It's Reigning Meatballs! - a Swedish AAR

I've been busy at work today til.... late, so no update today =/ but I'll give you one tomorrow!

oh and my world conquest as italy in HOI 3 got me to stay up way too late and I overslept, if I get fired do you think Paradox has a spot open? xD

Back from work and thus it's time for...
Chapter 4: Tapestries and angst

With Swedish Chef secure on the throne, Sweden's future was looking a lot brighter.



His administrative skills, while his weakest trait, far surpassed that of King Eric's. And as a result, the kingdoms economy went from loosing 10 ducats per year (yearly income - monthly expenditure) to only loosing 1 ducat per year without minting, and this while supporting the two Swedish colonies of Lappland and Österbotten who still had a few years left before they could be sustained without financial aid.



The revolt had left its marks however and the investments into the kingdoms stability had been lost, aswell as the kingdom's prestige and believe it or not, the legitimacy of Swedish Chef's reign was in question! But as they say, freedom isn't free.

To improve his legitimacy, Swedish Chef ordered his newly graduated magistrate to produce a royal tapestry.



The magistrate became depressed by the fact that he had undergone extensive education only to be ordered to weave, he committed suicide shortly after its completion. And as with all artists who die in interesting, angst filled ways, the mediocre tapestry's value skyrocketed.

To speed up the stabilization efforts he hired a renowned artist, nothing solves a kingdoms unrest like some paint on a canvas. And with pretty pictures taking care of that he also hired a local politician to research new forms of goverment and started throwing the kingdoms income at him.

With steps taken to handle the realms interior, Swedish chef turned his attention outwards.



King Eric either had not heard the news or he was in shock because the old alliance between Denmark and Sweden was still in effect, making sure that the weakened but liberated kingdom was safe from any Danish attempts to reinstate the union.

Sweden had claims on both danish, norwegian and teutonic provinces but until the kingdom had gathered enough strength they would have to stay unconquered.

He formalized his grand strategy as:
1) Gather economic wealth
2) Alliance with Novgorod to secure the eastern border
3) reclaim our rightfull provinces
4) eat cake

**************

That's it for today, not a very eventful chapter, am I giving too many details? I thought it was a good idea to give the lay of the lands on this once since a lot changed by the revolution. Any input is much appreciated

I promise you a more eventful update next time

oh also, I'm deliberatly not sending any merchants so that I don't have to mint like crazy for the colonies. Is this wise? I was planning to get into the trading game once the colonies were taken care of instead of suffering inflation.

Omen said:

Details = Good. Your goals looks good, hopefully any alliance with Novgorod won't draw you into Russian wars.

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Even if I get drawn into a russian conflict I have no land connection to the enemies so I should be able to just wait it out in the odd event that the enemy reaches my lands I hope I can at least manage a defensive war

this might be a bit long, apologies

Chapter 5: For the glory! .... and the cake

After the successful revolt against the danes Sweden experienced a relatively long period of peace and development, almost 20 years without bloodshed, a rare thing indeed! During this time Swedish Chef saw to it that fortifications were built all around the country, fortifying 5 different border provinces to make sure that there would be no easy pickings for any future enemies.



Boundary disputes between Sweden and Norway occurred on three different occasions, but Swedish Chef, being the pretty border fetishist that he is, saw no need to press claims on ugly Norwegian lands.



The era also saw the addition of Sweden's first national idea, the National Bank.
Trading adventures were also started but failed horribly without exception, so were put aside for now, but steps were taken away from mercantilism towards free trade so that future endeavours would prove more fruitful.



The era also gave Swedish Chef time for his beloved wife and an heir was secured, a miraculous birth since the child was born only weeks after the act of reprocreation. Whispers in the castle told of a secret lover, Swedish Chef would hear none of it but the legitimacy of the heir was effectively in question.



Towards the end of the era preparations were made for the inevitable war against Denmark and Norway to reclaim the provinces that were rightfully Swedish. The armies were expanded from 6000 men to 13000 men and the navy saw the addition of 4 carraks.
Now that Sweden itself was ready for war, securing the easter border was top priority and after several unsuccessful attempts, finally an alliance with Novgorod was made.



Sweden was now poised to strike and on the 28th of October 1420 the opportunity was given, the danes requested that Sweden join their war against the Teutonic Order and Pommern, naturally Swedish Chef declined. He then waited for Norway and Denmark to move some of their troops into Pommern and once they had done so He declared war on Norway.

Norway was joined in the war by Denmark and some tiny German kingdoms with no way of joining the fray. Novgorod was not keen on joining as they were locked in battle with the Ottoman Empire so Swedish Chef chose not to ask their aid.



The Danish and Norwegian navies were locked in battle with the Teutonic navy at Öresund and while they were closely matched, the Swedish navy tipped the scales and a glorious victory was obtained that would allow Sweden to dominate the seas, effectively excluding the danish army from the war.

