An Allegorical Introduction to the Behaviours of the People of Muscowy in 1492
It was a cold March morning on the Petersburg Farm, and, as usual, the animals of the farm were gathered in the barn, devising cunning plans. Bacon, the pig, and his fellow farm animals had two passions: money and... more money. Well, let's say they had three passions: money, more money, and food. Now, the latter of those could not be fulfilled without the prior fulfillment of the first... with the important exception of situations in which lots and lots of violence was involved.
That is what made life on Petersburg Farm interesting.
This particular evening, Bacon the pig was preparing to make an important announcement to the other animals. After a few minutes of nervously playing with his stack of coins and his stash of cookies in his stall, he entered the barn and began to speak.
"Good evening, comrades. Many of you, through barnyard gossip, have heard already that I have discovered a new, reliable method of obtaining more money and food."
The animals cheered for a little while after the mention of money and food.
"In the past, it seems, we have only aquired a very unsatisfactory amount of our most basic needs in exchange for our shameful enslavement to the Farmer Smith. Henceforth we must not sweat and toil for such a small amount of money and food. Instead, we shall obtain them through my new brilliant plan, the absolute ideal method: we must slaughter large masses of people and steal their money and food!"
The applause that ensued doubled the limit of decibels prescribed by the neighborhood code. Soon after, a policeman arrived.
"You stupid animals! Go to bed!" he said.
At that moment, a bull suddenly charged at the policeman and tore out his liver and ate it. Then they stole his wallet.
"That's the way it's done!" said Bacon. "Now let's go attack a neighboring farm."
Last edited:
