city states, and then conquered 8 years later, but never conquered at once. Capitals could only be moved through events of great importance, and never by the run of the mill monarch.”
”Okay. We’ll just camp here, and wait for Maine, located at the OTHER END OF FRANCE to fall, before annexing it.”
“But if we annex it, the other nations of the world will hate us.”
”No one cared when the Pope annexed Siena and Modena.”
”Well, when you’re the Pope, you can rampage across Europe all you want. Until then, you’ll have to be careful about becoming too large too rapidly. Savoy must retain respectable until the time comes when it’s too large to be stopped.”
“When’s that?” Gandhi asked.
“Oh, about 1600.” Center replied casually, before drifting its attention back to solitaire.
The Duke went ahead with the annexation of Provence, and marched deeper into France.
In the end, of course, Brittanny took Maine, and then Savoy took Provence. With her armies weakened and her treasury low, France sent an offer to discuss the terms of peace.
“Gandhi,” Duke Amadee said, “You have proven yourself a skilled leader, smashing every force the French throw at you. You will be among the diplomats. But I warn you; the French king, though inept, has skilled advisors, who may be able to gain an advantage at the peace table which they could not win in war.”
”Oh, don’t worry my duke, I’m sure they won’t have a ghost of a chance.”
Center snorted.
In the drafty halls of the castle where the peace conferences were being conducted, something crawled, unseen, unheard. The creature was not of this world, nor the next, it was the Ghost, which many believed had been sent by God to save France. True, thought the Ghost, the cunning Savoyans had stabbed them in the back, but he could easily manipulate their leader, this Gandhi, at the peace table.
“I don’t think so,” said Gandhi (a.k.a Campbell, a.k.a Baron of Provence). Stepping out with a strange mask on his face, he said, “Your ectoplasmic trail’s been obvious for quite some time. Now, it’s time to die.” With that, he unslung the weapon that struck terror into the hearts of enemies: The super soaker.
“Hah. You jest! Your water gun is useless. I can float through walls. What can a little water do?”
Gandhi opened fire, and the holy water from the spring in the cave where the word of Christ was first spoken in France (plus a good deal of acid) struck the ghost, who wailed, gnashed his teeth, and generally made painful sounds. The ghost appeared on the verge of defeat, when the super soaker ran out of water.
“I will return!” screamed the ghost, as he fled through the walls. “Your rivers will run with blood, your cities will burn, France’s children will grind your bones to make bread, and a great deal of other horrible things will happen!” Thus screaming incoherently, the Ghost fled through the walls.
“That was unexpected,” commented Center.
In the end, peace was made in 1422, with Savoy receiving 450 ducats, which were used to send merchants to centers of trade. After all that had happened, Savoy had a slightly tarnished reputation, but Campbell and Center both felt that it would recover well enough for the second aspect of the conquest of France.
The nobles tried to enserf the peasants in 1425, but with the support of Gandhi, they protected the serfs, giving them a greater sense of freedom. Along with a rejection of support for merchants as foreign competition rose, the economy was on the way to where it needed to be for the defeat of the Moghul and French empires.
The next stage of the war was in 1428, by which point Savoy and the Duke were respectable in the eyes of other European nations. This war had been triggered after Savoy revolted from Brittany, and had been conquered by France, giving England a casus belli against France. Brittany remained neutral.
That war wasn’t of any real account, as the mighty English armies were able to defeat the French. Of course, some bimbo named Joan Of Arc helped the French, claiming to be a messenger from God, but Savoy’s Special Services knew how to handle messages from God, as the encounter with the ghost showed.
Joan of Arc was brought to Savoy, where she was quietly given a long walk off a short pier, as it were. France gained Languedoc, cutting France off from the Mediterranean, and a few provinces in the north in the Treaty of Edinburgh in 1433. Truly an excellent year.
It appeared that the maser plan was going as planned, when, in 1435, Center chimed a message to Campbell as he lounged in his estate in Provence.
