Germany and Great Britain, ROUND ONE! (WW1 AAR)

Carthade · 27-02-2007, 06:00

Beginning notes: Setting was normal/normal. *whimper*
- This is the CENSORED version. PM me for the uncensored one.

The Great War - Great Britain 1914 Victoria Campaign

Its August 1914. I have a six division BEF in France, and scattered troops around the world, notably in Africa and Egypt. The ONLY thing I do in August is group my fleets into hotkeys and add four divisions to the MPool. Increased my defence budget to its maximum. Yada yada yada. Preperations for war and all that.

September, called up 20 infantry divisions with artillery brigades attached. While thats happening, I spend all my happy little diplomatic points in improving relations with Persia, Spain, Italy, Portugal, USA, Greece, Norway, and Sweden. Most of these respond positively to my advances.

Grand Fleet and other assorted squadrons sally forth and begin... THE HUNT FOR GREY KRIEGSMARINE! Dun dun dun...

ROUND ONE OF THE GRAND FLEET VERSUS THE KRIEGSMARINE:
- IN ONE CORNER, 47 SHIPS OF THE GRAND FLEET!
- IN THE OTHER CORNER, THE 32 SHIPS OF THE KRIEGSMARINE!
AND WITH A SWIFT DECISIVE BATTLE OCCURING OVER FIVE DAYS, THE KRIEGSMARINE IS REDUCED TO FIVE SHIPS! OH, THE HUMANITY!

Grand Fleet strolls back to port for repairs...

RING IN THE NEW YEAR, NINTEEN MOTHER*****ING FIFTEEN

THE WAR THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OVER BY CHRISTMAS IS NOT OVER BY CHRISTMAS. ***** YOU, ORACLE *****.

Finally, those 20 infantry divisions with artillery land in France. They make their way to Alsace-Lorraine, and are promptly repulsed. First battle of many.
Notice that while I suffer thousands of casualties, the Germans lose LESS THAN A *****ING HUNDRED.
HOLYMOTHER*****ING***************!.
This is going to be a long war...

SIXTY GERMAN DIVISIONS ON THE WESTERN FRONT. OVER SIX HUNDRED MOTHER*****ING THOUSAND (600,000!) GERMAN TROOPS ON THE ****** BORDER WITH FRANCE, FACING MY *****ING 260,000 BRITISH TROOPS AND MAYBE 400,000 FRENCH TROOPS!
*****!

Italy joins the Allies at some point in this year.

Italian Front stabilizes to a *****ing standstill. At least it draws Austrian troops away from Russia.

Russia has been making rather large gains in the Ottoman Empire, woot.

Russia losing a ton of land to Germany and Austria, *****.

ROUND TWO OF THE GRAND FLEET VERSUS THE KRIEGSMARINE:
- IN ONE CORNER, THE 56 SHIPS OF THE GRAND FLEET!
- IN THE OTHER CORNER, 45?!??!?!?!? SHIPS OF THE KRIEGSMARINE? WHAT THE *****ING *****ITY *****? OH WELL!
- 62 GERMAN TRANSPORTS ENTER THE FRAY, OH JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST

AND IN A TWO WEEK LONG NAVAL BATTLE, THE ENTIRETY OF THE KRIEGSMARINE IS WIPED OUT!

But is it the end?

*looks over in France. Reinforce my divisions.*

Germany now has 700,000 *****ing troops on the border... (70 divisions)

Russia losing a LOT of land to Germany/Austria.
OE losing a LOT of land to Britain/Russia.

RING IN THE NEW YEAR, ITS NINETEEN MOTHER*****ING SIXTEEN!

ROUNDS THREE THROUGH FIFTEEN:
- Various Grand Fleet encounters with a reviving Kriegsmarine. They are put down with extreme prejudice. Lead poisoning kills thousands of fish in the Baltic Sea.

All quiet on the Western Front, Italian Front, Ottoman Front, when suddenly...

