• We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.

NezzeOne

Earl of Pudding
85 Badges
Sep 5, 2010
2.005
34
  • March of the Eagles
  • For the Motherland
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Hearts of Iron III: Their Finest Hour
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Impire
  • Knights of Pen and Paper +1 Edition
  • Leviathan: Warships
  • Magicka
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Semper Fi
  • Sengoku
  • The Showdown Effect
  • Victoria 2
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Cities in Motion
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Darkest Hour
  • Dungeonland
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Divine Wind
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • 500k Club
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Crusader Kings III: Royal Edition
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Magicka: Wizard Wars Founder Wizard
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Knight (pre-order)
  • War of the Roses
  • Warlock: Master of the Arcane
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Teleglitch: Die More Edition
A thread for those moments when you want to tear your hair out.

I'll start. I was playing a game with the CK2Plus mod as the Duke of Flanders. I was free from the French yolk, and I even managed to grab some lands in southern France. Hell, I was 1/4th the size of France but twice as strong.

Now for the kicker....During his adolescence, my character picked up the "Homosexual" trait. I figured "Yeah, whatever, that's nothing. Get a lustful wife." ...couple months later, "You have gained the Chaste trait." ...okay, I can make this work, given time.

He comes of age...."DETACHED PRIEST!"


So my character was essentially sterilized, and all of his sisters were already married off. So upsetting. I was married to the Queen of Brittanny too. ._.
 
Last edited:
A thread for those moments when you want to tear your hair out.

I'll start. I was playing a game with the CK2Plus mod as the Duke of Flanders. I was free from the French yolk, and I even managed to grab some lands in southern France. Hell, I was 1/4th the size of France but twice as strong.

Now for the kicker....During his adolescence, my character picked up the "Homosexual" trait. I figured "Yeah, whatever, that's nothing. Get a lustful wife." ...couple months later, "You have gained the Chaste trait." ...okay, I can make this work, given time.

He comes of age...."DETACHED PRIEST!"


So my character was essentially sterilized, and all of his sisters were already married off. So upsetting. I was married to the Queen of Brittanny too. ._.

that's....40% minus fertility if I recall? And your wife's fertility counts too, it is a team effort, y'know >.>
 
That is nasty, I have another that actually caused me to rage quit.

I had managed to unite Ireland under my queen and had a fairly average son, but okay. I had taken over Iceland cause I wanted all the islands to be mine. This put me in the line for the throne of Norway, which had fallen under the yoke of the HRE. Well when my son came of age I, without thinking, gave him the Duchy of Iceland. Off he goes and so I obvious am no longer a candidate for Norway, but my son is whatever, he has little support.

Of course just before my queen dies my son is elected to the throne, he starts a war of independence from the HRE and my queen dies. There is no way my fragile economy can fight the war in Norway and have HRE troops throughout my realm!

Stupid son, if he had of waited till I could have consolidated Norway we could have been a contender!
 
My nephew Poppo von Tyrol of England, first of his name, decides that he deserves the corner of central Europe his forebears have carved out over the past few centuries, and presses his claims on everything I have. "Okay," I thought, "stay cool, pull in some allies, fight him to a white peace."

It turns out all the other independent von Tyrols, from Köln to Osterreich, like him too much to join the defense. Some of them even jump in on his side.

Oh, crap.

You'd think a German King of England would have unruly vassals to keep him occupied or something!
 
The even where your ward returns from the dungeon with a bloody knife. There has always been only one option for me, no matter what trait I had. I looked up the game files and apparently the other choices do the same exact thing: Add either wroth, cruel, or craven.
 
Well playing as a vassal to HRE.

