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Keisok

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Apr 15, 2006
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Crazy Councilors and Mad Meetings – A German AAR


HOI2: Doomsday 1.3a
Normal/Normal (I’m still noobish)
No cheats
No controlling of allies (If I even get allies)
One modification

I finally decided to try my hand at an AAR. Hopefully I can make this a good experience for all and not bore anyone to death. I’m aiming for humor, which I hope it will seem like… but epic failure works too in a pinch.

The format is very similar to that used by blue emu when he wrote The Game. However unlike his forays as Hitler, most of the issues will have come from his own advisors, each with their own unique personality and sayings. As for now, let’s go to a world, a world where everyone has the intelligence of virus infected computer, and where one mad man is probably the sanest member on the planet…
 
Brilliant the game by blue emu was extremely funny hopefully this can be just as good or even better.
 
Mozla: Hopefully I can pull it off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

*random chattering*

Hitler: Attention!

*chattering continues on*

Hitler: I said ATTENTION!!

*chattering still continues*

Hitler: PAY ATTENTION OR I WILL FORCE YOU ALL TO EAT A FIVE COURSE MEAL AT RED ROBINS!!!

Cabinet: *gasp* You wouldn’t do it! No one’s that evil!

Hitler: I would. Now, as I was saying, this is the first meeting of the 3rd Reich Meeting…

Hess: wanst ther 1 lasst wk?

Hitler: NO! We just started the game - uh I mean meeting thing just now.

Hess: srsly, ther was –

Hitler: There wasn’t one! Now let’s start shall we? Von Blomberg, what are we currently making?

Von Blomberg: We have Navy.

Hitler: Really? Well what naval stuff are we making?

Von Blomberg: Main screen turn on.

ScreenSave4-1.jpg


Hitler: … That’s what we’re making?

Von Blomberg: Affirmative.

Hitler: …Seriously, this is what we’re making?

Von Blomberg: Correct.

Ihasabarrel.jpg

This is the pinnacle of German production

Hitler: ... No. Screw that. We’re so not making that! This is what we’re making.

ScreenSave8.jpg


Von Blomberg: Initiating army program… executed.

Hitler: Constatin, hopefully some good news abroad has occurred.

Von Neurath: Nnnndddddurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…

*5 Hours later*

Von Neurath: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh –

Hitler: Stop, that’s all I needed to hear. Frick, anything on those spies in our glorious fatherland?

Frick: They’re here! Watching, waiting. They’re waiting for us to snap, but we’re too smart for them. We can’t lets them sees us. But they knows don’ts they. No they don’t!

ScreenSave5.jpg

Despite his paranoia, Frick doesn't do his job very well, does he?

Hitler: Oooooooookay. Canaris, any more luck?

Canaris: I asked them real nicely about military secrets, but they no tell me.

Hitler: *facepalms*

Canaris: They gave me this gift basket though.

Hess: …wat a stoopid dood.

Hitler: Agreed. Ludwig, please tell me there’s some good news.

Beck: *(&()^ (&*^*(& *(*(& *^ & *&(* %^ &%& *( *&( *(% &*%&*% *&^(^*%

Hitler: Fritsch, what did he say?

Fritsch: Beck said we suck more than the UK and Russia, but less than France and Italy.

Hitler: Well, that’s a given what with us in comparison with the French and Italians. Raeder, what’s going on down below?

Raeder: …

Hitler: Well, what’s going on?

Raeder: … we suck.

Hitler: And Goring, what… crap he left. Anyone knows where he went?

Hess: Pland 4 sum hutuing wid tat plish dood.

ScreenSave12.jpg

Better Goring eats Poland than Germany out of their food

Hitler: Well, at least he’s not eating my food stock again. Well, that’s all I needed to hear. Meeting adjourned!

*Cabinet leaves*

Hitler: Now to sign myself back into the army…

*Puts on a general’s hat, and starts reading “How to be a General for Dummies”*
 
Hitler: Alright, this is the second official meeting of the 3rd Reich. A few things have happened, and I want to know about it. Von Blomberg, how goes production?

Von Blomberg: Project complete at 20%, initiating extra project.

Hitler: Is it what I think it is?

Boom.jpg

What Hitler's one dream is

Von Blomberg: Incorrect. Extra project includes Interceptor force expansion and Battleship Bismarck.

ScreenSave22.jpg

What's really being made

Hitler: That’s good too, I guess. Constantin I…

Von Neurath: Durrr, duh doy nguh, bhah. Klurr tuuu flaaahh.

Hitler: What? :confused:

Von Neurath: Durrr, duh doy nguh, bhah! Klurr tuuu flaaahh!

