Victory from the AARk - A totally non-serious Ethiopian AAR

Semi-Lobster · 23-05-2004, 02:55

It was a dark day for Ethiopia. Well not dark in the lack of light sense but dark in the fact that the wrath of the Italians had once again fallen on the empire of Ethiopia. The emperor Haile Selassie looked grimly at the map. The king of kings depressing stare had not affect on the map who continued to shine back at the monarch with it’s bright happy coloured countries. In this particular map Ethiopia was a shade of light blue and Italy was hot pink while France was purple, England was yellow and Egypt was green. This made Haile Selassie extremely irritated, irritated enough for him to call up his minister of intelligence and cousin, Herouy Wolde Selassie who was sitting across from him and who was currently on the telephone.

“Yes Emperor, what is it?”
“I want a new map, this one is making light of terribly serious situation. I’m afraid such a map has no place in a war room!”
“Sir it’s just a map, I admit, it’s a vaguely flamboyant map but nonetheless it’s just a map. Now if you excuse me I was talking to General Adafrisau! He’s reporting the Italians have already begun to move out and he’s requesting ai-”
“Dammit! Why can’t anything go right for us? What chance do we have against the mighty Italians! That’s how basd Ethiopia is now! The ‘mighty Italians’! Do you know who considers the Italians mighty other then us?”
“Umm.. no…”
“Exactly!!! I need to relieve some stress” * Haile draws his pistol *
“What the hell are you doing! There’s still hope! Please don’t do it!!”
“Oh don’t be like that, you knew this would never work. With the the way it is now, there’s only one thing to do!”
“Give me the gun sir!”
“Oh please, I’m not hurting anyone!”
“Think of your wife sir!”
“All the more reason to do this!”
“put the gun down!"
"Fine, I just need to finish something! Something to get rid of all my problems at least for a bit”
“But killing yourself isn’t the answer!”
“Who ever said anything about killing myself?”
“huh?”
* Haile fires madly at the map, accidentally hitting the city of Gonder at least twice *
"Did that do any good sir?"
"No.... not really. Some how achieving victory over inanimate objects doesn't make me feel any better. Maybe what I need is God. I’m going to church. Maybe Jesus has an answer... or at least the Holy Ghost if Jesus is busy and God's on vacation"
"Why would God be on vacation?"
"Because he's god stupid! He can do whatever he wants! Now Herouy! Let’s get a move on! To the Lion of Judea-mobile!!”
"You mean the donkey cart?"
"What? The car still hasn't been fixed yet?"
"sorry sir, fixing your car would take up half the nations entire Industrial capacity. As a matter of fact it will take us 90 more days to replace that map you just shot. Even long if it's an engineer map"
* Haile gives a forlorn expression and sadly shuffles over to the Lion of Judea-mobile which at the moment was busy swatting some flies from it's rear end *

At the Church of St. Mary Ba'ita

"Oh don't you love this place Haile? Can you just feel the lord's prescence here?"
"Sort of, that or I got fleas from the donkey. Remind me to have that donkey executed, or excommunicated or something with an 'x' in it"
The pair walk up to the Archbishop who seems to be in a deep thought over something.
"Hello? We're not interrupting anything are we?"
"Huh.. oh, no, it's nothing you majesty, it's just that I've been thinking... no..., that's a terrible idea"
"What a terrible idea?"
"Well, it's about the war..."
"If you have an idea please tell me!"
"Well... if you insist, follow me"

* the Archbishop wispers to Haile *

"Herouy, I'm afraid this is official kingly type buisness. I'll be back soon but this is important. Keep us comming here a secret!"
"Ummm.... well if it's a matter of national security of course sir I will sir!"

Herouy then quickly ran out of the church looking rather confused. He jumped on the Lion of Judea-mobile and rode it back to the palace where the donkey was then accused of idolatry and kicked out of the Ethiopian Orothodox Church. The donkey then became an outcast and was shunned from donkey society.

"Now where were we your holiness? You said you had a secret weapon or something?"
"Oh yes, the ark. Well follow me... "

vigilantsldr · 23-05-2004, 03:12

HA! This is great! A word of advice. Don't open the ark!

Semi-Lobster · 23-05-2004, 03:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by vigilantsldr

HA! This is great! A word of advice. Don't open the ark!

Well thanks! As for the ark being opened, well let's just say it'll play a very important role in this AAR!

Lt.Col.Kilgore · 23-05-2004, 03:32

At least get Indy on your side in this escapade. Keep up the posting, and I'll keep up the reading.

Jopi · 23-05-2004, 08:18

Very funny!

Don't let the Italians get you, that would be more than semi-embarassing.

