[size=+2]Gary Grigsby’s War in Russia
~ Dramatis Personae ~[/size]
ADOLF, a Chancellor
DOC, a Wonk
IRWIN, a General
AWESOM-O, a Robot
CLEO, a Fakir
CHONG, a Knave
ODDBALL, a Yank
{ ADOLF }
Alright Irwin, what’s been happening since we’ve been at war with those Russian cats? I’m ready for ya, lay it on me baby.
{ IRWIN }
Just a minute sir, I’m still stuck filling out this survey you dumped on me. Question #112: How important is it for you to speak with a human right away when you call us on the phone? A: Not important, B: Somewhat important, C: Very important, or D: Humans are inferior life-forms and should be exterminated. EX-TER-MIN-ATED!
{ ADOLF }
Alright baby, skip the survey, just get back to the war.
{ IRWIN }
No problem! Since we weren’t confident trying to attack across the river with our Romanian allies, we decided to start things off with a naval assault in the Crimea and Caucasus.
[size=-2]Showing just what a motivated Marine can do[/size]
{ ADOLF }
We can still do that? I thought the Royal Navy hit us pretty hard.
{ IRWIN }
Well, they did a little. I did try to warn you that we couldn’t protect that many ships. (waves over naval attaché) Tell him.
{ NAVAL ATTACHE }
He warned you that we couldn’t protect that many ships.
{ IRWIN }
We had 25 or so Transports and lost 12 along with 4 screening ships. Not too bad I guess considering that we got England out of the deal. And the Soviet Navy is rated so lowly that we aren’t worried about replacing these losses. We figured what we have left was more than enough to commence operations. But let the field commander tell you... (waves over ODDBALL)
{ ADOLF }
Hello.
{ ODDBALL }
Hey, what’s up?
{ ADOLF }
Not much, just getting this war report. What’s up with you?
{ ODDBALL }
Nothin’, just giving this war report.
{ ADOLF }
True, true. (CHONG enters)
{ CHONG }
WAZZUP!
{ ADOLF }
WAZZUP!
{ ODDBALL }
Who’s that?
{ ADOLF }
Yo, Chong, say hello
{ CHONG }
Hello.
{ ODDBALL }
WAZZUP!
{ CHONG }
WAZZUP!
{ ADOLF }
...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!
{ CHONG }
Yo, where’s that cool robot dude?
{ ODDBALL }
Hey, robot guy, get over here man! (waves over AWESOM-O)
{ AWESOM-O }
(monotone) YO.
{ CHONG }
WAZZUP!
{ AWESOM-O }
(monotone) WAZ-ZUP!
{ ODDBALL }
...UUUUUUUUUHH
{ ADOLF }
...UUUUUUUUUHH
{ AWESOM-O }
(monotone) ...UUUUUUUUUHH
{ CHONG }
...UUUUUPPPPP! Yo, hold on, that old dude is here. (indicates DOC) Hello, man!
{ DOC }
WAZZZUUHHHH...
{ ODDBALL }
...UUUUUUUUUHH
{ ADOLF }
...UUUUUUUUUHH
{ AWESOM-O }
(monotone) ...UUUUUUUUUHH
{ CHONG }
...UUUUUUUUUHH
{ ODDBALL }
...UUUUUUUUUHHP! (DOC, CHONG, and AWESOM-O leave)
{ ADOLF }
So what’s up baby?
{ ODDBALL }
Just watching the war, giving my report.
{ ADOLF }
True. True.
{ IRWIN }
(sighs) May I proceed, sir?
{ ADOLF }
You bet baby. Say, isn’t this cat American? What’s he doing over here?
{ ODDBALL }
Well, when I heard about your whole Flower Power thing, there were just too many positive waves for me to keep away.
{ ADOLF }
Groovy baby, I can dig it. So what happened?
{ IRWIN }
Well, by the time we were ready to invade, we had our two starting armies plus a Marine army and a Mountain army. We also had a major focus on getting more air wings to try and bomb the bejeezus out of them, too.
[size=-2]Come, Superman! I mean, Stalin! I defy you![/size]
{ IRWIN }
You can see here that it was no trouble at all to make our invasions along the Black Sea coasts. So the landings were fine, but we did run into an issue...
[size=-2]Odessa will be mine, oh yes, it will be[/size]
{ ODDBALL }
Knock it off with the negative waves, man, we handled it.
{ ADOLF }
What issue?
{ IRWIN }
Well, we can cut through the Soviet troops like a hot knife through butter, especially in the Caucasus Mountains, but we just don’t have enough divisions to hold a contiguous front. This has delayed our progress since we’re afraid to move too far forward and create gaps in the lines that could allow the Soviets to encircle our troops.
{ ADOLF }
I see. Well, can’t we just do the Panzer thing and surround them instead?
{ IRWIN }
Well, since we went with the whole `promote the Air Force` deal and cut back on military spending to fund Doc’s projects, we didn’t actually build any new panzers. We also didn’t make enough Infantry divisions to hold a line from Leningrad to Stalingrad.
{ ADOLF }
Well. Everyone shall leave the room except for those who advised me to go with air power. (everyone appears nervous)
(laughs) Nah, I’m just messing’ with you cats! It’s alright baby. So what’s the plan, then?
{ IRWIN }
Well, after securing the Crimean Peninsula, we sent the rest of the army in to take Odessa and provide a breakout point for our Romanian allies. That went well as you can see. So we spent most of 1941 holding and expanding our reach in the Caucasus. It was decided to build up more Mountain troops to reinforce that theatre, so we’re devoting some manpower to that. And of course the Luftwaffe has been running missions day and night. They’ve been doing such a great job of that, they now have the nickname the ‘Great’ Air Force. We’re also proud to announce our men are all now battle-hardened veterans.
