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Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road

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TekcoR said:
Got to love a slow server. Hit submit once, it says did not go through...instead it goes through 4 times!!!! Bleh.
Click to expand...

Happened me too at least 2 times, but not quadrupled :D

Thank you for the update, i dont have the TIME to count the word 'time' in the update... how ironic :p
 
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs


The great power standings as of January 1855.​

Closing Time​


Oh bother! It is now the year of 1855, and guess what my brothers and sisters? Our war with the Prussians continue, despite our best efforts to bring about peace and further gains to this great nation. The Prussians dare not face our navy in the Baltic, and we dare not invade Prussia proper. How to best describe this particular situation is, we are both cowards. We the Benelux do not want to portray weakness by possible defeat, and the Prussians look to do the same.

But what is this? Prussia is willing to talk? OH GLORIOUS DAY! Even better, they are willing to meet our demands in full! A TREMENDOUS DAY! On February 2nd, the Prussians formally sign a peace, ceding us their possessions of the states of Nordheim and the Rhineland. Our great king, fearing great chances of retribution against the Prussians in years to come, declares that Commander Johan constructs forts along our new border with Prussia. And the great Commander, known for not giving specific timeframes is ordered to give a specific timeframe for the first time. The forts along the border are of national significance!

Oh my! OH MY! OH MY GOD! What is happening? WHY! News has just reached my very sensitive ears my brothers and sisters that Germanic Pan-Nationalists have enforced their demands upon the King of Württemberg, such a travesty I must say! I shall follow this with great interest, let us only hope a conference is not called amongst the German states. In other news, the Ottomans end their war…interrupting this breaking news my brothers and sisters, the King of Prussia has become the Emperor of Germany! ALARM! WARNING! DEAR GOD! There are not enough waffles, syrup and fruit galore to calm my extremely frayed nerves. Though there is some good news from these turn of events my brothers…

While the Germans may be united, without Bavaria and Saxony, war is once again raging across the Germanic lands. In response to the formation of Germany, Russia has declared war against the nation. Quickly following suit, the Austrians declare war against Germany. Then to our surprise, the Bavarians declare war on Germany. All the while, we sit on the sidelines, due to our truce with the now partially unified state. Also, this thing called a “bad boy” limit keeps interfering with the defense of the Benelux! How is the Benelux to defend itself against its opponents if it can not annex the land of the opposition? Damn you Victoria, the Queen of England.


Europe after the formation of Germany. Currently the partially unified nation faces threats from Russia, Austria and Bavaria.​


 
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs



This Time Is The Last Time!​


Oh brothers and sisters, glory to the Benelux. I know you may believe I praise the Benelux too much, but what is wrong with praising the land that you are from? If you are from here, you should praise the land, the nation, the king and all who look out for your well being. Plus, it is the law of the land to praise the nation! SO DO IT! Moving on…

If you live within Europe, you must further praise this nation that is the greatest beyond belief [United Kingdom, please don’t take offense, its only propaganda and I’m sure you do it also!]. But praise the government, for it is responding to a cholera outbreak, but only because it is within Europe! If it was one of our colonies, except for possibly Java, we would not intervene! Even then, the cholera is only in a recently occupied German town! But nevertheless, we need the Germans, they make great soldiers when told about the greatness of Benelux!



Spain is losing to Morocco.​

Lets look about the other events during this great year of 1855…oh wait, that was last year. The year of 1856, which it is now, an even greater year than the piss-poor year before, was your typical boring year for the Benelux. Spain is losing to Morocco! What the heck? [Double checks the source.] Well all-be-damned! Spain is losing to Morocco! A language debate has occurred in the recently “Beneluxianized” [It is a word, look it up you fools]. Of course we all know that German is no match for the great language of the Benelux, which is a mix of French, Dutch, Flemish and German. Say what, we are part German? Oh well. Nothing surprises me anymore.

Lastly, there was this like border incident I heard about the other day or two ago. Some stupid official accidently arrested one of our nationals on our soil. I believe it was a mistaken identity or something. I believe the official was either from Britain, France, America….let me double check the source. Oh my god! He was from Germany, the same Germany that was formerly Prussia? Who the hell keeps this official around! He has caused several border incidents between our nations! [At least we get to hurt the newly found nation without raising this “bad boy” limit that Queen Victoria insists we use, but she herself doesn’t abide by!]

