Winston Churchill, or how I learnt to stop worrying and tried to invent the bomb

[fillap]

This is going to be my first AAR, and I have seen what others have written and thought on what approach I should take. I decided that my knowledge of the game and history meant it should not be too serious.

I will be playing with the 1936 scenario as the UK. DD 1.2 on hard aggressive setting.

I may have some issues with the screen shots, I am always annoyed when it takes me days to open up the next page due to all the pictures so I will place them on links initially. (This is not guaranteed if commedy possibilities may be lost doing it that way).

Note any other stuff in this colour is not part of the narative.

Also note this is a work in progress and I make no assurances that the atom bomb will be invented by Churchill.


Winston Churchill, or How I learnt to stop worrying and tried to invent the bomb

Chapter One

January 1936, the cabinet office, London. Hard descisions needed to be made, times were both good and bad for britain. They had the largest empire in the world. A large navy. A stable king who had been on the thrown for years.




And yes they had banana's.



But decisions had to be made. Luckily the man in power behind the scenes, Bob to his friends but Robert to you, knew the right course. Many said it was too great a task that Britain was lost, but it was pointed out to them it was the same place it had always been, just off the North Coast of Europe. This was prooven by a map.


Once it was agreed that all were now happy as to the possition of the UK the men in power looked and the political makeup of the UK.

The first thing that was decided on was that the market was far too restrictive. It was believed that although banana's were getting through to the population, far too many were consumed by red tape imposed on business. So the slider was moved one towards free market with a decrease in production time and cost being an added bonus.

Bob next began to examine the men sat around him at the table.



No one could do anything about the king or the PM. And both the foreign and armaments ministers were viewed as the best of a bad bunch. Security was also viewed as acceptable. However when the cabinet came to discuss the head on intelligence, Sir Hugh St Clair, a civil servant stated that he increased army intelligence by aroun 15%, the until now quiet Bob spoke up. When I say spoke I actually mean broke out into an uncontrollable rage.
"15% (pause) 15%. Army intelligence, thats no good to us. You have to be stupid to be in the army, so thats 15% extra intelligence on not very much intelligence. Sack him now. And while we are at it, who's in charge of the army?"
At this point Sir Montgomery Massingberd stood up and said that was one of his jobs. He said he made it easier to build land forts and infantry. Once again Bob flew into a rage.
"What, look at that map above, look at it. We are ---an ----Island." His speach becoming increasingly slow and patronising. "We don't need land forts, who else can do this job?"
Sir Montgomery Massingberd said that Sir Cyril Deverell was equally capable and would reduced supply consumption by around 15%. Bob looked up and smiled.
"He's now the head of the army. Soldiers don't need to eat too much anyway. If they don't eat; they stay thin, and then it will be harder for the enemy to shoot them."
With this Bob sat down and all other positions remained unchanged.

News of the disturbance did get out to the public at large, while they were happy that banana's weren't going to be taken off the shop shelf any time soon, some were a little concerned by the rumours of a mad man being in charge. 3% dissent ensued.

The cabinet next came to look at production.

It was quickly noticed that the royal navy had commisioned two level 2 destroyers, all were aware that the more modern and effective tribal class destroyer was full ready for production and were amazed that these vessels were being constructed. The orders were promptly cancelled as was the level 3 sub, just to teach the RN a leson.

A little industrial production was allocated to supplying the armed forces and the rest was put into banana production to make the people happier.

The international situation was looked into. Britain was part of the allies, mostly the common wealth with the french thrown in. It was decided that all members of the allies would have their trade deals accepted regardless. The british also planned to give any blue prints they could to their various allies to increase their military abilities as quickly as possible

All neutrals trade offers would be judged on their merrits. The US was a favoured trading partner however, due to the fact that they had everything in abundance, also a little known fact was that they were the worlds largest banana producer.

They looked at the potential enemies and all agreed, Germany, Italy, Japan and the soviet union were obstacles to more banana's reaching the UK. However the soviets were sat on the ideological fence and may be an ally against the others. For this reason trade deals with the Ger, Ita and Japs were to always be rejected, those with the SU to be looked at on their merrits.

Once this was aggreed a quite voice in the corner was once again heard.
"What do we do about Luxemburg?"
After everyone paused for a moment, thinking to themselves, did I miss the big story in todays news paper. No, then what about Luxemburg?
Sir Montgomery Massingberd, feeling he had little else left to loose said "What about Luxemburg?" This made Bob happy, this meant he had made right choice removing this man from the army, as he obviously had little intelligence.
"Well maybe the little fact that they are the sworn enemies of civilisation. If we are not careful they will be raping and pillaging us before you know it." Sir Montgomery Massingberd replied
"But they are so small. They only have one army divsion, no airforce and they are landlocked." Bob getting increasingly irritated stood up and started screaming again, further worrying those about him.
"This is why they are so successful. You have fallen for their trap, we must crush them while we can. Before they get too strong." Bob broke down in tears at this point, the whole idea of a near invincible Luxemburg proving too much for his fragile temprement.

