The lone warrior

[beanster05]

i'm thinking of starting this as my 1st AAR, just written this much is it worth continuing to an AAR?

He stood atop the crest of the dunes; looking out to the perfect waters. Wave after wave gently rolling up the white beach, his eyes were filled with tired sadness. He knew that the beaches would soon be filled with carnage. By contrast his mouth was set in a grim determination. His face slowly turned to see concrete obscenities meekly covered in sand and netting, countless iron barricades leaving small sections of pristine beach as the only passable route. His designs were completed, however he was not happy rather he was filled with mourning, he knew that the beaches he so cherished would be ruined soon. He knew that he could not go out on his small vessel which he could escape the terrible world of men and see only perfection.

He was unsure whether he wanted the day or night. While the night was blighted by constant shelling he knew it was the precursor to a landing, which would bring death to an unprecedented extent on the shores of this country. He knew that the government had entrusted him with a crucial duty, they relied on him to destroy the landing force. He had done his duty to the best of his ability. He had prepared a beach that would rend itself impassable.

Soon it proved there was no time for further contemplation, the shelling began in the waves, rolling slowly forward shrouded in cascading water and sand. He withdrew into a concrete block; under the thick concrete he found the many wires along the ceiling. These he knew carried the wired lines to each pill box, and to each look-out post, and to the reserve formation which he planned to clear the beach-head with and finally they also connected to high command, where he could request air support and he was required to give progress reports. Then he followed the winding pathway into the central room where upon a table was a sand model of the beach showing all the preparations he had made, blue blocks with pins in them signified each of his units and there individual strengths. The red blocks that covered the sea meanwhile had no pins in.

Despite the rolling barrage one scout reported the landings of the dreaded craft, a deathly silence fell in the command centre, the storm was about to begin, then the telephone operators buzzed into life. Each pillbox reporting the distances of the enemy; He then ordered his artillery to pound the beaches and ordered the massive explosives that had been buried under the beaches to be detonated.

An enormous crash that threw the entire centre into chaos, everyone was thrown to the ground.

Outside the chaos was magnified, earth and sea displaced, and thrown into the air. Then a giant wave rolled out to sea, capsizing the shallow hulled landing craft, buffeting even the largest battleships. However none of this equalled the carnage on the shore as simultaneously all the pill-boxes opened up, and just as the sand was landing creating massive craters and burying men alive, a the falling sand was replaced by falling iron.

Despite all the carnage some heroic men managed to survive the super-human inhumanities, then advanced, these souls dashed towards the some feeble cover of the dunes, as if carried forth by Valcries a few reached the pillboxes, and were able to overcome the defenders.

The command centre was chaos, he was calm in the storm, his features had changed, his eyes and mouth were now set in a concordant in determination, his words were few and purposeful, he ordered the reserve to commence a move flanking the beach-head. Meanwhile he requested a twofold attack from high command, demanding that the promised air support split into two, simultaneously strafing the enemy fleet and the advancing enemies. Then, he ordered the small fleet of fishing vessels commandeered from a nearby port to land some marines in the middle of the enemy landing area.

These were the last words spoken from the command centre. Moments later shelling caused the roof to cave in.

His orders were carried out to the word; the flanking counter-attack caught the enemy out, many of the courageous landers, having been encircled laid down their arms, others refusing to be out-fiended charged recklessly forward, but with the plan was in tatters and their charge was without purpose.

[GeneralHannibal]

looks good so far, you defenatly should continue this. But, what country are you playing I wonder.

[lifeless]

very nice! maybe germany in d-day?

[beanster05]

to be honest, i havent really decided, just a piece of fiction i made from a hotel {im skiing meant to be but have hurt my knee ;( }
nyway here is another 300 words, or so, i think ill have to decide which country to be and when it is, could be a dieppe, an alt hist of D-DAY, or an allied landing on germany at the start of the war i dont know or maybe germany landing in britain, or some mediterreanean action, anyone got ny preference, ill set up the game wen i return home to hoi2

The enemy fleet were forced to withdraw. Despite the mauling their marines had suffered the fleet withdrew in an organised fashion preventing the victory from being exploited.

