Here There Be Dragons

[Llywelyn]

Here There Be Dragons:
A History of the House of Aberffraw

AARthor's Foreword:

Not really aiming for a WC like last time. Mostly, I just want to have something to do between popes, share my experience playing around with Drachenfire's improvements to his Welsh mod, and see if I can't restore the teenage exile Gruffydd back to his throne in Gwynedd within his lifetime.

From there, if I can keep from taking over the world and find a nonbootlegged copy of EUIII in Shanghai, maybe we'll even see a Welsh GC.

Setup:

Scenario: 1066 Norman Conquest
Difficulty: Very Hard
Aggression: Normal
Mods: BOPACK, SMACK, Drachenfire's new and improved Welsh mod, some graphics stuff
Other stuff: 1.05 + IP2
Start country: Count of Dublin

[thrashing mad]

Good luck, this gonna be difficult game I suppose. Anyway looking forward to rise of Celtic kingdom .

[Llywelyn]

[reservé]

[Llywelyn]

The History of Gruffydd ap Cynan
Peniarth 17 (12th c.)

Gruffydd at scenario start, in the Year of Our Lord 1066

IN the days of Edward King of England and of Toirdeibhach King of Ireland, Gruffydd King of Gwynedd was born in Ireland in the city of Dublin, and he was reared in the commot of Columcille,

The lands along the Irish Sea

a place which is called among the Irish "Swords" (this is three miles from the place where lived his mother and his foster-mother). His father was Cynan, rightful King of Gwynedd, and his mother was Ragnaillt, daughter of Olaf, King of the city of Dublin and a fifth part of Ireland. Therefore this Gruffydd was a man most nobly born, of royal race and most eminent lineage, as testifies likewise the pedigree and descent of his family.


For Gruffydd was a son of King Cynan, son of Iago, son of Idwal, son of Meurig, son of Anarawd of Aberffraw, son of Rhodri the Great, son of Esyllt daughter of Cynan of the Castle Tindaethwy, son of Rhodri the Bald and Gray, son of Idwal Roebuck, son of Cadwaladr the Blessed, son of Cadwallon, son of Cadfan, son of lago, son of Beli, son of Rhun the Tall,

Called by St. Gildas the Dragon of the Island,
which was not meant at the time as a compliment...

son of Maelgwn of Gwynedd, son of Cadwallon Longhand, son of Einion the Impulsive,

Both figuratively and literally the father of his country,
if you believe mediaeval genealogies...

son of the imperator Cunedda, son of Edern, son of Padern Redrobe, son of Tagit, son of Iago, son of Genedog, son of Cain, son of Gwrgain, son of Doli, son of Gwrdoli, son of Dwuyn, son of Gordwuyn, son of Amwerydd, son of Onwedd, son of Dwywg, son of Brychwain, son of Owain, son of Aflach, son of Flech, son of Beli the Great and the prophetess Anna who was the cousin of the Virgin Mary mother of Our Lord Jesus Christ, etc.

Celebrated in poetry as far as the French court
for his victories against the Black Pagans (Vikings)

Rhodri the Great, son of Merfyn the Spotted, son of Gwriad, son of Elidyr, son of Sandde, son of Alcun, son of Tegit, son of Caid, son of Dwywg, son of Llywarch the Old, son of Elidir the Stout & Handsome, son of Meirchion the Lean, son of Gwrast the Ragged, son of Saint Keneu, son of Coel the Old, son of Tegfan the Lame, son of Deheuwant, son of Telpwyll, son of Urban, son of Grad, son of Riuedel, son of Rhideyrn, son of Endygant, son of Enteyrn, son of Elud, son of Owain, son of Flech, son of Beli the Great, son of Manogan, son of Dyfynwal the Old, son of Gorwynyawn, son of Camber,

Well, at least according to Geoffroy de Monmouth...

