Indeed it is true, the bastard even survived my next chapter that I'll post.... NOW!
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Indeed it is true, the bastard even survived my next chapter that I'll post.... NOW!
Chapter 7: Ambitions, gambling and the changing of plans
The late king had set an ambitious goal for the realm, the acquisition of Estonia, however, this was decided at a time when the Teutonic Order was a threat to Sweden, not an ally. And so it was that the king gathered his council and started working out a new goal.
There were several worthy ideas put forth but the king, being a twit, could not decide which of them he liked the best so they were written on notes, folded and put in a bowl. By this ingenious and perfectly logical way to rule a kingdom the subjugation of Norway was chosen.
With a goal decided, Swedish Chef rushed to make preparations. This was not solely because of his thirst for blood (and money) but because he had recieved word that the Teutonic Order was at war with several German states, including Pommerania with which Sweden had a royal marriage.
If Swedish Chef was called upon to join the war it would have had uncomfortable effects, rejecting the call would be to loose international prestige and accepting it would mean internal unrest.
Only weeks since the goal had been chosen, war was declared, Blackadd... *cough* Swedish Chef took a big risk in doing so. Since the last war with Norway things had changed, they had broken free from the union with Denmark and had gathered several allies.
The most powerful by far was Burgundy, who could easily match Sweden both on land and at sea. Once again Sweden's allies were unwilling to fight, Swedish Chef didn't even bother to ask. It was not a complete gamble however since the Norway-Burgundy alliance was at war with England and Portugal, both of which had larger navies than Burgundy.
As it turned out Swedish Chef had worried for nothing, Burgundy dishonored Norway's call to arms. Denmark, Muscowy and Tver showed more backbone, not that it mattered since Denmark was getting beat up by revolts and the other two were too far away.
Not everyone was pleased with the current Swedish Chef and a few of them, financed by Norway, held a grand banquette where they for the second time, goaded the king into following his troops into battle. They prayed that he would be struck down so that his heir, a much more promising ruler would take the throne.
Skånska Arméen swiftly moved to siege Sjælland and it fell after only 6 months at which time Denmark offered peace, giving up all their cash and removing their claims on Halland and Skåne. Swedish Chef cared little for what claims Denmark believed they had but the ducats sealed the deal.
Skånska Arméen could now join the rest of the Swedish forces in pounding Norway into submission, and they sure did, 15000 Swedish soldiers vs 2000 broken and routing Norwegian soldiers, out of the 19 battles that were fought, only 1 was a defeat, and that defeat could be credited to the kings own stupidity, spreading his forces thin so that 2000 cavalry without a proper leader faced Norway's 2000 infantry led by a strong leader.
The result of the war was glorious, Bohuslän was added to the kingdom for the beauty of the borders, Norway was to become a vassal state and as a last touch, they would remove their claim on Jämtland.
To celebrate the victory, and the feat of not dying, Swedish Chef II had a commemorative painting made.
***********
Another glorious and lucky victory for Sweden, perhaps Swedish Chef II isn't all that stupid after all
but then again he really really is compared to his heir... Yes... that name isn't one of the vanilla Swedish monarch names, I've added my own name to the possible monarch names, and no I didn't mod the heir's stats.... and yes, I have illusions of grandeur
I can't make up my own mind on this so I'll let you be the judge.
Should monarchs be depicted as:
a) different muppets for all new regents (if I run out I'll just pick one of the old that seems to fit that one)
b) All monarchs will be Swedish Chef
c) Good monarchs are muppets and shitty monarchs are Blackadders
d) Your own idea
The vote will be open for two whole days! ending at 12:00 on Thursday. It will be tough but I hope I can keep myself from playing more of this game until then
Besides the vote I wonder what you think of the pictures that aren't there just for the laughs, like the missions etc, are they enough or do you want pictures with army positions and movements? or anything else for that matter.
The late king had set an ambitious goal for the realm, the acquisition of Estonia, however, this was decided at a time when the Teutonic Order was a threat to Sweden, not an ally. And so it was that the king gathered his council and started working out a new goal.