After eventually regaining consciousness he looked around; seeing a very white building not the command centre he was in before. The confusion that moved through his normally organised mind was paralysing. He saw people looking over him, most with modest smiles, conversing to each other in calm voices; a couple he noticed were making notes on a clip board. After a few hours having fully organised his mind and concluded he was in a hospital and decided that the first question to be answered was what happened. His chance came as a group of immaculately dressed officers; all from his command marched smartly in, bowed and congratulated him on a great victory. His second in command read out a commendation received from high command. relieved he asked of the casualties. The enemy division of marines had been annihilated, 35% of their formation was captured, and the rest were presumed dead as the enemy fleet send an un-coded message reporting this defeat.

The following day he was able to see the AAR in which the battle appeared to an immaculate defence combining textbook strategy with some creative tactical plans. It effectively combined surprises to disorganise the enemy, strong defensive structures and the effective use of reserves to outflank the enemy in their landing.

Having recovered from the mild concussion, he opened a formally bound dispatch, in which he read that he was being relieved of the coastal command and being promoted to lieutenant general. His reaction was mixed because while he was being promoted and the increase in wage would prove useful to him. He would have to abandon his highly trained command, most likely to be given either a command that guarantees minimal action or indeed no command and join fellow generals of his stature in staff roles in the ministry.

[stnylan]

just a presentational tip, it helps to put a clear line between each paragraph. It massively improves readibility on the monitor screen. So, to take an excerpt from the first entry would look like this:

Despite the rolling barrage one scout reported the landings of the dreaded craft, a deathly silence fell in the command centre, the storm was about to begin, then the telephone operators buzzed into life, each pillbox reporting the distances of the enemy. He then ordered his artillery to pound the beaches, ordered the massive explosives that had been buried under the beaches to be detonated.

An enormous crash that threw the entire centre into chaos, everyone falling to the ground.

Outside the chaos was magnified, earth and sea displaced, and thrown into the air. Then a giant wave rolled out to sea, capsizing the shallow hulled landing craft, buffeting the fleet. However none of this equalled the carnage on the shore as simultaneously all the pill-boxes opened up, and just as the sand was landing creating massive craters and burying men alive, a the falling sand was replaced by falling iron.

An interesting start however, I wonder where it will lead.

[beanster05]

yep, thankyou, i had it in word with tabs at each para but it didnt copy across

ill take ur advice

[beanster05]

ok next instalment

He sat in the rail car as it rattled through the torrid conditions; the rain lashed the car with fury. He was glad to be out of the rain but he did not like the claustrophobic atmosphere, so he walked to the door, and opened it sticking his head out, rejoicing in the wind.

Eventually the car slowed as it drew up to the Haubtbahnhof, the door was opened and he climbed down, escaping the stuffy atmosphere into the cool early spring morning, he was met by an orderly, ushered into a car. The car set off on a trail into the mountains, winding up a path, passing several checkpoints, and eventually, having to hand over his pistol, after a turn round the mountains he saw an expansive mansion. He had been summoned to the Fuhrer’s mountain retreat, after sitting in a luxurious hallway he was summoned into a large room, where after a brief congratulation, he was asked to recount the plans and the battle with various senior field-marshals making pressing questions. He was glad to see the end of his explanation, as the questions were challenging and often seemed to identify mistakes or parts to his plan that he had not thoroughly thought through. He was asked to leave the room, this time directed into a different side room. He found in this one, a leather chair, some artwork that he didn’t recognise and a very ornate but well used chess set. It had been left in the middle of a game, beside it a sheet of paper with moves recorded onto it, he studied this, looked at the position and whiled away half an hour studying the position, when he was summoned back in he was despondent with the feeling that he had not been able to analyse the position effectively, he knew that the position was particularly sharp but whether either player had an advantage he could not tell.

The Fuhrer asked him whether he would like a new post, in which he would be expected to train a new formation, who had just completed basic training and had been assigned together, it would involve 1 division of light tanks, and 2 divisions of motorised infantry, all with additional self propelled artillery brigades. This offer was a great relief to him and he immediately accepted, perhaps too quickly. He was then told that the he would have 1 month to organise this plan in whichever manner he chose before the next offensive.