Once Bob had composed himself it was decided that some form of military action may need to be taken against Luxemburg at some point in the future. However on Bob's suggestion it was thought best to trade with the luxemburgers, just so that the didn't realise the British were on to them.

The state of the military was examined. A quick review of the navy showed the ineffectiveness of the entire destroyer fleet. In fact Bob was heard to say, "Francis Drake had more firepower at his disposal than that lot of useless tubs put together." The course was clear, any vesel which was less modern than a type three destroyer/crusier or a class two battle crusier/battleship were to be scuttled on pottential Luxemburger invasion routes. The plan being that a new, quick well armed navy could be built before Luzemburg got too strong. It was also realised these ships new would protect the valuable banana boats more effectively.

The air force was concentrated on the UK and a decision made that all wings would consist of four identical aircraft types.

The army was examined and there was next to no home defence force. The middle east command was moved to egypt. It was then noticed that there were around 8 militia divisions in east africa. Bob asked
"what good are they, do they actaully have any real guns." This question was directed at Sir Cyril Deverell who had just entered the room on hearing the news of his promotion. He wasn't really sure as he had recently been in charge of the canteen.
"Urgh, Urghh, mmmm." Was the final reply.
Bob asked, well what good will a bunch spear armed africans be against the modern italian army?"
It was decided to scrap them all and move the attached brigades to middle east command.

It was also thought best to move the indian armies into three division corps with a view to posting them to east africa.

Within weeks trade deals meant that the british armed forces were entirely supplied by foreign production. This was good as it meant all the more banana's for the people of england.

However news was not all good.



After two weeks industrial prduction of the various great powers was examined.

Germany 149/142
US 127/281
France 70/88
GB 47/147
SU 231/171

Although the ineffectiveness of the British economy did worry him, as did the apparent effectiveness of the USSR and Germany. One thing above all else sent shivers down Bob's spine. Luxemburg was producing at full capacity, 100%, 5/5. He knew it would not be long before they showed their hand, but he also knew. Britain would be ready.

[lifeless]

interesting start! must be very careful of luxembourg you must be..

[Zomby]

Gah, another imperial power out to grab my Guatemala's bananas.

[rcduggan]

cool start. looks good.

[Myth]

wonderful stuff!

[hito1]

O the threat of mighty Luxembourg! Imagine if the ally with Guatemala!

Nice start.

[The_Carbonater]

This is sick!

[fillap]

Chapter 2 The grand duchy strikes back

The UK was starting 1936, with hope in their hearts and banana's in their fruit bowls. Government knew their mission, to limit the menace that was Luxemburg and allow the British armed forces to build up and modernize.

Dissent was getting quickly reduced and research into new fighters, light carriers and industrial developments were going ahead at full rate. Then the bad news struck.
King George


was dead.

Whilst this initially didn't worry Bob it was pointed out that it was George the fifth, not George the second. What really annoyed Bob, was the prolific yet unsung work out put of the King-Emperor. The IC of the UK droped from the dismal 47/147 to the shocking 35/147. How one man had produced so much was a mighty impressive feat, it was thought by all this may have been what killed the king and it was agreed that King Edward

URL=http://imageshack.us][/url]
Would not need to work so hard. This of course gave him much more time to run around after the wives of those men who had gone to work.

Before the end of january 1936, dissent was back down to 0%. It was remembered by those in power that they were in the midst of the worst global depression in history. The cabinet thught about what was needed. Bob stood up.
"Give the people Banana's and they will be happy, productive and free. That is all we need."
However Sir Montgomery Massinberd, now feeling himself the voice of internal dissent within the cabinet said
"if, we build factories, we can employ more people and then they will have the money they need to buy banana's. This would be far better for the country."
Others in the room thought this right, and it was decided that bribing the populus with banana's was a valuable strategy, but that it wouldn't work for ever and that industrial capacity should be increased. This was done mostly in Scotland and the North of England so that any bombers from Luxemburg would strugle to reach the new industrial bases.

For the next few months nothing much happened in England. However at the begining of March there was news on the international scene.

Germany re-occupied the Rhineland. This was thought in the cabinet to be a good move, recent Luxemburger troop movements had threatened potential invasion of the reich, and it was only right that the germans try to defend themselves from this menace. To make sure that the British were ready for any war production was increased from around 35/147 to 52/147. All of which was fed into factory prouction.

