The Golden Horde In 40 Easy Steppes

[Mimir]

I bet the EEP explains both the religion and slider thingy

But which difficulty level are you playing at? Just to torture myself I started a hard/aggressive game with the Golden Horde last night. It made me wish I was playing drunk... Forgetting to change the religious tolerance sliders for the first 10 years was interesting too...

[Crook]

Originally posted by Mimir
I'm refering to myself of course, but hang on here. Something is rotten in the Golden Horde.

I'm refering to the bold statement that only two of the 17 starting provinces have the Orthodox faith. This is of course pure rubbish, as a quick check shows that a full 10 of the provinces have that faith, while the remaining 7 all have the Sunni outlook on life.

Another problem is of course the Cultural one. 9 provinces have the Russian culture, 1 has Rutherian and the remaining 7 are all Mongols.

Breakdown:
Kazan - Russian - Orthodox - Revolt 4%
Ufa - Russian - Orthodox - Revolt 4%
Tambow - Russian - Orthodox - Revolt 4%
Saratow - Russian - Orthodox - Revolt 4%
Vorones - Russian - Orthodox - Revolt 4%
Bogutjar - Russian - Orthodox - Revolt 4%
Samara - Russian - Orthodox - Revolt 2%
Lugansk - Russian - Orthodox - Revolt 4%
Volgorod - Russian - Orthodox - Revolt 4%
---
Donetsk - Rutherian - Orthodox - Revolt 4%
---
Crimea - Mongol - Sunni - Revolt 0%
Azov - Mongol - Sunni - Revolt 0%
Uralsk - Mongol - Sunni - Revolt 0%
Onenburg - Mongol - Sunni - Revolt 0%
Astrakhan - Mongol - Sunni - Revolt 0%
Kalmuk - Mongol - Sunni - Revolt 0%
Kouban - Mongol - Sunni - Revolt 0%
---

In EEP the province culture/religion brought in a little bit more registry with real life.

[Pan Zagloba]

Hey, Rictus!

Great AAR so far. But the Golden Horde - whew! Don't start with the easy ones, do you?

Good luck, and more peasants!

Zagloba

PS. Vodka and coke. ACK! You're clearly not drinking the right stuff. Na Zdrowie the Polish bar on Little Turnstile (near the Ship pub behind Holborn station). That'll set you right.

[Rictus]

(I'm playing on Normal/Normal, by the way)

________

Hey, hey, hey kids! Time for another update in how to lose against rebels!

Music: MetallicA (black album, its a great listen)
Drink: A six pack of Carlings I found in the garage. Not too much dust on them either.
Mood: Resigned
TV Background: I was watching 'Loser'

When I last left you all, Ulugh had just reclaimed the throne (with all the resulting rebellions) and I had just spent a hefty amount on converting a number of provinces.

Well, this step starts off with the successful completion of the conversion of Lugansk (try saying that when you're tipsy. I did, and its not pleasant). Which leaves only 1 Orthodox province in my lands. I chortle heartily in anticipation of lowering the tolerance sliders.

Well, apart from chasing around rebels (which I'm starting to do subconsciously) that's all that really happens in the grand old year of 1440. Thoroughly interesting. To show you, here are my notes, verbatim:

Lugansk converted in Jan '40.

Rebels. Again.

Exactly what I thought. Moving swiftly on to May of 1441, and Muscowy, (the fools) cancel their vassalisation. That was the only thing stopping me from sending hordes of...er..Golden people all over them. Why is it called the Golden Horde anyway? Seems a bit silly to me. 'Uzbek' sounds so much cooler.

Readers: *Ahem!*
Me: Sorry.
LD: *swipes lightsaber*
Me: Dammit!

Anyway, I cross the border with man, woman, child and invalid not currently detailed to rebel duty. This secures me a healthy army of just over 61,000 troops and together, they lay seige to several provinces.



Sadly, as I pussy foot around in the snow filled wastes of the Russian countryside, rebels are finally overcoming my brave forces elsewhere. Sadly, this is due to a enormous drain on my manpower levels because of the Russian war and the feeling that I haven't moved the screen once in about 5 years. Which is more truth than imagination. If it weren't for the Carlings, I think my eyes would have leaked out my ears.

