Colonel Blimps totally random WC adventures
This is the BBC-in-exile reporting the 1936 World Cup football from Cape Town
A good evening to all footballfans
and to the two Canadians listening in by accident:
The tournament so far has been full of surprises. Yet above all we can say this has been the tournament of the coaches, wether totally failing or absolutely shining.
Who doesn’t remember the Commune’s coach René Artois cowering in fear before his rather angry players, after finding out his amourous rendez-vouz with their wives. Or German national coach Von Klinkerhoffen anounching the opposition would be shot if they dared score a goal against the German Empire. Or what about fat man Hermann personally leading Mittelafrika, rewarding himself with a new medal for each point they win.
But above all it has been the tournament of our own truly British team, lead by no other than the gallant Colonel Blimp, who was recalled at the last moment from a mission in Spain to lead our men on this great tournament. His tactics of truly British football, and the goals provided by starplayer Lord Flashheart make our team one of the greatest contenders for the title. Now with the pool phases over, and countries like Albania and Nepal finally returning home, it is time for real football. With pride we will present the following matches to you:
Britain (exiles) vs Russia
Our brave lads will face the Russians in their next match. So far our team had been absolutely brilliant. With both Lord Flashhearts goals and the Colonels brilliant tactical insights bringing great succes. When asked for the key to succes the Colonel simply commented, ‘always score one more goal than the opponent’. A statement so simple it must be brilliant!
On the other hand, Wrangels ‘attack for the fatherland, or go on vacation to a Siberian mine’-approach has been widely succesfull too. With winger Antonov flying over the field, Makarov being deadly in front of the goal, and Smirnoff unpredictable as always the Russians might actually give us a challenge.
German Empire vs Poland
The Germans have been placed first in their pool, mostly by bullying everyone into submission. Klinkerhoffen had so far Blitzed his way through and has set his sights on Poland next. Can the Poles withstand the Blitz?
La Plata vs Brazil
A grudge match between the two archrivals from South America. We expect a great battle in this match, football related or otherwise…
Japan vs Mittelafrika
Who doesn’t remember the Japanese surprise attack in the earlier phase, catching their opponents ofguard. They are also reknowned for their controversial kamikaze-defense.
On the other side we have Statthalter Goering himself leading his Mittelafrika-team. The generous statthalter generously offered his team an extra helping of rice for supper if they win the match. Who could have thought we would see the day that fat man Goering would give away food willingly!
Kingdom of Spain vs USA
The troubled Spaniard hope to bring shrug off their internal division by winning a match against a country where the players have just grasped the fact that it isn’t allowed in football to touch the ball with your hands…
Union of Britain vs Austria-Hungary-Bohemia-Croatia-Bosnia-Galicia-Lodomeria
The vile traitors will surely meet their deserved end at the hands of the Austrohungariancroatianbosi err, Austrohungarianalbanianbosnilodo er Austroruritania. Crap. Their opponents hands.
Netherlands vs Flanders-Wallonia
Two small countries will play a match between all the big boys too. Aren’t they cute…
Portugal vs Italian Federation
Great dictator Salazar himself will attend this match, much to the detriment of his players nerves. The dictators love for all things red doesn’t bode well for the well being of the Italian team.
These are the matches we have to offer you the coming weeks.
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It goes without saying that Britain-Russia will be selected for live coverage. However, there might be some time for another match or too to be covered live (get an update). Please choose wisely
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