[stnylan]

Meeting the the Leader himself, and being given a deadline. I rather suspect, in this case, the word is no hyperbole and just a statement of simple fact.

[hypern]

I can't help it, must crictcise, no don't do it but I have to crush this person's hope. Be nice, don't do it. Crush them all with bad and horrible commnets.

Sorry, you have a good story going but try to paragraph because the words are all bunched up. Also pick a greman invasion of the UK, pretty decent idea and it will work.

[beanster05]

its fine, i never could decide who to do it as, the problem with the paras bunched was because of inexperience,
didnt choose uk because it requires more time, and yes, i have no clue where it leads yet...

[beanster05]

also please do criticise when u see fit as otherwise ill feel guilty criticising others
nyway i need to steal all ur gems of knowledge

[beanster05]

another update:

The railway car drew to a stop, he disembarked to a rural, area in north-west Germany, the paper he had been reading on the journey here had trumpeted the triumphs on the eastern front, Poland was falling with unpredicted haste, however he now had a job to transform an untrained rabble into a mobile machine to exploit the lessons of Fuller. He had decided the first task he had to do was engage the new corps in a rigorous series of exercises to assertain the amount of work that remained.

He had watched his corps train, while he was impressed by the tanks, they were truly excellent machines, but the crews Training was profoundly lacking. Tanks rarely co-operated and never worked with the motorized units, the artillery fought their own battle. He therefore decided it was key to have extensive daily training, especially for the officers and tank commanders. Secondly he had to mould the staff into an effective confident unit, not the cautious unit always seeking authority from above.

The task had not been easy, the structure he had soon discovered needed change, however the success he had achieved so recently gave him the power to step on people’s toes. However, he was standing in the windy April morning, a slight drizzle blew in his face. However the day was one of joy for him as he saw HIS corps training in smooth order, the artillery effectively replying to requested barrages as a result of the discovery of an organised enemy, the motorized infantry now were able to rapidly disembark and fan out in mopping up operations, form a defensive position, or engage in small-scale guerrilla-style attacks on varied targets. The tank commanders understood the importance of cohesion, co-operation and surprise. It was ready for an engagement, he felt it could not be further trained without some actual experience of war, which he knew was not far off.

[stnylan]

Spain?

Oh, you might want to look at this sentence a little more closely (the word is bold probably ought to be excised:

...but the crews lacked were profoundly lacking.

[beanster05]

nope,
btw thanks for highlighting the embarrassing mistake,
lol i had decided to rewrite that sentence, clearly didnt do very well at it...

[beanster05]

next update: i hope this matches my 1st post on the thread.


He looked into the sky, perfect weather for the attack, the unusually dry season allowed his units to have maximum mobility, they rolled towards the border. He reflected he was about to invade a country half of which is under 1m below sea level. His commanders feared that all their preparations could be ruined by the enemy flooding the paths, therefore this was to be the first demonstration of the less conventional forms of warfare, would this prove to be the fulfilment of Fuller’s prophecies, or would this prove to be a swift return to First World War stalemate. While he had reservations about the reliance on surprise, he felt the role of commanding officers was to plan an action beyond the point of there being risk involved, and if it hinged on risk to such an extent then the action should not be undertaken, however he had to admit the plans were good. The declaration of war would coincide with a tank advance, aerial bombardment and a small formation of airborne troops landing far inside enemy lines, the assault army outnumbered the defenders 4 to 1, this was deemed necessary as the enemy needed to be kept in total chaos until they were evicted from the Netherlands.

Having rolled through the border with minimal resistance, aerial units had suggested told him that he was approaching an enemy formation. To defeat this force with all possible haste he ordered an ambitious assault, a simualtaneous assault on three sides of the enemy formation, the motorized infantry divisions would attack each flank while the tanks launched a frontal attack, he had been told not to expect more than 2 divisions of enemy so he felt the risk of such an ambitious move would be minimized.

The attack went forward at the time he ordered, he was confident enough to be planning the follow-up attack, however he decided when his tanks advanced to return to the forward command centre so he could be at the centre of all the praise.