There were several worthy ideas put forth but the king, being a twit, could not decide which of them he liked the best so they were written on notes, folded and put in a bowl. By this ingenious and perfectly logical way to rule a kingdom the subjugation of Norway was chosen.
With a goal decided, Swedish Chef rushed to make preparations. This was not solely because of his thirst for blood (and money) but because he had recieved word that the Teutonic Order was at war with several German states, including Pommerania with which Sweden had a royal marriage.
If Swedish Chef was called upon to join the war it would have had uncomfortable effects, rejecting the call would be to loose international prestige and accepting it would mean internal unrest.
Only weeks since the goal had been chosen, war was declared, Blackadd... *cough* Swedish Chef took a big risk in doing so. Since the last war with Norway things had changed, they had broken free from the union with Denmark and had gathered several allies.
The most powerful by far was Burgundy, who could easily match Sweden both on land and at sea. Once again Sweden's allies were unwilling to fight, Swedish Chef didn't even bother to ask. It was not a complete gamble however since the Norway-Burgundy alliance was at war with England and Portugal, both of which had larger navies than Burgundy.
As it turned out Swedish Chef had worried for nothing, Burgundy dishonored Norway's call to arms. Denmark, Muscowy and Tver showed more backbone, not that it mattered since Denmark was getting beat up by revolts and the other two were too far away.
Not everyone was pleased with the current Swedish Chef and a few of them, financed by Norway, held a grand banquette where they for the second time, goaded the king into following his troops into battle. They prayed that he would be struck down so that his heir, a much more promising ruler would take the throne.
Skånska Arméen swiftly moved to siege Sjælland and it fell after only 6 months at which time Denmark offered peace, giving up all their cash and removing their claims on Halland and Skåne. Swedish Chef cared little for what claims Denmark believed they had but the ducats sealed the deal.
Skånska Arméen could now join the rest of the Swedish forces in pounding Norway into submission, and they sure did, 15000 Swedish soldiers vs 2000 broken and routing Norwegian soldiers, out of the 19 battles that were fought, only 1 was a defeat, and that defeat could be credited to the kings own stupidity, spreading his forces thin so that 2000 cavalry without a proper leader faced Norway's 2000 infantry led by a strong leader.
The result of the war was glorious, Bohuslän was added to the kingdom for the beauty of the borders, Norway was to become a vassal state and as a last touch, they would remove their claim on Jämtland.
To celebrate the victory, and the feat of not dying, Swedish Chef II had a commemorative painting made.
***********
Another glorious and lucky victory for Sweden, perhaps Swedish Chef II isn't all that stupid after all
but then again he really really is compared to his heir... Yes... that name isn't one of the vanilla Swedish monarch names, I've added my own name to the possible monarch names, and no I didn't mod the heir's stats.... and yes, I have illusions of grandeur I can't make up my own mind on this so I'll let you be the judge.
Should monarchs be depicted as:
a) different muppets for all new regents (if I run out I'll just pick one of the old that seems to fit that one)
b) All monarchs will be Swedish Chef
c) Good monarchs are muppets and shitty monarchs are Blackadders
d) Your own idea
The vote will be open for two whole days! ending at 12:00 on Thursday. It will be tough but I hope I can keep myself from playing more of this game until then
Besides the vote I wonder what you think of the pictures that aren't there just for the laughs, like the missions etc, are they enough or do you want pictures with army positions and movements? or anything else for that matter.
Amazing update! Soon all Scandinavia will be eating meatballs
Exactly. A player should always favor beautiful, smooth borders. A great country should always be pleasant to look at in the map.
I'd like to see more often the Swedish Chef, he has some charisma.
Bad rulers should always be blackadders though.
Exactly. A player should always favor beautiful, smooth borders. A great country should always be pleasant to look at in the map.
I'd like to see more often the Swedish Chef, he has some charisma.
Bad rulers should always be blackadders though.
I vote C with the good monarchs as different muppets. So, I guess C and A. Yeah. You could make the good monarchs muppets and the bad monarchs different really dumb characters from movies. That would be D, I guess. So I suppose I vote D, or C & A. Wait! How about . . . okay, I'll stop now.