“You’ve got mail!” chimed the helpful AI.
“The internet doesn’t exist yet. Who emailed me?”
”
Bursar667@mol.com ,” it responded. “Message reads:
Hey there! Congrats on your successful empire building. Mine’s bigger of course, but then, I'm sure you've been told that size doesn't matter.
No doubt you’re wondering how I escaped from the flaming wreckage of the warship that followed you, and which you summarily destroyed. It’s a long story, and I have no desire to tell it to the likes of you, but I will tell you something else. I am not in the Timurid Empire. They can manage well enough. I’ve taken a position as the Chief Scientist with this nation.”
”Oh, shazbot. This is going to throw the plan off,” said Campbell, as he listened.
“But wait, there’s more!” said Center.
”No doubt you’re wondering who this nation is. I’ll give you a hint:
Rue, Britannia! Britannia rules the waves!
All others, now and forever our slaves. Cheerio, and all that. I’m off to conquer Eire.”
”Well, this is wonderful. That means we’re allies with the foes we’re fighting. “
”Of course,” said Center pedantically. “What, did you honestly believe the English could carve out a massive empire on their own? Next you’ll be saying that the future of Savoy and freedom lies in the Middle East.”
With the discovery that the Bursar was leading the forces of England, Savoy left its alliance, and courted one with Navarre and Aragon, who joined it. Desperate now to carve up the remnants of France before the Bursar did, Savoy declared war in June of 1438, and the three nations invaded.
France, fell quite easily. Aragon and Navarre took huge chunks of territory, but Savoy had a different plan.
“My Duke, it is of vital importance that we convince the French to become tributaries of Savoy. We are stretched thin as it is; we will get less money, true, but we will not deal with the risks of revolt that we would otherwise have to deal with.” The Duke, not having a free will since 1425, grunted acknowledgement.
France, however, proved implacable. “Milord, they have again refused to acknowledge Savoyan dominance. What shall we do?” asked a messenger.
“Once again, I must venture onto the field of diplomacy to win a battle for faith and freedom,” said Gandhi, Baron of Provence. “Center, why do you think that they refuse to make peace?”
”Probability of 99% that the Ghost is behind this. Margin of error is + or – 1%, of course. Recommendation: remove the Ghost from the game that we play amongst our selves. But there are no weapons that will permanently remove him.”
“Oh, I have an idea. There’s a weapon that is reputed to trap a ghost or other demon inside it, and store it as a snow globe for all time.”
”What is it called?” asked Center.
“Why, the holy snow globe of Antioch.” Center began purging its memory of the last 3 minutes.
January 14, 1440. The castle of the king of France was quiet, save for a room on the top floor. “So, in exchange for using your weapons, these strange miniature cannon, or ak47’s, as you call them, you want France to do what?’
A voice came through cloak around the other person, cold enough to chill a ghost. “Kill Savoyans. I want you to kill Savoyans.” With that, he disappeared, leaving the Ghost alone with hundreds of crates full of enough guns and ammunition to conquer all of Europe.
But there were others at work, in the dark of the night. From the opposite side of the castle, Gandhi, ninja assassin, watched.
“Hmm, those guns would be useful to us,” said Campbell, as he saw the Ghost float through the crates, making sure all was in order.
“No; the guns would run out of ammunition, and our empire would collapse from revolts. An empire built on the ak47’s is an ephemeral one; whoever is responsible for this knows that, and is merely trying to stop Savoy.” Center calculated who among the survivors of the Space Race to Earth had the capabilities to make ak47’s, until coming up with a negative.
Campbell fired the grappling hook, swung over the tour, slipped, and crashed into the bottom crate of ak47’s, knocking them over.
