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Valhallas Call

Yankee Air Pirate
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Jun 22, 2008
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The Bagratunis - A GeorgiAAR



Hello everyone! I hope to keep this going alongside my Piratini AAR in Victoria (which I'm going to update eventually, I promise!)

This story will follow the triumphs, losses, rises, and falls of the Bagratuni family of Georgia in a not-so-serious manner.

Major shout-out to phargle, the misadventures of the Knýtlings largely inspired me to make this AAR!​
 
Bagrat Bagratuni - Part I

mood music



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Jagshemash! My name-a Bagrat! I like you! I like CK! Is nice!
*ahem*
Sorry, I had to.


Anyways, my name is Bagrat Bagratuni, King of Georgia. The name sounds silly, I know, but...


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I dunno, I guess it's popular or something.


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The lovely Kingdom of Georgia, in blue. That purple stuff is the Byzantine Empire, and the green areas to the north are the hairy unwashed barbarian Cumans. The gray is my ally, the Principality of Alania, who are just a smidge above being hairy unwashed barbarians themselves. Did I say that out loud?


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This is my son, Georgi 'Sevatosi' Bagratuni. Don't ask me what the nickname means, I don't even know. Anyway, wait, wha-


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Awww, DAMMIT. Who let him marry his cousin?!? Wait, it was me? Really? Ugh. Isn't that just great, I'm going to have to deal with some drooling in-bred for a grandson. Oh well, his heir, not mine!


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In other news, I declare myself Prince of Abkhazia. Yes.


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The rest of 1067 is utterly uneventful... until this little gem of an opportunity presents itself. Orthodox Georgians, under the control of some heathen who just so happens to be sending his army away, you say? Delicious...


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Here we go, here we go, here we go...


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Thanks for stabbing that mustachioed, scimitar-wielding heathen in the face just as I was about to get him, son. Totally could have done that without you. What are you talking about? You must have been seeing things, I was definitely not on my knees begging for mercy from him. Uh... yeah.


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Glorious...
 
Bagrat Bagratuni - Part II


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Honey, I'm all sweaty and back from campaigning! No, that is not a pen, I am VERY happy to see -

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OH SWEET LORD SHE'S HIDEOUS! She looks like Miss Piggy from the Muppet Show! Whoa, wait a minute...

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Borena of..
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TREASONOUS, SECESSIONIST WENCH! HOW DARE YOU RUN TO THE RUSSIANS FOR SUPPORT WHEN YOU ARE LEGITIMATELY PART OF MY COUNTRY! HOW DARE YOU...

What?

That whole... thing doesn't happen for another thousand years?

Ah, well, ahh... at any rate...

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Ioane Prince of Kartli (not to be confused with the recently conquered P'atlun Sheik of Kartli) apparently hears my outburst about *cough*Ossetia*cough* and decides secession is great idea, and declares war upon me, his liege lord.

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Unfortunately for him, there are no Russians to aid him in his struggle. Yessss, you hear that, Ioane? No Russians to -

AAAUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!!!!!

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OH IT HURTS, IT HURTS!!!! DON'T JUST STAND THERE YOU IDIOTS GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Thank the Lord. Away from that horrid battlefield. Despite my horrific injuries, things bode well for my armies. I hope to savor Ioane's defeat for a loooooong-

HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK

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And thus ended the reign of Bagrat Bagratuni, King of Georgia.
 
Last edited:
Haha! Ouch that is bad luck. Poor Bagrat.
I'm curious to see how you will fare. Are you playing with DVIP?

Most Georgia AARs end in abject failure due to Muslim gang rapes and/or Cuman drive-by killings. Your starting map looks good though. Kasogs, Tmutarakan and Alania are pretty damn rich provinces and they can field you lots and lots of troops. The Russian princes usually get stomped quickly by the pagans, and the pagans to your north sometimes offer very nice opportunities for conquests too.
 
OH MY GOD!:rofl:

This is freaking weird!!!!

Thats why i will be around checking for carpets i can eat and hedgehogs to hog...... I mean hug.......

*Glares nervously around while fetching large candleholder*
 
Hehe…very much in the classic style. :) Can't wait until the inbred kid gets on the throne.

Georgia certainly presents opportunities, but it's a tough spot. Best of luck.
 