son of Brutus prince of Rome, son of Silvius, son of Ascanius, son of Aeneas the White-shouldered, son of Aphrodite and Anchises, son of Capis, son of Assaracus, son of Trois, son of Herctonius, son of Dardanus, son of Jupiter, son of Sadwrn, son of Celius, son of Crete, son of Ciprius, son of Javan, son of Japhet, son of Noah the Old, son of Lamech, son of Methusalah, son of Enoch, son of Jareth, son of Mahaleel, son of Cainan, son of Enos, son of Seth,

"Well, I spied me a girl and before she could leave,
I said: 'Let's go and play Adam and Eve.'
I took her by the hand and my heart it was thumpin'
When she said, 'Hey man, you crazy or sumpthin'?
You seen what happened last time they started...'"

son of Adam,

Amusing enough, no, his successor's not Gruffydd.
It's some orphan kid named Humphrey de Torun.
No, I don't know why...

son of God.

[CrackdToothGrin]

That is one hell of a family tree... I look forward to seeing how this one turns out. Count me subscribed!

[JimboIX]

With the genealogies it reads like a gospel almost. Certainly shames anything William the bastard might bring to the table. Interesting stuff.

[Llywelyn]

The pedigree of Gruffydd on his mother's side. King Gruffydd, son of Ragnaillt the daughter of

The monkish Chronicler had a very loose sense of kingship.
Existing records suggest Olaf was in fact landlord of two or three cozy huts in Meath.

Olaf, King of the city of Dublin and a fifth part of Ireland and the Isle of Man which was formerly of the Kingdom of Britain. Moreover he was king over many other islands - Denmark, and Galloway and the Rinns and Anglesey and Gwynedd where Olaf built a strong castle with its mound and ditch still visible and called "The Castle of King Olaf." In Welsh, however, it is called Bon y Dom. Olaf himself was a son of King Sigtrygg Silkbeard, son of Olaf Sandals, son of Sigtrygg the Squinty, son of King Olaf, son of King Harald Fairhair, son of the King of Denmark.


Be it well known that Harold Haarfager and his two brothers were sons of the King of Norway, and Alyn his brother was as king the most worshipful and renowned in all Denmark, whom Prince Thur killed in battle. And while he was despoiling him and drawing a huge torque of gold from about his neck, such as it was customary for kings and noblemen of old to wear, his hands clung to the torque and his knees to his belly. This was the first miracle that God performed for him. From this forward the whole of Denmark took him as a saint and honored him from this day on; and many churches were built in his name and in his honour in Denmark; and sailors call upon him in particular and sacrifice to him and offer him numerous gifts when in peril on the sea. The prince who killed him was afterwards called from this deed Thurkyl because he had slain the rightful king side by side with the island of Britain as the islands of the Cyclades are between the Tyrrhennian Sea and Denmark. His third brother (to wit,

Most famed to posterity for his invention of small confections combining chocolate and caramel,
Rollo was also well-known during his own lifetime as a blood-thirsty conqueror.

Rollo,) set out with his fleet to France and there settled and vanquished the Franks by warfare and conquered a great part of France which is now called Normandy, for the men of Norway inhabited it. This race is from Lychlyn, and this land was divided into twelve parts according to the barons and princes who first came to the part of France which is called Brittany or Llydaw. They built there many cities (Rouen namely was called from King Rollo its builder as Rome from Romulus and Rheims from Remus) and many other cities and castles and strong-holds. From him are descended the Norman kings who conquered England by battle, to wit King William and his son Robert who succeeded him, who were contemporaries of King Gruffydd. In this wise was King Gruffydd noble on his mother's side, on the part of his mother's father.


In the second place, on the part of his grandmother, that is his mother's mother, King Gruffydd was the son of Ragnaillt, daughter of Mailcorcre, daughter of Dunlang, son of Tuathal, King of Leinster, a fifth part of Ireland. Slani likewise, mother of King Olaf, was daughter to

Briefly king of all the Irish by virtue of the fact the Vikings had conquered the rest,
killed in battle against his brother-in-law Sigtrygg Silkbeard

