Uncle Joe in The Great Patriotic War

[Alfred Packer]

Saving the Fancy Introduction for later. For now:
Alfred Packer, the world's worst HOI player, having won a Barbarossa scenario as the Germans suddenly decides he can handle it as the Russians at Normal Level (he can't)
Soviet Union
Normal, switching to Easy in October 1941 (after the Defending AI and myself spectacularly failed at preserving a front line)
AI Control at the Army/Army Group level
Barbarossa Scenario
version 1.3 with Diday's Unique Units Mod

[Alfred Packer]

"Zdravstvuyte Comrade."

"I can tell by the raw terror pulsing in your eyes that I need no introduction."

"This NKVD folder I've been reading means you won't need to introduce yourself either. I do not usually take a personal interest

in the rehabilitation of Trotsyite Sabatours such as yourself, but really, the lies you told your son on..." Stalin pauses to flip

through the folder. "Ah yes. May 5th. You seem surprised we know about that? You shouldn't be. The lies you told about the

Great Patriotic War were really too much. Especially since you played such a major role in the war and should know better."

"Now then, I know your son is only 5 months old, but Sabatoge against the Great Soviet Union is still Sabatoge and the next time

you see him he will be old enough to understand what you say. So I want to make sure what you tell him is the Truth and not just

a bunch of stories your Capitalist-Trotsyite Handlers have told you to pass on. Now, your friendly NKVD 'case-worker' will be by

later to 'interview' you about any other Enemies of the Revolution you may know about, but we do have a few minutes, so I will

start reviewing the Official History with you."









"On 22 June 1941, Molotov called an emergency cabinet meeting. The Fascist-Capitalist-Dogs had betrayed us! The Germans were

crossing the border in a massive invasion of the Beloved Cradle of the Revolution."







"This terrible surprise was, of course, due entirely to the Kulak-Sympathizer A.P. Panfilov, Minister of Intelligence. Like the

boy who cried wolf, he kept warning us of the Nazi's secret plan to attack on June 22, doing so so often that, after a while, no

one listened any more. A clever scheme, which no doubt made his Hitlerite collegues very proud."

"His successor, Yan Berzin, personally 're-educated' the Traitor to the Soviet Union with a Nagant M-1895. A crude, but

effective, way to 're-educate' stubborn Sabatours for the Glory of Soviet Russia."







"But I digress...after a quick review of our planned technology research, I moved quickly to stem the Nazi tide, first calling up

the Command center of the Western Theatre and demanding to speak with Vlandrikov."







"I had a good laugh with the Western Theatre HQ's radio operator as I'd forgotten we'd 're-educated' F.M. Vlandrikov only last

week and had forgotten to appoint a successor!"







"F.M. Vloskiy was given the command. His first order of business was to put together a Heroic Long-Term strategy for Crushing the

Capito-Fascist Swine. Well. His second order of business. First he needed a new radio operator as the last one proved too

insolent towards the 'Great Soviet System of Well Regulated and Entirely Fair Justice' and decided to take up a new profession:

Logging in Northern Siberia."







"Vloskiy moved quick, ordering the Fronts to Heroically Turn and Walk at a Steady Pace, Not At All Running From The Enemy, to a

defensive line on which we planned to break the Nazi attack."







"I told Vloskiy to keep a close eye on the Western Front commander. If things go wrong, the name alone would prove he was a

Trotskyite Sabatour and Enemy of the Revoltion. Now then..."







"Time for our 3:30 Appointment Mr...oh wow...I'm sorry Comrade..."







"Not at all! Not at all! You both have lots to talk about and I will just come back in a few days to continue the Sabatour's

lessons. By the way, the Red hood is a nice touch."

Well then, the Adventure begins! What will happen next? Will the Germans cross the border or will Uncle Joe just keep on re-

educating sabatours? Will the prisoner even be around to hear what happens next? Find out on the next exciting episode of

Uncle Joe and the Great Patriotic War!

[Myth]

I vote for reeducation!

[loki100]

I vote for someone other than me to be re-educated

[Razko123]

Wth is wrong with that mans hand!!!

[Kronolog]

Originally Posted by Razko123

Wth is wrong with that mans hand!!!

It looks like he's wearing a glove.

[BoemsiBoemsie]

You know about the old Stalin saying: 'you can forgive your enemies, but only after they have been killed'

So re-education seems the way to go. (chuckles about the words used for execution).