RUSSIA DROPS OUT OF THE MOTHER*****ING WAR, FREEING COUNTLESS *****ING ENEMY DIVISIONS!
THANKS A LOT, YOU GOD DAMN PIECE OF ***** ***** *****ING MOTHER*****ING COMMUNIST SONS OF ***** AND *****!!!
- Thanks to this, ALL my Ottoman invasion troops are stranded in the OE. They die of lack of supplies days later. <_<
*********************************************!!!!!

RING IN THE NEW YEAR, ITS NINETEEN MOTHER*****ING SEVENTEEN!

There are now 90 German divisions on the Western Front, still sitting there. ***** YOU, YOU 900,000 SACKS OF *****!

Somehow, for three months, I miss the fact that Germany landed a single division in Inverness. 75,000 British troops are dispatched to kill a mere 10,000. Easy, right? Hell no...

*THREE MONTHS LATER*

"German troops surrender in Inverness..."

ROUNDS FIFTEEN THROUGH THIRTY FIVE:
- Grand Fleet obliterates German steamer transports weekly now. Wewt.

After three years of constant improving relations, in a single day, Persia, Spain and Portugal all join the Allies. HUZZAH.

There's a giant Indian Revolution going on.
I don't care.

Ottoman forces sweep through Sinai and north Egypt. I hurriedly call up native cavalry troops to retake em back. 300,000 are called up. (30 cav divisions)

RING IN THE NEW YEAR, ITS NINETEEN MOTHER*****ING EIGHTEEN WITH NO END IN ******ING SIGHT TO THIS ***** WAR.

As a new years gift to the Allies, Italy signs an almost-white peace with Austria - it surrenders ALL its African colonial possessions to Austria.
*****YOUGOD*****PLUMBERS

Austrian troops join with Ottomans in seizing Egypt.

A couple of months pass.

30 British infantry divisions with tank brigades attached land in France around this time...
USA joins the Allies a week later! HUZZAH. Not that they do anything, the *****!.
[b]110 GERMAN DIVISIONS (1,110,000 GERMAN TROOPS!) *****ing SLAM into France in the FIRST German offensive of the entire WAR.
110 DIVISIONS ATTACK A SINGLE FRENCH PROVINCE, DEFENDED BY 25 FRENCH DIVISIONS. I THINK YOU CAN GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!

Well, I gather my 55 approximate divisions and plonk them right in the path of the German Juggernaut.

Appropiately named, the Juggernaut completely wipes out my army and continues its rampage throughout Northern France.

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ********** ************************* ***** *****ARGH.

Germany captures Paris in TWO WEEKS after the offensive begins. The Great War ends as the Central Powers win.

I call bull***** on that and re-declare war on the *****er. Shoulda waited until they demobilized, honestly... <_<
Persia, France and New Zealand dishonor their alliance with me. ***** you, ingrates!

I FINALLY mobilize, with my ***** 40 divisions, but hey, replaces what I lost in France, right. Gotta wait three months until they come, though. <_<

I move about building a happy nice transport fleet with which to invade Germany with and strike at Berlin. *wub*

My 30 cav divisions in Egypt arrive and set up throwing out the Austrians and Ottomans. Thus begins the SUPER HAPPY GALLOP TO CONSTANINOPLE, WEWT.

RING IN THE NEW YEAR, ITS NINETEEN MOTHER*****ING NINETEEN, HERE COMES THE END OF THE ***** GREAT WAR!

-12 months pass. Its December 20th, 1919, and my Cavalry forces victoriously wave the British flag over Constantinople. Awesomeness.
40 Divisions ready. Transport fleet ready. COMMENCE OPERATION "***** YOU GERMANY IN THE ***** WITH ***** BARBED WIRE!"
- As soon as British troops hits the shores...
THE GAME GODDAMN ENDS AND I LOSE.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

In conclusion, great stress reliever that game.

Ivanelterrible · 27-02-2007, 06:11

Riveting, Carthade, absolutley riveting. I loved how you were able to express your frustration in such high language.

Carthade · 27-02-2007, 06:12

Ah yes, the joys of swearing.