Brian Boruma, King of Munster, two parts of Ireland. And then Gormflaith was the mother of King Sigtrygg. She was daughter to Murchaid, King of Leinster, and she had three renowned sons, to wit Donnchad, King of Munster, Sigtrygg King of Dublin, and Maelsechlainn, King of Meath. Maelmorda like-wise was a son of this queen by Murchaid, King of Leinster. King Gruffydd had two brothers of the same mother, Kings of Ulster - namely, Raghnall son of Mathgamhain, who by his valour gained two parts of Ireland in six weeks. He was a wonderful leaper. There was not among all the Irishmen one who could either withstand or match him in leaping. His horse excelled in various feats and swiftness. Islimach was its name. His leap and that of his horse were equal. It was most like Cinnar, the horse of Achilles, and Bucephalus, the horse of the Emperor Alexander. Gruffydd's other brother was Aedh Mac Mathgamhain of Ulster.


Since an end has been made of enumerating the pedigree and relatives of King Gruffydd with respect to the world, we shall now enumerate his descent with respect to God; as says the Holy Father both of his descent and of the descent of every man in the exposition which he made upon this verse of the Psalter, "Ye are gods and sons of the highest are ye all." According to this Gruffydd was the son of Cynan, the son of Adam, the son of God.


With regard to this, while King Gruffydd is commended by an earthly pedigree and a heavenly one, let us now proceed to the prophecy of Merddin, bard of the Britons, concerning him. Merddin foretold him to us as follows:

"I have a cunning plan, my lord. . ."

A leaping wild animal that shall be the subject of prophecy has gone away to our gain; a waylayer from over the sea. Corrupter his name: many shall he corrupt. This is in Latin: Saltus ferinus præsagitur; uenturus de mari; insidiaturus; cui nomen corruptor quia multos corrumpet.


O dearly beloved brother Welshmen, very memorable is King Gruffydd, who is commended by the praise of his earthly pedigree and the prophecy of Merddin as above. And since this is finished, let us hasten to his own particular actions as has been promised by us through ancient history.

A slightly better Diplo score than His Father,
by virtue of being less inclined to kill all those who fail Him.

Let Christ be the author and counsellor in this matter, not Diana or Apollo. . .

[Source]

[Llywelyn]

Now with pictures!

@Jimbo. Well, on his father's side, Guillaume could claim some of the same general silliness given some time and a sympathetic cleric. It's just on his mother's side that it rather dead-ends at Herleva, Harlot of Falaise, daughter of Fulbert the Piss-Handler, also of Falaise.
@CTG. Yep. And so far it's legit. I'll actually start writing some in the next few installments as the timeline goes off-course.
@Thrashing. Thanks! See what I can do for you - Have to become a count first...

[Murmurandus]

Feck, yet another AAR I just need to follow...

Well, good work anyway...

[RGB]

Llyw - Gosh. Jesus AND God? Wouldn't that make them in the same dynasty and therefore have inbred children? At least that's how CK seems to work.

By the way, if I didn't say this before: I'd love to have your babies. You're the funnest WritAAR in existance.

[CrackdToothGrin]

PICTURES!

Maybe you can use my tutorial to make some cool maps to go with this.

But I like this presentation, makes me want to grab a flagon and a leg of lamb...

[EvilSanta]

I never knew Jesus was so good in martial arts.

[Llywelyn]

@Murm: It's ok. All you have to do is occassionally pop in and post

*

or

Good job!

or

Watch out for the [whoever's next to me on the map/Mongols/Seljuks]

and I'll be just as excited as if you were actually following along.


@RGB: Actually, they're nondynastic, but I'm confused as to whether you were implying that Gruffydd's convented daughters would be literally married to Christ or that Jesus and God should try to have kids together. I think both are bad ideas.

I'm pretty sure you're a dude and reproduction would be infeasible, but assuming I'm wrong and you're a chick, I'd be glad to produce some extra babies.** If the Technological Singularity doesn't come soon and wipe out humanity, I'm not sure humanity isn't rapidly devolving itself...

You're wrong about the humor thing, though. That would be Phargle, when he's not showing off his blank rhyme chops.