Hitler: You senile old man! What are you talking about? :mad:

Von Neurath: Rahh, grall nuff…

*puts in dentures*

Von Neurath: Listen sonny, just ‘cause I’m old doesn’t mean I’m senile! Now… Where am I? Who are you?! :confused: :mad:

Hitler: Ughhh, I’ll just read what’s going on… ahh, trade deals, carrying out my plan of marching on the Rhine, budgeting… oh, and Italy succeeding in a war?

Hess: Tat nub musolini wun a war? Yah rite. :rofl:

Hitler: Seriously, Italy won a war.

Hess: rofl. The onlee wai musolini wonned a war is if he fot franse or afrika…

Hitler: Pretty much what he did, he attacked and annexed Ethiopia.

Hess: lol. it tuk him 4 munths to pwn som sper chukers. :p

Hitler: Pretty much. As much as it’s fun chatting with you Hess, I must continue with this meeting.

Hess: lol. kay brb, sai hi to crazee fer me.

Hitler: Speaking of which… Frick, what are you doing in that box?

Boxman.jpg

Frick trying to sneak away

Frick: They can’t sees us. They must not see us. They watch us everywhere, only the box is safe. Only the box can save us.

Hitler: Uhh, I can still see you--

Frick: NOOOO!!! They mustn’t sees us! They can’t sees us! We must run! We must hide! HIDE!!! :eek:

Frick: *Runs away*

Hitler: Meh, as long as he gets rid of the spies it’s not my problem.

ScreenSave23.jpg

Five bucks says it will...

Hess: kay im bak. hay wut hapento crazee?

Hitler: You don’t want to know. Anyway, I’l skip Canaris because he’s useless.

Canaris: *sniff* I’m not useless. :(

Hess: lol, u r usless. U hav no frends, & u nevar hav stuff 2 shar. :p

Canaris: *cries and runs away*

Hitler: Well, Beck what’s up with our military?

Beck: (&*%(&^ *)( ()& *( *^%& &%&*%^&*% ^%& *&(%&*(%&*(% &(%*&%*&%$.

Fritsch: He said that we’re starting to get better, but we still suck. He also said congratulations of passing the exam requirements for being a general.

Hess: wtf? hitlr u got a gernal job?

Von Neurath: I knew it! Spittin’ image of yer grampa! Why I remember when yer gramps and I fought in Holstein against them no good Danes, we were surrounded by hundurds of ‘em and… *snore*

Von Blomberg: Illogical statement. Hitler never made to Sergeant, thus is unable to advance to General.

Reader: …Liar.

ScreenSave0-1.jpg

I wonder how much did Hitler give to be promoted from little corporal to Napoleon?

Hitler: Yeah, I got my second star as a result of doing so well. We can talk about this later. Raeder, how do you feel about getting another ship to the fleet?

Raeder: …Dissatisfied.

Hitler: Bleh, who asked you? And Goring?

Goring: Whaaat?! Can’t you see I’m eatin’ here?

Fattymess.jpg

Goring, staring at the newest plate of raw turtle eggs

Hitler: Just give me the freakin’ report.

Goring: I would… If I hadn’t of used as a napkin… and then ate it.

Hitler: ……

Goring: Hey, your face is turnin’ red.

Hess: lol u betr get off ur fat ars goring…

Goring: Hey I ain’t fat, and I ain’t gonna listen to ya Hess!

Hess: lol ur funeral…
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also I forgot to mention that the updates occur after 6 months of gametime.
 
I like it :D It's almost like this 34 German-AAR. :D

But why on earth is the leader of the reich just a mj general?!?
 
Admiral Yamamot said:
I like it :D It's almost like this 34 German-AAR. :D

But why on earth is the leader of the reich just a mj general?!?

Thanks. I was trying to aim for that while I was writing.

As for why Hitler is just a Mj. General rather... i'll let Beck explain.

Beck: *(()^&*()^#&* *(&*()& %^*^%&*$&* *^% *%^*&$ *%*^ % (*^ (^%$ *^%&%^%*%^ $^%$#^%* *% *%*(^ %*(% *% &*(& & * ^&^*(&^(* *^*(&^*(&^*(^%&^%#%@# %*(%(*^ %

Fritsch: He said it's because Hitler missed a period in his extended response. We usually drop out people who don't use punctuations from the promotion at all, but after some bribes and a huge party we came to a compromise. Hitler gets to be a general, but he has to gain experience before he can get any higher.

Hitler: Though I didn't tell them the other stipulation... :D

Hess: lol u hacker, making ur final skillz 999!

So, yeah that's pretty much what happened. Hitler has a potential of 999 Skill, but he starts with 0 and as a Mj General. I have a feeling it won't take long for his premotion. :rolleyes:
 
really funny keep it up :D
 
Lol, funny.

999, holy crap!
 