Backfire · 23-05-2004, 09:23

im my ethiopia AAR i had the idea of getting the ark but i dident succed with that

Zuckergußgebäck · 23-05-2004, 09:59

Heck, you can always ship the ark via submarine to dodeikaneisos... on the other hand, maybe not.

Lord British · 23-05-2004, 10:50

Great start Semi-Lobster! I haven't read a light hearted AAR in quite a while, so I am really looking forward to this.

Semi-Lobster · 23-05-2004, 11:19

Well hopefully this AAR will have enough plot for me to put a twist in it, or at least tie it into a nice bow of some sort.

*coz1* · 25-05-2004, 16:41

Nice start Semi-Lobster. Bit more humor than the last one, eh? I'll be watching the progress here, that's for sure!

Satcho · 25-05-2004, 19:48

I was thinking 'exonerate' or perhaps 'exuberate' but that works too. Poor donkey...

I had a feeling that map was doomed. Poor map...

As my old German professor used to say, in her wonderful German accent (being from the midwest, any accent is wonderful), so much of an accent that I'm not really sure what the second word was,

"So 'far', so gut!"

Semi-Lobster · 25-05-2004, 19:53

Well I glad you're all enjoying it, I couldn't update my Siam AAR because it just so happened that this weekend I had to move stuff for our new Buddhist temple that was just built and the monks have to move in.

Anyway I'll update this one and reveal the plot twist! I believe this AAR will be a first... a second or possibly even a third of it's type written!

anonymous4401 · 31-05-2004, 20:32

Just subscribing, here

Semi-Lobster · 31-05-2004, 20:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymous4401

Just subscribing, here

Thanks anonymous4401!

Exterous · 31-05-2004, 21:54

I would like to log an official protest at the obscene ammount of map desicration depicted in this AAR. It is vulgr and completely unessisary. I mean, what did that map ever do to you?

Oh, and good start

Nuclear Winter · 31-05-2004, 22:46

BURN THE MAP!!! Evil map full of lies, Ethiopia rules the world!

And remeber to exchange the Ark for the holy grail with indiana, the grail is far more easy to use.

anonymous4401 · 31-05-2004, 23:59

But the grail cannot move past the seal. You can move the Ark of the Covenant anywhere you please. Also, you can use it to get rid of your most hated enemies. "Hey Mussolini, I've got this very neat Ark of the Covenant for you. All you have to do is open it and all of your wishes will come true."

Wolfhound · 01-06-2004, 00:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymous4401

But the grail cannot move past the seal.

So bring the seal with the grail

Semi-Lobster · 01-06-2004, 00:46

Well I'm working on an update right now but I'll work very slowly because there's a playoff game between Calgary and Tampa Bay and as a Canadian I'm obliged to ignore everything else and watch the best sport ever (at least in my opinion)

Lord G. Q. White · 01-06-2004, 00:55

Your Excused. Since hockey is the only sport you guys can play up there we will forgive you this once. But don't make it a habbit.