Basically as usual he rushes HIGH CA in like 40 years. So now all you can do is capture outside provinces to try get stronger. Next thing you know Emperor puts me in prison not once , but twice , due to the "fabricated evidence" random event ( i actually think this is a bit dumb , the guy that fabricates the evidence are total nobodies and even have + relations with me). Uh ok... i abused assassinate just to get revenge. Then new emperor comes along and decides after 30 years of saying and doing nothing he is going to revoke one of my duchies (tyrant). I decide the game is boring at this point and just decide to fight him. No vassal rebels. I got so annoyed i decided to assassinate him , his successor bugs and won't let go of the 8 duchy titles he has. Every vassal is between -50 and -100. After 4 months (amazingly long time l0l) they finally rebel. Eventually i win and get Independence. Only thing is im basically stuck in the same situation i was with High CA. I can't grow because im land locked , i have to fight demark / france or march an army to arabs to do anything. And i look over , after about 40 years , HRE's CA is still autonomous vassals (lowered from my war against tyranny and vassal rebellion to depose). O_O........... so as soon as im not part of HRE , he gives up on rushing high ca.




And i have one more from the same game. I send my Chaplin to the pope to improve relations (or i get excommunicated by some random every time). He fails and makes relations worse (is ok though!! im still positive with this clown!). But i know whats coming , 1 month later "you have been excommunicated at the behest of some random guy who doesn't have anything to do with you!!!!!". Great. Can't , make anti pope , every one hates me. So i buy repentance -389 gold. Not even a moment after paying that sum "you have been excommunicated at the behest of the same random guy who doesn't have anything to do with you!!!". zzzzzzzzzzzz then i remembered why i don't even bother with the pope every single game and just make an anti pope from the start (effectively destroying Catholicism and turning Europe into heresy late game).
 
German England, Pandadan? I've never thought of that. ...must try later.

Also, lol Kynaz. That's how I feel most games I play in the HRE or ERE. I bet the Antipopes make for an interesting late game :D
 
I have one, but it's due solely to my own ignorance.

I started out in 1066 as Duke of Bohemia. I established the Kingdom, had good relations with the Emperor, and was on my way to bringing Osterreich into my realm. One of my brothers was a genius theologian, so of course I set him up as Court Chaplain. Wouldn't you know it, all that reading rotted his brain and he went Cathar on me. I threw him in the dungeon, and shortly thereafter banished him from the kingdom (I needed the money). I assumed that made him ineligible for succession. Time went on, and one by one his elder brothers died. The damned heathen came back from whatever court he was cooling his heels in and took the throne. The Emperor promptly started confiscating territory with nary a peep from his numerous Catholic vassals.
 
After like 150 years of planing and forging alliances and rising relations as the duke of Epirus i managed to become the independent despot of Egypt, the caliphate was almost gone and i had a pretty decent army and a lot of money but I was still trying to convert the wealthier provinces to orthodoxy so I was in a delicate situation when the shiite caliph called a jihad against me, I said "yeah it's ok, it's not like there's a lot of shiite lords still around" so I was calm, but like 3 years later the sunni caliph called a jihad for the same province (alexandria) so I started to freak out when EVERY SINGLE SHEIK AND EMIR started to declare war on me individually every 5 year without stop for like 30 years... and that's when i raged...

Also this was my first post so I'm sorry if anything is wrong.
 
After like 150 years of planing and forging alliances and rising relations as the duke of Epirus i managed to become the independent despot of Egypt, the caliphate was almost gone and i had a pretty decent army and a lot of money but I was still trying to convert the wealthier provinces to orthodoxy so I was in a delicate situation when the shiite caliph called a jihad against me, I said "yeah it's ok, it's not like there's a lot of shiite lords still around" so I was calm, but like 3 years later the sunni caliph called a jihad for the same province (alexandria) so I started to freak out when EVERY SINGLE SHEIK AND EMIR started to declare war on me individually every 5 year without stop for like 30 years... and that's when i raged...

Also this was my first post so I'm sorry if anything is wrong.

Pretty funny first post, tbh :D. Welcome to the forums.