I have to subscribe too! This is unbelievable! Good Luck!

btw: It seems that we have something like Star Wars and Star Trek?

please, I want to see a leader as tank addicted man or speaking like a gangsta rapper, that would be great!

PS: will we hear something from other nations?
 
Last edited:
Mozla: Hopefully I can.

Maj. von Mauser: I don't know what possessed me to do 999 final skill, but I'm still gonna keep it.

darthkommandant: Judging from what Hitler's dream is I can see it as a definite maybe.

DvD-IT: Hopefully I can. :D

Enewald: Thanks. :)

Inner Circle: I'll need it. Don't worry, more people will show up. As for exactly who, you'll see...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hitler: Happy New Year everyone. Some good things have happened, as well as some interesting situations. Von Blomberg how is the army production going along?

Von Blomberg: Army construction at 80%. Interceptor force 40% complete. New Battleship in progress.

ScreenSave9-1.jpg

Von Blomberg is surprisingly competant

Hitler: Excellent, excellent. Now what about project development? Are we going into what I think we’re going into?

Boom.jpg

Hitler really should get his head examined

Von Blomberg: Negative. New model of Interceptor created. Computation Device created. Factory Efficiency increased at 5%.

ScreenSave7-1.jpg

Not much ain't it?

Hitler: Great, great (freakin’ robot). Constatin?

Von Neurath: *snore*

Hitler: Constatin?

Von Neurath: *snore*

Hitler: CONSTATIN!!!

Von Neurath: Hunh?! What?

Hitler: What happened abroad?!

Von Neurath: Eh? What you say Billy? Somethin’ ‘bout a bra?

Hitler: NO! What happened abroad?!?!

Von Neurath: Eh? What you say about a frog?

Hitler: JUST LET ME READ THIS!

Von Neurath: Young whippersnappers, always taking my things without nary a hoot. Why I should jes’ put you over my knee!

Hitler: Just shut up… more trade deal crap, some revolutions, and… A Civil War in Spain and China?

ScreenSave2-2.jpg

Spain's denominations. Not bothered enough with China, there wasn't even a picture for them

Hess: rofl 2 lusar cuntrys fiting themselfs. god tey suk.

Hitler: Yeah, pretty much. So, Hess which one did you support in Spain?

Hess: franko. he stold da captal and haz teh armee bhind im.

Von Blomberg: Supporting action caused bankruptcy.

Hitler: Well, that explains my bad credit. Hess, why the hell did you waste all that money?

Hess: i did it 4 the lulz.

ScreenSave3-2.jpg

Even though Hess did it for the lulz, it still busted Hitler's credit card

Hitler: Ahh, whatever hopefully this gamble pays off… Frick how about…

Frick: We kills them! We kills them all! No wait, no we didn’t. Not yet. Give us money so we can kills them and stop them from seeings us! Please…

Hitler: Fine! As long as you shut up!

Frick: Yay!!! *runs away*

Hitler: I really should replace him…

Hess: lol u shuld. he culd be in ur base, killin ur doodz…

ScreenSave6.jpg

I wonder what Frick will do after he kills all the spies...

Hitler: Good point. Let’s make a note of doing that later. Canaris’ job is useless…

Canaris: I’m not useless!

Hess: orly? Do u hav stuff 2 shair?

Canaris: Yeah, I actually do. It’s that… Russia’s army is big.

Hitler: *facepalms*

Hess: lol u retard. Everi1 nos tat!

Canaris: Well I didn’t!

Hitler: … Get out.

Canaris: What? Why do I –

Hess: STFU & GTFO!

Canaris: *cries and locks himself in his room*

Hitler: *sigh* Ludwig anything to add?

Beck: ^$#^#&*%& *$*(* ^%*(&%^ &$&$*(&^*&&%%@ *^%&*$*( &*$*%&$* &$^# ^*%*(&%^&*%(*)^.

Fritsch: He said that our army is now officially suck-free! Although he does want some specialization troops for later.

sucker_300.gif

The army: suck free since 1937

Hitler: Excellent. Raeder, another ship’s being built, how do you feel?

Raeder: … Displeased.

Goring: *munch* Ha! You should be! If that was me and I didn’t get a good air force, I go crazy on him and…

plane-old.jpg

You call THIS a good airforce?!

Hess: wat, et im.

Goring: Shut up Hess! I don’t have an eating problem! *crunch*

Hess: lol ur eting batlship pl8ts u dumass…

Raeder: KILL!

Goring: Ah crap…

Hitler: Well, meeting adjourned. Let’s all watch Raeder kill Goring.

Hess: lol his 2 phat 2 di. rader kant git passt al dat phat.

Beck: %$#%(*&%^ *%&*^)(.

Fritsch: I agree. It’s still gonna be fun to see him try.

