Banruptcy, bathrooms and blood: A Quick Baden AAR

Honour_Shogun · 31-08-2001, 18:24

Ok, this will be a monstrously quick AAR, no more than 5 years max(oh yeah, it'll be very fun

Setts: well, very hard, furious, baden only major, and really who cares bout the rest?

Jan 1 1492: Preparations

The King and I are sitting down, watching "The King and I" and thinking that it really is a crappy musical, when a kindly old man comes in...

Old Man(OM) : Yo, guys! I gots yer 1000 potatoes here. Where do you want em?

5 loans taken.Why? Why Not?

King: Shh Man! Can't you see them people is trying to do a whatyermacallut, a moosical, yeah, thats it, moosical? Put em down there (motions to a huge pile of potatoes beside him)

Me: Hey King, why don't we fry these potatoes, make fried potatoes?

King:Who are you? (puzzled look on King face)

Me: I'm me, king, you know... me?

OM: Yeah, whatever guys. See ya!

Old man leaves, King and i go back to watching "King and I"

King: Hey, lets get some of the peasants together, give em forks, and send them against are enemies.

Me: Sure ting boss!

7000 infantry commisioned in Baden

Me: Hey, I gots an idea! Let's piss off the peasants. Send a corrupt tax type person there

King: Whatever!

Tax collector ordered

Me:So, what to do now?

King: Lets make alcohol! Oh yeah!

Later on that year...

Me: Hey boss! Some silly Austrians want us in their alliance.

King: Whats an Alliance?

Me: Dunno, maybe a new drink?

King: Nah, i don't think so. Let's stand against everyone by ourselves

Me: Ya boss, yu right

King: We need more peasants!

Me: Sure thing boss

6000 infantry commissioned in Baden, we will have 23000 men soon enough. Then, whenw e have our 4 diplomats, the fun begins, hehe

Nov 12: RM with Kleves...

A thing walks into the throne room, and stands next to the King

Thing: Yello, it's me, Princess Imanuglyho from Kleves.

King: What was that name again?

Thing: Imanuglyho

King:You sure is

Dec 1:

One of the scientists runs in, trips on his feet, and lands in the pile of potatoes.

Scientist: King boss, we can build new stuff now. Something bout refineries, so now, more alcohol!

King:Hot Damn! We'll drink to that. Take as many of the potatoes as you need.

1493: Now it's party time!

King: Hey guy, I think we should attack all our neighbours.

Me: Whatever you say boss.

Feb 3: War with Thuringen

The General of the army of baden, Imadimwit, marches at the head of 25000 foot and 1000 horse. They head for Thuringen. One of the lieutenants rides next to the General.

Gen. Imadimwit: So, yu think we meet much problems? Them there whatyumercallzit? Thuringeninininininininsssss?

Lieu. Wha wha wha : Yessum, i garontee we will boss.

Gen: So, we gonna win?

Lieu: Nah, probably not

Gen: Ok, works for me

At the siege of Erfurt...

Gen: So, how'd we manage to beat them Thuringeninininininininsssss?

Lieu: dunno.

Gen: Hey, lets keep sending our guys againt those stone walls. We can use their bodies to bash it down.

Lieu: Um, but aint stone hard?

Gen: Dunno, maybe...

Lieu: Lets do it! Send em in guys!

Soldiers: CHARGE! CHARGE CHARGE CHAR-SPLAT!

The first wave is splattered over the walls. The next wave goes on and rushes the stone walls, heads down, determined to bash their way in.

Nov 3: Erfurt is captured, Thuringen is no more.

The King sits on top the mound of bodies in front of the fort in Erfurt. He lounges on their rotting corpses. Whistling a merry tune, he waves at one of the corpse bearers

King: Hey you there? You? You!

Corpse bearer: Ya boss?

King: Why are you ruining my mound o bodies? I like it like this

Corpse Bearer: Oh, sorry, i'll leave em alone.

King: Damn straight!

Corpse Bearer:Hey, I heard that them stinky Wortemburgers called you a member of the intelligentsia

King: Wassat?

Corpses Bearer: Sounds like a disease or sumthin

King: What?! They call me a disease? War baby, yeah!

Jan 1 1494

King is back in Baden, drinking his potato juice. I am sitting and making careful potato castles with what remains of the potatoes

King: You hear that them Wurtemburgers called me a disease?