Well, he kept himself busy :)
 
That character table looks interesting. I don't remember there being so many fields when I last played CK (albeit that was, like, years ago). Did it come with a new patch or a new mod?
 
Haha! Ouch that is bad luck. Poor Bagrat.
I'm curious to see how you will fare. Are you playing with DVIP?

Most Georgia AARs end in abject failure due to Muslim gang rapes and/or Cuman drive-by killings. Your starting map looks good though. Kasogs, Tmutarakan and Alania are pretty damn rich provinces and they can field you lots and lots of troops. The Russian princes usually get stomped quickly by the pagans, and the pagans to your north sometimes offer very nice opportunities for conquests too.

Yup DVIP. I've played up to about 1120 and so far have managed to avoid wars with both the Turks and Cumans. By gobbling up Alania and some of the minor Muslim countries not aligned with the Turks, I can field close to 50,000 troops, so I think that's what's keeping them all at bay. Of course, maintaining such a huge army would put me massively in debt so I haven't provoked wars with them either... yet :p

That character table looks interesting. I don't remember there being so many fields when I last played CK (albeit that was, like, years ago). Did it come with a new patch or a new mod?

The friends and rivals sections are part of the Deus Vult expansion, or is it something else you're pointing out?

This is really an awesome beginning!
MOAR!
Yes, moar.

Ask and ye shall receive! Update on the way.
 
Giorgi 'Sevatosi' Bagratuni - Part I

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On July 1st, 1070, my father, Bagrat Bagratuni, King of Georgia, passed away, not from the horrible injuries he had sustained in battle, but from old age. Kind of weird, but whatever.


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I am Giorgi, King of Georgia. ...Haha. Giorgi King of Georgi-a. *cough* Um anyway, I don't even know what my nickname means, but I'm pretty sure it's something along the lines of "Totally Freaking Awesome" or "Complete And Utter Bad-Ass." Because I am both of these things.


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This is my son, Teimuraz. Note the lack of an awesome nickname. Also note that, despite the fact that I am married to my own cousin, he is not cross-eyed or bow-legged or has an extra arm or any other tell-tale signs of being inbred. Further proof of my awesomness and bad-assity.


Awwwwright, time to get down to bidness.


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Durgurfurmeldurgadurgurgle, Prince of the Alans, wishes to renew the alliance he held with my father. I accept, despite the fact that the only thing that puts the Alan Rickmans above the level of hairy unwashed barbarians like the Cumans is the fact that they are Christian.


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I, Giorgi King of Georgi-a, am a generous man, and offer to welcome the rebellious Prince Ioane of Kartli back into the fold.


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He wisely accepts.


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I think it is time to give a proper introduction to this dastardly ne'er-do-well. Note Ioane Backwashi's lack of an awesome nickname. He is also more loyal to me than to my father, probably because of my awesomeness.


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It was around this time that this hobo cousin of mine stumbled into my court. He claims to have been in the service of some Byzantine prince in Anatolia and keeps babbling on about how the Turks burned everything and killed everyone and he's the only survivor or whatever.
I tell him to shut the crap up and marry him to one of my courtiers, and order him to start producing rug rat Bagrats.


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Scute your boot! We require more dudes for my illustrious army of awesomeness.



After one year on the throne, I have stabilized the kingdom by ending Ioane Backwashi's rebellion and renewing our alliance with the Alan Rickmans. It is clear that I am awesome, so I would like to take the time to point this out:

It's not St. George slaying a dragon on the coat of arms.

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It's me.
 
Unfortunately I don't have time for a multi-post update since I technically should be working on a project for class. I'll have a longer update ready by the end of the week.
 
Quite a character he is :)
 
Or whatever... :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
Awesome, did he bring claims with him?
Turks conquer something, wow!

Unfortunately no. He pretty much was just some random bum in a Byzantine principality who happened to have the same last name as my king :rofl:
 
Im actually worried here.

My psychiatrist says im not allowed to wath weird stuff. It destroys my snese of reality
 
Episode the First: Haha, don't mess with Ossetia. I mean Kartli. Which, actually, begs the question - why don't you own Kartli anyway?

Episode the Second: Having an awesome nickname gives you ego swelling, apparently. He might need to see a doctor about that sometime.