Throughout spring and early summer not much more happened. More research was conducted in air bombing techniques and increasing industrialisation of aggriculture. Also a light cruiser was commisioned. MI5 was increased with the intent to discover the Luxemburg fifth column.

Then the perfidious Luxemburg influence, having been stiffled by the germans, made its first move, for the first time they showed their hand.



So a civil war had erupted in spain. Britain was faced with hard choices, it was decided that they would not try to prop up the republican regeime as this would be the most damaging to UK. And if the Luxemburgers were on the move it was only a matter of time before they struck towards the UK.

For the rest of the summer the events in spain were closely followed and it appeared to all that the Republicans were fighting very well. They quickly secured the most important provinces and then isolated pockets of nationalist resistance in the south and east, these were then anhilated. By the end of October the spainish civil war had ended in a republican victory.

Further research was conducted into aircraft and airforce techniques.

December was a important month history of the UK.

On the tenth of that month, several new factories came on line.



Then a major event happened on 12/12/1936. King Edward was in love and planned to marry a woman who had been married before.



He was forced to abidcate and Stanley Baldwins government fell at the same time.

Fortunately Sir John Simon, and King George VI were even more hard working than King George V. British IC was now 87/149, thanks in no small part to these hardworking men.

The year ended on a confussing point. Britain managed to steal, though no active attempt was made, blue prints from Siam. This worried Bob, why was Siam ahead of the Uk in industrial construction techniques. There was only one obvious conclusion, the Luxemburgers were assisting the siamese, these raised other questions. Why was Luxemburg helping the Siamese, what could be done to stop it, and can the smoking the stringy bit on banana's make you high?

All these questions would plague 1937.

[Graymane]

I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. Good job =)

[fillap]

I thought I would post this so that those not so familiar with popular music in the UK durring the war, I believe this song was a favourite, and explains part of the above oddness.

http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/lyrics/bananas.htm

[son of liberty]

So that is what the cobras were smoking. Increase banana production and crush luxembourg promptly.

[fillap]

I have been looking for things to do with Luxembourg and realised that I have been mispelling Luxembourg up to this point. If this has caused any Luxembourgers any distress I appologise. Any other spelling mistakes are of course due to the sorry state of education in the UK and not my fault.

Chapter 3 "The Rise of the Luxembourger war machines"

The begining of 1937 allowed the British to once again reduce red tape and central planing in their economy, increasing yet further the number of banana's reaching the people and with more money being produced in the process. The communist party claimed this extra money was produced, by a ploy of the Burgoise green grocers, hording banana's to drive prices up. However, it being England no one listened to nonsense like that.

The events of 1937 were, to put it mildly quite dull. Not very much happened.

Technological developments continued in the industrial and aircraft sectors. Around the middle of the year research was commenced on more modern naval vessels. There was also discussions taking place over the development of a new type of armoured vehicle.

The vehicles design team at leyland had called the vehicle, Basic Light Tank.



When it was delivered to the army the army were not entirely happy.
Mostly as it weighed 28 tons, the army was a little confussed (which was partly caused by the army being approx 15% less intelligent than they were two years ago).
"How" they asked "can 28 tons be called a light tank?"
Leyland said,
"it is light, relatively speaking"
The army looked on confussed. So Leyland continued.
"Lets take a battleship for example, some of them weigh around 35,000 tons, the sun, that weighs 2 x (10 to the power of 30) kg, now that's heavy. A 28t tank isn't that bad now is it."
One of the leyland sales people at this point added his two pence worth
"plus as it will take so long to produce a division of these, they'll be obsolete before they reach the battlefield, which means it's cheap."
Unkown to the army, parliament was stood behind it, and with this news of cheap weapons immediately decided this was the new fighting vehicle for the british armed forces.

New production was commenced on level three tactical bombers, and 8 new level 4 light cruisers were to be commissioned, with two being produced at a time. The army and airforce were completely modernised being fitted out with the most up to date equipement available.

There were also plans for 5 new squadrons of level 3 interceptors to be produced, but due to a shortage of IC these were not likely to start untill 1938.

On the diplomatic front there were both successes and failings.

Following the 1936 spanish civil war it was decided to gain some influence in the iberian peninsular, this was done as it was still not safe to assume that the Luxembourgers had been backing the nationalists, and they may infact had wanted the republicans to win all along, the trouble with their fifth column was you just never know. After two attempts Portugal joined the allies and was rewarded with all the blue prints available.

It was also decided to try to influence both Yugoslavia and Romania to counter any move by Luxembourg in the balkans. It was believed if this were successfull they would be contained on two fronts.

However in early June, Luxembourg once again demonstrated that their destablising tentacles reached all over the globe.



More bad news came in from our one active spy in the evil empire, when he found out some very bad news. They had a two level dungeon at the castle of Boursheid. Unfortunately the only picture that could be obtained was this one.