@CrackedTooth: This is CK. Even though we're talking about Wales, the sheep are entirely for decorative effect. [spoiler]The Welsh won't rediscover husbandry until the 14th century.[/spoiler]


@EvilSatan: You obviously have failed to read The Gospel According to Biff. Also, on the one hand, martial doesn't measure martial arts - it measures your ability to command armies and as Dostoyevsky and King Missile have observed, Jesus was way cool and could in fact have commanded his armies better than a cheating Genghis Khan AI in ludicrous mode. On the other, it's entirely pointless ingame where battles are determined solely by the number of archers and knights, so it doesn't make much difference.***

j.

*Esp. good for "serious" "dramatic" "historical" AARs, since it confuses and flatters the writer.
**No child support, though, ya gold digger!
***Side note, the hippie and Big Poppa both have 777 stats (number of perfection and all) but are nuanced by their personality traits.

[Murmurandus]

Good job!

[thrashing mad]

Watch out for the English

*

[RGB]

Originally Posted by Llywelyn

***Side note, the hippie and Big Poppa both have 777 stats (number of perfection and all) but are nuanced by their personality traits.

A very sensitive and nuanced portrayal indeed. And no, God and Jesus can't have kids. Unless God is a Woman, or they're like bacteria and can transfer DNA laterally. However, they ought to be in the same dynasty since one of them is the other one's son....and everyone's descended from them...which would mean that you're a heretic if you're implying that the entirety of the human race isn't incestuous. Well, now that I've said it, I think I'm gonna be hoping for that singularity thingumbob too.

And I meant figurative babies. I'm pretty sure I did, anyway.

[Llywelyn]

Wherefore when Gruffydd was still a boy, well-mannered and delicately reared and attaining to the years of youth in his mother's house and moving amidst her people, during this time his mother related to him every day who and what manner of man was his father,

Cynan according to Gruffydd's mother


Cynan according to other accounts

what was his patrimony, and what kind of kingdom it was and what sort of tyrants dwelt in it.

Bleddyn Mathrafal according to Gruffydd's mother


and other accounts

When he heard this heaviness seized him and he was sad many days. Wherefore he went to the court of King Murchaid and complained to him in particular and to the other kings of Ireland that a strange race were ruling over his paternal kingdom, and in sport besought them to give him help to seek his patrimony. They took pity upon him and promised to help him when the time should come. When he heard the answer he was glad and gave thanks for that to God and to them.

Oddly enough, reversing his father's pro-Norman-colonizer stance
would later serve Ireland in good stead...

So it came to pass that when Diarmait who was king of Leinster and a fifth of Ireland went to sleep with his fathers, his son who was King Murchaid eshewed all offers of alliance from his neighbors and joined his force instead to Maredudd, son of Owain, son of Edwin, who was then king in the South of Wales.

Surely the Welsh can't stay long at peace with their neighbors...

When he heard this Gruffydd gave thanks again to God and immediately embarked in a ship and raised the sails to the wind and journeyed over the sea towards Wales and reached the port of Tyddewi in the cantref of Pebidiog. At that time there were ruling, falsely and unduly,

Note the Hitlerian evilness in the eyes

Maredudd, son of Bleddyn, and

as well as the extra nipples and tails common to all the House Mathrafal

Rhiwallon, son of Cynfyn, his uncle, Kings of Powys and all Gwynedd, which they had divided between them.

Wales in 1069.
Gwynedd is held by the Mathrafals, descended from Angharad of Dinefwr,
daughter of Maredudd, son of Owain, son of Hywel the Good, and her consort Satan;
Dyfed by the Dinefwrs proper, descended from Cadell, son of Rhodri the Great;
Morgannwg by the descendants of Morgan the Old; and
Gwent by the usurpers of Ystrad Twyi, another collateral branch of Dinefwr.