So here we are my brothers and sisters, on October 13th we declare war. And nothing happens for the first few months, as it is too late to campaign in the season with much expectation for victory. So we wait. And wait some more. And by November 15th we have grown so bored here at home that we have passed universal suffrage! As I say, you cannot spell suffrage without rage; which I am full of! NOW YOUR PATHETIC, ILL-INFORMED VOTE IS WORTH AS MUCH AS MY KNOWLEDABLE, INFORMED, WEALTHY VOTE! WHAT AN OUTRAGE! RAGE!


Germany and Bavaria signed a peace treaty on September 20th, 1856. Bavaria gobbeled up the states of Baden and Wurtemberg.​

 
:eek:

But Brother Jacobs! I thought your precise and worldly vote was so precise and worthy not because of your world-weary wealth, but because you were so detached from worldly concerns!.. Or something!

So you should be happy that you've got suffrage, because by making your vote less meaningful, it's also made it *more* meaningful. :D

This updated rocked.

And in my head, I'm going to declare SuffRAGE the title of a witty femme-punk band.
 
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs



Pain is Temporary, Time is Forever​


Good day again my brothers and sisters and welcome to another great installment about the history of the Benelux. Let me quite forthright and precise. The year is 1857 and we are at war with the recently formed state of Germany, but then again who isn’t? We are one of the greatest nations in the world, just below the mightiest nation that is known as the United Kingdom of Britain, Ireland, Canada, Australia, South Africa, the Caribbean, New Zealand, Burma, Singapore, India and Tibet, or for short the UKBICASACNZBSIT. I know it will be quite hard to understand at first, but after about the one hundredth time, the abbreviation UKBICASACNZBSIT makes sense and shall be commonly used throughout the world. And I’m sorry, just saying “the UK” now is outlawed. The lands controlled by Queen Victoria, master of UKBICASACNZBSIT are not inhabited by “natives” anymore. They are inhabited by British people! Why can’t our colonies turn out that way?

Moving away from the mind boggling subject of UKBICASACNZBSIT, I believe it is time to focus our attention to Portugal. On January 9th, Portugal asked us to defend it in a war against Spain. While we are all for another way, and taking away Spanish colonies, we noted something peculiar. France had joined in on Spain’s side! Oh brothers from Portugal, I am sorry, but at this moment with the majority of our forces in the midst of our third, maybe forth war against the former Prussia, we are just too busy to intervene in your behalf. Plus look at the bright side, pain is temporary. At least you will still have your European holdings. But I do have good news for you Portugal, our forts along our French border are finished! Oh wait, that doesn’t really help you. We aren’t sorry, good luck.


Portugal calls us in for war, we refuse. War with Germany + New War (Spain+France) = Madness.​

Let us now turn towards Germany, which has a simple country name compared to UKBICASACNZBSIT. In order to better kill the Germans [and later enemies, possibly the French again], our great scientists have come up with weapons of great destruction and firepower. Let me unveil to you the new rifle of the Beneluxian Armed Forces! It gets loaded by the Breech, not the Muzzle. I know what you will say concerned citizens, “But Brother Jacobs, this weapon is revolutionary!” And to you great citizens, whose knowledge level is of a concern to me I say: “And the idea of you being capable to vote is revolutionary!” The concerned citizens walk away, baffled by my insult towards them, typical uneducated masses.

Pardon me though true readers and followers of this great story, I got interrupted by the filth of the nation, despondent people of the lowest class of our nation. Let us now truly return to the subject of Germany. Germany would suffer a series of blows, occurring July 13th, when it signed a peace treaty with Russia; with the bear acquiring East and West Prussia. On October 20th Austria and Germany would sign a peace, with the former acquiring Holstein and Schleisen. Then on November 1st, it was our great nations turn. We acquired the state of Westfalen from Germany! After nearly a month long review of our new territory, we discovered alarming facts. Westfalen had a steel and fabric factory that heavily competed with our factories near Brussels. In response to this outrage, the factories of Westfalen were demolished. A simple sign was posted at both sites of the destroyed factories: “Your pain may be temporary, but in time this land will have always been known as property of the Benelux.”


The New Germany, without Westfalen, Holstein, Schleisen, East and West Prussia. So much for unification, eh?​

 
Alex - I spend my spare time thinking of punk band names. :p

Brother Jacobs - Er, TekcoR! - Partitioning Germany? Property of Belgium?! This isn't madness - it's inspiration, pure and simple! From the mouth of babes and eagles! But not Imperial Babes, no. That's too Froggy. Dismantling those factories was a sign of a great mind, indeed!
 
