The continuing stories of an Entity forced to live like a man...
Well, where was I? Oh yes, Me-that would be Mr. Death, Bob to my friends, but NEVER Bobby!!!- I was the King of Ethiopia’s Guy, The Guy who Makes All the Big Decisions Type Guy. I had let the King sleep on his decision, and he had foolishly sent out an offer of Alliance to Nubia! Why?! That King may like the women, but he does not like the Alliances. A refusal is given, and as is the custom of the area, a pile of camel dung is sent in a brown sack and lit on fire and placed upon the entrance to the King’s Chambers. Now, I know that this is done, so I never accept-or stomp- brown sacks. Nevertheless, the King is not so smart. He saw the fire, and stomped the sack. Sufficed to say, he hates the Nubians now more than ever, and has vowed to ‘take care of them’ . I know that I must do something to help, and so, I left the palace to visit “Victory” . There I found a creature that may have been a man at one time, but was now nothing more than a mess of hair and dirt. When I inquired as to the creature's name, I was told it was Jumbalaya. Such a strange name for a creature. But I went to him(it?) and offered my thanks for a job well done. For he had led “Victory” into battle, and had seen them through to victory every time. And so, as the Voice for the King, I made Jumbalya Leader of “Victory” and gave him orders to use “Victory” as he saw fit. For a response, I smelt a rank stench coming from behind Jumbalaya, and covering my nose, I wondered what I had done to deserve such a punishment. But let us continue this story, before something untoward should happen.
1421 ET
On January 13th, at the same instant that Nubia rejects the King’s offer of Alliance, he orders that 1000 men be called up in Welo Province, and that 4000 be called up in Gonder Province. It seems the King has plans perhaps? I pity the fool who doesn’t respect the King!
This action, unfortunately leaves us with little available to fund anything other than minor expeditions to the lands around Ethiopia, although, since we cannot claim them right away, I worry that clearing them will open them for other nations to take from us, and so, they shall be left as they are, and we shall use the Natives as a wall of bodies to surround us.
March 15 of this year sees my fears confirmed. Men from Oman set up trading posts in Malindi and Mudugh, and although this gives us introduction into their realm, it does little to ease the feeling that soon there shall be hostile neighbours all round Ethiopia. I can only hope we can make some offer to Oman to make them see we are not their enemies-not yet at least, but maybe in due time- and that friendship between our two lands can perhaps lead to a strengthening for both of our countries.
While all this is going on, the troops in Malindi and Mudugh finally assemble, and set out training to ensure they do not become like “Mouse” and more like “Victory”. The remainder of this year shall be an interesting one, as Ethiopia is poor now, and must wait for the New Year to see what they will see.
1422 ET
It seems that this King is not all together bright. The New Year sees another diplomat ready for us, fresh out of diplomat school, and what does the King do with this raw recruit? Sends him to Nubia again. And can you guess what he was sent to ask for?
Yes! A brown sack! And he got it! I think, next year, I shall send the diplomat where I would. And I think that I shall have the King save up the funds gained at the beginning of this year and put it towards next years efforts.
Throughout this year, I am forced to watch as the troops train, and as the King acts like he has no idea which way is up. Nevertheless, I suffer it, even though I, Mr. Death- Bob to my friends- am so above all this. Why? Because if nothing else, I am stubborn.
1423 ET
I have a word with the king as 1422 ET turns into 1423 ET.
“King. You have to let me handle matters of great import, all right? I cannot have you stomping any more brown sacks. Leave matters of war, peace, diplomacy and everything else to me, all right?”
To which the King obviously and naturally objected. I was then forced to pull out the big guns.
“You remember that time, about 2 years ago? When you were out with the animals? The sheep and cattle, to be precise? In addition, how you had that wacky idea? Yeah, I know, King. So! If you do not let me take over I will be forced to reveal that little tidbit of info to your subjects, and your wives.”
Moreover, the King hummed and hawed and let me take over complete control. I used our inflated treasury to order troops called up in Welo Gonder Provinces. I had 1000 foot be called up in Welo-it seems they are wise to my plans in that province and refuse to allow me any more than that amount each time I make the call- and 1000 foot and 2000 mounted troops to be called up in Gonder. I also happen to notice, seeing as I am all encompassing, that the group calling themselves the Marmelukes has shown a great deal of skill with their armies. They gain possessions from Tunisia in the form of Tripolitania in February of this year. I shall have to watch out for that, ensure that nothing untoward happens that should see them gain too much power. But damn! If only I had been given a land with more prospects. Perhaps it is those damn Fate Sisters. I tell you, reject one of them simply because she is ugly as a dog, and they all get touchy about it! Sheesh! I think maybe that they forced the dart to land on Ethiopia when I was choosing my nation. Well, I will do what I can with what I am given. And who knows? Maybe I can show them how effective I can be, if I put my mind to it.
The remainder of this year is just one of drinking umbrella adorned drinks and sitting in the sun working on my tan. Do you know that as Death, I am rather pale? I think it has to be to whole “Oh Look at me! I have a bony hand! And I wear only black! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Boo!” It’s enough to make a grown entity cry, I tell ya! Always, having to come dressed as it is expected! I can never come and visit someone on their deathbed with jeans and a T-shirt. It isn’t fair! Not fair at all!
But I digress. July 30th sees a great bit of news. Our relation with Oman is improved greatly, mainly thanks to me and my knowledge of the ruler of Oman and his penchant for camels and scorpions-don’t ask- and there is even talk of possible alliance ties or something along those lines. [OOC: + 75 to relations with Oman and a diplomat. So now I have 2! Hot Damn! ]
I decide to see whether an alliance is possible between Ethiopia and Oman.
Nope. Oh well, it was worth a try, huh?
1424 ET
This year shall be one of introspection. I will rest, and let the treasury gain enough to send a settler out. But that shall take four or five years at least, and so, I will wait. Thankfully, I am not worried about growing old. One of the benefits of being Death.
I visit Jambalaya in the Capital, and find he has trained the men of “Victory” into a true fighting force. He still talks using farts and guttural grunts. He is his own symphony of bodily noises. It is quite entertaining to listen to him explain how he trains his men. The easiest way to think of it is to remember a time when you let a massive fart go. Remember that sound? I know you do-and I know some of you are blushing involuntarily at the memory- and if you take that fart sound, and multiply it by 10 times, and repeat it over and over again in the place of your speech, then you can understand how Jambalaya talks.
This year sees me talking with Jambalaya, and covering my nose until I finally acclimatize myself to his farts-scary isn’t it? - moreover, we spend many a day talking about military maneuvers until late into the night. I am beginning to like this character.
1425 ET
This year sees our treasury grow somewhat [to 38d ] and so, another year shall pass until I can send a settler somewhere. At least I hope I can. This year will be once again a year of repose.
For the most part of this year, I spend it drinking and practicing my farting- Jambalaya understands the spoken word little- and it comes to my surprise on a warm December night, December 28th to be precise, that the peoples in Welo province have claimed more land. The population grows by 5000 souls, the amount of taxes we can gain from them increases slightly as does the amount of men we can call up there. “Good news deserves a Good Fart.”
1426 ET
What is it about the month of December? Again, a great bit of good news happens to Ethiopia in this month. Oman offers us entry into their alliance with themselves and the Hedjaz. Now we have powerful allies. This can only lead to greater things, or so it is hoped.
On December 15 1426 ET we enter this mighty alliance. It is hoped that we can aid the men from Oman, and they can do likewise. I still think a strike against Nubia would be most rewarding.
1427 ET
In May of this year, the 1st to be precise, the first merchants are finally sent to Alexandria to improve our trade relations[ Trade level 1 reached finally] and much is hoped from them. Perhaps that land can be claimed by Ethiopia in the future?
December 2nd sees the navy reformed, and good for it! Even though we have no proper port, well, it has to be useful, right?
1428 ET
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Why must I be forced to sit on my ass all day? Why must I be forced to live in such a boring place? Ethiopia is the place that should be designated as Purgatory. Nothing happens, you sit around every day, and wait for something to happen, but nothing does. It’s enough to drive an entity to drink. Speaking of which, where are those umbrellas?
This year sees diplomats sent to Nubia, Oman and the Marmelukes. Simply to improve the relations between Ethiopia and these three powers. They improve, only slightly.
January 5th of this year sees the response to our offers. The three powers accept these gifts, and I am glad. The King grumbles about “Natural Selection” and gives me leave to do whatever I want. And I let him work with the sheep and cattle. Who knows, maybe he will succeed?
June 1st of this year sees good news in the form of our non-existent navy. They have learnt some more skills, and will fight better [Navy Tech 1 reached]
1429 ET
I send out all three of our merchants to Alexandria, and await word of their success. I only hope that they will bring back good news. I would hate to…
Crap! Have to leave for a second. A guy in Jersey has just been shot. Got to go and take him away. Death’s work is never done…
A Little While Later
… “Yeah, yeah, I know.”
Oh, sorry. Finished that bit of business. You ever have one of those millennium where nothing seems to go right? And it isn’t as though I should expect any less, especially from Jersey. But could they give me a small rest? Nope.
Where was I? Oh yeah, so it is 1429 ET, and I had just sent out the merchants.
I also decided that a more centralized government is better than what is presently available [ +1 to Centralization. Maybe that will lessen the time it takes to get new techs]
Of course, as with any major policy change, there are some who do not like it. Fie on them! I will do what I want! I am Death, right?
February 1st sees word that our merchants succeed in setting up shop in Alexandria. So, when the next merchant comes, on March 1st, I use the remainder of the Treasury to send him to Alexandria. He had bloody well better succeed, or else I may do something rash to his family.
Well, I guess he did not get the message. The merchant failed, and so did his family. Pity. The daughter was kind of hot, even if she was a Human.
August 2nd sees the old King die, and a new one brought into power. This one has a penchant for fishes. I do not worry about any loss of power now that a new monarch is in the picture.
The year ends, and a new decade begins. I only hope this one shall be more fortuitous than the last one. I wonder if I can get to St. Louis in time to watch the football game. I hope Philly wins. Did I ever say that the one plus about being Death is existing in all time periods, in every nook and cranny of the universe? It means I can get good seats for any sporting event I want. You ever look down, at the people who sit in the best seats at any sporting event? 10 to 1 that the person’s name is Bob. And that Bob is this Bob.