Von Blomberg: Popcorn created.

Goring: Save some for – ow! – me!

Raeder: DIE!

Hitler: I think we should have this more often.
 
Is this soposed to be l33t?
%$#%(*&%^ *%&*^)(.

And about the AAR, one comment: :rofl:
 
4th Dimension said:
Is this soposed to be l33t?
%$#%(*&%^ *%&*^)(.

And about the AAR, one comment: :rofl:

i think it´s supposed to be something like R2D2 and C3PO but in this case it´s Beck and Fritsch...
 
Michaeru: Yeah... :D

Enewald: I'd rather have them die from bullets than die from laughter.

4th Dimension: Nope, not !33t. It's just me randomly mashing the number keys above the letters.

Inner Circle: Surprisingly I didn't even think about them when I came up with Beck and Fritsch. :eek: But now that I've read it, yeah they turned out similarly like R2D2 and C3PO :rofl: .
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hitler: It’s that time again everyone. This is the fourth meeting of the 3rd Reich, and I’m sure something has happened. Von Blomberg, why don’t you start?

Von Blomberg: Army data complete. Waiting for new command.

Hitler: Hmmm…. What should I build? Could I…? No, not yet Hitler, be reasonable! Alright, let’s go with dive bombers, so that they can pummel ground forces.

Goring: Hell yeah! In your face Raeder! I’m still more important than you!

Raeder: … Depressed.

Hess: lol u li goring. ur the lasst everitim we meat. rader is moar importnt, but ar forse is bettr.

Comparison.jpg

Not by that much...

Raeder: … Thanks.

Hess: no prob. tat fatars neds 2 STFU.

Goring: …cram it. *crunch*

Raeder: … Kill?

Hitler: Not until the meeting’s over. Which reminds me, Constatin could you give me the reports?

Von Neurath: Eh? I’m not helpless Billy! I’ll read these confounded papers myself!... As soon as I find me readin’ glasses. *leaves*

Hess: lol hel b gon 4 hrs.

Hitler: I’ll just read it myself… hmm, yet even more trade deal stuff, Spain’s still in the midst of their civil war, Franco’s still winning, and… Japan went to war with China?

ScreenSave8-1.jpg

I'm surprised the Republicans aren't dead yet, and no one still cares for China...

Hess: the chinees r gunna get mwned.

Hitler: Most likely, which is why I’ll be taking back the support we gave them soon. Okay, Frick what’s going on with the spies?

ScreenSave0-2.jpg

I'm just gonna love his reaction...

Frick: …

Hitler: Frick? Seriously, what’s going on with the spies?

Frick: …

Hitler: Seriously Frick. You’re starting to scare me. What’s wrong?

Frick: ... We still sees it.

Hess: c wat crazee?

Frick: …We still sees them! They still haunts us, even in death! They blames you for our torture! They says if we kills you we will be free. FREE!!!

Hitler: Oookaay, Hess, what’s he talking about?

Hess: lol I dunno. i tink his gunna zerg rush u.

Frick: If we kill all of you, we will be free! Free from their torture! *gets out gun*

Hitler: …Shit.

Hess: o noez!

Von Blomberg: Random expletive.

Canaris: Yay!

Beck: ^(&*.

Fritsch: Well said.

Raeder: …Crap.

Goring: Not while I’m eating! *munch*

*a random person bursts out the wall and crushes Frick*

????: OH YEAH!!!

Hitler: What the…?! Who are you?

Kool-AidMan.jpg

Wrong person you idiot

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: He said his name is Walter Buch, and that he’s looking for a job.

Hitler: Well, seeing that Frick is dead, and that you’re here, you take Frick’s job.

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: He accepts.

ScreenSave5-1.jpg

After the Kool- uh, I meant- Buch signs up

Hitler: seeing as Canaris is useless, I’ll skip him…

Canaris: I’m not useless!

Hitler: Oh? Something to share Canaris?

Canaris: Yeah. I caught this British dude, and sent a dude to Britian.

Hess: OMG canairis did somting usful?!

Canaris: See, I’m not completely useless!

Hess: lol ur onlee mostlee usles.

Canaris: Yeah… hey!

Hitler: Beck, I hope you have something to add on this.

Beck: *&%^&% *%))&# #$^*%*& )(&( %%^$ ^#^(*.

Fritsch: He said that we’re making a group of Mountaineers for hill combat.

Hitler: Raeder, I’m still sorry to say that the Navy’s not getting anything major.

Raeder: …Sadness.

Goring: Ha! Like I said, I’m still more useful. I got some planes at least.

Hitler: Well, this concludes the end of this meeting and…

Raeder: ..Kill?

Hitler: Sure why not?

Raeder: JOY!

Goring: Ah crap…