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs



Speed Up the Writing​


Hello again my dear friends, enemies, bastards, etc. I have once again awoken from my slumber [and it was quite a slumber] to revitalize you with great stories of the Benelux! These new few lines I write will deal with the great years of 1858 and 1859, two of the greatest [most boring] years in Beneluxian history! I hope you have your seat belts [not yet invented] fastened and your hands holding on for dear life, because what you about to see will blow you away! The countdown to ecstasy begins in five…four…three…two….

HA! There is no one! Let us begin! In mid May of 1858, I managed to grab an overview of the great factories of the Benelux. I must say, we are great producers of ships, both the sailing version and the steamer version. Plus our steel is quite irresistible. There is quite a saying that is shared amongst this nation: “Where do you go for steel? You go to the place you would never think of, the Benelux.” I know it sounds bad my brothers and sisters, but we have something to control your anger. We produce a fair amount of weapons and ammunition. So don’t get too much into a riot, otherwise there will be a tale about: “The Gun, The Bullet and the Dead Rioter, by Brother Jacobs”.

​

So that’s it for 1858, nothing else really happened. Well, except for that France annexed Abu Dhabi, wherever that is. As long as its not part of the Benelux, who gives a rats ass? I know I don’t. And since I don’t, you shouldn’t care loyal reader, do not concern yourself with any other news source out there, for they are all wrong and only the fair, balanced and most trusted name in today’s print is me, Brother Jacobs [the III, possibly the IV]. Anyways, moving on my dear friends to 1859, because its about that time. Sometimes a year is boring, sometimes it is exciting, I wish all the years could be like my writings, full of suspense, speculation, action and love. Love you ask? Well, I love you readers and I hope you love me back [women can solicit me via writing a letter, men please just show your love by buying additional subscriptions.]

An amazing, almost unexpected turn of events occurred in January 27th, when it was argued amongst the civilized nations of the world that our “land grabbing expansionist imperialism” is now okay with the world because we are “simply furthering the cause of human liberty by expanding our nation.” FINALLY! Somebody understands the needs of the Benelux! Thank you world, thank you! We all know the Germans consider themselves Europeans, it is wrong! They should consider themselves Beneluxians! For one day [probably not tomorrow or the day afterwards, maybe in about two hundred years] Europe and Benelux will be synonymous. There will be no Europeans [except for maybe the Britons], just Beneluxians.


The standings of the Great Powers, beginning of 1859.​



Note: The last paragraph talks about the Liberty Prevails event, I captured the screenshot, but don't want to show it now because of its overwhelming length compared to the updates.
 
The Contest is over and i am happy to present you your final score:

9384097contest-placement-09.jpg


TekcoR - Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road - A History of the Benelux

Your AAR ranked number 9, congratulations!
For you it was also a close thing to get into the Top 10.

Your AAR is unique in alot of aspects.
I truly did enjoy reading about "Brother Jacobs" and his madness.
It was a skillfull balance between humor & character writing i would say.

Sometimes, i think, the pictures & the gameplay come a little short on your AAR,
but that is your style, like you do your updates too. So thats perfectly fine.
The readers of your AAR will surely agree with me :)

You made alot of short updates, it was hard for me to get it included
in the pattern that i wanted the contestor AAR´s to be,
but you found a good way to make chapters, so everything went fine :)

You dropped in and out of the Top 10 several times,
in the end you got enough points to be Rank 9.
Strangely you didnt got any 99 Scores,
i would have expected you to get some.

Dont ever change your style, its great to read your AAR and i am looking forward to read more :)

I thank you for competing, congratulate you to your Top 10 Score, and i wish you all the best!
 
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs

Disclaimer: I do not hold grudges against anybody. The opinions expressed here are solely fictional and the views of a man who is a questionable character. Do not read too much into the demented mind of Brother Jacobs.

Horrified Reaction​


My dearest brothers and sisters, I must confess I have been in a bit of grief as of late. I was notified that of the best nineteen writing historians within these great lands, that I was only the best ninth. The best ninth? I hope these people aren’t related to that damn Queen Victoria, who believes we should live by the standards she preaches without actually living by the standards themselves! But I have my revenge planned my brothers and sisters, oh you hear me. I cannot say it out loud, but I, the great Brother Jacobs do not take insults lightly. They say revenge is best served cold, but how can it be cold when it involves fire and burning at the stake? Riddle me that, you riddle masters!