And trust me, that is never a pretty sight.

Well, with the ushering of a new year (1442), and a timely gift to the state (who are those people anyway, I hope they don't want anything in return) I can afford to hire a slew of mercenaries to crush the rebels. Who do me proud by quickly regaining much of the countryside.

(This is where my notes fail me. I thought this was the end of the next step, but apparantly, I've still got 8 more years to detail. )

Ok, soddit, I'll carry on.

Four years, a lot of snow, some elaborate cursing, and about 3 cans of Carling later, I settle with the Muscowites for Vladimir, Ryazan, Nizhgorod. Adding a grand total of four more Orthodox provinces to my realm. Oh goody.



Well, vindicated by my success of the foolish Muscowians, I turn my attention to the only country to have beaten me: Ak Konolyo (hereby known as the Sheep because its so muh easier to spell)

March of 1445, I declare war on the fools and send my entire non-rebel-fighting army of 30,000 over the border and to aly seige to Durhestan. My old nemesis.

The old nemesis retains its name by thrashing my army completely. This wouldn't be so bad if they had had more troops. Sigh. And its not as if I have any more troops availble, is it? I've just got to wait for my current lot to regain their morale and try again...and again...and again.

I'm delighted to be torn away from that depressing war to recieve news that the soppy merchants are unhappy, and thus, trade investment drops by a whopping 200 ducats. This wouldn't bother me so much, if I wasn't about 11 ducats away from the next level. F*&%($£ merchants! I scream.

In July, just as I'm forgetting about the merchants and the fact they can't get hold of enough pantyhose or something, I lose to another seriously inferior army. Something is definately worrying me about this.

And again in August. Though, admittedly, this time they did have a bigger army, so the odds were heavily stacked against me. This time.

The sadist in my shows up as I declare war on Georgia, but hear me out, as I have my reasons. It (Georgia that is, not my reasons) had recently come out of a crippling war with Turkey, who had stripped it of its other province, killed all its troops and left it stony broke. No one to pass up an oppurtunity to grab easy land, I send in the lads.

An interesting note here is that with the original 30,000 men I had invaded the Sheepish lands with, only 1,310 remained. Sob. On a brighter note, Elbruz left the Timurids to join us. How sweet, another Shi'ite province to pacify.

An exceptional court painter is told to sod off in August 1446. I never did like painters. Espicially court painters. I think I can live with the lost victory points.

In an insane fit of intelligence, I send my availble forces round Darheston and to Armenia, which is the true goal of this war anyway. I even manage to seige the province down to -1 before being driven off in an almost casual manner. Tears dilute the Carling.

Still suffering from chronic manpower shortages, and an out of character impatience to wait to raise them, Mercenaries are hired to make up the deficet. 13,000 thousand in fact. Together with the last of my other troops, they attack Armenia (and the bulk of the Sheeps armies...) in April.

Now, as if I didn't have enough trouble, the moronic nobles feud in May. If it were up to me, I'd kill the lot of them, but sadly, that option isn't available. Instead, I'll side with one them, which only results in one rebellion and I'm already up to my ears in them, so whats the problem?

Me: Ok you two, whats the problem? I'm busy.
Noble#1: He hit me!
Noble#2: No I didn't!
Noble#1: Yes you did!
Noble#2: No I didn't!
Me: Christ...This, is what I have to put up with...
Noble#1: Yes, you did!
*echoes into distance*

See? I don't need this shit in the middle of war. Oh well. On with better things:

VICTORY!!!

Despite being bolstered mind battle to a wopping 25,000 men under Usum (or something), I defeat the Sheepish force with my Mercenary army. I am vindicated.

The Sheeps remaining 18,000 men, (which consists of their entire force) is forced out of their country. Now, to my amusement, they decide to take the long way around and settle in Alga (something like 9 provinces away) to seige that shit-for-bricks province.

Sadly, they quickly become entrenched, as my hastily dispatched force is brushed aside and my pursuing mercenary army, obviously cocky from its previous victory, is crushed utterly.