Gustave5436 · 27-02-2007, 06:38

Technically, since it is WW1, I think the German navy is the "Kaiserliche Marine"

Nice AAR, though

Fulcrumvale · 27-02-2007, 21:20

You’re a military genius, you know that?

Carthade · 28-02-2007, 02:41

Is that a real or sarcastic comment?

Morpheus506 · 01-03-2007, 04:48

One of the more eloquent AARs I've read in the past few months, I must say.

Carthade · 01-03-2007, 04:59

All this sarcasm hurts my brain.

k-59 · 01-03-2007, 05:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carthade

-12 months pass. Its December 20th, 1919, and my Cavalry forces victoriously wave the British flag over Constantinople. Awesomeness.
40 Divisions ready. Transport fleet ready. COMMENCE OPERATION "***** YOU GERMANY IN THE ***** WITH ***** BARBED WIRE!"
- As soon as British troops hits the shores...
THE GAME GODDAMN ENDS AND I LOSE.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

In conclusion, great stress reliever that game.

Now you see is why you need revolutions

Carthade · 01-03-2007, 05:24

Perhaps!... in time...

Oranje Verzet · 01-03-2007, 13:12

Mother***** nice piece of work. Those ******* sure were **** all over the ***** ***** place.

**** yea!

27-02-2007, 06:00	#1
Carthade wut Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Werewolf! Posts: 345	Germany and Great Britain, ROUND ONE! (WW1 AAR) Beginning notes: Setting was normal/normal. whimper - This is the CENSORED version. PM me for the uncensored one. The Great War - Great Britain 1914 Victoria Campaign Its August 1914. I have a six division BEF in France, and scattered troops around the world, notably in Africa and Egypt. The ONLY thing I do in August is group my fleets into hotkeys and add four divisions to the MPool. Increased my defence budget to its maximum. Yada yada yada. Preperations for war and all that. September, called up 20 infantry divisions with artillery brigades attached. While thats happening, I spend all my happy little diplomatic points in improving relations with Persia, Spain, Italy, Portugal, USA, Greece, Norway, and Sweden. Most of these respond positively to my advances. Grand Fleet and other assorted squadrons sally forth and begin... THE HUNT FOR GREY KRIEGSMARINE! Dun dun dun... ROUND ONE OF THE GRAND FLEET VERSUS THE KRIEGSMARINE: - IN ONE CORNER, 47 SHIPS OF THE GRAND FLEET! - IN THE OTHER CORNER, THE 32 SHIPS OF THE KRIEGSMARINE! AND WITH A SWIFT DECISIVE BATTLE OCCURING OVER FIVE DAYS, THE KRIEGSMARINE IS REDUCED TO FIVE SHIPS! OH, THE HUMANITY! Grand Fleet strolls back to port for repairs... RING IN THE NEW YEAR, NINTEEN MOTHER***ING FIFTEEN THE WAR THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OVER BY CHRISTMAS IS NOT OVER BY CHRISTMAS. * YOU, ORACLE *. Finally, those 20 infantry divisions with artillery land in France. They make their way to Alsace-Lorraine, and are promptly repulsed. First battle of many. Notice that while I suffer thousands of casualties, the Germans lose LESS THAN A *ING HUNDRED. HOLYMOTHER*ING***********!. This is going to be a long war... SIXTY GERMAN DIVISIONS ON THE WESTERN FRONT. OVER SIX HUNDRED MOTHER*ING THOUSAND (600,000!) GERMAN TROOPS ON THE ** BORDER WITH FRANCE, FACING MY *ING 260,000 BRITISH TROOPS AND MAYBE 400,000 FRENCH TROOPS! *! Italy joins the Allies at some point in this year. Italian Front stabilizes to a *ing standstill. At least it draws Austrian troops away from Russia. Russia has been making rather large gains in the Ottoman Empire, woot. Russia losing a ton of land to Germany and Austria, *. ROUND TWO OF THE GRAND FLEET VERSUS THE KRIEGSMARINE: - IN ONE CORNER, THE 56 SHIPS OF THE GRAND FLEET! - IN THE OTHER CORNER, 45?!??!?!?!? SHIPS OF THE KRIEGSMARINE? WHAT THE *ING *ITY **? OH WELL! - 62 GERMAN TRANSPORTS ENTER THE FRAY, OH JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST AND IN A TWO WEEK LONG NAVAL BATTLE, THE ENTIRETY OF THE KRIEGSMARINE IS WIPED OUT! But is it the end? looks over in France. Reinforce my divisions.