One of my so called “reviewers” has French ties! TREASON! He shall be run from the country and destroyed with great haste [if he has not already been]. He insists on being called a Frog is an insult against his national honor, but to him I ask, what other symbol shall we recognize you as? Would an undead Napoleon I zombie be enough for you? Because if it is, that would simply frighten the majority of Europe, and would be viewed as quite unacceptable. Plus, we can’t all have the national symbol that makes sense. The reason why you call you a frog is because you leapt from glory to shambles so fast, not once but twice! Perhaps one day we can live in peace under one flag [the flag of the Benelux, not the tricolors, after all we tried that once, it didn’t work out so well].

To another great “reviewer” who I thought to be my Brutus, how dare you stab at me when I am at the weakest? Today is not National Bash Brother Jacobs Day, in fact there is a law against that. Any day that ends with the letter Y cannot be discriminatory against me. It may be an obscure law, but it is a law nonetheless. I thought we were friends my viewer, but I now know were your loyalties lie, and it is not with the great Benelux. I shall quickly exact my revenge upon you, but first you well have to beg with mercy and plead with my great wit.

Another “reviewer” I find your tastes quite…unintelligent, and completely what is wrong with the youth of the this great nation the Benelux today. The youth of this nation have come up with a quite distasteful slang term, “TL:DR”, which I have recently proposed be banned from the verbiage of the entire community [once the Benelux spans across the world, that is]. You call this writing a comedy? The matters of the Benelux are no comedy! You then say it isn’t serious? Well to you good sir, the affairs of the Benelux are quite serious and beyond your comprehension! I just hope your repentance isn’t too long, otherwise I didn’t read it. I don’t have time to waste scum.

To my last viewer, who I have read, I am quite amazed at your comments, but quite baffled. You say the Benelux Belgium Firing Rocket’s Down Roads? What do you mean? Belgium is part of the Benelux, thus the use of Benelux and Belgium within the same phrase is madness. And why would we fire rockets down the roads? We only fire rockets down the roads if the enemies dare cross into our territory! And how dare you forget about the great delights of this nation, the waffles, chocolate, beer and fruit galore! It is madness! And this madness has begun to overwhelm me. Perhaps I should go into a fit of despair [which is common to my character]. Maybe one day I shall forgive you all for these grievous and simply crude remarks.
[Brother Jacobs collapses.]


Disclaimer: I do not hold grudges against anybody. The opinions expressed here are solely fictional and the views of a man who is a questionable character. Do not read too much into the demented mind of Brother Jacobs.
 
Oh, Brother Jacobs. You and your silly ramblings. It's time for your medication now - a silly, syrupy soliloquy that will entertain the masses and placate the... Uh, actually, placating people isn't your bag. Stick to the rage and vitrol, good sir! And do something about those Britons, before they become Britoluxions! That isn't even a word!
 
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs



Slow Down There, Pilgrim​


Why hello my brothers and sisters, it has been quite awhile since my last writing and for that I must apologize. I know it is hard to bear without the writings of a great story teller that I am, but once and awhile my brain does need to relax and think of other great things. [Mumbles about some dragon named Deathwing and getting to a new level cap.] But never fear my brothers and turns, though I may always depart you in your time of need, I always seem to return [though it is always at my leisure, and may not be the best time for you].

So where were we on the tale of the mighty Benelux? Ah us, quite good. A surprise indeed! Our forts along the French border have been increased into greater forts. And with these forts, we have invented a new technology that shall surely confuse our enemy with our interchangeable parts we have installed on the forts! Commander Johan confirms this to me, that our forts are great and shall surely hold the French army at any cost. But why should we fear the French and not the Germans you ask? I will tell you soon my brothers and sisters. [Hears a dinging sound, announcing something important is happening.]

​

Oh…I remember why the French are a threat! If you do not know then, I pity you. If you do not remember the great border incident of March 1st, 1860, then well get lost! Because who doesn’t remember when the Frogs so blatantly crossed our border? What is worse of all they blamed us for the entire incident! What is even worse they decided to declare war against us! WHY? Why declare war against the great Benelux, a nation among nations and one of the greatest? If that is the game they wish to play then, we shall play it and play it well.

[A divine light fills the room. The reader can barely make out the ministers of the Benelux, the Papal States, Japan, Bavaria, Denmark and the United States meet to discuss the war against the French].

 
Bump
 
Sorry, I've been unusually busy will try for update(s) this week.
 
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