In June 1448, the time to wrap up this war has arrived when the Timurids declare war on me. The trecherous...traitors. I immediately begin a tit-for-tat war with them, as we dance around the countryside, seizing and counter seizing all those unprotected provinces around here. However, with my other war still requiring attention, I sign a white peace with the Timurs descendents. I think I should have done it earlier.

In a completely unrelated note, an army of 12,000 (mostly cavalry) is beaten by a 2,000 strong force of rebels. I hang my head in shame and open another can of Carling.

With the closing of this latest step, I have come to this conclusion:

Rebels Are Harder To Kill Than You Think

Or, the classic, RAHTKTYK (Pronouced Raah-tik-ity/kch) syndrone. Very common these days, scientists blame it on rising pollution levels.

(I'll put some screenshots on later. Its just that I'm on the wrong computer at the moment)

[MrT]

A couple of priceless lines in here.

"...That was the only thing stopping me from sending hordes of...er..Golden people all over them."


"...who are those people anyway, I hope they don't want anything in return..."
It's those nobles...they undoubtedly will, again and again and again and again...

I'm beginning to notice that your gameplay style seems to change depending on the beverage of choice. May I suggest tequilla?...

Good fun Rictus. Looking forward to your next drink...err...instalment.

[Lt. Tyler]

Rictus,

This is a hell of a lot of fun, and I want it to continue for a long time, but I worry about your liver. Hopefully it's up to long bouts of Golden Horde induced drinks!



Keep it up!

[Lord Durham]

Originally posted by Rictus
I'm delighted to be torn away from that depressing war to recieve news that the soppy merchants are unhappy, and thus, trade investment drops by a whopping 200 ducats. This wouldn't bother me so much, if I wasn't about 11 ducats away from the next level. F*&%($£ merchants! I scream.

Don't you just hate when that happens

Originally posted by Rictus

I even manage to seige the province down to -1 before being driven off in an almost casual manner. Tears dilute the Carling.

I laughed my ass off at work over that one. The Director wondered what was so funny and I had to make up a story about some product's technical specs being all wrong, as usual...

I love the dry wit, Rictus. I can picture you at the computer with drink in hand watching helplessly as the game unfolds.

[Storey]

"I declare war on the fools and send my entire non-rebel-fighting army of 30,000 over the border and to "aly" seige to Durhestan. My old nemesis."

I thought an aly was what a new born Wlak was called. Pass me another vodka. Hic!

Joe

[Mimir]

You're making me feel better about my current effort with the Golden Oldies. Though for some reason or other I've started spiking my hot chocolate. Odd.

[Rictus]

I’ve decided treat y’all to another stage of Golden Horde Goodness. Yes.
Also, don’t forget to check out the new screenies on the previous update.

Music: The soothing sounds of the EU music
Drink: On MrT’s suggestion, I managed to scrounge up a small bottle of Tequila* I found in my brothers room. He won’t know its missing.
TV: Oprah.
Mood: Relaxed

starting position in 1450


Well, as I load up the game, I rock back and let the sounds of the game wash over. This atmosphere of course, is ruined by the sounds of fighting rebels. This sort of depresses me, so, armed with my three stolen shot glasses, I prepare each one. I couldn’t find any lemon, so it’ll just have to be salt then.

My drinking preparation was justified when, mere seconds after I enter the game, I am struck by the rather unfortunate event: The Disintegration of the Golden Horde.

This is a pity.

I face two choices, I can subjugate the non-Mongols, which would result in more rebellions than I care to mention, or buy them off with the weighty sum of 1,500 ducats. Which I don’t have. This is a very interesting choice.

Twenty minutes and three shots later, I choose to subjugate them harshly. I like pain.
My best province has a 8% revolt risk. I don’t want to even look at the others. And the sad thing is, I have to put up with this for something like 120 months, so, if this update seems a bit rebel orientated, you know why.

The results of my actions:


On the bright side, I ‘suffer’ my first ever technological break through. The…Hordian Scientists proudly proclaim the upgrading of trade and infrastructure. Not that I can take advantage of either of those, because as soon as anything gets built, its quickly torn down by irksome rebels and, if I had the kind of money I need to send merchants, I wouldn’t have rebel trouble.

