49. OPERATION GIGGLING CHARMANDER
Whiskey Hill
San Francisco
Californ-i-a
November 3rd, 1942
Sergeant Chip 'Huckleberry' Finn stood on the top of Whiskey Hill, one of the new San Francisco defences, and enjoyed a fine Lucky Strike in peace. A few seconds after he took the first drag, he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Tex 'Mad Dog' Stenson, his Corporal.
"Howdy," said Tex, "Sorr' to bother you sah, but Private Carter saw something on that there horizon."
"What's shakin'?" asked Chip, as Private Carter came up to him with a pair of binoculars.
"Ah swear ah sawah ah Japaneese fleet aht on tha horizahn," said Private Jimmy 'Jimmy' Carter, who had just turned 18 a month ago.
"What in the Sam Hill are you talkin' about, boy?" said Tex, incredulously, "The Japanese don't amount to a hill o' beans! You bet your ass they wouldn't send a fleet this close to the States!"
"But sah, they did take Pearl Hahbah recently," said Carter. That had been a bolt from the blue.
Chip raised the binoculars and looked through them. After a few seconds he yelled, "Trip! Tip!"
Trip 'Crawdad' O'Reilley and Tip 'Yankee-Doodle' Dandy came running out of the squad's tent and took the binocular from Chip, taking an eyehole each.
"Holy smokes!" yelled Trip.
"Jumpin' jacknannies!" yelled Tip. "It's the Japs!"
"Lawdy lawdy," said Private Carter.
DESPITE LOSING A CARRIER our brave Japanese forces begin to land in SAN FRANCISCO, THE UNITED STATES CAPITAL! Before long, the US will be forced to surrender, with the majority of their forces committed against us or in Europe agains Ger...
GAH
CURSE YOU, HITLER!
What's so funny?
WHAT'S SO FUNNY??
YOU'RE DEAD YOU WHITE PIECE OF SHIT
AAAAAAAAGH
GAAAGHJHH
GODS
CURSE YOU
The war is lost.
The IJN limps home.