Me: Yup. Let's kick some ass, oh yeah!

King: Yup

Me: Yup

King:Yup

Me: Yup

King: K, go on, tell the general to rape and pillage

Me: Where?

King: Dunno, here maybe?

Me: Hows bout Wurtemburger

King: S'ok, sounds good

Outside Stuttgart

A mound of fresh bodies lays at the base of the fort in Stuttgart. General Imadimwit and Lieutenant Wha wha wha sit in their tent, enjoying some blood, er tea

Gen: You take one lump or two?

Lieu: Sugar tastes bad

Gen: Yup

Lieu: Yup

Gen:Yup

Lieu: Hey, lets send more bodies against the wall.

Gen: ok

Imadimwit sticks his ehad outside, looks at the fort, looks at the soldiers, then point to the wall

Gen: Guys, go rush that wall there

Soldier: The stone wall?

Gen: Yessum

Soldier: Ok
All the soldiers get together, and rush the wall, all the while screaming

Soldiers: CHARGE! CHARGE CHARGE CHAR-SPLAT!

The first wave is splattered over the walls. The next wave goes on and rushes the stone walls, heads down, determined to bash their way in.

Sept 1: Bankrupt

The King is heartbroken. No more potatoes!

The Old man comes back in, with his bag o potatoes

Old Man: Boss, I gots ome more potatoes for you. Where do you want them?

King(giddy) : Whee hee hee! Put em in the still over there.

Old Man(Dropping the sack in the still, all 1000 of em) : Here ya go boss. Try not to run thru these so fast, eh?

King(solemly) : I won't

The Old man leaves, and the Knig dives into the pile of potatoes, doing a back stroke, and whistling a merry little tune.

Sept 4: 5 loans taken, more potatoes!

Nov 3: Conquistaor in Baden.Why?

A rugged explorer entert the throne room.

Explorer: Heya guys, Whadeye miss?

King: Huh? Oh, it's you, Shamalamadingdong. Hey, go to Wurtemburg guy.
Seriously. Go there guy.

Shamalamadingdong: Sure thing boss

Shamalamading dong heads to Stuttgart, getting lost along the way...

Shamalamadingdong and his guide, Gonor Rhea are looking at a map, somewhere in Wurtemburg.

Gonor: Boss, what is this blue stuff here?

Shama: Um, that is the sky...Yeah, sky is blue, and so is this stuff on the map.

Gonor: So we going into the sky?

Shama: Yup. Get some chickens, we'll use their feathers.

Gonor: Sure thing boss

[color=orangered]May 20 1495: Wurtemburg falls, annexed./COLOR]

Gen Imadimwit, Lieutenant Wha wha wha, Gonor Rhea and Shamalamadingdong all stand outside the smoking ruin of Stuttgart. These new cannons make the bodies go so much faster, and harder against the wall. S'all good

Aug 1 1495: Bankrupt again, and this AAR is almost over.

The King is againwithout potatoes! He needs potatoes!

Old man comes back, doesn't say anything, dumps 1000 potatoes again on the floor. King is happy again...

Later on tha week, word is sent that the French have decided to keep all of the potatoes, and this angers the King to no end

King: Rat Bastards! They will not give us potatoes? Well, this means war. And While we're at it, let's attack Poland, Austria, Spain, Russia, and Hessen!

Me: Sur thing boss. I'll send the twins right away.

Aug 3: War with Austria, then the world

[f12, oranje, then attack again(stupid -3 stab means no wars? I du think so!) rather rinse repeat until Baden is at war with Russia, Spain, Poland, Austria]

Thuringen falls to Bhemia, Wurtemburg to Hungary, and Baden is lost to Palatinat. But at least we still have our potatoes.

GAME OVER! HA HA HA! HA HA HA!

Note: The King, Me, Gonor Rhea and Shamalamadingdong all managed to get our stash of potatoes and leave Badne afore it fell. Maybe they will be in another country? Who know...

Rex Francorum · 31-08-2001, 18:29

AAR, far to be a dead concept...

Honour_Shogun · 31-08-2001, 18:31

Quote:

Originally posted by Rex Francorum

AAR, far to be a dead concept...

Actually thinking of doing something along the lines of a "Moron Chronicles: Stories of Stupidity Exemplified" And do a nation a post. Wha ha ha!

*Carolus Rex* · 31-08-2001, 18:50

The 5 loan game type is awesome.
Believe me. I invented it.