* Germany now has 700,000 ***ing troops on the border... (70 divisions) Russia losing a LOT of land to Germany/Austria. OE losing a LOT of land to Britain/Russia. RING IN THE NEW YEAR, ITS NINETEEN MOTHER*ING SIXTEEN! ROUNDS THREE THROUGH FIFTEEN: - Various Grand Fleet encounters with a reviving Kriegsmarine. They are put down with extreme prejudice. Lead poisoning kills thousands of fish in the Baltic Sea. All quiet on the Western Front, Italian Front, Ottoman Front, when suddenly... RUSSIA DROPS OUT OF THE MOTHER*ING WAR, FREEING COUNTLESS *ING ENEMY DIVISIONS! THANKS A LOT, YOU GOD DAMN PIECE OF * * *ING MOTHER*ING COMMUNIST SONS OF * AND *!!! - Thanks to this, ALL my Ottoman invasion troops are stranded in the OE. They die of lack of supplies days later. <_< *****************************************!!!!! RING IN THE NEW YEAR, ITS NINETEEN MOTHER*ING SEVENTEEN! There are now 90 German divisions on the Western Front, still sitting there. * YOU, YOU 900,000 SACKS OF **! Somehow, for three months, I miss the fact that Germany landed a single division in Inverness. 75,000 British troops are dispatched to kill a mere 10,000. Easy, right? Hell no... THREE MONTHS LATER* "German troops surrender in Inverness..." ROUNDS FIFTEEN THROUGH THIRTY FIVE: - Grand Fleet obliterates German steamer transports weekly now. Wewt. After three years of constant improving relations, in a single day, Persia, Spain and Portugal all join the Allies. HUZZAH. There's a giant Indian Revolution going on. I don't care. Ottoman forces sweep through Sinai and north Egypt. I hurriedly call up native cavalry troops to retake em back. 300,000 are called up. (30 cav divisions) RING IN THE NEW YEAR, ITS NINETEEN MOTHER***ING EIGHTEEN WITH NO END IN **ING SIGHT TO THIS * WAR. As a new years gift to the Allies, Italy signs an almost-white peace with Austria - it surrenders ALL its African colonial possessions to Austria. *YOUGOD*PLUMBERS Austrian troops join with Ottomans in seizing Egypt. A couple of months pass. 30 British infantry divisions with tank brigades attached land in France around this time... USA joins the Allies a week later! HUZZAH. Not that they do anything, the *!. [b]110 GERMAN DIVISIONS (1,110,000 GERMAN TROOPS!) *ing SLAM into France in the FIRST German offensive of the entire WAR. 110 DIVISIONS ATTACK A SINGLE FRENCH PROVINCE, DEFENDED BY 25 FRENCH DIVISIONS. I THINK YOU CAN GUESS WHAT HAPPENED! Well, I gather my 55 approximate divisions and plonk them right in the path of the German Juggernaut. Appropiately named, the Juggernaut completely wipes out my army and continues its rampage throughout Northern France. * * * * * * * ****** ********************* * *ARGH. Germany captures Paris in TWO WEEKS after the offensive begins. The Great War ends as the Central Powers win. I call bull* on that and re-declare war on the *er. Shoulda waited until they demobilized, honestly... <_< Persia, France and New Zealand dishonor their alliance with me. * you, ingrates! I FINALLY mobilize, with my *** 40 divisions, but hey, replaces what I lost in France, right. Gotta wait three months until they come, though. <_< I move about building a happy nice transport fleet with which to invade Germany with and strike at Berlin. wub My 30 cav divisions in Egypt arrive and set up throwing out the Austrians and Ottomans. Thus begins the SUPER HAPPY GALLOP TO CONSTANINOPLE, WEWT. RING IN THE NEW YEAR, ITS NINETEEN MOTHER***ING NINETEEN, HERE COMES THE END OF THE * GREAT WAR! -12 months pass. Its December 20th, 1919, and my Cavalry forces victoriously wave the British flag over Constantinople. Awesomeness. 40 Divisions ready. Transport fleet ready. COMMENCE OPERATION "* YOU GERMANY IN THE * WITH * BARBED WIRE!" - As soon as British troops hits the shores... THE GAME GODDAMN ENDS AND I LOSE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! In conclusion, great stress reliever that game. __________________ ~ ~ * A Mari Usque Ad Mare * ~ ~**