Next up, Denmark!
Next up, Denmark!
@ Boris ze Spider
Your vote is registered and thank you
@ Ygor
Always nice to see a fellow border fetishist! I fear I will have to break my alliance with Novgorod soon to take Kexholm, Neva and Ingermanland for a nice round border I will put you down for option C with an emphasis on Swedish Chef!
@ Omen
hrrmm tricky to vote, it is! (with Yoda voice) I'll put you down for C with different muppets for good rulers... and different sucky persons for bad ones Denmark would be great for the sound due, got any trick up your sleeve on how to conjure a casus belli?
@ Ashantai
Option a it is! And thank you
@ Blsteen
Hmm, I'll put you down for option pwn
@ James The 1st
Thank you! Swedish Chef II is lord Blackadder, who is played by Rowan Atkinson, he also plays Mr Bean. Blackadder is alot more funny if you ask me, you really should see a few episodes season 2 is my favorite.
Do you guys (and girls) think this would be a good time to save up for my own CoT? I want my capital to earn more money! And if I should, should I rejoin the Hanseatic Trade League afterwards?
Your vote is registered and thank you
@ Ygor
Always nice to see a fellow border fetishist! I fear I will have to break my alliance with Novgorod soon to take Kexholm, Neva and Ingermanland for a nice round border
I will put you down for option C with an emphasis on Swedish Chef!@ Omen
hrrmm tricky to vote, it is! (with Yoda voice) I'll put you down for C with different muppets for good rulers... and different sucky persons for bad ones
Denmark would be great for the sound due, got any trick up your sleeve on how to conjure a casus belli?@ Ashantai
Option a it is! And thank you
@ Blsteen
Hmm, I'll put you down for option pwn
@ James The 1st
Thank you! Swedish Chef II is lord Blackadder, who is played by Rowan Atkinson, he also plays Mr Bean. Blackadder is alot more funny if you ask me, you really should see a few episodes
season 2 is my favorite.Do you guys (and girls) think this would be a good time to save up for my own CoT? I want my capital to earn more money! And if I should, should I rejoin the Hanseatic Trade League afterwards?
Where would you build the CoT? Skane, like the Danish?
Can you build workshops, already? If not, then it might be a good idea to build the CoT. It will certainly give you a lot of money in taxes.
Can you build workshops, already? If not, then it might be a good idea to build the CoT. It will certainly give you a lot of money in taxes.
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Me too... good start!
And I vote C & A.
I think you, Svip, and Lordsomethingorother have influenced me. It's time for me to write an AAR. And I'm going with Champa.
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Where would you build the CoT? Skane, like the Danish?
Can you build workshops, already? If not, then it might be a good idea to build the CoT. It will certainly give you a lot of money in taxes.
I'll build it at Stockholm, I can't have ex-danish making more money than the capitol! :O allthough... placing it in skåne might force some of the hanseatic provinces to trade through it.... *evil laughter*
And no, can't build workshops
I'm lagging behind in research as well since scandinavia has crappy crappy provinces. Which is why I'm gonna focus on tradeC and A it is! More AAR's for the people! I'll be watching for your thread
oh and I've managed to stay up way too late thanks to HoI 3 again... >.<
Your word is my command!
But before I post my next update, here is the result of the vote:
A, different muppets) 3
B, Swedish Chef only) 1
C, Different muppets for good monarchs and Blackadder/idiots for bad) 3
D, PWN!) 1
Which means Option C will win, since A is part of C, sure you can argue that its not the same but then again this is just a fake democracy
In the end I make the calls *evil grin*Right, now for the update!
Chapter 8: Nothing is certain but death and taxes... and infamy
After the war with Norway, Sweden again experienced a long period of peace and development, their allies Novgorod and the Teutonic Order were at war on occasion but did not request aid, and Swedish Chef II wasn't about to volunteer. The new mission that was chosen by lot was to conquer Vorpommern, but Sweden was far from ready to mess with the holy roman emperor just yet so the idea was put aside.