23-05-2004, 02:55	#1
Semi-Lobster Sayonara Zetsubou Robusuta Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ottawa, Canada, that bluey greenish planet Posts: 4,957	Victory from the AARk - A totally non-serious Ethiopian AAR It was a dark day for Ethiopia. Well not dark in the lack of light sense but dark in the fact that the wrath of the Italians had once again fallen on the empire of Ethiopia. The emperor Haile Selassie looked grimly at the map. The king of kings depressing stare had not affect on the map who continued to shine back at the monarch with it’s bright happy coloured countries. In this particular map Ethiopia was a shade of light blue and Italy was hot pink while France was purple, England was yellow and Egypt was green. This made Haile Selassie extremely irritated, irritated enough for him to call up his minister of intelligence and cousin, Herouy Wolde Selassie who was sitting across from him and who was currently on the telephone. “Yes Emperor, what is it?” “I want a new map, this one is making light of terribly serious situation. I’m afraid such a map has no place in a war room!” “Sir it’s just a map, I admit, it’s a vaguely flamboyant map but nonetheless it’s just a map. Now if you excuse me I was talking to General Adafrisau! He’s reporting the Italians have already begun to move out and he’s requesting ai-” “Dammit! Why can’t anything go right for us? What chance do we have against the mighty Italians! That’s how basd Ethiopia is now! The ‘mighty Italians’! Do you know who considers the Italians mighty other then us?” “Umm.. no…” “Exactly!!! I need to relieve some stress” * Haile draws his pistol * “What the hell are you doing! There’s still hope! Please don’t do it!!” “Oh don’t be like that, you knew this would never work. With the the way it is now, there’s only one thing to do!” “Give me the gun sir!” “Oh please, I’m not hurting anyone!” “Think of your wife sir!” “All the more reason to do this!” “put the gun down!" "Fine, I just need to finish something! Something to get rid of all my problems at least for a bit” “But killing yourself isn’t the answer!” “Who ever said anything about killing myself?” “huh?” * Haile fires madly at the map, accidentally hitting the city of Gonder at least twice * "Did that do any good sir?" "No.... not really. Some how achieving victory over inanimate objects doesn't make me feel any better. Maybe what I need is God. I’m going to church. Maybe Jesus has an answer... or at least the Holy Ghost if Jesus is busy and God's on vacation" "Why would God be on vacation?" "Because he's god stupid! He can do whatever he wants! Now Herouy! Let’s get a move on! To the Lion of Judea-mobile!!” "You mean the donkey cart?" "What? The car still hasn't been fixed yet?" "sorry sir, fixing your car would take up half the nations entire Industrial capacity. As a matter of fact it will take us 90 more days to replace that map you just shot. Even long if it's an engineer map" * Haile gives a forlorn expression and sadly shuffles over to the Lion of Judea-mobile which at the moment was busy swatting some flies from it's rear end * At the Church of St. Mary Ba'ita "Oh don't you love this place Haile? Can you just feel the lord's prescence here?" "Sort of, that or I got fleas from the donkey. Remind me to have that donkey executed, or excommunicated or something with an 'x' in it" The pair walk up to the Archbishop who seems to be in a deep thought over something. "Hello? We're not interrupting anything are we?" "Huh.. oh, no, it's nothing you majesty, it's just that I've been thinking... no..., that's a terrible idea" "What a terrible idea?" "Well, it's about the war..." "If you have an idea please tell me!" "Well... if you insist, follow me" * the Archbishop wispers to Haile * "Herouy, I'm afraid this is official kingly type buisness. I'll be back soon but this is important. Keep us comming here a secret!" "Ummm.... well if it's a matter of national security of course sir I will sir!" Herouy then quickly ran out of the church looking rather confused. He jumped on the Lion of Judea-mobile and rode it back to the palace where the donkey was then accused of idolatry and kicked out of the Ethiopian Orothodox Church. The donkey then became an outcast and was shunned from donkey society. "Now where were we your holiness? You said you had a secret weapon or something?" "Oh yes, the ark. Well follow me... "

23-05-2004, 03:12	#2
vigilantsldr Colonel Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Living Gotterdammerung Posts: 825	HA! This is great! A word of advice. Don't open the ark! __________________ Beyond the mountains there are mountains again. Haitian proverb The Mighty Haiti - A Haitian AAR Gotterdammerung: 1944-1948

23-05-2004, 08:18	#5
Jopi Kat Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 685	Very funny! Don't let the Italians get you, that would be more than semi-embarassing. __________________ AARs: AARise ye prisoners of starvation... A Soviet AAR (ABORTED, save file destroyed), Postwar analysis: Rebuilding Rome (Completed!), The StAAR-Spangled Banner - USA vs. Rest of the World (Done!), The HungAARian tale Abandoned (lack of inspiration) United! United! United! Haver of 101 2Coaties, Founding member of "Eaten by his own faction club". Targets: Ayeshteni, Kanor, Fornadan, klas_knas, Disgustoid, almoravid, GrimPagan Thinking of hosting a WW Lite game? Try my Game Setup Tool and give me feedback!

23-05-2004, 09:23	#6
Backfire Major Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 512	im my ethiopia AAR i had the idea of getting the ark but i dident succed with that __________________ My Alternative History Story

23-05-2004, 09:59	#7
Zuckergußgebäck Den ökända hästen från Troja Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 8,833 Blog Entries: 33	Heck, you can always ship the ark via submarine to dodeikaneisos... on the other hand, maybe not. __________________ De drabbat samman med dunder och knall I höstdagens ljusningstimma Det smattrar från gravar och dikesvall Det blixtrar i gulgrå dimma. Kanonen plöjer bland rök och damm I åkern för blodigt säde Och fäktande fylkingar flyttas fram Som brickorna på ett bräde. Owner of 2315 soos memorial badges of the 12th degree!

23-05-2004, 03:32	#4
Lt.Col.Kilgore Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: United States of America Posts: 68	At least get Indy on your side in this escapade. Keep up the posting, and I'll keep up the reading.

23-05-2004, 10:50	#8
Lord British Viscount of Sunderland Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: St. Lucia, Queensland Posts: 617	Great start Semi-Lobster! I haven't read a light hearted AAR in quite a while, so I am really looking forward to this. __________________ "Two cities have been formed by two loves: the earthly by the love of self; the heavenly by the love of God." - St. Augustine AARs: At the Gates of Paris: A Fascist France AAR (HoI) Under the Scarlet Banner we March: A Soviet Union AAR (HoI 2)

23-05-2004, 11:19	#9
Semi-Lobster Sayonara Zetsubou Robusuta Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ottawa, Canada, that bluey greenish planet Posts: 4,957	Well hopefully this AAR will have enough plot for me to put a twist in it, or at least tie it into a nice bow of some sort.