By November, my armies have just about got my but to pre-disintegration levels. That doesn’t mean I’m rebel free. Oh no. Its just there aren’t so many pitch-forked maniacs streaming around the countryside. However, the three or so revolts every month, (not to mention the effect of Tequila kicking in) are beginning to get me down. However, I soldier on bravely and conscript another shit load of cavalry and just hope that the province they’re waiting in doesn’t revolt.

By February of 1451, I feel secure (i.e drunk) enough to carry on my forgotten war against the sheep. My allies, the Mamuluks - who managed to fare a lot better in their wars than I did - gobbles up all but two of the Sheeps provinces, and since I already control one, I feel like I’m on a winning streak.

In 1452, after feeling like my eyes are drying up, my land tech skyrockets to the heady heights of level two. In June of that same year, Kurdistan (the sheeps other province) falls to my hodge-podge army of mercenaries and a couple of people I press ganged into the army. I have finally won against my arch nemesis, resulting in the rich province of Armenia and another vassal. All it took was about 150,000 dead Hordisians and two failed wars. I down another shot. It does not sit well.

Buoyed by that success (and the tequila well and truly affecting me now), I realise with excess joy that I can move the domestic policy sliders again. I resist the urge to move towards naval (for a laugh, you understand) and instead increase quality, because, quite frankly, I am sick of loosing battles.

Over 1453 and 1454, I hire a slew of missionaries in my calmer provinces, including, ironically, my four shi’ite provinces, who only have a revolt risk of 3% fortunately. Added to this, the good shit folk of Meched spontaneously increase their fort. Another shot. By now, I leave the salt out of the equation.

In May, 1454, while I’m chasing a band of rebels in the north, I notice that Muscowy finally finished its war with Novgorod. Glee sets in as it appears that Muscowy has been reduced to a feeble one province minor. My cheers wake the neighbours.



Gathering everyone in the north of my country, I declare war and steam in, utterly crush their army and lay siege to their capital. All in just one month and fourteen days.

Around this time (my notes are a bit hazy) I am fortunate enough to receive an investment in my navy. Yippee.

By March, Moscow falls, the Tequila is poured in celebration, the Russians annexed and the Rus are no more! Woohoo!

Giddy with excitement and buoyed by my Russian success, I cancel the vassalisation with the Nogai (a silly name) and, because of a diplomatic insult, I declare war without any hefty stability hit. Which is good when I’m already swamped in rebels, most of who, I’m sure have forgotten what they were rebelling about.

Stupid Peasant: So why are we here again?
Screaming Peasant: Dunno, but it must have been important
Stupid Peasant: Why?
Screaming Peasant: Well, we’ve been laying siege to this same castle for four years.
Stupid Peasant: Haven’t we taken it yet?
Screaming Peasant: Sadly, their turnip supplies are still large.
Stupid Peasant: Ah, okay. Speaking of turnips, would you like one?
Screaming Peasant: Cheers

A plague in Karsak barely raises my apathy. Although, strangely, it does lower the revolt risk in the region by 4%. I have no idea why, but I’m not complaining.

I suffer another investment in the Navy. I’m going to find whoever’s doing this and throttle them, steal all their money and invest it somewhere useful and not the bloody navy!

The next few years, I spend focusing my vast empire and its vast resources on converting and constantly reconquering my heretical and rebelling subjects. I manage to pull this off to varying degrees around the country, but nowhere am I particularly successful. On a side note, it snowed in Meched.

Sadly, for the first time, I finish my latest step at a dull, low note. Nothing is happening. Hunting rebels doesn’t count, so I’m really just sitting there watching the clock really.

I ran out of Tequila.

Note how bleedin’ big the Mamuluks are. They scare me.


Now that I look back over this, that wasn't a very long step was it? Hmm, I'll be sure to take more notes next time.

[Wasa]

Great fun!...Mmm, must try GH next time...

[Rictus]

Well, believe it or not, this is another ten year period. I’ll just clarify now, it takes a lot bloody longer to play, once you’re chasing all those frickin’ rebels

This I carried on from the previous game straight away so really only the TV programme has changed. It is now safely nestled on ‘You’ve Been Framed’. I was, at this point, still pretty tipsy, so I decided to lay off the alcohol for a while. My liver was starting to protest.