He certainly was a scary guy, that Stalin. But you gotta love him for being the ultimate bad guy.

[4th Dimension]

The first HOI3 AAR that I will be following.
And what happened to your Czechoslovakian AAR.

[Stuyvesant]

Well... This one seems different in tone. Almost - dare I say it - serious... (Yes, yes, 'almost'. Not 'completely' by a long shot. Still, compared to the serial defenestrations and bathroom-related mishaps of the Crovans, this one's a veritable doom-and-gloom arthouse depressa-flick)

We'll see how long you can keep that up. (Could be interesting: what will collapse first: your comedic restraint or your last defensive line?)

Oh, and good luck defeating the Fascist beasts. That man Loki100 has a few pointers, if you need them...

[Jemisi]

With army groups in ai hands, I'm expecting a lot of computers will need re-educating in the long walk to Moscow.

[Murmurandus]

I can only support Uncle Joe and his quest against sabatours...

[Alfred Packer]

Originally Posted by Murmurandus

I can only support Uncle Joe and his quest against sabatours...

As only a Hero of the Soviet Union can!

Originally Posted by Jemisi

With army groups in ai hands, I'm expecting a lot of computers will need re-educating in the long walk to Moscow.

Yes...this comes quite true quite fast!

Originally Posted by Stuyvesant

Well... This one seems different in tone. Almost - dare I say it - serious... (Yes, yes, 'almost'. Not 'completely' by a long shot. Still, compared to the serial defenestrations and bathroom-related mishaps of the Crovans, this one's a veritable doom-and-gloom arthouse depressa-flick)

We'll see how long you can keep that up. (Could be interesting: what will collapse first: your comedic restraint or your last defensive line?)

Oh, and good luck defeating the Fascist beasts. That man Loki100 has a few pointers, if you need them...

Well, the East Front is serious business!

Originally Posted by 4th Dimension

The first HOI3 AAR that I will be following.
And what happened to your Czechoslovakian AAR.

Thanks! And: it was a victim of too many running AARs followed by a Hard Drive Crash. Alas.

Originally Posted by BoemsiBoemsie

You know about the old Stalin saying: 'you can forgive your enemies, but only after they have been killed'

So re-education seems the way to go. (chuckles about the words used for execution).

He certainly was a scary guy, that Stalin. But you gotta love him for being the ultimate bad guy.

Bad Guy? no no no no! He is a Great Hero! (sounds like someone needs some 're-education' himself!)

Originally Posted by Kronolog

It looks like he's wearing a glove.

I think he is

Originally Posted by Razko123

Wth is wrong with that mans hand!!!

Its a glove

Originally Posted by loki100

I vote for someone other than me to be re-educated

Haha! Well, someone lost the lottery already, so you're safe this update!

Originally Posted by Myth

I vote for reeducation!

As you wish sir!

[Alfred Packer]

The sheets of the prisoner's bedding are pulled back suddenly, revealing Stalin's gleeful face. "Good Morning Political-Criminal! I see you are still

recovering from your discussions with your 'interviewer!' He reports you are unusually stubborn about sharing the names of your co-conspirators.

That's okay. He is a very creative 'case-worker.' Hopefully you survive long enough to hear the rest of the story, Da?" Stalin laughed and sat down,

lighting his pipe.








"Now, let's see. Where were we? Did I mention the decision to raise Guard units? Or the transfer of Industry to Siberia? No? Well, I just did..."







"Of course, we did all of this with no help whatsoever from the Western Capitalists, who spent the whole war marvelling at our ability to produce

anything and everything the Glorious Soviet Military might need in its Heroic Defense of the Revolution."

"SPAM you say? Hm. Well, Sabatour, if you must know, SPAM is actually made in a secret factory in Kolyma, then exported to the United States to feed

their starving underclasses, we only sent some to our Glorious Red Soldiers because it is rich in neutrients, even if the flavor is not nearly as good

as the Glorious Canned Meat Industries of our European factories."

"Pah! SPAM? American? You would believe any capitalist lie wouldn't you Sabatour?"