Theories abounded as to what a level two dungeon could be, the initial front runner was that it may involve cross dimensional travel by a group of young people with various skills and attributes.



This was initially the most popular theory, however it was eventually disproved as there were not believed to be any roller coasters in Luxembourg.



The second theory was that it was in fact a fantasy role play board game that would consume the lives of those who played it, leaving the Luxembourgers free to conquer as they pleased.



Although this was not an entirely satisfactory explanation most believed this, though it was decided more information would be needed.

This was confirmed by the announcement on August 11, a major workers strike had occurred. All were agreed that the premise for the strike was unfounded, (that green grocers had been hording banana's) it did however increase dissent by around 3%. By the end of the year this was back down to zero by giving the public more banana's, however where the green grocers procured these banana's at such short notice was a mystry to the government.

All were sure that MI5 should do more to root out the spies in the UK and were constantly dissapointed by their failiures to any of the approx 25 still on British soil.

For the first time British production now exceeded 100 IC, which was in no small part to another 8 factories coming on line towards the end of the year.

[Myth]

that's quite a level 2 dungeon, I wonder how challenged a standard UK army corps would be trying to conquer it

[fillap]

Myth, that is a real castle from luxembourg, it has a 2 level dungeon according to the lonely planet guide to the dangerouse little place.

Son of libert, I don't know much about snakes, but Donavan did a song called mellow yellow about smoking banana's, allegedly. I have only heard it the once though.

The_Carbonater, thanks I think, i am afraid I am not down with 'Ute culture init. But what's guanin breadrun.

and finally hito1, i would invade gautemala, if I knew where it was on the map.

[fillap]

Chapter 4 (1938) The year a nation tried to get back to their ancient boundaries.

However that nation was not the one you might think. Luxembourg had long been considered the sick man of Europe. Much of their territory had been taken by their various neighbours.



Now this some analysts believe is one of the reasons they adopted more underhand techniques when taking on foreign powers, however to Bob, they had always been dastardly and they always would be. They had already tried once in the 20th century to weaken their 3 neighbours through war. However this hadn't gone well for them as they had also been invaded, this was as contrary to popular belief, the Luxembourg spy network is not quite omnipitent (they aren't mossad).

However politics in Luxembourg was a dangerous game that lead to high stakes gambling. The consensus in their elites were believed to be in favour of inspiring another Franco-German war which would almost certainly involve Belgium, this they thought could weaken their enemies enough for them to get their land back.

This posed Bob two problems. The British would have to plan for a war with Germany, and secondly they would have to continue to contain the Luxembourg threat.

To increase the UK's ability to throw their weight around on the international scene, they moved there possition on intervention by one.

Many inventions were discovered, the navy now had the latest designs in all ship classes. Bombing techniques were well advanced and the newest type of infantry division and motorised infantry division were researched. 36 infantry divisions were started four at a time. Naval doctrines were also being looked into , specifically the technique that would allow submarines to be hunted down and killed. New HQ units, destroyers, convoys and escorts were comenced also.

On the international stage the Luxemhourgers were showing their destabalising hand.



Rumours were that as the Japanese entered the Chinese capital Nanking, a secret Luxembourger detatchment to the Imperial Army started commiting atrocious acts on the populas, however there was no independant coroboration of this point.

By the end of the year however the nationalist chinese has pushed the invaders back.



In Europe the Germans obviously falling under the agent of the Grand Duchess were pushing for anshlus. This they achieved in the middle of march.



This lead to an increase in British industrial out put as war seemed more possible than before, now it was obvious that the Germans had fallen for Luxembourgs evil machinations.

For the fourht time the Irish demanded the British ceed territory to them



However news was not all bad from the British point of view. They managed to gain a new friend in the Balkans, Yugoslavia joined the allies on 4th June. Romania seemed to have become a Paternal despot and didn't want to join the allies. However MI6 began to infiltrate Romania on mass with a view to staging a coup, playing Luxembourg at their own game. And another new friend in Eastern Europe, Poland on 6th August. I did have sceen shots but immage shack is doing a go very very slow.
By the middle of summer the British had a base rate of IC's of around 168, which equated to a 110 disposable IC.

At the end of September, Germany demanded the Sudeten land from the Czechs, who caved to their demands. Once again a Luxembourger inspired act of aggression. However, Britain was more ready than ever, she invreased production even further to meet this foe.

More research was conducted at the end of the year including attempts to improve the fighting ability of the army with pre-planned defence doctrines.

[fillap]

I have now played this scenario up till then end of September. I do have screen shots and notes and will update this in a few weeks as I will not be near a modem again for a while.

[Jalex]

[Comrade Brian]

Luxembourg and bananas? Pure insanity