Anyway, as a glorious reversal of fortunes, the rebel haven that is Tambow was converted in Oct 1460. It also marked the end of the so-called Disintegration of the Golden Horde, a little earlier than I had expected, but I suppose time flies when you’re killing rebel after rebel. I’d celebrate it with some tequila but my brother confiscated the bottle off of me. Dammit.

A similar mission to Georgia failed to impress the locals and remained stubbornly Orthodox. As does Vorones shortly after. Again. Regularly I drain the coffers of the country to send out these missionaries. About one in five are lost to rebels and about three of those surviving ones fail. Those odds suck. However, its not as if I have a chance anyway. With these choices in mind, I hire a further slew of Missionaries in my Shit provinces.



In my continuing tipsy state (and a slew of pop-up boxes that I just repeatedly hit ‘enter’ to get rid of) I accidentally opt to abolish the tax for the unhappy (is anyone ever satisfied?) artisans. Frankly, I didn’t know there where artisans in my country, what with a serfdom rating of 9. Anyway, the computer decides to take a loan for me. How *&%$£ sweet.

1466 (yes, I know that’s a six year jump, trust me, not a lot happened, except me sobering up a little) I receive a tax of 142. Hmm, not much improvement since the 1440s. I need new land methinks.

My inquisition fails in Armenia. And Elbruz and Ryazan, and Meched and Lut. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Finally, after much threatening, the A.I. sensibly decides to invest and reform the Army. This of course, doesn’t even bring me 1% closer to a new tech level. Sob.

On my forays around Europe, I notice that Hungary has become quite the powerhouse, after crushing the Venetians and slapping around the Austrians a bit. Someone else on my ‘Do Not Piss Off List’ (Its getting quite big)

Anyway, back to domestic, Mongol life. I bring the Uzbeks and Sibir closer after pissing them via my other conquests. Like all soppy folk everywhere, they tend to remember the past. As a sign of good will (and a willingness to use my spare diplomats) I drop out of my other alliance and form a new one with them. And not because they’re any good in a fight, God no! But, with all my other vassals dead or dying, I’m on the look out for a new pair. Sibir and Uzbeks will do nicely.

As a final, happy note, Kerman was brought into the Muslim fold and capitulated to people constantly going like this:

Inquisitor: Convert
Peasant: Nah
Inquisitor: Oh go on.
Peasant: No!
Inquisitor: Please…
Peasant: Dammit, no!
Inquisitor: I’ll be your best friend.
Peasant: I already have best friends. Their names are Screaming Peasant and Stupid Peasant.
Inquisitor: (thinks) I must all my cunning to convert him. Hmmm… Tell you what, if you convert, I’ll give you a turnip.
Peasant: Where do I sign?!

Well, thats it for today. Exams loom large, so things will get even slower (if thats possible, heck, we all know Ariel right? ). Pity.

[Rictus]

Well, I managed to drag myself away from my revision and college long enough to write-up another step for y'all. Judging by the whopping amounts of feedback I got after the last step I can tell you're eagerly awaiting this.

Nevertheless, here goes:

TV: The News
Drink: Orange Juice (I had to be at school later in the day. So sue me.)
Music: Only EUs in-game brand of audio goodness

Now, lets dive right in. After the last steps frank boringness, it doesn't look like its easing up any. In fact, Step 5 (this one) is so dull, I think I'll do Step 6 at the same time. Yes.

Starting Position. Step 5 (or is it six?)


Time does indeed fly when you are killing rebels. If someone was to say they weren't, then you can, wih some confidence, call them a lier and maybe hit them. Preferably with a rake if you have one handy.

The only worthy notices are that (once again) I fail in my missionary zeal repeatedly (Vorones, Vladimir and Ryazan) and that the Uzbeks and Sibir are brought closer within my fold. Mwahaha.

Casting a glance to the West, I notice the Mamuluks. THey are big, scary and big. They scare me alot.