“NOOO!!!” screamed the Ghost. “Those weren’t under warranty.” He paused, and stared. “It seems w meet again Gandhi. Or should I say Joseph Campbell, of Io? I have been in contact with those who know who you are, and I am not amused.” The ghost’s right arm turned into a massive broadsword, and he said, “As you can see, I have been training. I can now interact with matter. How ironic, the sole survivor of rebellion slain by a ghost of a dead kingdom.”
”That’s not very ironic,” replied Campbell, as he prepared to run away, only to find the doors locked. “ That’s poetic justice, at best.” He then realized he was carrying the conveniently powerful energy sword, which was capable of ripping up the properties of the space-time continuum which allowed ghosts to exist. Lucky thing too, as without it, he would have surely perished.
“That’s it, Ghost. I’ve had enough of this.” He turned the life saver on, and it flared a brilliant neon yellow.
The two fought throughout the night, into the morning, stopped for a quick lunch, and resumed fighting. Finally, at around 7 PM the next day, The Ghost appeared to have gained the upper hand. “Time to die, rebel scum.”
Center finally realized what was going on (having been busy practicing on Mughal Universalis) and said, “Quickly, while he’s pompously bragging. Use the secret weapon!” As the sword came down, John threw the snow globe.
Lightning surrounded the Ghost. Energy flared, bringing light to day, as the power of a nuclear reactor inside the snow globe tore him apart. Finally, all was quiet. John picked it up, and started laughing. Inside was a little ghost, in a little castle, screaming. He shook it for good luck.
Peace was achieved n March, for without the Ghost, the French front soon collapsed. France became the vassal of Savoy.
Then the English struck back. They declared war on Guyenne, Savoy’s vassal, and Savoy joined the war. When Guyenne was annexed, they had no choice but to cede the Bursar Gascogne and 100 ducats. Campbell left, vowing he would return.
The years passed quickly, as the armies of Savoy, led by the fearsome warrior Gandhi, conquered several of Burgandy’s territories in the south, giving them a land route to France. Substantial (5 merchants) were established throughout the Mediterranean and Northern Europe, and Emilia was annexed in 1468. In the time between the wars, two refineries were established, along with a center of arts in Piedmonte. France and Austria inherited Burgandy, and Savoy entered a Golden Age, until 1493, when explorers began to offer their services to the naval nation of Savoy.
“I recommend sending explorers around the cape of Good Hope, like the Portuguese do,” said Center. “We can establish colonies in India and launch a preemptive strike against the Timurids and the Scientists. VENGEANCE WILL BE OURS!” Center cackled gleefully.
“We don’t have super ships like every other nation. Ours need to replenish supplies, while Portuguese sailors just tighten their belts and sail straight to India. I believe we should colonize northern South America, control the tobacco and gold there, and use that to finance the conquest of Italy. Unless you’d care to ask the Duke’s opinion?”
In the end, a Solomon division was achieved, with one explorer going to both places. With the mighty sword of Savoy over his head, the Pope wisely held off on the treaty of Tordesailles until 1516, and since the Baron of Provence had convinced the Duke of Savoy to join an alliance with Portugal and Spain, nothing of consequence happened from it. In addition, France was finally added to the realm in 1506, giving Savoy its own center of trade.
“See Center, this is why you have to get a better understanding of human subtlety. No one cared that much when they joined our realm.”
”This would be the person who used a nuclear reactor in Paris in 1440, right?’ responded Center.
“By the way, our colonies are prospering. Here’s our foothold in India:
And here’s the northern part of south America, where the plan for the gold conquests is apace:
Campbell grinned. “Okay, now let’s show the Italians what we think of their insults…”
Center displayed a picture of the europolitical situation. It appeared that the forces of freedom would stand a good chance in the ruthless conquest of italia, coming up.
But all was not well. Though France was vanquished and the Ghost a Christmas ornament, The Phantom Menace was still out there. Who gave France the ak47’s in the first place? What would the Bursar do now that Scotland had been reconquered? And most importantly, why did no one acknowledge the conquered parts of France as core provinces, despite 80 years of rule?
