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1666-1673, Wanli's self confidence expands

2 May 1666

I AM sooo impressive, me, Wanli II, supreme ruler



[H – you know he is becoming even more irritating, as if that was possible]

10 November 1666


Everyone loves me so much



[QM – damn, the servants are revolting again, they just don't like cleaning up after the peacocks]

23 March 1667

Oh



[QM – damn servants let the peakraken out again]

3 July 1667

I am annoyed to find the British in the northern part of New Wanli-land



10 August 1668

Everything is going well under my rule



[QM – you can never complain about a hardy seaman, I'll agree]

15 March 1669



There are too many of these old ruins cluttering up the place

[QM – oh, you brute ... I'll show ... in fact where's Harry I've not seen him for a while]

2 April 1669



We can use the stones from those old piles of rubbish to build the new roads

[QM – Harry .... where the hell are you? We have to do something about him soon]

7 October 1669



Now I have a proper Cathedral to worship in ... pity I'm not superstitious

[QM – this is so unfair, I would be ideal for a deity in there]

5 November 1669



Had the local military chief executed ... what nonsense, winged horses I ask you

[QM – well I have some well trained peacocks if that would help]

2 January 1671

Now I have big ships to go with my hardy seamen



6 May 1672

Let no one accuse me again of being undiplomatic, I am soooo diplomatic



5 June 1672



No, just no, if I don't want to accept the limits of an absolute monarchy, I am really not interested in this nonsense

15 April 1673

Oh what fun, several days just spent looking at the Imperial records






[QM Where is that man, this has to stop and soon or I'll go insane]
 
2 May 1666

[QM – you can never complain about a hardy seaman, I'll agree]

Me too.


Had the local military chief executed ... what nonsense, winged horses I ask you

[QM – well I have some well trained peacocks if that would help]

Peacock cavalry? The noise alone would make up for the lack of speed I suppose.

And the Land Tech is impressive. Are there any Land powers in a position to threaten you? Bohemia not pretending to be Russia this time?
 
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While I usually like to westernize fully, I'd say that you're doing just fine in the tech group you're in now. Being among the leaders in land means that any tech lag won't threaten your safety.

Keeping in mind our heroes' track records when it comes to dealing with unwanted emperors, Wanli is probably better off staying behind thick walls considering how much he's annoyed them. :p
 
When the update title is 'Wanli's self confidence expands', I can't help but think something else will do rapid expansion soon (no, not that way, get your filthy mind out of the gutter) - his chest cavity (from an implanted peacock egg/peach stone) or his head (after the Queen Mother takes some of those 47,000 artillerymen and has some fun with her cannons, leather or otherwise).

I can see now why Astarte would pick Bohemia - the whole 'Emperor' title must have some draw to her, not to mention the gargauntuan size of Bohemia's army.

Now, where has Harry wandered off to? Did he wander off, or did Astarte have a hand in his sudden disappearance. Certainly, being out of the limelight (and not complaining about Wanli) is not Harry's style...
 
Just finished catching up! Great updates! The QM is quite as batty as normal.
 
Whatever happened to the Swedes? I thought they were pretty much at your gates?

Drama in the Pearl River must be one of the best event names in the game. Sounds like it could be a working title for a sequel of Priscilla Queen of the Desert...

You can never complain about a hardy seaman, I'll agree

...and with lines like these I think you have half the script done :rolleyes:
 
Peacock cavalry? The noise alone would make up for the lack of speed I suppose.

And the Land Tech is impressive. Are there any Land powers in a position to threaten you? Bohemia not pretending to be Russia this time?

and the claws, don't forget the claws, imagine the scratches on someone's nice suit of armour

The only real land threat is Bohemia (not yet, but yes they do end up snaking east), but I am ahead in tech and then slightly hampered by using Eastern not Western unit types (hence the artillery obsession). My fear remains a big war with the British. The French don't really have the capacity to land many troops at once and pretty soon I'll be able to defeat all but their largest fleets in any case. The British would get control of the seas and be able to land at will, so sooner or later I'd end up losing something valuable.

While I usually like to westernize fully, I'd say that you're doing just fine in the tech group you're in now. Being among the leaders in land means that any tech lag won't threaten your safety.

