Isles of Glory

Grundius, my therapist tells me that this goal is very good for my self esteem!

Islands count as anything not connected to any of the seven continents. Provinces that are half land and half island (like some of the ones in Scandinavia) do not count. I think there are around 90 islands (and many, many more provinces) in the world that are fair game for Scotland's expansion. Van Engel, multi-province islands (like Britain) are included.

And now for the first historical update!

EDIT: The first screenshot in the following post was taken while playing as Castille, and does not feature Scotland's CB shields. You can see them in the second screenshot, so it doesn't really matter.

Isles of Glory - The Second Installment​

In 1419, Scotland was allied with France, and thus was involved in the bloody ongoing war against England. The great thing about this war is that all armies involved, besides Scotland, were thoroughly occupied by the fighting in the mainland of Europe, leaving Britain almost completely abandoned. The Scottish general Buchan Douglas learned of this, with great relief, one January afternoon, on the border of Northumberland.

When Buchan Douglas peered across the border, he saw no sign of any troops (this may not sound too assuring, as most of us can only see a couple miles in the clearest of conditions, but Douglas happened to be blessed with the power of seeing across an entire province, in addition to his mediocre military talent).

"OK, men... I think the coast is clear."

As quietly as they could, 25,000 Scottish troops crept up to the walls of Newcastle and initiated a cautious siege. When the city fell to the Scots in November of that year, and there was still no sign of the English army, moral soared, and Buchan Douglas led his troops into Lancashire. Once again, the English were nowhere to be seen. When Lancaster fell, it was on to Yorkshire...

Meanwhile, back in Edinburgh, Murdoch Stewart (the regent during the absence of King James) was in negotiations with two men who claimed to be English dissidents, who were asking for funding for their big rebellion in London (although Murdoch was quite certain that it had been a reformation in Kent half an hour before).

"We're only asking for 25 ducats!"

"Waaaaaait," Murdoch said, "You were only asking for 10 before I showed you my Mercedes! In any case, we can't help you. The war has taken all but 5 ducats from our treasury."

"Oh! In that case... er, well, we're not really... um... Oh forget it! Want to take a loan?"

"Okay."

And from that point on, with the help of a gift to the state a few months later, the Scots had more than enough ducats to fund the rest of the war. Speaking of the rest of the war, the province of Anglia fell to the Scots on the first of January, 1422. Even up to this point, Buchan Douglas and his men had only one encounter with any English troops, in London, where the Scots annihilated a band of 4000 Englishmen, and now there were talks of a peace treaty in the near future.

Shortly after the Scots captured London, an English diplomat arrived at Murdoch's court at Edinburgh.

"*Grumble* I *grumble* guess *grumble* you *grumble* can *grumble* have *grumble* Meath *grumble* Northumberland *grumble* and *grumble* Lancashire *grumble* if *grumble* you *grumble* leave *grumble* us *grumble* alone," the diplomat grumbled.

"Hmmm, that's a decent offer. But, you know, I think I'd like to have Yorkshire, too."

"What? No!"

"Very well then, my troops shall capture Lincoln, and then we'll talk again."

So Buchan Douglas initiated a siege in Lincoln, after killing the 3000 Englishmen occupying the province. But just as England was about to cave in to Scotland's demands, France and England worked out a peace treaty, and the war ended. Luckily, the enormous Scottish contribution to the war was not left totally unrewarded, and the peace treaty gave the province of Northumberland to the Scots.

Of course, Murdoch was still really annoyed, so he decided to beat up Ireland and take their unfortified provinces.

Murdoch Stewart, the regent of the Kingdom of Scotland, was heading off to bed one August night in 1424, when all of the sudden a ninja dropped from the ceiling.

Murdoch gasped. "Wh-- who are you?"

Murdoch could now see that the ninja was carrying a bound hostage in his left arm.

"I am... a ninja," the ninja said... in the unmistakeable accent of an English pigdog.

"Oh, it's you. Hi, Henry."

"Darn," said Henry the VI of England. He stepped out of his ninja costume.

"What do you want?" asked Murdoch.

"Well, I've got your King James here."

"And?"

"Well, to make a long story short... it costs too much to send him to the dentist. Want him back? We'll be glad to hand him over for 200 ducats."

"200 ducats? I think that can be arranged."

But just as Murdoch was reaching into his wallet, another ninja dropped from the ceiling.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I AM THE NINJA OF LOAN REPAYMENT!"

Murdoch remembered the loan he took, five years ago, to fund the war against England.

"Oh yeah. How much was that loan again?"

"200 DUCATS!"

"200 ducats, again?" Murdoch said, stroking his beard. "Hmmm, that presents a problem."

Just then, King James managed to removed his gag. Gasping for air, he desperately pleaded, "extend the loan and free me, Murdoch, so I may reclaim my throne and you can go back to being Duke of Albany!"

Murdoch handed the money to loan repayment ninja.

zacharym87: Thank you! All islands are included... hopefully. Inhabited provinces are the highest priority.

Grundius: The shields are like that, at least in the latest patch. If you're confused about the first screenshot, the explanation is in the post before the first update. I should probably just change the screenshot...