25-05-2004, 16:41	#10
coz1 GunslingAAR Moderator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Around... Posts: 10,866 Blog Entries: 11	Nice start Semi-Lobster. Bit more humor than the last one, eh? I'll be watching the progress here, that's for sure! __________________ The fAARq & Forum Rules AARs: For the Glory of Scotland Forever & Quest: The Wine of Milan Find all my AARs listed in The Ink Well Visit my blog at Hear the Hurd

25-05-2004, 19:48	#11
Satcho I can have a custom title? Join Date: May 2003 Location: Cincinnati/Cleveland, Ohio, USA (HOI Province: Cleveland) Posts: 467	I was thinking 'exonerate' or perhaps 'exuberate' but that works too. Poor donkey... I had a feeling that map was doomed. Poor map... As my old German professor used to say, in her wonderful German accent (being from the midwest, any accent is wonderful), so much of an accent that I'm not really sure what the second word was, "So 'far', so gut!" __________________ Gratuitous comma splicer. Hopeless optimist. Reading material: Tales of a Forgotten Planet. A short story about the Netherlands, with an explosive finish. COMPLETED! The Rest Stop to the West. Joseph Bech's quest to save Luxemburg from Germany. FINALLY... COMPLETED! The Royal Army of Zog. King Zog I's ambitions, and forgetfulness. UPDATED SEP.8.

25-05-2004, 19:53	#12
Semi-Lobster Sayonara Zetsubou Robusuta Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ottawa, Canada, that bluey greenish planet Posts: 4,957	Well I glad you're all enjoying it, I couldn't update my Siam AAR because it just so happened that this weekend I had to move stuff for our new Buddhist temple that was just built and the monks have to move in. Anyway I'll update this one and reveal the plot twist! I believe this AAR will be a first... a second or possibly even a third of it's type written!

31-05-2004, 20:32	#13
anonymous4401 AARlander Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Honolulu, Hawaii Posts: 8,590	Just subscribing, here __________________ Good comments and worthless spam, the difference is just an eyelash Real Men Do It Alphabetically: An AARgau \| Conquering CK by the dictionary. Updates EVERY DAY FOREVER. Littoral Insanity, a Hinterland of Genius \| World Conquest by land and sea. Updates daily. anonymous4401's Signature Repositori u m The AARlander Issue #6: February 2008 The AARland Choice AwAARds Results Archive

31-05-2004, 21:54	#15
Exterous Glaring at the HOI3 icon Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: The icons under my flag are starting to breed! Posts: 2,995	I would like to log an official protest at the obscene ammount of map desicration depicted in this AAR. It is vulgr and completely unessisary. I mean, what did that map ever do to you? Oh, and good start __________________ German AAR:To Save the Fatherland (1944-?) (AAR of the week 9/3/06-9/10/06) "Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule." -Friedrich Nietzshe "It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifiling exception, is composed of others" - John Andrew Holmes #0011 - Corporal HOI M.I.A Company- ADDICT Platoon

31-05-2004, 22:46	#16
Nuclear Winter Marat, l'Ami du Peuple Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: A bathtub. Posts: 500	BURN THE MAP!!! Evil map full of lies, Ethiopia rules the world! And remeber to exchange the Ark for the holy grail with indiana, the grail is far more easy to use. __________________ Farewell to signatures!

31-05-2004, 23:59	#17
anonymous4401 AARlander Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Honolulu, Hawaii Posts: 8,590	But the grail cannot move past the seal. You can move the Ark of the Covenant anywhere you please. Also, you can use it to get rid of your most hated enemies. "Hey Mussolini, I've got this very neat Ark of the Covenant for you. All you have to do is open it and all of your wishes will come true." __________________ Good comments and worthless spam, the difference is just an eyelash Real Men Do It Alphabetically: An AARgau \| Conquering CK by the dictionary. Updates EVERY DAY FOREVER. Littoral Insanity, a Hinterland of Genius \| World Conquest by land and sea. Updates daily. anonymous4401's Signature Repositori u m The AARlander Issue #6: February 2008 The AARland Choice AwAARds Results Archive

01-06-2004, 00:46	#19
Semi-Lobster Sayonara Zetsubou Robusuta Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ottawa, Canada, that bluey greenish planet Posts: 4,957	Well I'm working on an update right now but I'll work very slowly because there's a playoff game between Calgary and Tampa Bay and as a Canadian I'm obliged to ignore everything else and watch the best sport ever (at least in my opinion)

01-06-2004, 00:55	#20
Lord G. Q. White Banned Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Heart of Darkness Posts: 1,858	Your Excused. Since hockey is the only sport you guys can play up there we will forgive you this once. But don't make it a habbit.