The scary ass Mamuluks. Notice how scary they are. Scary is a good word. Scary. True saying it alot.


What the above picture doesn't show is that their possessions actually stretch further along Africa. That and about five months after I took that screenshot, they diplo-annexed The Hedjaz (another silly name, I am glad they got rid of them). Something tells me that they are not going down in this game.

As if to prove me deliberately wrong however, both Tripola and Tunisia declare independence shortly after. I gnash my teeth in fustration at the sheer audicity of this. Although, Tripola is later reannexed, I am still not best pleased with the A.I for trying to prove me wrong.

Do you know, in nearly three game years, I've only had about ten or eleven revolts? By gum, things are finally settling down. Although that doesn't make everywhere else rebel-free. God no! I still spend a lot of time, money, calories and blood pressure trying to oust the current lot, who are actually very good fighters. Well, in comparison to my troops anyway.

Beautifully, in 1476, the enlightened folk (at least to their faces) in Khorosan throw off the Timurid yoke and join us! Huzzah! Good for them.

Another surprise event pops up, apparantly, I have an archbishop. Thats what I thought. Well, this person that I didn't know existed tells me that Castile has declared itself Sole Defender of the Catholic Faith. I'm sure everyone else is trying to defend it as well, they just haven't had the inclination to bride everyone else and give themselves a flashy title.
Geez, if I had that kind of money...

...I'd spend it on missionaries that inevitably fail.

In 1477, I have the good fortune (well, thats a relative term, since the A.I is still trying to prove me wrong) of a conversation of Meched (where it snows) and Lut (where it doesn't).

Time up. Told ya it wasn't big and exciting

[Rictus]

Well, carrying immediately on from the previous steppe, I am greeted by my new 'ruler' (some might call them 'puppets') Sayyid Ahmed II, a silly name I'm sure you'll agree. And frankly, he sucks. I've seen grapefruit that could do a better job than him at ruling.

Well, fortunately for me, he doesn't last long as Murtada takes over a year later. Which was a pity because I was going to base so many jokes around Sayyid and his crapness. Sadly, he's just as god-awful. So plenty of time for the jokes then.

By the good grace of gawd, Elbruz is converted on January 1st 1482, with cheers and delights all round! Woohoo! No more Shi'ite and no more shite either!

Sadly, my Armenian inquisition failed. I should really reuse the guys who worked wonders in my shit provinces. To soften the news though, I get an exception year event, pouring in some much needed cash and an inflation drop (which I desperately need) taking it down to a mere 11%

Closely following this, in turn, is a 'non-enforcement of ordinances(tm)', decentralising the Mongols further. Which is odd.

And, to rub salt into the wound, Georgia and Vladimir fail in their inquisition.

Now the time ahs come to teach the Timurids a lesson they don't deserve! Sadly, Ishafan has already been gobbled up by the Scary Mamuluks, so i chose to make Samarkland (which also has a CoT) my target.

I declare in May 1487, bringing my buddies along for the ride, and with all available Timurid forces numbering in at a whopping 1,000 men (literally. Thats their entire military. Silly, ain't it?) I quickly capture one unfortified province and lay seige to five others, having dealt with the Timurid 'army'. Ha.

In contrast to my Shiite missions, all the Orthodox provinces escape conversion. Bastards. Hormouz revolts four times in four months. Egad. Luckily, I have an all-cavalry army on stand-by for just such an occassion. They fail.

My 'ally' the Uzbeks gives up for the paltry sum of a mere 25 ducats, and military access. The fools. Normally, this wouldn't bother, as I can (and did) insult their intelligence, but it frees up three provinces they had captured, all of which immediately start pouring out soldiers...

Now its just a case of pacifying everything, which, as I'm sure you know, takes a long damn time. So, as I go about said pacifying, in December just as this step is about to finish, only three Timurid provinces remain Horde free.

Sorry for lack of screenshots. Forgot to take any.

[Honour_Shogun]

Damn, I hafta say, I learnt the hard way, not to play either EU or EU2 drunk. I tend to play as sinlge province nations and declare war on all my neighbours, because they looked at me funny!