Then Gruffydd sent messengers to Maredudd, son of Owain, son of Edwin, and to the men of Anglesey and Arfon and the three sons of Merwyd of Llyn, Asser, Meirion, and Gwgan, and to other noblemen to ask them to come quickly to confer with him. Without delay they arrived and saluted him and said to him, "Your coming is welcome." Then he besought them with all his cunning and wisdom to aid him to obtain his patrimony, for he was the rightful lord in Gwynedd, and to fight on his side valiantly with arms to repel the usurping rulers who had come from another place. And although many were dubious of his young age, such was the force of his arguments and his claim, that all there pledged themselves to his cause. After the conference was ended and the council dispersed, he went back to the ocean towards Rhuddlan Castle to Robert of Rhuddlan, a baron famous, brave, and strong, nephew to

Hugh d'Avranches, mistakenly Anglicized from the Norman French
Hughe, meaning "Donkey-shaped" or "Aesthetically displeasing"

Hugh, who was later in ill fame Marshal of Chester after Richard, son of William, had put down Eadric the Wild's revolt there, and Gruffydd besought help of him against his enemies who were in his patrimony. When he heard who he was and wherefore he had come and what was his request of him, he promised to be his supporter.

[Llywelyn]

Hereupon there came a prophetess, Tangwystyl by name, a relation of his, the wife of Llywarch Olbwch, to greet Gruffydd her relation and to foretell that in the future he would be king and to present to him the fairest of shirts and the best of tunics made from the pelisse of

Gruffydd son of Llywelyn's father (ie, Llywelyn) was another son of the succubus Angharad
and he had himself usurped Gwynedd on the death of Gruffydd's grandfather Iago
by iron poisoning following a mutiny of his troops

King Gruffydd, son of King Llywelyn, son of Seisyll (for Llywarch, her husband, had been the chief chamberlain and treasurer to Gruffydd, son of Llywelyn). Then Gruffydd embarked and returned from his journey to Tyddewi. Then he despatched the soldiers of the sons of Merwyd, who were in sanctuary in Clynnog from fear of the men of Powys who were threatening them and other noblemen and their kinsmen and sixty picked men of Tygeingl from the province of the above-mentioned Robert and eighty men from Anglesey to the cantred of Llyn to fight with King Maredudd, their oppressor. Then they departed by strategy and sought to take him unawares. But Robert the Castellan had betrayed them all into his hands and then Asser, son of Merwyd, was slain and many of the men. Gruffydd at the time was in Tyddewi, that is to say, in the harbor which has been mentioned above, awaiting what fate should happen to them. The heavy burden fell on a youth of Arfon, Einion was his name, the first to tell him the ill tidings, that is, the slaughter of his entire force.

The Royal Scissors of the House of Aberffraw

Hearing this news, Gruffydd flew into such a rage that before those nearest might stop him he had already blinded and castrated the hapless messenger. Further he sought out his relation Tangwystyl who had given him good tidings that he might beat her, but he could not find her, for she had hidden herself away in the hills. And it was as of old, when Zedekiah who was King in Judah had punished Jeremiah with prison and with tortures for having brought to him ill news, but all that Jeremiah had said was true or came to pass and all of Zedekiah's designs and his revolt against the King in Babylon failed. But when Gruffydd son of Cynan's anger had cooled, he paid the damages to the boy's family and there was peace between them.

And then all the people said that Gruffydd had failed in his designs and his revolt for his sins and youth and intemperance, and Gruffydd, son of Cynan, heard these things and was chastised and returned to his mother's kindred in Ireland.

[Source]

[Murmurandus]

Watch out for the scissors!

[Llywelyn]

@Murm & Thrash: Smartasses. . .
@RGB: Well, dogmatically speaking, everyone around is descended from Noah and (by extension) his ancestors; no one is descended from Jesus; and we're only asexually descended from God. Further, the first version of Creation in Genesis (the one where we're made in God's image) is the one where Adam's a hermaphrodite. But I think to point that out with any force is actually heretical. . .
@Murm: Well, if you were running with them, they're probably too dull to hurt you. But that just makes using them all the less enjoyable. . .
@Jimbo: Hm, maybe it was unclear. His mother was praising the memory of his father to the skies, even if he was just a lazy, good-for-nothing asshole while he was alive. It's the usurping, treacherous SOB who was a lot nicer than the usurped, down-on-her-luck SOL said he was.

j.