27-02-2007, 06:11	#2
Ivanelterrible Corporal Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 38	Riveting, Carthade, absolutley riveting. I loved how you were able to express your frustration in such high language. __________________ I wanted a signature, so I put this here.

27-02-2007, 06:12	#3
Carthade wut Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Werewolf! Posts: 345	Ah yes, the joys of swearing. __________________ *~ ~ A Mari Usque Ad Mare * ~ ~**

27-02-2007, 21:20	#5
Fulcrumvale Strategos ton Exkoubitores Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: 41 06' 28" N, 73 22' 05" W Posts: 3,052	You’re a military genius, you know that? __________________ A History of Baden- Will Bernard I von Baden-Baden and his wife Anna von Oettingen lead Baden to victory or disaster? Nominated for the Weekly AAR Showcase, 9/25/06!/ Nominated for Best Character Writer of the Week, 10/29/06!/ Winner, Favorite History-Book AAR, EU1/2, Q3 2006! We are the Dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved, and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields.

28-02-2007, 02:41	#6
Carthade wut Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Werewolf! Posts: 345	Is that a real or sarcastic comment? __________________ *~ ~ A Mari Usque Ad Mare * ~ ~**

27-02-2007, 06:38	#4
Gustave5436 First Lieutenant Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: United States Posts: 202	Technically, since it is WW1, I think the German navy is the "Kaiserliche Marine" Nice AAR, though

01-03-2007, 04:48	#7
Morpheus506 The Little Corporal Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Home for the holidays Posts: 4,228	One of the more eloquent AARs I've read in the past few months, I must say. __________________ #0030-Lance Corporal HOI MIA Company-ADDICT Platoon-Recruitment NCO AARs: Finished-Empire of the Steppes: A Siberian AAR - OscAAR-Best EUI AAR - WC by 1625 --- The Reader Request AAR WW Results: Won: 3 \| Survived but lost: 1 \| Lynched: 9 \| Killed by Hunter: 1 \| Eaten: 10 Roles: Villager: 11 \| Wolf: 7 (once turned) \| Sorcerer: 3 \| Seer: 2 \| Priest: 2 \| Apprentice: 1 \| Hunter: 1 \|\|\| Leader: 1 \| Spiritually Attuned: 1 Winner of: Werewolf XXXV: Whodunnit?, Werewolf Lite LI: Prohibition and Werewolf Lite CXXXV: The Time Machine Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. -- Albert Einstein

01-03-2007, 04:59	#8
Carthade wut Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Werewolf! Posts: 345	All this sarcasm hurts my brain. __________________ *~ ~ A Mari Usque Ad Mare * ~ ~**

01-03-2007, 05:24	#10
Carthade wut Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Werewolf! Posts: 345	Perhaps!... in time... __________________ *~ ~ A Mari Usque Ad Mare * ~ ~**

01-03-2007, 13:12	#11
Oranje Verzet Mombotian Marshal Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Moving around till I find a nice place to rest my feet Posts: 1,577	Mother*** nice piece of work. Those *** sure were all over the * * place. ** yea!