III. La Vie Boheme
January, 1429- Serfs on the king’s lands are given their freedom by a royal decree. A Florentine condottieri agrees to instruct our military in new advances, resulting in an increased emphasis on the quality of our troops and offensive warfare. This costs a pretty penny, though, and the chancellor is forced to take out a loan with local bankers to pay the Italian and his comrades. Our own military leaders, jealous of this foreign influence, propose several advancements in technology and technique in the military that will increase the efficiency of the army overall. The Austrians, hoping for some luck in their war against Kleves, fail to find any good fortune in three running battles over Baden in the span of four months.
The generals of Kleves (Klevians? Kleveburgers? Klevese?) succeed in penetrating the city defenses of Munster before their enemy counterparts complete the task in Kleves. Munster surrenders unconditionally, and the city is absorbed by Kleves. In other news of peace breaking out, Brandenburg signs treaties with the Palatinate and Bremen, ending useless wars. Saxony, a country full of incorrigible jerks, takes the king’s personal gift to them and claims that it was stolen by highwaymen. I hate their stupid little country… the food was terrible, and the wine tasted like watered-down beer. Fortunately, I get to travel away from that horrid little princedom. The Swedes are the next target of the king’s overly generous diplomatic gift program. They take the cash and seem sincerely grateful for it. When the time comes, they could be very valuable allies. However, we have not sent any diplomats that far north in quite some time, and to my amazement, I find that the nobles have pledged fealty to the Danish king. More surprises await me on the trip home. I learn that France has annexed Provence, and the Livonian Knights absorbed the Prussian duchy.
Peace negotiations occur in Ghent between Saxony and the Palatinate. We are not invited, but learn from informants that Hesse-Kassel has been ceded to the Palatinate. The Palatinate also joins a military alliance with our former allies Luxembourg. Saxony’s enemies now have no way to reach her except through military access rights.
The king fired the foreign minister today. I reported that Castile had taken 100d from England for peace. The king responded that he did not even know that their was war between the two. Needless to say, not knowing of a conflict between two superpowers angered him. I asked for the job now that it was open, but for my curiosity the king appointed me Inspector of Spirits for the realm. He thinks it’s funny, that I will be so sozzled I won’t be able to do anything else besides puke and lie drunk. I pass the responsibility on to a cousin, who gladly accepts the job.
Diplomacy rules this round of the ongoing class struggle-driven conflicts throughout Europe. Kleves, Austria, the Palatinate, Savoy, Helvetia, Genoa, Cologne, and Brandenburg have all left the negotiating table more peaceful countries. The Palatinate did the most diploming, apologizing to Savoy, Genoa, and Helvetia for its ill-fated Ligurian expedition, which didn’t quite make it over the Alps in one piece. Meanwhile, the Count of Brabant (at least I think he’s a count) anoints the Duke of Burgundy as his heir. And promptly dies, leaving Burgundy with Brabant. The Habsburgs, always insolent, offer the king a chance to submit to their rule. The king announces rather brusquely that he pledges fealty to the office of the Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, not to Austria. I suspect the Austrian ambassador had a little much to drink, but I cannot prove this.
1431- Patriotism has swept the nation, as the peace talks remind people of our prosperity and peacefulness during these wars. The nobles donate 200d to the treasury. Immense fortifications are constructed in Wurzburg and Silesia as defenses at the extremes of our country. Non-compete agreements are soon signed with Venice, Portugal, Genoa, and Mecklenburg. Peace breaks out in Germany as most of the wars are resolved. Hannover absconds with Anhelm (sic?) after peace talks with Saxony, now reduced to an impotent rump of a state. Still, that rump is allied with Brandenburg, whose entire able male citizenry of 80,000 is up in arms.
Elsewhere, the world is not so enlightened. England declares war against Athens, and the Spanish-speaking countries, Naples, and the Knights of St. John engage in war against Burgundy and Navarre. Apparently, these ultra-Catholic countries are vengeful about Burgundy’s murder of Jeanne Darc, whose advice the king of France accepted during war. Although I am confused about how the war was still going on a decade after the peace treaties, the only thing I know is that France will someday make a good ally. For those skeptics, I believe it impossible that the Castilian kings would declare war on Navarre and Burgundy for mere land; instead, they are so pious they seek justice for that crime.