"Anyway, enough about those lies your handlers told you to spread and onto another lie. You see, we didn't jump to the defensive everywhere. In

Finland, for example, 3 full armies and especially G.K. Zhukov's 23ya Army, were ordered to Gloriously Storm the weak, Fascist Finns and destroy their

Sniviling Autocratic Nation, freeing the People for Glorious Union with the Prolitarian Paradise, the Soviet Union."

"Even though we crushingly defeated the Finns in the Winter War, I allowed my tender heart to overtake my reason and allowed Mannheim to remain as a

Vassal of the Great Soviet State. This time, his double treachery would cost him his Throne Built on the Backs of the Innocent Finnish Working Class."







"Meanwhile, on the West Front, Trotskyite Enemies of the Revolution were everywhere...except of course in the 24ya Army, in which General Kalinin and

all 60,000 of his soldiers Heroically volunteered to Fight to the Death for the Revolution by defending the Priepit Swamp to the last man. I think I

sent that army to the swamps for some reason important...but the reason escapes me at the moment."







"Anyway, I was speaking of Trotskyite Enemies of the Revolution. And they were everywhere. For example, F.M. Timoshenko, commander of the Baltic

Front. We sent him three wings of Tactical Bombers which he prompty deployed several hundred kilometers away from his assigned area of operations and

then 'forgot' to send them fuel!"







"Ever alert, I ordered Vloskiy to investigate Timoshenko's deployments. of 255,000 Glorious Red Soldiers he had to hold the Riga-Dagda line, he had

crammed more than 120,000 of them into Riga proper!"







"At his trial, Timoshenko insisted he was not a Sabatour, but rather, was just not a very good General. Still. His assigned air-corps grounded through

bad deployments? Half his forces crammed shoulder to shoulder into a small city? Ha! Either way he was a traitor or a nincompoop. For the record, he

is not a very good at farming in Siberia either."







Stalin smiled whistfully as he puffed on his pipe. "Ah, I do love a good show trial. It really motivates like nothing else. Chistyakov, for example,

immediately began changing the Enemy of the Revolution's Self-Sabatoging deployments."







"It was not all fun, games and re-education though. No. I was already planning the destruction of the Hitlerite Dogs. I'd ordered all Tank and

Motorized units I could reach to jump on the nearest trains and race to the capital to form new Mechanized Armies. Did this cause some trouble for the

Front commanders?" Stalin shrugged, "probably, especially since most were either using them as rear-guards to help infantry formations escape the

Fascists or as mobile support. But then, most of those original commanders turned out to be Secret Trotskyites anyway, so really, I did the right

thing."







"So, barely into the war and things were going exactly as I planned. We were crushing the Finnish Turncoats, the Capito-Fascist Dogs were Goose-

Stepping right into my trap, and thousands of Secret Sabatours, Shirkers, Trotskyites, Mensheviks, Kulaks, Sons-of-Kulaks, Capitalists, and what have

you, had been exposed to the NKVD and my all seeing eye and summarily 're-educated'...what the? He's passed out."

Stalin shook his head. "Hm. I guess I will return tomorrow. Give him some time to recover from the 'case-worker's' friendly and gentle 'persuasion."

Stalin then rose, dusted the prison grime from his uniform and left the room.

The answer? Both! Find out how the 24ya Army will fare in their Heroic defense of a swamp! Find out what happens to those dasterdly Finns! Find out

who gets 're-educated' next on the next exciting episode of Uncle Joe and the Great Patriotic War!

[Stuyvesant]

Your frontlines aren't too bad, considering a whole week has gone by already. I'm sure the final counterstroke that will carry the Red Army to the Lair of the Fascist Beast is now only days, if not hours, away!

I have great faith in Comrade Stalin's genius-like abilities to orchestrate this war to a successful completion. Just one tip: based on other sources, you'd do well not to trust Molotov...

[Murmurandus]

Brilliance, utter brilliance!! If not being sabatoged by those evil contra-revolutionaries, the Glorious Armies of the People would have crushed the breed of satan already!

Onwards to the Swamp, Comrades!

[4th Dimension]

Satan? I sense dangerous religious leanings in you. Off to the Siberia with you!

[Murmurandus]

I was only speaking metamorpholically (did I actually try to write that???), Comrade! Oops, was that a too difficult word for a simple worker... Sorry for that, now where is my shovel, I've heard that some trenches need to be digged in Moskva... :fear:

[4th Dimension]

Ahhh. A secret inteligentsia... Well be watching you elitist scum

[Alfred Packer]

Originally Posted by Stuyvesant

Your frontlines aren't too bad, considering a whole week has gone by already. I'm sure the final counterstroke that will carry the Red Army to the Lair of the Fascist Beast is now only days, if not hours, away!