Honour_Shogun · 31-08-2001, 19:10

I bow to the master

Ow(hits head on desk)

*Carolus Rex* · 31-08-2001, 21:30

Rise my friend (uses the "stuff" brrrrrr sound)
You have inflationed well and shall now drink the milk of paradise.
(brrrrrrrr)
You are now referred to as First Inflater.

I will from now on call you FI.

I'm the HI(Holy Inflater).

Tokarev · 31-08-2001, 22:22

Nice one.

Maybe it can give me some pointers for my next AAR. (Let's see, call money potato, drink until you're blind and always charge)

Tokarev

*Carolus Rex* · 01-09-2001, 20:15

Yep.
Sometimes it is fun(for a while) to play the way you should not play.

Honour_Shogun · 01-09-2001, 21:37

"For a while?!" I ALWAYS play this way. Just sometimes I play so lucky, get a few annexes. Then when I go bankrupt, and have everyone throwing stinkin carrots at me, then, i am in trouble...

*Carolus Rex* · 01-09-2001, 21:55

Seems I have influenced you in a bad way........

Sharur · 03-09-2001, 05:32

ROFL Shogun, you goofball! Go do that Stupidity Thread (a nation a post). I want to see how you can cause the total, complete, and utter downfall of Spain in just one post...

Honour_Shogun · 03-09-2001, 05:34

Why that sounds like a challenge. Ok, sure thing!

But first, I play as Kleves! Kleves and their potatoes!