Instead he turned his attention to the Realms finances, which were quite low, so low that the kingdom was behind the rest of the world in research! To strengthen the coffers Swedish Chef had a plan, first of all he would leave the Hanseatic trade league and create a center of trade in Stockholm.
This would not only bolster Stockholm's income, but it would also ensure that Sweden had a center of trade from which they were not always kicked out by competing merchant, which was the case now.
Secondly he would improve the kingdoms provinces with constables and marketplaces to bolster the center of trade and the annual census tax. To do all of this he started minting all of the kingdoms income.
Norwegian patriots were not happy in Bohuslän and decided to pick up arms, the unrest had no doubt spread from Norway proper where a local pretender was running rampant across the lands, Swedish Chef II was not sure what would happen to his vassal if this usurper would win and since Sweden had broken their chains much the same way, the armies were mobilized and went on to crush both the Norwegian patriots and the Norwegian Pretender. And they all lived happily ever after....
Several reforms and improvements were made during this era, Österbotten recieved a sorely needed tax reform, Stockholm had two different beautification projects where Swedish Chef II wisely decided to put the military to work, after all, if they're not fighting they might as well build pretty buildings.
A gift to the state was also presented and benign neglect further bolstered the realms coffers. Swedish Chef II was even the Papal controller for a while, although he could not convince the pope to excommunicate Denmark. Sweden also adopted a second National Idea, the National Trade Policy.
To everyone's joy, Swedish Chef II accidentally decapitated himself whilst shaving one day. A most tragic accident... Some suspected the young heir to be somehow responsible for his fathers death, since the news of his passing did not seem to come as a shock to him, or as a cause for sorrow.
And so it was that King Gonzo the turd, I mean, the third, ascended the throne.
As his first action he reformed the army to use the "Swedish Steel" tactic, further improving their discipline. Gonzo was pleased with the realms interior and deemed it to be ready for another war, looking for a suitable target he could not find one that was an easy mark and at the same time offered a casus belli.
He decided to declare war on Denmark, despite the lack of a casus belli, the reward of the sound due far outweighed the risk and to counter the stability hit he started a propaganda campaign to show the kingdoms people the greatness of one of its finest men.
Denmark was joined by Mecklemburg and two other German kingdoms who were so unimportant and so far away that Gonzo III didn't bother remembering their names.
The war was uneventful and half of Sweden's armies was enough to win the war, Denmark was annexed and Mecklemburg was supposed to be vassalized but Gonzo, being inexperienced, forgot to broker a peace deal with them before annexing Denmark, so Mecklemburg slipped through his fingers.
The previous Swedish conquest had been attained without any fuss as they were considered lawful Swedish territories, this however was a plain war of aggression in the eyes of the other rulers and Sweden's infamy rose.
As a consequence, The Hansa issued a formal warning that if Sweden declared war on another country they would in turn declare war on Sweden. If that was not enough, Slesvig was a part of the Holy Roman Empire and a formal request to release it was sent from the Emperor. Gonzo agreed, but it was only because he wished a buffer state between Sweden and The Hansa, besides, keeping the province would have lowered its income aswell as Sweden's prestige.
*********
The sound due!! yay!! It might have been abit gamey of me to declare war on Denmark before I chose the +2 stab from the great man event.... but heck... I just wanted a war!
Stupid Hansa! I hope they declare war on me the next time I attack someone and I'll crush their stupid little trade league!!
After the war with Norway, Sweden again experienced a long period of peace and development, their allies Novgorod and the Teutonic Order were at war on occasion but did not request aid, and Swedish Chef II wasn't about to volunteer. The new mission that was chosen by lot was to conquer Vorpommern, but Sweden was far from ready to mess with the holy roman emperor just yet so the idea was put aside.
Instead he turned his attention to the Realms finances, which were quite low, so low that the kingdom was behind the rest of the world in research! To strengthen the coffers Swedish Chef had a plan, first of all he would leave the Hanseatic trade league and create a center of trade in Stockholm.