Keeping in mind our heroes' track records when it comes to dealing with unwanted emperors, Wanli is probably better off staying behind thick walls considering how much he's annoyed them. :p

Wanli does indeed put a lot of effort into staying safe, and he does indeed deeply offend our two 'heros'.

If I understand the 5.2 beta properly, that makes going for full Westernisation worthwhile as it lifts the faction system so you have a lot more freedom (in fact would make a mid/late game player Ming too powerful in my opinion), but for my purposes here, there was no gain to another bout of investing only in stability and swatting a stream of rebels. I never outtech say the European OPMs, but in the critical techs, I more than keep up with the few powers (Sweden, Britain, France, Bohemia) who I am really interested in

When the update title is 'Wanli's self confidence expands', I can't help but think something else will do rapid expansion soon (no, not that way, get your filthy mind out of the gutter) - his chest cavity (from an implanted peacock egg/peach stone) or his head (after the Queen Mother takes some of those 47,000 artillerymen and has some fun with her cannons, leather or otherwise).

I can see now why Astarte would pick Bohemia - the whole 'Emperor' title must have some draw to her, not to mention the gargauntuan size of Bohemia's army.

Now, where has Harry wandered off to? Did he wander off, or did Astarte have a hand in his sudden disappearance. Certainly, being out of the limelight (and not complaining about Wanli) is not Harry's style...

Yes I think Holy Roman Empress is a title well suited to her, but, without engaging in too much foreshadowing the choice was more in terms of threat to Ming than anything more subtle.

As you'll see in the next update, his latest deep under cover attempt to kill Wanli has been a bit of a damp squib (but painful and embarassing), I suspect when he finally dies (& not for a long while yet), there is going to be an almighty fight between them as to who does both the killing and the post-demise tormenting

Just finished catching up! Great updates! The QM is quite as batty as normal.

Aye, my rendition of her has come some way from the somewhat serene and aloof QM of Chinese legends ... ah well poetic license and all that

Whatever happened to the Swedes? I thought they were pretty much at your gates?

Drama in the Pearl River must be one of the best event names in the game. Sounds like it could be a working title for a sequel of Priscilla Queen of the Desert...

...and with lines like these I think you have half the script done :rolleyes:

The Swedes still are, but they suffered a huge revolt so they are split by a re-emerged (Sunni) Novgorod from Sweden to their Central Asian provinces. In fact for the most part, they become good allies, pulling me into a lot of rather convenient wars (& at least one rather less so)

mhhh ... Harry rolling across Central Asia in a pink painted coach pulled by particularly louch peacocks ... I think I have a plot device to use at some stage.

I like the Ming flavour events, most of the really innovative ones only fire when you have lost the Mandate of Heaven, but they are different to the ones you usually see with a Western European power
 
1674-1684: Wanli feels the cold hand of fate (or his 'doctor')

19 February 1674

Oh, ah, oh, never trust a doctor



especiallly one with bad breath ... and such cold hands

[H – and I hope that hurt]

10 May 1674

oh, well, these things happen when you can't sit down properly



[H – that should do for him soon enough]
[QM – Harry, is that you? Is that the best you've done in all that time]
[H – well it is rather hard when he doesn't believe in ghosts and demons]

10 December 1674

I finally managed to sit down today for the first time this year



3 March 1676



I am going to sea

[QM – oh good, I'll make sure the peakraken is really hungry]

29 March 1676

My utter wonderfulness just knows no limits



[H – and when you die, what I'm going to do to you, 'knows no limits']

10 May 1676

I am almost tooooo good for this place



[QM – just say the word, we would be glad to oblige]

3 December 1676

When I go to sea, it is going to be in a very big ship



21 December 1676

You know, I just can't help myself, I am so brilliant



3 March 1680

I've had another idea

[H – I've had a lot but wait till I get hold of you, heh]



Not only will I go to sea in a very big ship, I will go to sea in lots of very big ships

[QM – damn, damn, damn]

14 May 1680



I did think about leaving my castle this morning, but, well it just didn't feel right

[H – damn, damn, damn]

14 July 1681



and maybe the going to sea idea is not such a good one either

[QM – damn, damn, damn]

22 August 1681



Maybe it is safe after all to leave the castle after all?

9 November 1681



No, I'll give it a little while yet

[QM ... and just what is wrong with pink?]