31-08-2001, 18:24	#1
Honour_Shogun Lt. General Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: If I knew, well, I wouldn't be insane, now would I, smartypants? Posts: 1,607	Banruptcy, bathrooms and blood: A Quick Baden AAR Ok, this will be a monstrously quick AAR, no more than 5 years max(oh yeah, it'll be very fun Setts: well, very hard, furious, baden only major, and really who cares bout the rest? Jan 1 1492: Preparations The King and I are sitting down, watching "The King and I" and thinking that it really is a crappy musical, when a kindly old man comes in... Old Man(OM) : Yo, guys! I gots yer 1000 potatoes here. Where do you want em? 5 loans taken.Why? Why Not? King: Shh Man! Can't you see them people is trying to do a whatyermacallut, a moosical, yeah, thats it, moosical? Put em down there (motions to a huge pile of potatoes beside him) Me: Hey King, why don't we fry these potatoes, make fried potatoes? King:Who are you? (puzzled look on King face) Me: I'm me, king, you know... me? OM: Yeah, whatever guys. See ya! Old man leaves, King and i go back to watching "King and I" King: Hey, lets get some of the peasants together, give em forks, and send them against are enemies. Me: Sure ting boss! 7000 infantry commisioned in Baden Me: Hey, I gots an idea! Let's piss off the peasants. Send a corrupt tax type person there King: Whatever! Tax collector ordered Me:So, what to do now? King: Lets make alcohol! Oh yeah! Later on that year... Me: Hey boss! Some silly Austrians want us in their alliance. King: Whats an Alliance? Me: Dunno, maybe a new drink? King: Nah, i don't think so. Let's stand against everyone by ourselves Me: Ya boss, yu right King: We need more peasants! Me: Sure thing boss 6000 infantry commissioned in Baden, we will have 23000 men soon enough. Then, whenw e have our 4 diplomats, the fun begins, hehe Nov 12: RM with Kleves... A thing walks into the throne room, and stands next to the King Thing: Yello, it's me, Princess Imanuglyho from Kleves. King: What was that name again? Thing: Imanuglyho King:You sure is Dec 1: One of the scientists runs in, trips on his feet, and lands in the pile of potatoes. Scientist: King boss, we can build new stuff now. Something bout refineries, so now, more alcohol! King:Hot Damn! We'll drink to that. Take as many of the potatoes as you need. 1493: Now it's party time! King: Hey guy, I think we should attack all our neighbours. Me: Whatever you say boss. Feb 3: War with Thuringen The General of the army of baden, Imadimwit, marches at the head of 25000 foot and 1000 horse. They head for Thuringen. One of the lieutenants rides next to the General. Gen. Imadimwit: So, yu think we meet much problems? Them there whatyumercallzit? Thuringeninininininininsssss? Lieu. Wha wha wha : Yessum, i garontee we will boss. Gen: So, we gonna win? Lieu: Nah, probably not Gen: Ok, works for me At the siege of Erfurt... Gen: So, how'd we manage to beat them Thuringeninininininininsssss? Lieu: dunno. Gen: Hey, lets keep sending our guys againt those stone walls. We can use their bodies to bash it down. Lieu: Um, but aint stone hard? Gen: Dunno, maybe... Lieu: Lets do it! Send em in guys! Soldiers: CHARGE! CHARGE CHARGE CHAR-SPLAT! The first wave is splattered over the walls. The next wave goes on and rushes the stone walls, heads down, determined to bash their way in. Nov 3: Erfurt is captured, Thuringen is no more. The King sits on top the mound of bodies in front of the fort in Erfurt. He lounges on their rotting corpses. Whistling a merry tune, he waves at one of the corpse bearers King: Hey you there? You? You! Corpse bearer: Ya boss? King: Why are you ruining my mound o bodies? I like it like this Corpse Bearer: Oh, sorry, i'll leave em alone. King: Damn straight! Corpse Bearer:Hey, I heard that them stinky Wortemburgers called you a member of the intelligentsia King: Wassat? Corpses Bearer: Sounds like a disease or sumthin King: What?! They call me a disease? War baby, yeah! Jan 1 1494 King is back in Baden, drinking his potato juice. I am sitting and making careful potato castles with what remains of the potatoes King: You hear that them Wurtemburgers called me a disease? Me: Yup. Let's kick some ass, oh yeah! King: Yup Me: Yup King:Yup Me: Yup King: K, go on, tell the general to rape and pillage Me: Where? King: Dunno, here maybe? Me: Hows bout Wurtemburger King: S'ok, sounds good Outside Stuttgart A mound of fresh bodies lays at the base of the fort in Stuttgart. General Imadimwit and Lieutenant Wha wha wha sit in their tent, enjoying some blood, er tea Gen: You take one lump or two? Lieu: Sugar tastes bad Gen: Yup Lieu: Yup Gen:Yup Lieu: Hey, lets send more bodies against the wall. Gen: ok Imadimwit sticks his ehad outside, looks at the fort, looks at the soldiers, then point to the wall Gen: Guys, go rush that wall there Soldier: The stone wall? Gen: Yessum Soldier: Ok All the soldiers get together, and rush the wall, all the while screaming Soldiers: CHARGE! CHARGE CHARGE CHAR-SPLAT! The first wave is splattered over the walls. The next wave goes on and rushes the stone walls, heads down, determined to bash their way in. Sept 1: Bankrupt The King is heartbroken. No more potatoes! The Old man comes back in, with his bag o potatoes Old Man: Boss, I gots ome more potatoes for you. Where do you want them? King(giddy) : Whee hee hee! Put em in the still over there. Old Man(Dropping the sack in the still, all 1000 of em) : Here ya go boss. Try not to run thru these so fast, eh? King(solemly) : I won't The Old man leaves, and the Knig dives into the pile of potatoes, doing a back stroke, and whistling a merry little tune. Sept 4: 5 loans taken, more potatoes! Nov 3: Conquistaor in Baden.Why? A rugged explorer entert the throne room. Explorer: Heya guys, Whadeye miss? King: Huh? Oh, it's you, Shamalamadingdong. Hey, go to Wurtemburg guy. Seriously. Go there guy. Shamalamadingdong: Sure thing boss Shamalamading dong heads to Stuttgart, getting lost along the way... Shamalamadingdong and his guide, Gonor Rhea are looking at a map, somewhere in Wurtemburg. Gonor: Boss, what is this blue stuff here? Shama: Um, that is the sky...Yeah, sky is blue, and so is this stuff on the map. Gonor: So we going into the sky? Shama: Yup. Get some chickens, we'll use their feathers. Gonor: Sure thing boss [color=orangered]May 20 1495: Wurtemburg falls, annexed./COLOR] Gen Imadimwit, Lieutenant Wha wha wha, Gonor Rhea and Shamalamadingdong all stand outside the smoking ruin of Stuttgart. These new cannons make the bodies go so much faster, and harder against the wall. S'all good Aug 1 1495: Bankrupt again, and this AAR is almost over. The King is againwithout potatoes! He needs potatoes! Old man comes back, doesn't say anything, dumps 1000 potatoes again on the floor. King is happy again... Later on tha week, word is sent that the French have decided to keep all of the potatoes, and this angers the King to no end King: Rat Bastards! They will not give us potatoes? Well, this means war. And While we're at it, let's attack Poland, Austria, Spain, Russia, and Hessen! Me: Sur thing boss. I'll send the twins right away. Aug 3: War with Austria, then the world [f12, oranje, then attack again(stupid -3 stab means no wars? I du think so!) rather rinse repeat until Baden is at war with Russia, Spain, Poland, Austria] Thuringen falls to Bhemia, Wurtemburg to Hungary, and Baden is lost to Palatinat. But at least we still have our potatoes. GAME OVER! HA HA HA! HA HA HA! Note: The King, Me, Gonor Rhea and Shamalamadingdong all managed to get our stash of potatoes and leave Badne afore it fell. Maybe they will be in another country? Who know... __________________ "Honk if you love Justice!" The Tick "Narf" Pinky, of Pinky and the Brain "If I were smart, would I do this?" Me, after one too many beers... The Future World Order. Be afraid! Be very afraid!

