SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 65 - DEATH, DIPLOMACY AND DISEASE
(1166-1167)
My collection of hostages clearly impresses the Church who praise me for being a great humanitarian, rather than as a collector of human shields.
I celebrate by hanging some Greeks...
...something I find is always good for the soul. Nevertheless, I'm intrigued as to why my clergy are being so nice to me.
Ah! That's why. The old we're-at-war-and-therefore-desperately-impoverished line... I throw them some alms and point out that although I'm in a good mood at the moment my patience isn't infinite. I think they get the message.
While I'm bickering with clerics, Krikor wraps up the war with the Emir of Amman. As a firm believer in manifest destiny the outcome doesn't surprise me.
There we go! More realms coloured a beautiful Suenikian blue!
Back at home, Ruben is struggling with his speech.
He can manage "Dada" for "Daddy" and "Mama" for "psychotic German bitch locked in a tower" but that's about the extent of his vocabulary. If he was my first-born son I'd be concerned. However, he's currently something like seventh in line to the throne, so even if he goes through the whole of his life only able to babble I'm sure that will serve him fine.
Hell - babbling served some of our past rulers just fine.
Who do you think he's talking about? It can't be me as I'm his father who he loved and respected not to mention one of our glorious nation's most successful monarchs.
Pah - I took the throne as a CHILD and managed to rule effectively, so he sure as hell can't be referring to me!
You say "effectively"...
Less of your cheek junior! I was the glue that held Suenik together in its darkest hour!
Really? I thought you were only saved by blind luck...
I knew exactly what I was doing! In fact...
Ia! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods With a Thousand Young!
Ah! So THAT'S who he is referring to...
I then receive this news...
...which is all well and good, but there is no mention of who it is that should rightfully be added to the List. Honestly! I have a few scribes beaten - just for good measure.
Vaspurakan then gets another visitor, come to keep our old friend dysentery company...
Wow - that must be a fun place to be. Am I glad my home is high in the mountains to the north? Here's a picture of just how fun Vaspurakan is...
Fun, fun, fun. I'm going to miss my son-in-law but I'm going nowhere near his funeral. In fact, I order that his body by burnt.
You can never be too sure.
Here's a familiar sight for you...
Guess what? She's REALLY good at devious, intrigue related things. Imagine that...
A few weeks later my Diocese Bishop storms out citing irevocable religious differences.
Haaaaaaaaaaang onnnnnnnnnn a minute! I sacked you last year! Where exactly do you get off claiming to be my bishop?!?!? Anyway, you're Onega's problem now. I'll have my army on stand by to head there and exterminate the heretic cult that will no doubt spring up.
As this happens the final vassal of the King of Croatia surrenders to me.
I wonder exactly who he rules over now? Not much of a King if all you rule over is a small patch of northern France.
If I could be bothered I'd march an army over and beat him into submission, but for the meantime I let him off with a white peace. I've got his vassals after all.
To celebrate, myself and the emperor-with-a-small-e of Byzantium and I go and play with falcons again.
I return and find that some other Greek, clearly impressed with my handling of birds, and Prince of somewhere I can't pronounce let alone find on a map wants to join the gang.
Naturally I accept his good judgment, and as I am giving him a tour of my castle receive news that the three minor Arab Sheiks that I had decided to persecute recently have all agreed that being part of the Empire is much more preferable to independence.
I also bump into someone who would scare me if she was a Gardman-Aghbania.
Yes - a prodigal Mira. Be afraid, be very afraid...
So, what's next? Well, I've got a grand plan for some centennial celebrations, but until then let's content ourselves with annihilating one of the last big Emirates to the south of us...
Next up - a very special celebration... Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Suenik - Land of the Beleaguered!