19 May 1684



That doctor has such cold hands ... I mean you try being in control after your medical

[QM – is that really the best you can do?]
[H – well you try then]
 
Haha, very nice! Great update!
 
Not only will I go to sea in a very big ship, I will go to sea in lots of very big ships

So, they're planning to dismember him? :D

Excellent update!
 
Must say, Harry's colorectal/prostate cancer screening doesn't seem to be doing the job. It's a pretty imaginative approach, I'll give him that, but it does suffer from the drawback that, generally speaking, preventative healthcare does not have a high incidence of fatality. Something of a drawback, that. Now, if Harry can convince Wanli that a good bout of trepaning is going to cure the Emperor's fear of non-fortified spaces, he might get somewhere, but in the meantime I'll give him passing grades for trying and a big fat 'F' for results. :)

Liked the repeated chorus of 'Damn, damn, damn'. :) Wanli the Insufferable sure seems to be wiley - or at least, just wiley enough. And he's ushering in a Golden Age for Ming. Not bad, but he's still a tit.
 
Haha, very nice! Great update!

glad you enjoyed it

So, they're planning to dismember him? :D

Excellent update!

well in the end they are so keen to kill him (as dramatically as possible), they forget to keep any of him intace for the endless post-death torment bit ....

Must say, Harry's colorectal/prostate cancer screening doesn't seem to be doing the job. It's a pretty imaginative approach, I'll give him that, but it does suffer from the drawback that, generally speaking, preventative healthcare does not have a high incidence of fatality. Something of a drawback, that. Now, if Harry can convince Wanli that a good bout of trepaning is going to cure the Emperor's fear of non-fortified spaces, he might get somewhere, but in the meantime I'll give him passing grades for trying and a big fat 'F' for results. :)

Liked the repeated chorus of 'Damn, damn, damn'. :) Wanli the Insufferable sure seems to be wiley - or at least, just wiley enough. And he's ushering in a Golden Age for Ming. Not bad, but he's still a tit.

To be honest, after about 50 years of Eunuch+Temple the economy was badly lagging, Wanli's long reign means all my better provinces have all the money producing buildings I need and I must have built 8 manufacturies (in addition to the Universities and Fine Arts things that pop from the 'prospering times' event). So he had been good, but its been like playing 50 years in a PU, what I need (& later manage to achieve) is a warmongering ally who keeps on dragging me into wars so I can snack on my neighbours due to wars started by someone else.

Well the next update features 6 monthly assasination attempts of varying levels of incompetence ...
 
1684-1690, Wanli II doesn't make it to eternity

22 June 1684



Things are going so well, I must visit one of my new Universities

[H – yes, yes]
[QM – all mine, all mine]
[H – hey, I'm first in line]

6 February 1685



Oh, my chief architect has warned me not to visit, it seems it is built in the shape of a gigantic peacock hutch for some reason

[QM – and I had the perfect plan]
[H – you had the perfect plan? I'll show you a perfect plan]

6 July 1685



Oh maybe I can go and watch the Arsenal being built instead

[H – yeah, my plan to ensure he dies of boredom will come to pass][1]

31 August 1685

I am so glad I didn't visit

[QM – damn, almost got him]




12 February 1686

My doctor was trying to convince me I should visit Siberia, he says it would be good idea to open the new University, its apparently very warm at this time of the year



[H – come to me ...]
[QM – hey, I'm in charge of higher education]

3 August 1686



It seems we have invented a new gun that can fire shells upwards, I am not sure why this is a good idea

[QM – you are going to find out soon enough]

13 April 1687

I have decided not to take a voyage, our navy is not yet large enough for my magnificance



[H – right out the way, let the expert deal with this]

29 October 1687

Well that was close, I don't know why the chef decided to serve the deep fried peaches from the barrel of a gun



Makes me think of my own mortality

[QM – idiot men, only I know how to turn peaches into a flawless killing machine]

24 May 1688



Despite all these recent attempts on my life I remain totally calm and wonderful

[H – right this needs more direct measures]

4 November 1688



Some people, just fail to understand how wonderful I am ... I think I will rule for ever

[QM – is that the best you can do? Right its my turn now]

13 July 1689

All these attempts to kill me, make me appreciate just how much everyone will miss when I am gone



[H – the daft old bat messed up again, right lets do this properly]

16 February 1690

Yes, yes I have my diary back



Such a pity there is nothing left of Wanli to torment for eternity.

