I.i
Chapter One
They call me The Skinny Guy. One look at me will end any discussion as to how I got this name; this holds particularly true when I stand next to the one known as The Bearded Fellow. He is grateful for the luck that it hadn’t stuck when I used to call him You Fat.. well.. That’s for another time and place. Fate was against me the night that I met him in a bar. He and I were both interested in the same girl. We began to approach her at the same time, and got into an argument before she even saw us. We’ve been arguing ever since.
This tale, however, is not so much about our meeting. It’s not about our arguments, either.. though you’ll hear about plenty of those. Rather, this tale is about our accidental stay with the Creek Indians. Our stay there was long. Due to the length of our stay, it is necessary that I explain to you the fact that The Bearded Fellow and I are both immortals. In other words, we never die; actually, we never really age. I do not know how we came to possess this trait. And really, I don’t care.
In the summer of 1525, we both decided to visit Spain. It seemed like a decent place to spend the summer, and besides, we heard the wine was good. We’d grown tired of the thick syrupy wine served by the Habsburg, and we’re looking for a nice place by the ocean.
Spain wasn’t too bad, actually. What started out as a summer became a year.. and It was the end of July 1526, when we met up with a group of explorers and sailors planning on visiting the New World. Some called it America; No one is really sure why. As with many things, I couldn’t care less. We also didn’t care about their upcoming voyage. What we did care about was the night of drinking they were starting up beforehand. The royal family had given them a lot of money, and they spent the majourity of it on wine.
With our usual charm, we merged in with the group, and were invited to partake of their wealth of drink. When I asked them what they had to drink, the told me it was wine. In my attempts to look sophisticated, I inquired as to what type of wine we would be drinking. I did not expect to understand their answer. However, when I asked, they said the wine was red. That’s the last thing I remember clearly from that night.
The next thing I do remember, I’m waking up amongst dozens of barrels of wine in the dark. I stood up, rubbed my aching head and tried to adjust to the lack of light. It was then that I smelled the mildew, salt water, and smoked sausages. As the strong nausea of a hangover hit me sideways, I noticed that the floor was rocking back and forth. I threw myself on the floor, trying to make the room stop moving.
Then came the familiar voice of the Bearded Fellow, as he groaned from what could only be a headache. Through a string of obscenities, he said one of the few intelligent things the redheaded fool has ever said.
“I feel like I’m swinging back and forth, my stomach feels like a ship tossed about on the sea..”
“A ship on the sea?!” I cried. “Oh god.. It has to be true..”
It was not until this point that I actually noticed the creaking noises of a ship at sea. That I heard the sound of the waves against the sides of the vessel. It was then that I started to piece together vague memories of the events of the night before.
Let me first admit that I cannot be sure it is true, but this is my theory. I figure that we went drinking with the crew of this ship. That much I remembered. We drank the drink, until the drink and we were drunk. In our drunken state, we climbed on board the ship, probably unnoticed, and passed out behind these wine barrels.
“Be quiet,” I whispered to my stout friend. “Quite unintentionally, we have made stow-aways of ourselves. If we’re found, we’re lost.”
He shuddered as he glanced around us. “Are we going to the New World?”
I sighed. “Our wine-tasting tour of Spain has lead to a risky voyage across the sea. Now.. we have to keep our presence unknown. When we hit land, then we’ll have to find some way to sneak off. We might make it there, but I don’t think we can stay hidden round trip. We shouldn’t have any trouble once we get to the New World. If I recall, from what I’ve heard, Christopher Columbus and his crew were treated like gods when they arrived.”
He nodded. “That’s right! He said that the Indians thought that they were from heaven! Imagine that.. We might find we like it more with those who treat us like gods.”
“Well..” I said, “I can only hope we will be so lucky.”
After that tragic moment of our realising where we were, I’ll spare the details of the voyage. Suffice it to say, there were several moments that we were almost discovered. Thankfully, the crew never found us. Truth be known, most of the time, when they came down to where we were, they were fairly drunk anyway. We did overhear a few arguments concerning how quickly the food was disappearing. Little did they know, that they could thank me, and especially the Bearded Fellow, for that.
Most likely, it was the end of October 1526, when our trip came to an end. Based on what I know now, I can safely assume that we arrived somewhere in Seminole. When the crew landed, they were far too excited and concerned about what was on the land, to notice anything special about what was on the ship. This worked greatly towards our advantage, and we were soon on land, hiding among the trees.
The trees, too, were to our advantage. The crew threw themselves out of the ship, and quickly drew attention to themselves. They had their weapons drawn and ready, and very well they should have. A tribe of tremendously irate natives tore into them almost immediately, leaping from the forests all around them. It was more than obvious at this point, that Christopher Columbus had lied.