Nice job with the GH. If the Marmelukes are doing so well, how are Persia(Timurids?) and the Ottomans doing? I would think they would be near death or dead with you and the Marmeluks doing so well.

Good luck, who knows, maybe on time you will get so piss drunk, you fall asleep at the keyboard, wake up, and be laying siege to afew Chinese forts...

[Rictus]

Persia never existed, although it had plenty of time to do so. The Timurids at the time of AARness are getting beat up and going downhill from there.

In game (which is about 1560 I'm playing very slowly) the Timurids are gone. long gone. At the moment I'm working on an uber-Delhi

[Wasa]

More screenies, Rictus...
This is very good.

[Rictus]

Drink: I managed to ‘liberate’ some Stellas from my Dads supply
TV: Nah
Music: Lenny Kravitz again. He’s good.
Mood: Eager.

As the end of the last step was closing, I was in control of all but 3 provinces of the Timurid Empire. By June I manage to rectify this situation by taking all of those last provinces and feeling incredibly smug with myself. Time for peace.

Well, as rebels begin to multiplayer around the country, my forces demonstrate their utter shitness by loosing to 5 out of every 6 battles. I’m not even tipsy yet and already everything’s already getting screwed up. Grr.

Tired of this rising rebel threat, and the Timurids stubbornness when it comes to peace deals, I settle for a mere three provinces, including their only remaining Centre of Trade (in Smarkland)

The result of the Second Golden-Horde-Timurid War. Note that the green slightly above my borders is the Uzbeks while to the left is the enormous Mamuluk Empire


I blame it now on the drink.

Interesting to note that with the 80,000 men (mostly infantry) I had invaded with, nearly 40,000 of them survived. Considering my other campaigns had something like 85% casualty rates, those are quite good odds.

For the next few hours of game play time, I indulge in my favourite activity: Rebel Hunting. This is all in aid of raising stability and hoping various nationalistic provinces quieten down. I also begin a program of pouring all available money into land technology as it becomes apparent (after checking out some Europeans) that I am very far behind. With some people about seven or eight levels ahead of me.

The poorness of my technology. A shame really. Notice the amount of time its going to take me to reach my next infrastructure level.


Five years later, and with the drink once again, kicking in, I’m tempted to declare war on the Timurids and try and get my hands on another batch of provinces.

However, things are taken out of my grasp. While I dilly-dally around umming and arring other whether to declare war, shock of shocks, Burgundy turns around and declares on me! Cheeky bastards. With Hessen, Kleves and Spain on their side (got the fearful little alliance they have there), I’m just a little bit worried. Especially as its my first war with a European power (or, in fact, any Europeans at all) and Burgundy just happens to have the first or second highest land tech in the world, which comes in at a whopping nine levels difference to me. So I watch with interest, even as the sweat pours down my face.

The size of my new found enemy. Note, at the bottom of the picture, you can just make out Spains African possessions touching the furthest extent of the Mamuluks. Does it seem like I’m obsessed by the Mamuluks? What’s worse is have I been spelling ‘Mamuluks’ wrong all this time?


Oh dear God! Somewhere along the line, Burgundy annexed Genoa, complete with its two Crimean provinces. Now I find myself with 31,000 pissed of Burgundians marching on my virtually unprotected core provinces…

The sneaky Burgundians managed to ferry a shed load of troops right onto my doorstop. After declaring war, they kinda only left a small rebel –killing army between them and my capitol. *Gulp*


Well, I’ll leave it there for today, another incredibly tiny epsiode dealing with a full ten years worth of game play. Not that you could be believe that.

Anyway,

You too can find out what happened, if you tune in next episode, to The Golden Horde In Forty Easy Steppes

[Ariel]

Hey there Rictus. Apologies for joining in late (I'm always the last to know when one of the crew starts an AAR - why does nobody tell me these things..?)

Can I just take a moment to compliment you on your so-far exceedingly good taste in music as well as the copious amounts of alcohol you seem to be imbibing. Led Zeppelin, Metallica, System of a Whatnot... okay, there was a Lenny Kravitz moment in there, but hey what the heck, we all have our off-days

So, do you take requests?

[Rictus]

Certainly Request away, I'm always on the lookout for more decent music