[H – well there are times when achieving the short term goal means you miss out on an eternity of pleasure]

[1] – sorry, but I do support Spurs
 
So the lesson on killing someone is: if you try hard enough, and often enough, eventually your target will die - of old age. :p Although Queen Mother's comment does rather suggest Harry might've displayed a brief flash of competence - did it involve the coehorn mortar?

Wanli allowed you to build up your economy. With Youshan, you're back to expanding through colonization? I look forward to Ming California. :)
 
So, I suppose a naval Arsenal would definitely feature some Seamen? :p

But yeah, that was certainly a lesson in persistence.
 
So the lesson on killing someone is: if you try hard enough, and often enough, eventually your target will die - of old age. :p Although Queen Mother's comment does rather suggest Harry might've displayed a brief flash of competence - did it involve the coehorn mortar?

Wanli allowed you to build up your economy. With Youshan, you're back to expanding through colonization? I look forward to Ming California. :)

more or less, he ruled for more than 60 years, so he had to die either of one of Harry's plots or age at some stage ... I think you can assume the final end was pretty cataclysmic though

aye, this is a well timed shift of focus. I now have the naval range to find and settle Hawaii, and then see if there is any of N America left for me to colonise, or to liberate from its current colonial oppressors

So, I suppose a naval Arsenal would definitely feature some Seamen? :p

But yeah, that was certainly a lesson in persistence.

yes, but they would have be special Seaman who watch footballs flying over the heads in a particularly hapless manner
 
1690-1699: Youhan makes a limited impression

24 May 1690

Now I am back in my rightful role, China has become so cultural



4 December 1690



Oh ... that cuts short some of my fun

4 March 1691



I was afraid of this, once the Eunuch's are in power, everything just ends up pointing in the wrong direction

27 June 1691



Ah well, I managed to convince Youhan to point in the right direction ... seems that some men can be house trained after all

[H – hah, it was an accident]

16 July 1691


Well the cultural revolution didn't last long



[H – yep, I was just starting to get bored]

Err, Harry this small war of yours?



[A – well hi there, long time no see ... and as you know, I never bear grudges]

4 January 1692



You know, for once I agree, a larger army may just be a good idea

24 May 1692



[H – here lend us the peakraken will you]


24 June 1692

[H – ah, its easy when you know how]



28 September 1692

My poor peakraken is getting very kranky



very kranky

[H – look all its doing is ... well eating a lot of ships ... I mean that is its job after all]

6 December 1692

Oh this is typical of Youhan ... no sense of direction



He has the chance to sweep westwards and goes off east instead

7 January 1693

I am so dissapointed, I will concentrate on my art collection



[1]

1 June 1698



Oh, I needed a long break in my palace, all those small irritating events were just making me so tired.

I wonder if Harry's stupid war is over yet?

14 June 1698



I do wish Harry would stop starting these wars



[A – just look at how big and important I am ... ever since you tried to kill me ... not that I hold any grudges]

29 March 1699



No, no, no

[H – oh, ok, I'll miss out on this one]

3 May 1699

Harry came to visit, decided to test the new peach-gin. All he went on about was the importance of hip-tacs, tac-tocs, tic-tacs .... ach something like that anyway



[1] – I know I am in the middle of a massive war, but nothing happened in this period except beating up my Indian opponents and a few small naval battles. Bohemia is not, though, at all interested in peace.
 
Gotta love the thought of those Bohemians rowing their galleys all the way to Indonesia.

yes, but they would have be special Seaman who watch footballs flying over the heads in a particularly hapless manner

As far as style goes, I think there's something to be said for the "nah I'm guessing I probably won't save that one, I'll just stand here and not try" school of goalkeeping. ;)
 
Gotta love the thought of those Bohemians rowing their galleys all the way to Indonesia.

All together now: 'Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...'

I like that image. :)

loki, nice job there. ;) When I saw the manpower totals of the first coalition you faced, I thought things weren't looking particularly good for you. Next screen, I find out Astarte... I mean, Bohemia, is involved as well. And then you go and add Great Britain ("World's Greatest Navy") to your enemy list. :) I'm sure you'll manage to pull out of this one without much trouble, but really, your choice of enemies could stand some improvement - perhaps not invite them to the party all at the same time? ;)