I have great faith in Comrade Stalin's genius-like abilities to orchestrate this war to a successful completion. Just one tip: based on other sources, you'd do well not to trust Molotov...

Thanks for the tip on Molotov

Originally Posted by Murmurandus

Brilliance, utter brilliance!! If not being sabatoged by those evil contra-revolutionaries, the Glorious Armies of the People would have crushed the breed of satan already!

Onwards to the Swamp, Comrades!

To the Swamp!

Originally Posted by 4th Dimension

Satan? I sense dangerous religious leanings in you. Off to the Siberia with you!

Originally Posted by Murmurandus

I was only speaking metamorpholically (did I actually try to write that???), Comrade! Oops, was that a too difficult word for a simple worker... Sorry for that, now where is my shovel, I've heard that some trenches need to be digged in Moskva... :fear:

Originally Posted by 4th Dimension

Ahhh. A secret inteligentsia... Well be watching you elitist scum

Keep rooting out the Trotskyite Sabatours 4D! For the Revolution!

[Alfred Packer]

The prisoner stared at his food in a mixture of delight and disgust. It was clearly a large quantity of meat-like-substance, with a sprig of garnish no less! But that fact did not automatically make it delicious looking. His apatite vanished quickly though, as he looked up and saw...








"Ah good, I see you have recieved your special treat of Glorious Soviet SPAM." Stalin took a seat and lit his pipe. "Now then, you are looking much better today.

I think you might even be ready for some 're-education' exercises with the 'case-worker,' da? Well, before that, let me tell you some more about the Great Patriotic War. Well, by August things looked pretty grim for the Cradle of the Revolution...if you were not aware of our secret plans."







"By Late July, the Hitlerite Fascists had reached the Batlic Front's new line and broken it."







"And in the south, the line was breached badly south of Kiev, forcing a pull back and a deployment of one of our new Tank Armies."







"But, it was not all bad news! No! For example, in the chaos of retreating Shirkers, the 3ya Army was surrounded and permitted to Gloriously Fight to the Death Defending the Heroic Revolution of the Proletariat!"







"And fight they did! Holding off 30 Capito-Fascist Divisions Heroically for several Months! In the end, every man died, and not a single surrender. To celebrate their acheivement, every soldier was declared a Stakhanovite Soldier and the families recieved a lovely plaque to hang on the wall. Well, we had to do something.

I mean, they did go from Soldier Ration Cards to 'Non-Contributor' Ration Cards and I didn't want their morale to suffer."







"And in the north, the 1st Mechanized Army launched one of the first counter-attacks of the war, surprising the Decadent Western Goose-Steppers in mid stride."







"Meanwhile, in Odessa, 9ya Army did so well holding the city that I even sent them a Mechanized Corps to perhaps allow some attacking."







"Finland, as usual, was all good news."







"The best news of all, of course, was all the Trotskyite Sabatours, Capitalist Traitors, and Kulakian Shirkers we uncovered. Like when Sobennikov tried to deploy himself away from the Baltic and into Finland and Beria had to deploy him to a 're-education' center instead."







"Or when the Western Front line was so disorganized that it was obvious only a Sabatour of the Highest Order, such as that Closet-Junker Blucher, could have pulled it off. He actually claimed that the messy line was just a fortune of war and where the retreating divisions wound up stabilizing. He even had the audacity to claim he saved the front by reforming his troops into this mess! Such pluck would normally have saved him. But we were at war, so I had no choice but to 're-educate' him."







"And finally, the fall of Kiev allowed us to nab the biggest Trotskyite Traitor and Sabatour of them all...







"Molotov. I don't have to tell you how exciting his show-trial was!" Stalin sighed as he basked in happy memories. "Ah. But I see you have not eaten, and your SPAM has gotten cold...or warm. I suppose it doesn't matter. I will let you eat." Stalin rose, tapping his pipe out over the floor. "See you tomorrow."

So the war continues to go exactly as Stalin planned! How fortunate indeed! Next time, join us for a special episode of Uncle Joe and the Great Patriotic War: The Trial of the Century!