This would not only bolster Stockholm's income, but it would also ensure that Sweden had a center of trade from which they were not always kicked out by competing merchant, which was the case now.
Secondly he would improve the kingdoms provinces with constables and marketplaces to bolster the center of trade and the annual census tax. To do all of this he started minting all of the kingdoms income.
Norwegian patriots were not happy in Bohuslän and decided to pick up arms, the unrest had no doubt spread from Norway proper where a local pretender was running rampant across the lands, Swedish Chef II was not sure what would happen to his vassal if this usurper would win and since Sweden had broken their chains much the same way, the armies were mobilized and went on to crush both the Norwegian patriots and the Norwegian Pretender. And they all lived happily ever after....
Several reforms and improvements were made during this era, Österbotten recieved a sorely needed tax reform, Stockholm had two different beautification projects where Swedish Chef II wisely decided to put the military to work, after all, if they're not fighting they might as well build pretty buildings.
A gift to the state was also presented and benign neglect further bolstered the realms coffers. Swedish Chef II was even the Papal controller for a while, although he could not convince the pope to excommunicate Denmark. Sweden also adopted a second National Idea, the National Trade Policy.
To everyone's joy, Swedish Chef II accidentally decapitated himself whilst shaving one day. A most tragic accident... Some suspected the young heir to be somehow responsible for his fathers death, since the news of his passing did not seem to come as a shock to him, or as a cause for sorrow.
And so it was that King Gonzo the turd, I mean, the third, ascended the throne.
As his first action he reformed the army to use the "Swedish Steel" tactic, further improving their discipline. Gonzo was pleased with the realms interior and deemed it to be ready for another war, looking for a suitable target he could not find one that was an easy mark and at the same time offered a casus belli.
He decided to declare war on Denmark, despite the lack of a casus belli, the reward of the sound due far outweighed the risk and to counter the stability hit he started a propaganda campaign to show the kingdoms people the greatness of one of its finest men.
Denmark was joined by Mecklemburg and two other German kingdoms who were so unimportant and so far away that Gonzo III didn't bother remembering their names.
The war was uneventful and half of Sweden's armies was enough to win the war, Denmark was annexed and Mecklemburg was supposed to be vassalized but Gonzo, being inexperienced, forgot to broker a peace deal with them before annexing Denmark, so Mecklemburg slipped through his fingers.
The previous Swedish conquest had been attained without any fuss as they were considered lawful Swedish territories, this however was a plain war of aggression in the eyes of the other rulers and Sweden's infamy rose.
As a consequence, The Hansa issued a formal warning that if Sweden declared war on another country they would in turn declare war on Sweden. If that was not enough, Slesvig was a part of the Holy Roman Empire and a formal request to release it was sent from the Emperor. Gonzo agreed, but it was only because he wished a buffer state between Sweden and The Hansa, besides, keeping the province would have lowered its income aswell as Sweden's prestige.
*********
The sound due!! yay!! It might have been abit gamey of me to declare war on Denmark before I chose the +2 stab from the great man event.... but heck... I just wanted a war!
Stupid Hansa! I hope they declare war on me the next time I attack someone and I'll crush their stupid little trade league!!
YAY Gonzo! May he and his chicken brides live long. (His stats are amazing.)
Too bad you weren't able to finagle a way to pick up Vorpommern. Completing that mission gives a core, if I remember correctly. That way you'd own it legally in the eyes of the HRE. You'd just have to beat the whole HRE to grab it . . .
Too bad you weren't able to finagle a way to pick up Vorpommern. Completing that mission gives a core, if I remember correctly. That way you'd own it legally in the eyes of the HRE. You'd just have to beat the whole HRE to grab it . . .
Well I didn't abandon the idea
I've just left it for now, once I'm rich enough to beat Bohemia and their horrible armies Vorpommern will be mine, and the rest of Pommern will be vassalized!
The sound due!! yay!! It might have been abit gamey of me to declare war on Denmark before I chose the +2 stab from the great man event.... but heck... I just wanted a war!
Don't worry, everyone does that.
And it was quite a bold decision to outright annex Denmark