Sortin' thru the Scraps - Nerfix's Asia Tour 1836-1920

Tour Target One: Panjab: A Nation 0wnd.



I start our tour by picking the constantly whipped nation of Panjab.

Why?

Because Panjab gets spanked and spanking is good.

Anyway, since I am supposed to do something sensible that could possibly prolong my existence I convert the unemployed clercks to soldiers. Too bad it didn't really help me.

I also start researching Freedom of Trade, as useless as it will be.

Unfortunatently even harsh tariffs and 49,22% taxes wont help my economy. Ahhhh, to hell with money, the Britons cometh anyway.

The long-awaited British DOW came in november 1836. Because the brits had most, in fact, all of their army sitting in the Burmanese border my troops get to occupy the areas surrounding Delhi.

But that fun won't last long as the Brits appear. Intrestingly enough, I managed to beat the Brits in one battle and my troops made increadibly tough resistance. Remember Kanpur!



But as suspected, my troops get hammered and the inbred, selfish, overconfident, snobbish anglophiles of BEIC ride with their inbred horses to our homelands...

It's time for the tour to move on...

Unfortunatently I didn't have any better luck...

Tour Target Two: Annam: It Is Sky Blue Before It Is Completely Black

After abandoning the sinking Panjab I take control of Annam because the computer will only eff upp itself with the Splendid Isolation event. Also, I know a nice girl named Anna.



The first thing I notice is that the AI has totaly messed up the economy. 100% taxes and tariffs combined with utterly messed WM (selling 1 grain and 1000 small arms... And other stuff like that...)

After medling with the economy for no avail I wait until I get enough DI to DOW Luang Trabant Expre....Ahm, Luang Prapang.

Intrestingly enough, I have a good income of leadership but just about every general is an inept pervert(I'm really starting to believe that the game reflects the player... ), excluding the brother of Memnon's avatar who was actualy a good general with +20 organization and speed bonus.

After beating the Trabant forces in their capital I start the long, booring occupation phase. After 3 years of war and three hanged Trabantian diplomats I annex them for good. The Thöö-Trää's Splendid Isolation event fires up and I choose to open up to the west, seemingly saving me from war with France. Japan decides to behead the Dutch messenger. I got the Expansive Forces in Agriculture for about the second during the time I have owned Vicky... And for some god-forgotten reason it decreased my productivity! :wacko:

I smash some rebels. The migthy Angkor Empire kills their armies to attrition while helping me dealing with the rebels.

Battleship Britannia decides to annex Johore. G-dammit! I was planning to play with them next...

But even worse...

They...

DOW...

ME!

Our armies were utterly smashed. End of story.



Will UK stop harassing our tour? Well...

We'll see.

rafiki said:

:rofl:

Great AAR! One of the more original ones I've seen.

Technically speaking, how do you move on? Do you e.g. wait till you get annexed, then fire up your last autosave as a new nation?

Rafiki

Click to expand...

I wait until the enemy is occupying the very last province I have or I only have one province left.

Tour Target Three: Kim-Ill-Sungism, errrrr, Korea

I chose Korea because Ksim3000 told me to, it is propably the most wanted colonial posession in the game (and I now understand why) and because some japanese movies make incredibly weird claims of what the Korean princesses do in the dark hours of the night...errrr...Yeah.



This is Korea, the pic was taken after I started meddling with the economy.

Anyway, I check how baddly the AI has messed the economy. Baddly it seems because when I lowered the poor taxes to 49% from 100% my income doubled!

Ok then, I fix the AI messups with the economy. Time to take a look at the military... Irries, irries, Oh! Some horses! I ain't warmongering with these... Yet again we have a steady leadership income.

Intrestingly enough, the generals I have aren't worthless and the seemingly wide family of Memnon's Avatar has spread to Korea, it seems. I reach 20 leadership points and BEHOLD!



Mr. Bok is quite potent. Shock attack is very usefull against irregulars and as my Piratini game taught, low-tech regulars.

Anyway, some time passes and I get the Expansive Forces in Agriculture. W-00-00-T! Expect that it didn't really help much but hey, its still better than the retractive forces event...

After some rotten fruits and opium up in the smoke I see some pretty colours and a Korean noble gets killed by a deranged anarchistic shurikentosser. Sigh.

I also notice we have a navy. Desperately understrength one. But that is fixable. I also decide to build a new Manowar. I also train the first Korean Admiral, who, saddly, happens to suck. Sigh^2.



After some more pretty colours, another waxed noble and a con artist I decide to train another admiral who turns out to be possibly the best admiral I've seen in this game...



Oh god I would have given everything for a squadron of torpedo boats...

I also notice how much manpower we are getting and the amount of the unemployed POPs... I now understand, I really do....

The Korean part of the tour rolls to its inevitable end.



So, does my dear audience have any wishes regarding the country?

Actualy, I think that Kokand still exists.

Russia has got its hands full of european wars.

I think I'll pay Kashmir next. Any objections?

Zaan said:

Love your style.

Click to expand...

Of course you do. Everybody does so.

Oh, be rigth back, gota play some country now.