1433- I took a year off and cruised Italy. Things are going pretty well there, peace is holding up. As I come back, I order the construction of a fort in Sudeten. The peasants in Sudeten promptly rise up. I find out that the temporary Minister-Without-Portfolio threatened to build a fort enforce taxes on the peasants. Together with my smooth talking and General Holý’s 17,000 armed men convince the peasants everything will be all right.
The English king should have his head examined. 7000 of his troops have begun a siege of Venice. He has better things to do, such as invade France. The Venetians laugh off the attack with the help of their army's 20,000 men, and a peace is signed shortly after. More peace, as Albania is annexed by Athens. We send an emissary congratulating the Greeks, who shrug the events off as the rightful course of history.
Fortunately, the king excuses me from the duty of organizing a state funeral for the late General Holý. He died in his sleep in the Sudeten, patrolling the forest for bandits.
More peace and other news- Venice vassalizes Bosnia after winning the war against England, Castile and Burgundy settle for peace, and Burgundy declares war against Luxembourg, with the Luxembourgian army driven out of their country, quickly capturing Champagne though. Burgundy prevails in the end, though, annexing the small territory that we once were on such good terms with. Benin annexes Dahomey, wherever those two are.
1437- Another year passes, and I could care less. Life is good for me, the king doesn't know or care that the treasury has been skimmed by some noble, probably someone high up... Our royal ties stretch to France all the way to Lithuania, except for Brandenburg and Kleves- I don't like either of them, and neither do the other nobles. I consider for some time the possibility of bringing Hannover into our aliance, something possible a few years from now when their allies go their separate ways. Burgundy declares war on Gelre, Friesland, Kleves, and Oldenburg. The war will drag on for a long time, siege after boring siege...
August- The nobles accept Zigmunt's conncessions as acceptable- for a good reason. This option makes Zigmunt 'forgotten'. They've got things screwy again, but nonetheless we hire two murderers and dispatch them to his house. Nothing more is heard from the murderers, but Zigmunt continues to rule. I give, up, when will the man die?
On the international front, I am present in Krakow when Pskov formalizes their conquest of Tver, reach Aix-la-Chapelle in time to see Auvergne and Bourbonnais settle their differences, and show utter indifference when Portugal is vassalized by Castile. France joins the Alpine Italian alliace, while the British and Swiss besiege Baden and Cologne in their war against Kleves and its former allies.
1438- War is declared between Castile and England after their allies become embroiled in a territorial dispute. The war ends a year later, with England paying indemnities and no border changes. Utterly predictable and boring.
Speaking of that year later- the Italian states make peace with all of their enemies. Entire hotels are filled with visiting diplomats as mounds of treaties are created, while in the North, Burgundy absorbs Oldenburg. I hate the Burgundians, they exceed the Austrians in the level of annoyance caused. A painter from Italy passes through and receives a sizable sum in commissions for portraits of various members of the court, making everyone more open to new ideas. I force into early retirement several colonels supporting the slow and steady strategy, making the army more aggressive in its attacks.
Bremen receives compensation after occupying Hannover and Munster in a few different peaces. No territroy changes hands, unsurprisingly. The English, being the morons that they are, declare war on His Holiness. The Papal fleet trounces the Royal Navy every time in the Mediterranean, and the Pope laughs.
Local nobles in Wurzburg revolt when they see that we intend on creating a tolerant society. General Holý's old corps of 17,000 takes care of the situation. Just across the hills, Burgundy besieges Baden in an offensive in conjunction with a siege of Kleves. Burgundy, in one of the oddest combinations I have seen, joins the French and Italians in an alliance. Let bygones be bygones, and let Champagne stay Burgundian.
As of Anno Domini 1440, peace reigns throughout Europe as Friesland and Burgundy uneasily come to terms, and Burgundy receives Baden for peace. Our alliance expires, and we recreate it, except without Austria
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Of course, Austria sees the need to break the peace. They declare war on the reclusive Swiss, and their English and Swedish allies, and several battles in Tyrol eventually fall into stalemate, both sides reluctant to advance in the face of fierce resistance. At the Imperial Congress, we condemn Austria's aggression and withdraw our ambassador and other nobles from the country.
Relations drop with Austria, but they still think of us as somewhat erratic friends. The people aren't stupid, and they lose some of their faith in the government, but stability is easy to recover now. This is because of an excellent minister who has been given the reigns of the government- me
! Perhaps the Austrians finally get the message when we cancel our treaty of military access, and our relations finally drop below +100.