Isles of Glory- The Fourth Installment​

One good thing about large alliances is that occasionally you are offered a lot of money in a peace agreement with a country that you have never even so much as glanced at after the moment that you nonchalantly agreed to declare war on them.

One bad thing about large alliances is that the other countries in the alliance have a nasty habit of ending wars in which you have a tremendously high war score, before you can take any provinces.

The rulers of Scotland experienced both of these things with their alliance several times during these early years. But generally they prefered the good thing over the bad thing. This is why Murdoch Stewart made sure that Scotland, not France, declared the second war on England, on the second of March, 1428.

Now, in late February, Murdoch had received a very disturbing message from Mr. Buxton, the mayor of Newcastle.

"The peasants are unhappy."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Sorry Murdoch, but it's true. Apparently they're really annoyed at the unsightly brush just across the English border."

"Man, you can say that again," Murdoch said. He was well aware of the English neglect for their yards. He had even been informed that there was no Lowe's Home Improvement store in the entire province of York. "I say we invade England and do something about it."

And so, on March 2nd, an army of 20,000 Scots grabbed their chainsaws, hopped on their lawnmowers, and crossed into York. The French and their vassals, too, who had been recently quite annoyed at the wallpaper the English were using in southern France, were called to arms.

So began the War of Home and Garden Improvement.

Meanwhile, the Scottish treasury had again been reduced to a mere 5 ducats. Luckily, they had made large economic improvements in the years prior, and there was no need to take a loan. The Scots sent some merchants to Flanders, where they had some success selling surfboards and ninja costumes.

Back up north, General Douglas and the Scots found it best to simply burn the brush that had grown all about the fields of Yorkshire. They also figured they might as well burn the city of York, as long as they were there. It was war, after all. The French quickly sent troops into all of England's continental provinces, and began moving the furniture around. The Scots captured Yorkshire, Lancashire, Midlands, and Lincoln with ease. At that point, the English offered the Scots a handsome peace offer.

"We will hand over Yorkshire, Lancashire, and Meath," an English diplomat informed Murdoch. "Those are all of your core provinces."

Murdoch considered the offer very seriously, but eventually decided against it.

"Well, you see," Murdoch said, "as long as you have at least one of our core provinces, these wars are considered acceptable. We would much rather take some provinces in southern England, and let you keep at least one of those that you offered us."

So the diplomat left, and was soon after fired. And for the rest of his life he carried a strong hatred of the Scots. A deep, dark hatred, and a burning desire for revenge...

Luckily this didn't really matter, because he was unemployed and lived in a box in London.

Speaking of London, it fell to the Scots on the 29th of October, 1431. During the siege, the English finally made a solid attempt to ward off the Scots. The English managed to pull together an army of 25,000 men, and sent them into Anglia from Kent. Luckily, the Scots were able to open fire as the English attempted to cross the Thames, and they won rather easily.

The Scots experienced their first tastes of bad luck very late in the war. The French had dropped out, and the war score had dropped, forcing the Scots to attempt an invasion of Kent, where the bulk of the English army was maintained. The Scots eventually managed to destroy the army, but not before a string of humiliating losses. Revolts popped up across the Scottish occupied English provinces, and Murdoch was getting desperate to end the war.

A peace conference was held in August 1435, in London.

"As you can see," Murdoch told Henry VI, "We have destroyed your army and captured most of your provinces. For peace, we would like you to hand over Yorkshire, Meath, Lincoln, and Wales. Be aware that with this kind of victory, we deserve more."

"Nalways."

"I think you mean never."

"Whatever. We prefer to give you all that stuff you asked for AND Kent and Lancashire! Hey, and let's give Calais to Bourbonnais, too."

"No, no I can't accept all those provinces. I want to let you keep at least one our core provinces."

"No, really, I would never offer anything less! Take it all!"

"Please, really, I don't want to take your provinces! Thank you, but I could never do that."

"No, I insist. I'd let you take the whole blooming country if that was possible. But, at least take Wales, Kent, Lincoln, Yorkshire, Meath. And I'm sure Bourbonnais would really like Calais."

"Well..." Murdoch thought. As long as the fools wouldn't take the smaller peace offer, he supposed it would be alright. "I guess so."

"Thank you!" Henry VI shouted. "Believe me, they're lovely provinces. It makes me feel so good to let someone else enjoy them for a change!"

"Okay, thanks Henry, I've got to get back to Edinburgh."

"Wait! Stay and have some chocolate!"

"No really, I have to get going."

"Here, take my treasury! And my wife! Please, take my wife!"

Murdoch left the building.

Oh, and I almost forgot, Murdoch didn't really like his dinner that night, so he decided to conquer Ireland.

Fnuco, as long as he was being so generous, I would have liked that he handed over a couple more (I did have a 99% warscore at one point, after all). But I'm satisfied.

bluelotus: Thanks! I forgot to mention that I'd conquered my first island in the AAR. I had something planned for it, too.

Grundius, that was exactly my plan. However, as you will see, France isn't very good at declaring war at the right time...

Hopefully I'll have a short update up in the very near future.