[size=-2]A ‘great’ improvement over the ‘Adequate Air Force’ moniker[/size]
{ ADOLF }
Hmm a whole year gone by, you’d think we’d have more progress, baby. Any *good* news here?
{ ODDBALL }
Well, I have one tidbit for you that should make some positive waves.
{ ADOLF }
What’s that?
{ ODDBALL }
We solved the Metals shortage.
{ ADOLF }
Groovy, baby! How so?
{ ODDBALL }
We ran out of Rare Materials.
[size=-2]I’d better be more specific in how I want my problems solved[/size]
{ ADOLF }
That tears it! Send that robot over here!
{ AWESOM-O }
(monotone) YES?
{ ADOLF }
What’s the deal with the lack of rares? Are you making trade deals or what?
{ AWESOM-O }
(monotone) IS THAT AD-AM SAND-LER O-VER THERE? PLEASE EX-CUSE ME! (runs off)
{ ADOLF }
How did we run out of that stuff? What exactly is Doc doing with it?
{ IRWIN }
Well, he finally completed some research on a bomb powerful enough to squash the Russkies like a bug. However these bombs are going to require a lot of radioactive material that we don’t have yet, so he’s got some new nuclear reactors going up in Berlin. He gave me these models to show what the reactors will look like, and he sends his apologies that they’re not to scale.
[size=-2]Right in the middle of downtown. What could possibly go wrong?[/size]
{ ADOLF }
Alright baby. So what’s been going on while we’re waiting for that?
{ IRWIN }
Well in 1942, our manpower ran out. We’re also at the point where the amount of reinforcements our army needs has gone beyond what we can produce in a month.
{ ADOLF }
How did that happen? What are we,
Canada?
[size=-2]Why don’t those hosers back home want to join the army, eh?[/size]
{ ODDBALL }
No need for the negative waves, sir, it’s no big deal. Everybody is holding just fine even without the replacements.
{ ADOLF }
I see. What’s with this little grey blob on the map over there? (points at the map)
{ IRWIN }
Oh, that? It’s Stalingrad. We sent some of the Mountaineers over to rush for it when it seemed we were getting close. To clinch the deal we sent some Paratroops in to help nab the city. Afterward the Russians started to make a major push and we couldn’t hold the supply line to the city.
[size=-2]I have a bad feeling about this...[/size]
{ ADOLF }
That doesn’t sound cool. Who’s in command over there?
{ IRWIN }
Paulus, sir.
{ ADOLF }
Good man, is he?
{ IRWIN }
Well, good enough. But I have the feeling that 75 years from now he’s only going to be remembered as the guy who held Stalingrad.
{ CLEO }
Dat’s right, mon. No-one will care about his early law career or da fact that he won de Breitenau Ballroom Dance championships tree years runnin!
{ ADOLF }
Alright, baby. Can he hold?
{ IRWIN }
You bet. We have Junkers transport aircraft lifting him supplies around the clock. Since we have complete air superiority, there shouldn’t be a problem with him holding out. In fact, the Reds have already tried several times to dislodge him but to no effect. We’re quite proud of the men, there sir, and would like to get Paulus promoted to Field Marshal.
[size=-2]No need for suicide this time around[/size]
{ ADOLF }
Groovy baby, I approve. But why are we going all-out to hold that city?
{ IRWIN }
We need to hold key cities that are deemed important to the Soviet People to force them to surrender. Since we’re so far away from Moscow and not ready to try and take Leningrad by sea yet, Stalingrad is the only key city we can reach unless we invite Japan in and have them take Vladivostok.
{ ADOLF }
Why don’t we do that, baby?
{ IRWIN }
Well, Cleo has been warning us that if we get the Japanese into the Axis too soon, they’ll thank us by declaring war on the USA.
{ CLEO }
Dat’s right, mon.
{ ODDBALL }
Ouch, those are some negative waves right there.
{ ADOLF }
Hmm. Well, how is this scheme of yours working out then?
{ IRWIN }
It is working, but the going is very slow. In tandem with holding Stalingrad our bombing campaign is also trying to erode the Soviets’ will to fight. As you can see, this is actually working. At the start of the war 4 out of 5 dentists- err, Russians, supported the government, but now only about 1 in 2 do. Even if we take no more territory, eventually they will get bombed into submission.
[size=-2]Four out of five Russians leaves one Russian[/size]
{ ADOLF }
I can’t help but notice that now it’s 1942 and I still see that France is the only member outside of the usual suspects that has joined up with us. What happened with Flower Power baby? Where’s Fritz?
{ IRWIN }
Well, diplomacy will only take you so far, sir. Right now Fritz is off on vacation back in Duesseldorf. He said something along the lines of `my bubbala always says, “all work and no play makes Fa- err, Fritz, a dull boy.”` Basically he’s been spending the last couple of years complaining that every time he extends an offer for a country to hook up with us, they keep saying `no`. Our coup attempts haven’t gone so hot, either, as you can see from his report.
[size=-2]Lucy, you got some ‘splaining to do![/size]
{ ADOLF }
Alright baby. Looks like we still have a long road ahead. Keep up the hard work, and let’s not forget the most important thing...
{ ODDBALL }
Positive waves?
{ ADOLF }
True. True.
[post=13737272]Back to previous Update[/post]