31-08-2001, 18:50	#4
Carolus Rex Enemy of Reality Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Sämstad, Bohuslän Posts: 11,061 Blog Entries: 2	The 5 loan game type is awesome. Believe me. I invented it. __________________ To the game you stay a slave

31-08-2001, 19:10	#5
Honour_Shogun Lt. General Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: If I knew, well, I wouldn't be insane, now would I, smartypants? Posts: 1,607	I bow to the master Ow(hits head on desk) __________________ "Honk if you love Justice!" The Tick "Narf" Pinky, of Pinky and the Brain "If I were smart, would I do this?" Me, after one too many beers... The Future World Order. Be afraid! Be very afraid!

31-08-2001, 21:30	#6
Carolus Rex Enemy of Reality Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Sämstad, Bohuslän Posts: 11,061 Blog Entries: 2	Rise my friend (uses the "stuff" brrrrrr sound) You have inflationed well and shall now drink the milk of paradise. (brrrrrrrr) You are now referred to as First Inflater. I will from now on call you FI. I'm the HI(Holy Inflater). __________________ To the game you stay a slave

01-09-2001, 20:15	#8
Carolus Rex Enemy of Reality Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Sämstad, Bohuslän Posts: 11,061 Blog Entries: 2	Yep. Sometimes it is fun(for a while) to play the way you should not play. __________________ To the game you stay a slave

31-08-2001, 18:29	#2
Rex Francorum In search of a new title.... Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Québec City, Québec, Canada Posts: 1,644	AAR, far to be a dead concept...

31-08-2001, 22:22	#7
Tokarev Major Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 619	Nice one. Maybe it can give me some pointers for my next AAR. (Let's see, call money potato, drink until you're blind and always charge) Tokarev

01-09-2001, 21:37	#9
Honour_Shogun Lt. General Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: If I knew, well, I wouldn't be insane, now would I, smartypants? Posts: 1,607	"For a while?!" I ALWAYS play this way. Just sometimes I play so lucky, get a few annexes. Then when I go bankrupt, and have everyone throwing stinkin carrots at me, then, i am in trouble... __________________ "Honk if you love Justice!" The Tick "Narf" Pinky, of Pinky and the Brain "If I were smart, would I do this?" Me, after one too many beers... The Future World Order. Be afraid! Be very afraid!

01-09-2001, 21:55	#10
Carolus Rex Enemy of Reality Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Sämstad, Bohuslän Posts: 11,061 Blog Entries: 2	Seems I have influenced you in a bad way........ __________________ To the game you stay a slave

03-09-2001, 05:32	#11
Sharur Back from a long hiatus Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: St. Louis, MO Posts: 3,290	ROFL Shogun, you goofball! Go do that Stupidity Thread (a nation a post). I want to see how you can cause the total, complete, and utter downfall of Spain in just one post...

03-09-2001, 05:34	#12
Honour_Shogun Lt. General Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: If I knew, well, I wouldn't be insane, now would I, smartypants? Posts: 1,607	Why that sounds like a challenge. Ok, sure thing! But first, I play as Kleves! Kleves and their potatoes! __________________ "Honk if you love Justice!" The Tick "Narf" Pinky, of Pinky and the Brain "If I were smart, would I do this?" Me, after one too many beers... The Future World Order. Be afraid! Be very afraid! Last edited by Honour_Shogun; 03-09-2001 at 05:47.