He heard the crashing of shells begin, and within minutes, reports were coming in from all sections to report that the engagement had been commenced, the flanks both reported the enemy were withdrawing towards the centre, his plan was working to perfection, he would soon have the entire formation surrounded.

Reports from the centre were not nearly as good, they reported the presence of strong anti-tank units, the initial attack had been pushed back and the commander was requesting new orders. He replied to this in a rage, however he knew what was necessary, he ordered an artillery barrage, while demanding the motorized infantry take more risks in closing the line of retreat for the enemy then he ordered the leader of the tank division to renew his offensive.

Eventually the enemy surrendered, their retreat cut off, thoroughly outnumbered and out-gunned. The surrendering forces however had given him a bloodied nose, his confidence had been shattered, a division of INFANTRY had managed to destroy ¼ of his tanks. While the motorized infantry had rescued him, and the captured troops would appease high command, his corps would need refit and be unable to partake in the next phase of the offensive. He did not look forward to having to report this ‘victory’ to his commander, though he hoped if he could get his corps on the march immediately he would be able to shrug of criticism.

[stnylan]

Musn't count the infantry out. They can turn in some nasty surprises.

As for the typing, happens to us all, and does so all the time.

[beanster05]

another update;

He reported the ‘victory’ and proceeded the unit on with a renewed fervour, he demanded to know everything, micromanaging the entire unit. He could see the consternation on the faces of his sub-ordinates, he knew he was doing their jobs, but he had to make up for the embarrassment.

The corps raced onwards, they managed to be the first corps to reach the paratroopers landing zones. The airborne units were engaged in a desperate fight. The airborne commander told him the situation, which he swiftly took control of, he decided to form the tanks in a defensive position, leave the motorized units as a mobile reserve to take advantage when the enemy began to withdraw, then finally ordered the airborne units to withdraw slowly to positions just in-front of the tanks.

The withdraw of the airborne units caused the enemy to chase up the withdrawal, through to a field. From the tree-line, the tanks opened fire, and behind the artillery began to pound the field, the bombardment lasted only 5 minutes as the enemy began to route. They had not expected such armoured units. He took advantage of the situation by ordering his motorized units to chase the routing units preventing the enemy from reforming.

He had to cut off the advance as the enemy withdrew it Belgium, he stopped his units on the border, aware his units now had plenty of time to rest. He used this time to report the progress and request reinforcements for his armoured division.

His unit had a two week wait before the rest of the army were ready to press on into Belgium. His new orders required him to sweep round the coast and push round the coast as far as possible. For this advance he planned to take with him a massive column of supplies in-case his corps should be temporarily surrounded, this risk did not worry him because he knew if they were surrounded, other armoured divisions in reserve, would follow up, causing he enemy in turn to be surrounded.

They rolled forwards again, this time their reputation clearly preceded them, the enemy fled before a shot was fired, this unnerved him, he feared an ambush, however, he couldn’t afford to slow down, so he planned if indeed he was to be ambushed to smash straight through the centre of the ambush, using artillery to protect his flanks. He drove onwards, they encountered no such ambush however the roads were all filled with fleeing civilians. The initial rage he had was quelled by the realisation that there was a simple solution, he sent out some motorcycles to tell all of them that if they remained in Belgium they would be treated with honour so long as they immediately vacated the road, if they did not he would open fire all along the road.

The advance went forward steadily the roads were effectively cleared,his units smashed forwards into France, easily destroying the few units and half completed fortifications that protected the border, he continued forwards, capturing port after port, he stopped at Caen on the basis that Paris had to be the objective, He requested orders from GHQ.

[stnylan]

A good reputation takes a long time to achieve, is worth its weight in gold, and is far too easy to loose. Now that he and his troops have got it they better look after it!

[Pureone.]

I might not be one to criticize, but Punctuality and smaller paragraphs will make it more readable and enjoyable.

[beanster05]

Originally Posted by Pureone.

I might not be one to criticize, but Punctuality and smaller paragraphs will make it more readable and enjoyable.

sorry, i have not bothered to reread it to check punctuation and grammar as i do not have that much time to spare. Personaly i dont think shorter paragraphs would help, as it already feels broken up too much