Not only that but the main part of the Norwegian army was stuck in Pommern and was soon annihilated, only 3000 men were left in Norway. The timing could not have been any better.



But history repeats itself and as is tradition with all great Swedish kings, Swedish Chef died in the siege of a Norwegian province. His death brought with it several annoyances, like getting an incompetent king, and of course, a pretender against the heir of the pretender. The pretender was beaten to a pulp and the war went on but the new kings ineptitude was an eyesore.



Swedish Chef is dead, long live Swedish Chef!



Four years had passed since war broke out and Norway was utterly beaten, the Danish had amassed a large army but could not move it to retake their lost provinces and soon peace was brokered, it proved to be a complete victory for Sweden as their claims on Jämtland, Halland and Skåne were recognized, Denmark was also to formally remove their claim on Gotland, who had become independant during the war.

Cake was served

*******
Sorry for the lengthy update but I promised action In my next update I will reveal that we have a seer amongst us, yes, a certain someone did warn me of a possible risk that has become reality

Ygor said:

We readers love lengthy updates, as long as there are some images and screenshots between the paragraphs

Excellent wok handling this war!
What are your goals now? Vassalize Norway and Denmark? Colonize the new world? Anyway, I'm sure it'll be fun

And long live the Swedish Chef dynasty!

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I deliberately kept this one down a bit, skipping most of my maneuvering and the various battles, I was worried people would be intimidated by the ol' wall of text. I'll go further into detail in the next one.

Imminent goals are conquering Gotland before they manage to get more allies, they allied with Poland as soon as they declared independence but they have no navy so that's not a problem. Norway will indeed become a vassal in time, Denmark will probably be annexed if given the chance to get the sound due

A diversity appeared before I stopped todays session and you will be able to read more about it my next update.... which probably will be tomorrow....ish

Chapter 6: Lady fortune's flavor for fools



Swedish Chef the second's early reign could not have been more glorious, seeing the addition of 3 provinces to the realm only a year after ascending the throne. Some would argue that the war had already been won by his "father" the late Swedish Chef I but such is the way of the jealous. Absurdly danish culture had become accepted within the realm now that Halland and Skåne were gained, Swedish Chef II was unsure on how to feel about this.



Barely a month since the end of the last war, Sweden was called upon by their ally Novgorod to aid in the war against the turks. As Swedish Chef II was eager to prove himself worthy he jumped at the chance....



.... only to find that he had joined a loosing war and gaining control of his side due to Swedens large size. But as luck likes to bail out the dumb, lady fortune saved the day for Swedish Chef II, an offer of alliance arrived from the Teutonic Order, it was accepted and promptly asked to join the war, not only had the Teutonic Order a large standing army that would be usefull against the turks, but Novgorod now had a way to move their armies to rescue Poland. The turks were spread thin over the Polish lands but further south there were some massive armies that would soon join the fray, the war was far from over.



The war proved useful for Swedish Chef in an unforseen way, Poland was on their side of the war against the turks, which meant that declaring war on Gotland would be quite safe, they were guaranteed by Denmark but seeing as the truce was still in effect and Denmark was already in another war with parts of Germany (who no doubt smelled the scent of blood) chanses were low that they would try and protect Gotland. War was declared without any intervention from other states and Swedish troops were soon besieging the island.



Meanwhile in western Europe, an already mighty blob gobbled up Scotland, this could prove to be an interesting Britain in time



The conquest of Gotland was complete after almost two years, just in time as well since the turks had started to push back Sweden's allies and Novgorod and Ryazan had already peaced out. Since Swedish Chef was the leader of that war he would be left with taking the blow if the rest followed, so he ordered his armies to march to Poland.



Goaded into bragging, the loudmouthed ruler boasted that he would lead his armies into battle just as his father had did, something he dearly regretted afterwards but it was too late to back down and so it was that Swedish Chef II led his glorious armies to victory against the turks, albeit from the rear. The victory was just enough for the turks to question their abilities, being bested by a fool, and sent an offer of white peace shortly afterwards.

*******

That's it for today's update Was rather lucky on this one and it could have gone A LOT worse

My heir is far superior to my current ruler and in age so I was hoping he'd die in battle

Blackadders will depict shitty rulers and good rulers will be muppets!

@ Boris ze Spider

Pretty lucky overall If the turks didn't sue for a white peace after that battle I fear it would have been only a matter of time before all my allies signed a white peace, leaving me alone with the battlescore of all their lost battles

@ Tekcor

Thank you! The sight of Swedish Chef can be intimidating, I know, but deep down he's just a big softy

*edited for spelling error

@ Omen
Indeed, I can't make up my mind whether to having just Swedish chef as regent, or new muppets for every regent or pop in the odd blackadder when it's a particularly useless ruler perhaps I should put it to the vote

@ Ashantai
Careful, my ego might inflate by such talk but really, thanks, I always appreciate feedback, both positive and negative!