That kinda sucks. You probably could've survived it, given that many of the crusade/jihad participants are often weak. If you managed to break free of the Byzantines, you could probably wade off a Jihad.
 
6 brilliant daughters + 1 worthless son + sexist medieval society = RAAAAAGE.

Can't change succession laws, so I have NO CHOICE but to marry off my brilliant daughters to foreigners, eventually creating armies of genetic supermen with claims on my titles...which will be defended by my only son, who is an insane dwarf.
 
well, that was not my rage moment but my friend's, caused....basically by me

It was a duo game, we were both dukes in HRE, I noticed that he's the heir of the emperor, the success rate for assassinate the current emperor is 10%, I said "well why not, I'd give it a go, if I success, you owe me a duchy"

Yah, you guessed it, I succeed.

So my emperor buddy decide to fullfill his promise, a duchy, duchy of Osterreich, an OPM..."Even he rebels that will never matter, he's so weak" he said.

Then after the revokation, 2/3 of HRE raised against his tyranny.

This is the true story of our one day emperor Nikolaus
 
You line up a marriage with the most eligible teen duchess in Europe. You know, she's lustful, a grey imminence or maybe Midas touched, owns half of France, England, Germany or whatever- she's a real catch. But at some point (and the game never tells you) suddenly your wife's portrait instead of having that beautiful blue ribbon around it, it's ... barren. A nice bland circle. Some inbred dumbass plotted to steal her titles and she didn't even put up a fight.

Rage-induced mass murder ensues.
 
6 brilliant daughters + 1 worthless son + sexist medieval society = RAAAAAGE.

Can't change succession laws, so I have NO CHOICE but to marry off my brilliant daughters to foreigners, eventually creating armies of genetic supermen with claims on my titles...which will be defended by my only son, who is an insane dwarf.
You were lucky. My insane dwarf like boys now. :(
 
As a Duke of Flandres and I capture some territory in Lithania and 2 demense in Duchy of Holstein. I was prospering well and increasing my economy. Problem was, that I've lost much of my forces while fighting in Lithuania but I was sure that soon will change that - duke was a really strong steward... But my stupid liege declared war against muslim. He run with 3.000 man against army of 10.000 - with my duke with him (didn't even noticed that). Both died in battle. Half France revolted then, cause me and my liege both had regents. Then huge group of pagans declared war against me. I was figthing over 25 years in a defensive war. They were replacing troops too fast, so war lasts so long... France didn't help as they had their problems... So the only thing I did was protecting province they wanted so my score was huge. So I've won a wart, but France had profits from it. About 30 years later I've declared war against France. I've captured over 50% of his territory... But then most dukes revolted and cancelled my occupation immidiately - leaving me with 3% of war score. 2 years later they made white peace and I had to fece against reunited France...
 
The even where your ward returns from the dungeon with a bloody knife. There has always been only one option for me, no matter what trait I had. I looked up the game files and apparently the other choices do the same exact thing: Add either wroth, cruel, or craven.

I can never understand why you can become craven after killing someone in a dungeon.

Back to OP, I always hate it when my heir starts distributing his county titles to his vassal counties at random when I made him a duke of multiple places, thus screwing himself by creating stronger vassals stretched across multiple de jure duchies and also giving him more vassals with -20 opinion penalty. And all this is done when he clearly is well within his demense limit. Just downright pisses me off...
 
As the King of Hungary and Jerusalem, my heir was a homosexual imbecile, and became the king of Georgia through his mother. He eventually only had 5 daughters. When I died, he thankfully had +1 long reign already, but that still caused 80% of my realm to revolt at once.

Thankfully, his daughters were still childbearing age so I assassinated their husbands and children and married the first 3 of them matrilineally to secure my succession. Unfortunately, once the idiot died, an extended family member assassinated all of my (now) queen's new sons, and my queen, and my realm is starting to revolt again. Over 2 decades of straight revolts does not make for an easy time.